Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

brick by brick

I have enjoyed the best short work week, and my heart is hammering with gratitude and excitement. About what? It’s hard to articulate. Hard to narrow it down. The weather certainly helps. Summertime is glorious here, and finally we are stepping into the lush, gilded season. But this is a deeper feeling than just pleasure or relaxation. I feel that wonderful, elusive kind of joy that comes when purpose aligns with both motivation and resources. No, it feels even better than that. It feels like anticipation without nervousness or that sense of scarcity that often accompany it. Like I am fine right where I am, and also I feel something huge coming.

I love this explosion of color, so much.

Okay.

I walked outside to snap a photo of the shade garden for this post, because I wanted to share the brick pathway with you. The afternoon has been quiet with the newfound heat (80 degrees today with no wind!), barely a goose honk or horse snuffle, so a soft rustling of dried leaves caught my attention. I assumed it was Romulus behind the cottage. I walked forward and stepped up onto the deck then heard the sound again and saw something flash in my periphery. A snake, a pretty big one, was speeding like quicksilver toward me.

I jumped sideways and backwards all at once and also did a back handspring into the herb garden (stuck the landing, thank-you-very-much) to evade him.

Sebastian

This is most likely Sebastian, the rat snake who has lived beneath our deck for a few years now. I did him no harm, though we often dispatch even harmless snakes for being too near the house or chicken coops. I also did not venture forth for the shade garden photo. Speaking of chickens.

Yesterday, the kids paid me a surprise visit, and as always we had the best conversation and delighted in watching Klaus and Bean play outside. All the time, I am amazed by how it feels to relate to my kids as adults. It is a complete and joyful surprise in life, and I would not trade it for anything.

This morning as we sipped our coffee and absorbed about one third of the news, Handsome and I started sketching out plans for two very worthy celebrations here at the farm, both of them slated for later in the summer. I won’t spill the beans yet, but suffice it to say that not planning many gatherings these past fifteen months really had my hostess energy bottle-necking. The relief, the fire hydrant of ideas, almost made me nauseous. In a good way.

We chip away at lofty goals and heartfelt dreams one act or one job at a time. One day, one hour, one moment is all we can ever spend at once. That’s okay, as long as we spend most of them really well. Moving slowly and steadily toward our hopes and best intentions, building our unique paths, is totally fine done brick by brick. This might be the best lesson running (and specifically marathon training) has taught me: See your biggest goal and break it down in a realistic way, then focus on and complete one task, one workout, one mile, one step at a time. Amazingly, they add up, and they add up quickly. Even the hard ones.

Keep at it, friends!

“You own everything that happened to you.
Tell your stories.
If people wanted you to write warmly about them,
they should’ve behaved better.”
~Anne Lamott
XOXOXOXO

give chase

As of today, Handsome and his team at Public Utilities are working in the building again. Full time, more or less, with plenty of considerations and creative solutions to keep everyone safe and happy. Although he has been in the Jim Thorpe building or at the Capitol more and more in recent weeks, this marks a new chapter. The farm will miss him very much.

This afternoon while going on a muddy wander-walk around the farm, Klaus and I discovered three giant buzzards feeding on the carcass of a dead snake (an enormous, previously muscular, now flat and stinking dead snake). The exact moment we realized they were buzzards and not crows, Klaus flexed his entire body, spiked up his terrifying hackles, and bolted straight and hard like something out of an action movie. The scavenger birds dispersed, floated up to the lowest branch of a nearby pine tree, and sat there pulsing their considerable shoulders at us. Klaus delivered his most baritone warning to the sky then turned to me proudly, smiling.

We wander-walked away, but every time Klaus sensed the buzzards return silently to the ground, he again gave chase, ruined their luncheon, and returned to me, panting and smiling. Few things makes this boy happier than protecting the farm. Even if he is protecting us from nature itself.

All of that adrenaline boiled, cooled, and boiled again, without a full release. So when Johnny Ringo (the cat) joined us on the meditation path, he was really in for it.

In about an hour, I get to meet with a fascinating gentleman from Choctaw to finish up his pandemic interview, which I will be sharing later this week. I am so excited to get back in the swing of this project. And I believe you will be inspired by his slant of things this past year. His is one of two stories that still remain to be told (my friends are so patient), then I will be hungry for more interviews. I had to take some time away to kind of let my heart settle. It had all built up in unexpected ways for me, then of course the gardens and all of life reopening meant I was spending less and less time on my laptop. Anyway. I’m back and loving the project and everyone’s stories as much as ever.

This first day of June has been a good one for diving into good intentions, sweaty exercise, happy farm tasks, and solid conversation. My heart is full. I hope whatever you’re chasing gives you the same thrill as wild buzzards gave Klaus today.

“Whatever fills the heart and consumes the mind
is a manifestation of what is worshipped.”
-Alisha Illian
XOXOXOXO

true colors & tiny bits of happiness

“A wise man dyes events with his own color.” ~Seneca

For me this affirms the value of living authentically, of framing events and circumstances in ways that are productive, growth oriented, joy centered, and loving. Live with honest and truthfulness, sure, because we’re not talking about denial or avoidance; but do not live based in someone else’s story, someone else’s colors. We are not living that person’s life, and noone’s life is disposable. Every single one of us has a path and a purpose that is valid, worthy, and beautiful in its own right.

Just a few things to consider, friends, in case you are in the habit of dismissing your own worth or assigning your value or your understanding of the world to someone else. Own your truth. Color the world with your unique self, the fulness of it. No holding back, okay?

Best royal icing: one cup powdered sugar, one egg white, few drops lemon juice, food coloring. BAM. Perfect.

Okay.

Some quick farm news for Thursday!

First, yesterday afternoon I scoured the kitchen for leftovers and scraps then took all of it out to the front coop. Before emptying my big bowl dramatically, I tossed a pink-frosted, sprinkle-covered donut into the air. A demure little red hen hopped up and caught the sugary treat on its descent. Donut in her beak, she ran to the furthest corner of the yard and dove into it, all by herself. Made me so happy.

Second, today at 11:47 a.m. I touched Little Lady Marigoild’s head. I was, regrettably, wearing gloves, but even through that barrier I could feel the smooshy wonderfulness of her fleecy noggin. She said “BLEEEHHH” and whipped her neck a few times, but she did not run away. Progress. Major progress.

One more thing:

Do you know how old my parents are? They are I called one of them but they put me on speaker and both talk to me years old. And I love it. I love it very much.

What small details are making your day extra nice?

XOXOXOXO

impermanence

Yesterday afternoon, Handsome walked into the Apartment where Jess and I had parked to do some serious conversating. He announced playfully that between the dogs roughhousing and panting like monsters and the women talking nonstop, the temperature inside the house had risen five degrees. Ha! It might actually have been true. Once again, #sorrynotsorry

On Day 2 of Jess’ Farm Retreat, we swam, made frozen treats for the chickens, chased the dogs tirelessly, made Bean swim in a tiny inflatable pool donut, fed extra soft grass to the horses, discussed legiterally everything, made sprinkle sugar cookies via Joy the Baker, made homemade pizza from scratch, and watched a movie at the end of it all. Somewhere in there Jess managed a good old fashioned summertime afternoon nap, much needed and hard earned.

We had planned an art project like painting or scarecrow constructing, perhaps macrame, but got pleasantly sidetracked making the chickens’ frozen scraps treats. This is when the topic of impermanence arose. It was such a careful, loving task, walking around the farm collecting colorful flowers, herbs, and bits of fruits and vegies, then cleaning out the kitchen for more. We chopped everything and Jessica arranged it beautifully inside a bundt cake pan before filling the pan with water to freeze. All of this preparation for a treat that will freeze overnight and be toyed with, melted, and consumed tomorrow morning. A brief pleasure, an impermanent gift. But still joyful. We talked about the monks who work so hard on their intricate chalk mandalas, only to sweep them away once finished.

Have you seen Onward yet? Oh gosh. The three of us (five of us if you count the dogs which you definitely should) watched it tonight with our homemade pizzas and sprinkle cookies. It is not just cute and funny, it is also one of the most inclusive, soothing, loving Pixar films so far, with many beautiful messages. We all really loved it, and I actually felt a warm touch of grace for having seen it exactly on this night, exactly in this life chapter, exactly after a series of heavy conversations Jess and I have had this week.

I am not certain what tomorrow holds for us, both in the broader life sense as well as in the what will be doing on Friday sense, ha! But I know what our prayers are. I know what our values are. I know what binds us together and what fuels our work and our play. I know that Love is worth every bit of our trust and that magic is real.

Sweet sleep, friends! Thanks for checking in!

XOXOXOXO

kicking off anniversary staycation

It’s anniversary week! Tradition bears that we spend at least part of it at alone the farm, soaking up summertime romance. Late yesterday afternoon, Handsome signed off from his Commish duties until one week from Monday. Ten days off, very hard earned, wahoo!!

Ten days at the farm after 118, ha! Despite the obvious jokes about quarantine sameness and farm work being constant and a general inability to halt certain routines, we are pretty excited. This time together has historically been a special time to reconnect and recharge. I love it. I love him. I love us.

Day One:

Johnny Ringo the nursing cat makes cuddling an extreme sport.
LLM is baaing and approaching more bravely.

We slept until 5 a.m., drank coffee with Little Lady Marigold, and went to Walmart for pool chemicals and a few groceries. We also sketched out a list of random lists we want to share with you guys, to document our 19 years of marriage. We promise it will be just as boring as it sounds.

Midday, Handsome got the mowing done while I grabbed an hour of exercise (a mix of treadmill and gym today, while watching gardening videos). We swam at high noon, exchanged a couple of fun gifts, then retreated to the air conditioning when our skin hurt.

Handsome surprised me with this colorful area rug he knew I was loving.
Klaus immediately claimed it.

I got to enjoy an afternoon Zoom with my family to discuss Where the Crawdads Sing. So fun! And I appreciate our baby sister Gen for gifting copies of the book to everyone. Really generous! That’s the book review I recently promised, by the way, so if that interests you please stay tuned.

How fortunate are my siblings and I that we are all friends, and that our parents will join us in reading and discussing books, even during quarantine?! I just love it. They are both voracious readers. They always read aloud to us, our entire lives, and they read their own books and papers in front of us, too. It was just a very normal and constant part of life. I am super thankful that we can share it now, still, in new ways.

This evening we watched the new Netflix movie with Charlize Theron, The Old Guard. So good! Imaginative action movie with a surprisingly inspirational message toward the end. We both loved it, and I hope it is becoming a series.

How about one quick piece of salad advice before closing up for today? Instead of adding toppings to the top of your bowl of leafy greens, start with them. That makes them bottomings, I suppose. It makes all the difference!

Just get a much bigger bowl than you think you need, ok? Tonight I assembled a pile of chopped sweet peppers, cucumbers, and gorgeous garden tomatoes, also some cooked chicken breast, and let it all sit in the fridge with balsamic vinegar. While I cooked Handsome’s dinner, it all became extra cold and flavorful. Then I just piled it high with greens and mixed it up. So much better this way! The tomato juice and balsamic provided more than enough slickness and moisture to skip dressing, and all the chunky bits were findable with my fork. Like treasure.

One more story: Just before the golden hour while I was folding laundry from the clothesline into a big basket, my industrious and forward thinking husband tried to remove some very full fly traps (the water bag kind) into sealed trash bags, but one of them fell and burst. It was, even from a good distance, easily the most startling and psychologically unsettling odor I have ever smelled. EVER.

To his credit, my man stayed calm and cleaned it up quickly. But much more than a whisper of the offense remains. The llamas are sad now. The tomato vines wilted. The cats are in a frenzy over the smell, but they are too young to know why. I fear the Little Lady Marigold will take this personally, because it happened so near where we have been making such progress with intimacy.

Back inside, we almost got into an argument over who was yelling too much or stifling their yells or what, because in the midst of it all a worried, newly homeless fly tried to burrow in my ear while I was delivering leftovers to the chickens. I did not handle it well.

Staycation is going great! See you tomorrow!

“The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man
who can’t read them.
~Mark Twain
XOXOXO