Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

friday 5 at the farm: bouts of optimism

What a week! What a luscious, productive, happy week. And we still have the entire weekend to enjoy and maximize.

summertime flowers shade garden

Our weather here in Oklahoma has been unseasonably mild, so I was able to dive headlong into gardening tasks without once stopping to say, “Whew, hot enough fer ya?” Maybe it has been the weather, in fact, that spawned a pleasant wash of optimism. Here are five ways this optimism has manifested:

ONE: After wrestling all spring and summer with a muscle imbalance and some shifting tendon pain and joint stiffness, I am feeling pretty good again, almost fully normal. This week I have found myself thinking more about long term running goals, and this particular optimism is thrilling. In my situation, having the 2020 race calendar wiped clean is not a big deal. My heart goes out to my friends, many of whom are pretty devastated and also out lots of money for travel accomodations on top of race fees, but my goals will keep. I am in no hurry, and the joy I get from running is actually sweeter when I extract it in privacy.

TWO: Speaking of running, yesterday it seemed like a very good idea to take Klaus for a four or five mile run. We had such fun! He was all sparkly eyes and and high legs, exploring one of my favorite run spots in Choctaw. But we called it good after one mile and went home, ha! I finished on the treadmill while he slept like a sweet fluffy bear in winter hibernation.

THREE: With roughly 93 days still to grow food before our first frost, I planted lots of new seeds like small pumpkins and more winter squash. Also several new leafy greens and radishes. I also ordered even more seeds for the late summer push, many of which need almost 100 days to grow to food-fruition, ha! It feels good, though. It’s fine. I have a positive sense about them all.

FOUR: This week I have allowed myself to daydream more and more about travel, as unlikely as it seems right now. My imagination has included a tropical getaway with my husband, a fun New Orleans week, a hiking excursion in Colorado with Jocelyn and Jessica, a Mexico trip with Gen to run the Copper Canyon mountains, and even a trip to Europe. I would love, at some point, to visit Germany with Jessica (see the convent she once considered) and Spain with everyone to see Joey & Halee & their boys while they are deployed there, and Italy with Handsome. I was lucky enough to travel Italy at age 13 or 14, with our church choir. How amazing would it be to see it all again, as an adult.

FIVE: I woke up this morning to a husband who was ribs-deep in design plans for a sweat lodge. Or maybe a yurt. Ok like a spacious teepee, but not exactly. I personally want it to have a combination of Native American and Tibetan aesthetics. The functions will be various, for all kinds of health and wellness practices. More to come, friends; we are very, very, very excited. Something he and I have in common is a gnawing hunger to make plans, to build things, and to advance the farm constantly along its path to being a full bodied human retreat and community epicenter.

Wedding Meadows at sunset…xoxo

As I finish typing this, our overnight rain and thunder are edging eastward past the farm, and the sky is brightening up. Our forecast is less mild now, more summery from here on out, but we love that too. Having made good use of this past week of easy temps and low humidity, I am excited to sweat hard and luxuriate poolside again.

What has you feeling optimistic today? And is there anything on your heart, in your life, to which I can lend some of my optimism? I wish you something better than you expect. A long ribbon of magic that absolutely takes your breath away!

Believe it, give thanks for it all, ahead of time.
XOXOXOXO

“we are permanent”

Jess and Bean are back!! We picked them up Sunday afternoon, and the wild romping and untethered conversations ignited right away.

So far we have swam like fishes and coined the term hydroventilating, to describe the way Bean partially inhales the water as he chomp-swims.

We have played tetherball, keep away, and chase and have deeply watered and weeded the shade garden. Jess has also tormented Pacino with her do you wanna bite game. It’s a whole thing.

For dinner last night we made pickle-brined chicken tenders, macaroni and cheese, and Martha Stewart’s cornbread, salad and and marinated garden tomatoes on the side. This morning we all woke up pretty early and drove with the pink daybreak to find donuts. The dogs went, too. There was a maximum amount of joy and anticipation in the truck and again at home.

Have you seen Troop Zero yet? We watched it a second time last night, first time for Jess. So sweet. And how fun to pull apart and absorb the story with our daughter as an adult, when so many of its details remind me of her as a little girl. I highly recommend the movie, by the way. Its themes include childhood, gender roles, authenticity, community, grief, eternity, making your mark, friendship, mentorship, and much more. I know it will stand as a lifetime favorite of mine, and I was so happy that Jess enjoyed it with us.

I could honestly talk to you guys about this, about our life, all day. We are having serious fun, and we are doing a lot of mutual healing and deep connecting. The only reason I won’t spend more hours writing is that I am ready to continue living. The day marches on. See you soon, thanks as always for checking in!

Here I Am
I’m Here Too
XOXOXOXO

so many people to love

After a really fun family dinner and silly videos last night with the kids, Jess and Alex took Bean home for the weekend. (They’ll be back soon for more farm retreat livin.) So early this morning Klaus showed me the Apartment door, knocked on it with one giant paw, and smiled at me over his shoulder. I had to open the door and show him around, proving to this sweet big boy that they weren’t there, ha!

Kenzie, our youngest niece, turned 13 today, wahoo!! A milestone birthday, in the midst of a pandemic, and fresh on the heels of a brand new round of testing and quarantine for her household.

These facts are almost universal now, and commonplace, and less startling in many ways than they would have been two or three months ago.

Or so I thought.

My magical first sister arranged a drive-past-curbside birthday celebration for her baby, and when I saw these young ladies on the sidewalk my throat tightened up and my eyes flooded, involuntarily. I had been happy and excited to get there, but seeing them, in masks, and us wearing masks ourselves, and none of us hugging, although I definitely believe these are the right things to do, just gave me lots of feelings. A moment in history. I hated driving away from them.

The very first day we all get clean bills of covid health, I want to see them.

Tomorrow is a big day for some of our favorite humans, our dearest and closest friends who are really our brother and sister now. Say some prayers with us, for continued grace and peace? Thank you!

We have some fun plans for when Jess returns soon, and the gardens are already approaching the cusp of a transition, and I have laid hold on a temporary fitness plan that feels really good for this weird season. Those are a few previews.

Happy Saturday night, friends!

“Small streams don’t choose to be mighty rivers.
We keep moving in a direction
And God decides what He’ll make out of us.”
~Bob Goff
XOXOXO

kicking off anniversary staycation

It’s anniversary week! Tradition bears that we spend at least part of it at alone the farm, soaking up summertime romance. Late yesterday afternoon, Handsome signed off from his Commish duties until one week from Monday. Ten days off, very hard earned, wahoo!!

Ten days at the farm after 118, ha! Despite the obvious jokes about quarantine sameness and farm work being constant and a general inability to halt certain routines, we are pretty excited. This time together has historically been a special time to reconnect and recharge. I love it. I love him. I love us.

Day One:

Johnny Ringo the nursing cat makes cuddling an extreme sport.
LLM is baaing and approaching more bravely.

We slept until 5 a.m., drank coffee with Little Lady Marigold, and went to Walmart for pool chemicals and a few groceries. We also sketched out a list of random lists we want to share with you guys, to document our 19 years of marriage. We promise it will be just as boring as it sounds.

Midday, Handsome got the mowing done while I grabbed an hour of exercise (a mix of treadmill and gym today, while watching gardening videos). We swam at high noon, exchanged a couple of fun gifts, then retreated to the air conditioning when our skin hurt.

Handsome surprised me with this colorful area rug he knew I was loving.
Klaus immediately claimed it.

I got to enjoy an afternoon Zoom with my family to discuss Where the Crawdads Sing. So fun! And I appreciate our baby sister Gen for gifting copies of the book to everyone. Really generous! That’s the book review I recently promised, by the way, so if that interests you please stay tuned.

How fortunate are my siblings and I that we are all friends, and that our parents will join us in reading and discussing books, even during quarantine?! I just love it. They are both voracious readers. They always read aloud to us, our entire lives, and they read their own books and papers in front of us, too. It was just a very normal and constant part of life. I am super thankful that we can share it now, still, in new ways.

This evening we watched the new Netflix movie with Charlize Theron, The Old Guard. So good! Imaginative action movie with a surprisingly inspirational message toward the end. We both loved it, and I hope it is becoming a series.

How about one quick piece of salad advice before closing up for today? Instead of adding toppings to the top of your bowl of leafy greens, start with them. That makes them bottomings, I suppose. It makes all the difference!

Just get a much bigger bowl than you think you need, ok? Tonight I assembled a pile of chopped sweet peppers, cucumbers, and gorgeous garden tomatoes, also some cooked chicken breast, and let it all sit in the fridge with balsamic vinegar. While I cooked Handsome’s dinner, it all became extra cold and flavorful. Then I just piled it high with greens and mixed it up. So much better this way! The tomato juice and balsamic provided more than enough slickness and moisture to skip dressing, and all the chunky bits were findable with my fork. Like treasure.

One more story: Just before the golden hour while I was folding laundry from the clothesline into a big basket, my industrious and forward thinking husband tried to remove some very full fly traps (the water bag kind) into sealed trash bags, but one of them fell and burst. It was, even from a good distance, easily the most startling and psychologically unsettling odor I have ever smelled. EVER.

To his credit, my man stayed calm and cleaned it up quickly. But much more than a whisper of the offense remains. The llamas are sad now. The tomato vines wilted. The cats are in a frenzy over the smell, but they are too young to know why. I fear the Little Lady Marigold will take this personally, because it happened so near where we have been making such progress with intimacy.

Back inside, we almost got into an argument over who was yelling too much or stifling their yells or what, because in the midst of it all a worried, newly homeless fly tried to burrow in my ear while I was delivering leftovers to the chickens. I did not handle it well.

Staycation is going great! See you tomorrow!

“The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man
who can’t read them.
~Mark Twain
XOXOXO

thunderstorms as hints that miracles are coming

Happy Fourth of July! Today is our 112th day of Covid Quarantine. Are you celebrating today and tonight? We opted for avoiding crowds, possibly driving later tonight to watch a small town fireworks display from a distance. Then tomorrow evening, part of my family will join us at the farm for swimming, sparklers, and a good outdoor meal. I am pretty excited for that. We are all good at making the most of bizarre circumstances.

Our sky last night, just before sunset, was everything we needed. I had just spoken with Jess for almost an hour, trying to absorb her grief and fresh anger and help her navigate an exponentially difficult season (is there anything easy about 2020 for my girls?). Her heartbreak is absolutely heartbreaking to me. I have not spoken with Jocelyn recently, but she too is on my mind and in my prayers constantly. As always. I know she is hurting in deep and inexpressible ways.

Last night after that phone call, Handsome and I walked around outside, looking for an Amazon delivery that was delayed, giving thanks for a million different amazing blessings. We saw bright, dense storm clouds far on the horizon. These do appear pretty often but dissipate without coming to fruition. We asked aloud for rain, saying both to each other and to God how wonderful an overnight thunderstorm would be. Then we walked some more. Then we closed up the farm, made coffee for morning, and went to bed.

I’m telling you this because God answered overnight. It was just a thunderstorm in the wee hours of the new day, a musical surprise heavy with rain and absent hail, but it was exactly what we wished for.

Sometimes I feel like small, specific answers like this are encouragements that the big ones are coming. And friends, we have some big requests right now. I imagine you do, too.

This morning I cracked open an old book I first read in my late 20’s. Not quite a devotional, it’s a daily entry style book geared toward women: Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach.

One of the passages I explored was about being purposeful in the pursuit of happiness. She writes about the differences between dreams and expectations and explains some mechanics of releasing to the God the exact results of our hard work. “Living your life as a dreamer and not as an expector is a personal declaration of independence. You’re able to pursue happiness more directly when you don’t get caught up in the delivery details.” I love that.

My workout today was split between the very very very crowded lake (so crowded I ended up leaving) and the treadmill. I felt great! Seven easy miles with a low heart rate, comfy feet and legs. You might like to know that on my drive to the lake I came upon a herd of cows blocking the road. There were at least 15 calves in the group, all teeter-tottering and scampering. As oblivious to pandemic as yesterday’s wild meadows.

The cows were easily herded into this abandoned, fenced yard.

“Drop by drop fills the tub.”
~French proverb
XOXOXOXO