Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

in defense of positive thinking, “The Secret,” etc.

I woke up early Friday, at 4:47 a.m. in fact, thinking about this. About how so many people are missing out because they have a weird, tangly, sandpaper view of the simple belief that our thoughts are actual power sources.

You guys. Indulge me. Let’s back away from pop-culture fads and failures and just chat. I promise to not pass the collection plate or tell you what clothes to wear. 

I want you to consider (or reconsider) that our thoughts are silent, renewable, orchestratable, abundant sources of power and energy. Or maybe, that they are conduits for the powers that can flow through us. Everything that exists or happens begins with thoughts and intentions. And thoughts literally alter the Universe.

I believe this fact as strongly as I believe that watermelon and tortilla chips are what I will request as my last meal if given the chance.

But seriously. Positive thinking has a funky reputation, maybe because it sounds like all wooden-beads-and-excessive-patchouli. Or maybe because we are barely a generation away from those folks who died with rolls of quarters in their pockets and hopes of spaceship ascension to paradise.

I get it. And I’m sorry to mock other religions, no matter how bizarre and dangerous they obviously are. I also get that most thinking adults do not want to be associated with fringe belief systems right now. It’s crazy times, and all.

But this stuff is so easy and good. It risks nothing. It’s nature, after all.

always face the light

With regard to matters of faith and philosophy, I see that most people in my life fall into one of three camps:

  1. Traditional Christian values, with the known wide array of dogmatic expressions (Oklahoma = Bible Belt)
  2. Sternly scientific and logical, with a results-and-reason-based work ethic (action-based morals, largely)
  3. Atheist or agnostic (just eff it all man)

That’s all cool. Truly. More power to each of us to explore, discover, and articulate the things we believe to be true.

What I am offering for your consideration does not challenge any of that. Pinky promise.

Because all of us have thoughts. We are thinkers by nature. We can’t even help thinking. Some people think so much they need help to slow it down and numb out a little. And (this is my solid belief) those thoughts are all wildly powerful signals to the Universe, whether the thinker of those thoughts realizes it or not. Every human being, regardless of both religious constraints and life circumstances, has an unlimited wealth of power stored in his or her mind. 

So why not harness it? Why not at least try?

Okay. Right now as we chat, two things are happening in my brain, and maybe in yours too:

On one side, the old school Christian voice is whining excitedly and sucking her front teeth at me, prissing, “Now little girl, that sure smacks of humanism! Sounds like someone’s a Rainbow Brite doll away from the mark of the beast!” 

(Did you imagine Dana Carvey just now, wearing a wig and a polyester skirt suit? Me too.)

Meanwhile, a sexier but less enthusiastic voice is purring from the other side of my skull, just oozing unhappiness: “Yeah, sounds nice, but that’s BS and you know it. If your thoughts are so powerful then why do you have so many real problems?”

(That voice for me belongs to Angelina Jolie. Infinitely beautiful and seductive but dried up on the inside, miserable, cruel, constantly seeking what she cannot find. Who was it for you?)

I really do get it. Both the disbelief, the indifference, and the mild repulsion to “positive thinking” as even an ingredient for faith.

(Sorry, I do not possess internal dialogue for atheism and not know how to assign that one a voice. If you do, please share!)

The place of faith where I have landed is less like a mix the three camps and more of a completely separate level or reality that actually connects them all. This is complementary, not competitive.

Your thoughts can serve as a beautiful support net that strengthens, illuminates, and girds up your existing system of faith. In fact, it kinda should. I have found that if my inner thought patterns contradict what I am seeking in prayer, if I am wringing my hands with worry as I pray, imagining the worst, then my prayers don’t get answered the way I say I want them to be. Does that make sense? Thankfully, the exact opposite is also true.

I have a handful of personal stories to share that are pretty good mile-markers in my own little evolution of belief. I will work on some blog posts to tell those stories, but for now…

Please join me on a brief vacation from worry. Treat it like a fun experiment, if you like that kind of thing. Just get really still and honest with yourself about the things you want in life (not the things you don’t want, that’s key) and, the rest is pretty simple… Start thinking about them. But do it more vividly and with more dogged positive energy than ever before.

Start thinking about them. But do it more vividly and with more dogged positive energy than ever before. Drum it up from deep inside yourself!

Continue working on your goals and living your daily life and being accountable for your actions, always. And maintain your prayer life, whatever that means to you. Thinking strong, constructive, loving thoughts is a nourishment to all of those efforts. 

Let your mind fall easily and happily on the details of your heart’s desires, like it’s playtime in your heart and brain. In your free moments, while you’re exercising, if you’re in the shower and the warm water loosens your mind. Try falling asleep thinking about what you want for the future; it’s much more fun than privately scanning an unaccomplished to-do list, and I bet you’ll sleep more soundly. 

This is meant to be lots of fun and hopefully spark some discussion. The expectation is not that suddenly all of your dreams will come true and all of your problems will evaporate. The expectation is that you will get a spark of control over the positive energy buried in your mind. Also, though, I happen to know that the thoughts you choose (during this experiment and anytime) are like seeds that will germinate and can manifest at any time in the future. I just don’t want to convince you of too much at once, haha : )

Maybe you will feel emotionally better day by day or begin to sense more possibility and gratitude in your life, if you are usually worn down by the limits and the negatives. Maybe you will detect an opportunity for healing in a broken relationship or solve some practical problems. Maybe something truly uncanny will happen as a result of your focused thinking (this is how it happened for me) and you will be like, WHOA. 

I’ll be checking back in about this. I am so excited for you. And thank you for indulging me today!

If you want to read a few past posts about this, here ya go:

  1. Mitt Romney (my husband is a skeptic)
  2. Diamonds, Dreams, and Worry Doors
  3. The Worry Door

Heading out now to see some friends and enjoy another hot and humid summer evening in Oklahoma. We’ll be looking for that technicolor sunset again.

Think well.
XOXOXO

 

 

 

 

a private moment filled with reminders

At the park where I ran this morning is an open-air, concrete pavilion with several large caged fans mounted at the ceiling, all pointed down to the floor at different angles. I was stopped for a drink of water at a brick building about twenty feet away.

A young dad was standing inside that pavilion, holding his young son up in the air, facing away from him, the dad’s arms wrapped around his little boy’s slender, stiffened legs, chunky sneakers hitting his dad mid-torso. The boy’s arms, also stiff, were glued to his own torso. His blonde head was tilted back, and he was screaming into the fan, at high volume and with lots of gusto:

“III LLLOOOOOVVVEE YYOOOOOOUUUUU DDAAAAADDD!!!”

Over and over again.

Just like we all did to oscillating fans when we were kids. But it was an extra big fan. Extra loud.

So many times.

The dad just held him there, a blonde headed little torch of energy, beaming happiness. The boy screamed I love you dad at least a dozen times while I stood there drinking water and stretching, spying on their private moment in public.

Mom, baby me, and Dad, circa 1974.

This is what I wanted to tell you today:

Go for a run if you can and love your kids steady and hold them up really strong and love your dad, too.

Over and over again.

XOXOXOXO

 

a much happier storm season blowing through us

When the farm has just emptied of kids, evidence is plenty. The deck, pool, and surrounding lawns are all festooned with brightly colored plastics: Water guns and leaky swim masks, half-inflated floats, sun-crunchy pirate beach towels, and orphaned flip flops and hair ties. They are all scattered like confetti across the calm, green expanse. We discover an empty juice box here and there, a chewed-to-nothing melon rind, a discarded (hopefully used up) bottle of sunblock.

The chairs and chaise lounges are all askew, abandoned and resting happily like exhausted chaperones after a late night middle school dance.

When we bought these nine acres in 2007, our dream and vision was to give our girls, then 10 and 12, a second half of childhood, a healthy, wholesome coming of age with lots of space for deep breathing and long-leg stretching, animals to love and learn from, and much more.

The seeds of that vision had barely germinated when some destructive life storms blew through our family and changed everything for a season. We hung on, everyone survived, and eventually the sun came out again, brighter than ever. But that’s another story for another day.

Now I sit outside soaking up the cheerful debris of a happier storm, one of so many like it, each one important. “Cousin-Palooza 2017” came and went in a flash, leaving in its wake all this color and all these good vibrations. I sit here taking note of how much love and joy have actually grown here in the midst of that other storm.

Despite it? Or because of it?

For all the years that storm took from our family, has it actually nourished our foundation?

I think so.

I think, I feel in my bones, that the culling and strengthening and the deep watering from both tears and sweat have all contributed to an ongoing beautification. Not just a bigger deck or prettier gardens, not just faster internet, better food and more artwork on the walls- although yes to all of that!

But really, more trusting hearts for my husband and me. Freer minds. Effervescent joy that is actually pretty difficult to flatten.

We are blessed beyond reason. Thankful for adult siblings who trust us with their children so we can share these nine acres in some of the ways we always imagined. Happy to cultivate memories and bonds with our nieces and nephews that, despite inevitable storms headed our way in the future (that’s just how life goes), will last a lifetime and anchor us all.

Chloe, Kenzie, & Greg. July 2017 xoxo
Daybreak in Fort City, upstairs in the Apartment. They slept hard for almost 7 hours then sprang awake at full power, ready for chocolate chip pancakes and more fun.
Little fishes doing tricks all day long.

I always resist the hurry to clean up after a party. I am in no hurry to see it all wiped away, all the colorful debris that kids especially leave behind.

Except that other good stuff is on its way, and we need to make room. Every day, every moment, holds a new promise and a host of surprises. The whole big, beautiful, equally colorful future is about to happen.

I’m ready.

XOXOXOXO

 

code red (book review & shark week talk for ladies only)

Did you catch the title of this post, that it’s intended really for ladies only? Okay, maybe also for guys who care about their women so much that they can handle some decidedly feminine-centered material. But anyway. You have been warned…xoxo

Ladies, friends and loved ones, I have discovered a school of thought that I wish I had discovered in my twenties, all about feminine health and well being, centered around our moon cycle. It’s not new exactly, in fact it’s quite ancient and completely natural; but as with so many things in life, our modern constructs have pulled us away from ancient and natural truths. How nice to take that step back and reconsider things a bit.

Almost exactly two months ago I stumbled on a new-to me-author, on a day that I had woken up surprised to feel less than great. The synchronicity of how I discovered her and the fact that it happened on that exact morning feeling the way I did, after having a certain dream about a lion, while the moon was crossing Leo, well, obviously there’s a very long version of this story. Today we will cut to the chase.

Introducing Lisa Lister, author of Code Red and much more.

Long story short, someone I respect and admire posted on Instagram about charting her own menstrual cycle and referred to Lisa Lister. I explored the author’s online posts and became more and more enthralled. She writes enthusiastically (irreverently too, haha, check her IG) about the multitude of precise and far-reaching fluctuations women experience from day to day during our cycles. And by cycle I do not just mean “The Curse.” She illustrates beautifully how those few days are just a part of the natural, full-spectrum, month-long healthy cycle, and how (this is my favorite part) a woman’s moon cycle can be viewed in four distinct seasons. Four unique ways to live, month after month. That’s a lot more interesting than just “PMS” hell followed closely by “Shark Week,” implying that the rest of the time is the only time you’re normal. Agree?

Your menstrual cycle is way more than just a biological process; it’s a cycle of ever-changing spiritual, emotional, creative energy, a road map that leads right back to the very essence of you.

Oh man. Ok you might have been reading here when I was studying the moon and its effects on farming and gardening? How ancient wisdom holds various chores and tasks as more profitable on certain days of the month, or at certain times of the year? I have been long fascinated by the powers of the waning moon compared to waxing, traditional energy grabs at the new moon, letting go of regrets at the full moon, etcetera. I already believe in this stuff. So then you see how I was so easily hooked by this train of thought about our own health.

Who is still here? Haha

So. Intrigued by her alignment with the phases of the moon and inspired by her very detailed suggestions to chart lots more than just the worst days of each month, I immediately downloaded the electronic version of her book, Code Red. I consumed it greedily and printed the circular chart she provides to begin my own experiment.

Some context: I am 43 years old and plenty healthy. I had two wonderfully pleasant pregnancies in my twenties and have had little to no disruption of life since then, physically. I feel pretty in touch with my own thoughts and feelings, and I had always assumed I was knowledgeable enough about feminine health. I mean I took sex-ed in middle school, right? And later read “What to Expect When You’re Expecting?” LOL.

But this book revealed nuances I had just not considered. Lots of subtle but powerful truths that I have been struggling with since my twenties, stuff that as I read fired up light bulb moments and washed me with relief over and over again. Which is why I wish I had discovered this school of thought earlier. It’s more than just mildly comforting to know certain things are normal; it’s vital to realize you have untapped potential and actual insight available to you about your own life. It’s liberating and exciting to think of using your energy from day to day in more profitable ways, resting when needed, and behaving in sync with nature. 

That right there might be my favorite theme or take away from this book: The notion that a woman’s cycle is far more (so much more) than just 4-8 days of pain and inconvenience, at best. That a woman’s cycle is, actually, a powerful and beautifully orchestrated mirror to Nature herself. Women hold unique sources of life, love, creativity and regeneration that we often neglect in favor of competing to be more masculine and independent.

Do not get me started on that.

Feminine energy is fluid, it’s not consistent.

This book offers a vivid, seductive invitation to walk away from modern (masculine) ideas about what it means to be “on your period” and instead reconnect with nature. 

This is the way of the feminine and when we work with her and not against her, we actually become more productive while nourishing ourselves in the process.

Friends, even if you you choose not to read this book, here are some things I hope you will consider:

  • Begin charting you month with greater precision and insight. Use the circular pie chart and observe how your cycle intersects with the moon’s cycle. I have now deleted the phone app I had been using for years. It does not hold a candle to the insight available through circular charting. 
  • Know that while you will have lots of wonderful things in common with all women throughout history, your cycle is unique. Small differences do not necessarily mean you have something wrong. (Mine, for example, is only 24 days long, which used to bother me for some reason.)
  • On your chart, divide your cycle into four seasons and seek to understand the swells of energies between them. Know that your mind, body, and spirit are all designed to wax and wane just like the moon, and every day has a beautiful purpose. What society calls “mood swings” is too generalized. Get in touch for real. (And by the way men have this to a degree, too, so chill baby-babies, chill.)
  • Allow yourself to embrace all kinds of cravings, way beyond chocolate but yes including chocolate, haha. You may notice days every month that you crave meat, raw nuts, chocolate, or later fruit, extra water, or very little at all. Some days you may crave lots of activity, other days introspection and reading. Do you have days when you can’t wait to throw a huge party, but other days, inexplicably, you can barely hold a conversation? Very natural. Resisting nature is futile, and over time it can cause some serious health problems. Learn to reconnect with yourself and to live more fluidly, even if it means rejecting modern constructs and ignoring some cultural nonsense.
  • Take a deep breath and be really happy that you’re a woman. (I could talk for hours about this and know many women who hate being women, which I do not understand, except that our culture has made it so weird to embrace true femininity.) If you are healthy, be especially grateful for that. If you have some health obstacles, know that you have lots of power to heal yourself.

I have been secretly pushing this book and its charting advice onto some girlfriends, anyone who will listen, who I think might be receptive to these ideas. Why secretly? Why do they seem so radical? Mostly because the author’s vernacular has kind of a pagan flavor. She writes freely about tarot cards (definitely not my thing, ask my husband how I cope with New Orleans) and refers heavily to the divine feminine (I know this contradicts traditional Christian thinking). But it’s all just semantics around a worthwhile topic.

I strongly urge all of my beloved women, at any age, to explore this. Try this approach on for size and see if it fits for you. She offers an ocean of nourishing thought and lots of research into ancient cultures to demonstrate how practices have changed over time. So interesting! In the book, each of the four “seasons” is celebrated for its super powers and unique opportunities. And each of those chapters comes stocked with special encouragements on how to make the most of that time. Ideas of how to work with nature, not against Her. I just love that!

We ignore our deepest needs as women because we no longer trust that we know ourselves better than anyone else.

I read the book cover to cover in those first couple of days, and I began my own charting experiment immediately. Since then I have been re-reading each little section as my own cycles ebb and flow, and it’s been so helpful. I’m already a pretty heavy journal keeper, but you might not believe how much understanding this has provided me. Moods and energy, tolerance for dishonesty or falseness, overall friendships and deeper relationships, sex and domestic stuff, ambitions, even my running! It’s been eye opening to say the least, and having the visual circular representation of each month is just plain fascinating. 

One more thought to share: Not everything in this book is bent toward the mystical. She includes plenty of science and talk about hormones, too, but in really precise explanations. She zeroes in, for example, on what is happening on day 3 or day 22, on the relationship between testosterone and estrogen, all of it. So amazing. I love understanding the body better!

Please share your thoughts! Have you read this book yet, or have you ever seen her online posts? What do you think of viewing your own cycle like phases of the moon, does it make sense to you? Does it alleviate some of the pressure or does it reveal some things that had been mysterious?

from Everyday Tao: Living With Balance and Harmony

I hope that some of you do explore this school of thought and get back with me. I hope it is helpful to you, because it certainly has been to me. As always, the more closely we can live with nature, the better. And the healthier and happier we are as women, the better off our families and communities will be.

Ok. Gotta go now, thank you so much for checking in!

XOXOXOXO

 

 

 

scaling back & happy about it

Does anybody else have the disease where you cannot just learn and enjoy a simple skill without wanting to launch it into a massive community effort, or maybe a career, or under the right circumstances… a life calling? I for sure have that. It took me many years to admit it to myself, and I could do lots of armchair self-analysis to explain how I got to this point (hello leaving the public work force and still feeling guilty 17 year later)…

…But the bottom line is that I’m withdrawing from the Farmers’ Market and textiles business for a while. And yes, I definitely use the word “business” loosely here. Generously. Ironically. With loads of rainbows in my eyes and that haze of imagination around my head.

Why can’t I just have yoga deck and occasionally enjoy it with friends without brainstorming how to develop it into a yoga retreat space?

Why can’t I just cultivate the max amount of fruits, herbs, eggs and veggies that our family will eat without thinking I am morally obligated to sell enough to pay off our house?

Case in point: I made a gorgeous, decadent small batch of jelly yesterday from plums grown here on the farm and basically thought my name should be Smuckers. I agonized for three and a half hours over the economics of scale and what was wrong with me. See what I mean?

Why can’t I just sew gifts for people here and there without thinking I need to make an apron name for myself and compete with Jessie Steele or, more recently, the PW herself? Ha. Yeah, I know she doesn’t sit at home and sew those herself, but you get the idea. It’s a defeating train of thought and ultimately a grand waste of time and energy.

The thing is, none of these impulses are borne of wanting to fill a gap, not exactly. I mean maybe just a little. Really, it’s that my daily and weekly and monthly routines are so indulgent, so extravagant and satisfying, that keeping it all to myself feels weird. And yet, adding a variety of outbound, money-focused projects to the mix is just too much. It spoils everything.

Maybe I should just open a hippie commune.

I am kidding!

Mostly.

Enough for now. I just wanted to check in and say that, despite so many enthusiastic Facebook posts and private conversations lately, I will not be at any local farmers’ markets this summer. Nor am I likely to do a bunch of sewing unless you contact me privately for a special project. I have my hands full at the farm and am also happy to see some family changes coming down the road, for which I want to keep my time open.

Life is beautiful. So beautiful I just want to share it more often. That’s all.

Love you, friends. Thank you as always for checking in. I hope that however you spend it, you have the most satisfying day.

Carpe Diem
XOXOXOXO