Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

simple ways to keep those positive vibes vibing

Even the most upbeat folks endure times when they struggle to maintain positive vibes. A friend who I admire greatly and who wants to be positive but is managing all kinds of heavy, meaningful burdens right now, recently invited practical suggestions. What average, daily rituals can a person adopt to stay afloat? 

Maintaining positive vibes in a negative world is a universal challenge, although it can often feel like we are all alone in the struggle. Here are my thoughts:

 

  • “Neck-Up Check-Up” I once saw this phrase while subbing in a Kindergarten classroom. It was posted above a small mirror, where only the teacher (a woman I love and look up to still) could have seen it. I interpreted the phrase to be just a quick and easy reminder to think about how you look. Your facial expression. The softness (or hardness) in your eyes. How clean are your teeth? Do you need to touch up some makeup? Tidy up your hair? Or just relax and smile? Whatever appearance means to you, tend to it for a minute. And not just for vanity reasons. Lots of times the way you look from the neck up speaks volumes about how you are moving through the world. Personal vibes are both contagious and visible. They also tend to circle right back to you.

 

  • Limit Your Exposure To the internet (you know what poisons you), to toxic people, to abrasive music, to chemical smells, to electronics, etcetera. Just scan your spirit and mind and body for whatever could be fraying your nerves unnecessarily. Step away. Make some space for your well being. I’m not saying this will erase your actual problems, but why cope with them in a compromised state? Cleanse yourself a little, and smooth out the rough edges. Manage what is eroding your strength so you can focus on the bigger stuff.

 

  • Fresh Air & Endorphins You guys know my favorite way to feel better is to go for a good, sweaty, happy run (it’s magic for sure). But I also reap so much peace and joy just from walking around the farm and playing with the dogs, brushing the horses, piddling around the gardens. Even just twenty or thirty minutes outdoors works wonders for me. I quickly regain that deep sense of calm, even if a very real-life problem has arisen.
    Do whatever you can do to get outside, no matter the weather and no matter where you live. Soak it up consciously. Take a senses inventory if you have time. Move your blood, breathe deeply, and hydrate while you’re at it. It’s all basically free energy. And friends, carefully consider whether you spend that time sorting through the problem or recharging yourself. Every situation needs something different.

 

  • Count Your Blessings. Active gratitude is powerful! Sometimes even bad situations are still so freaking lucky, it’s crazy! When your anxiety cranks up, take a beat. Register loud and clear within your brain how lucky you are, that whatever you’re upset about really could be much worse (almost always true in my life, which is filled with close calls, near misses, and silver linings). Or, think about something else entirely. Refocus just long enough to remind yourself that “The Awful or Annoying Thing” is not everything in life. Magnify what is going really truly right and let it swell and grow. Let it begin to take over the landscape of your thoughts and emotions. Start listing stuff that thrills you, stuff for which you are crazy thankful.
    I have a rule for myself: For every single thing about which I want to complain, I have to name five other things that are good. This argument of light over dark happens silently in my own head, and it always works to combat that irritable, downward spiral, gloomy vibe. It’s so easy. Also? The ratio of good to bad is always way better than 5:1. Because life is beautiful and amazing. This rule just gets me going in the right direction. 

 

  • Focus on Someone Else. My Grandma Ina Lynne was known for her positivity and generosity of spirit. She often shared her philosophy, that as soon as you begin to feel sorry for yourself, think of someone else who has it worse. And extend yourself to them. Help someone else with a problem to escape your pity party. (That’s all paraphrased, of course…xoxo)
    I know that not all of our life stress is rooted in self-pity. But lots of our paralyzing suffering is, if we are being honest. We can choose to step away from that and pour our physical and spiritual energy into lifting up someone else and, magically, it tends to lift us too. Plus we gain that perspective (once again) of how much worse things could be. 

 

Joc & Bridge xoxo Best hiking guides on earth

 

Hopefully, friends, some of this resonates with you. What practical advice would you share for maintaining positive vibes?

I wish you the BEST this weekend has to offer!! Change is in the air, both the weather and the spirit behind it all. I’m excited. : )

Seize the Day
XOXOXOXO

this storm is over

Have you ever been caught in a storm that descended out of nowhere, was more violent and long-lasting than anything you’d ever endured, then fell apart and cleared away just as suddenly?  Maybe after the storm, you were stunned silent for a while, looking around to survey the damage as you caught your breath, slowly accepting that the worst was over and you could finally, truly relax. You might have hidden in a safe place during the storm, and found ways to be comfortable there, but afterward, you could come out into the open again. Only it took you a minute to realize this.

The last several weeks have delivered a wide spectrum of joy, our days and nights filled with both average beauty and extraordinary miracles. Handsome and I have exhausted ourselves working hard and playing harder, carpeing all the diems the best ways we know how. I have a lot to share about how life has changed here at the Lazy W. But I don’t know quite where to begin.

I keep drafting blog posts about lemon-artichoke pasta and what to grow in your fall gardens, also how my marathon prep has been going, but I know there is something bigger to share. And some of you know it too.

The thing is, our biggest storm is over. The one that began over a decade ago and brewed and stalled and tore through our lives and wreaked all kinds of scary havoc, the storm that began losing strength three years ago and released one of our girls to us, the one that even before that was closed behind the Worry Door, just like a hurricane, is finally over. One day the violence and the blinding rain just stopped. Like we knew it eventually would. Then the quiet came. And eventually some sweet, bright sunshine and gentle breezes. And now we just know that it’s over.

I am finally coming out of the stunned silence.

Jessica  turned twenty in August. She and I had been exchanging sparse emails throughout the summer, but they stalled around her birthday. Then not long after we were in touch aagin. The notes were long and sweet, intimate, meaningful, and rapidly becoming less and less careful. Less formal, increasingly familiar and delicious. We were building up a good line of communication, and I was grateul for it and not interested in rushing anything.

Then on the eve of the solar eclipse, she reached out in an unexpected way, although sort of how I always imagined she would, and the next day we spoke on the phone. It was the first time I had ever heard her adult voice, and I can tell you the sensation was a lot like hearing her infant voice crying for the first time. Only this time she laughed.

We spoke eagerly, giggled, exchanged I love yous and continued trading notes all of that day and evening and for days after. Then we made arrangements to see each other on the upcoming Friday afternoon. The days and hours leading up to our date felt, not surprisingly, a lot like anticipating labor induction two decades earlier. Except this time I was much healthier and much better prepared.

I picked her up in Oklahoma City. We spent the early afternoon drinking cold drinks and chatting (laughing so much), shopping for clothes and celebrating when we found bohemian dresses with pockets, reminiscing, grabbing groceries and getting caught up on life. We covered so much emotional ground as we drove around making quick stops all over Midwest City.

Then we drove back to the farm to cook together. She wanted to make shepherd’s pie and a cinnamom crumble cake, both of which turned out delicious. She has always been a natural in the ktichen.

Our reacquaintance was easy and natural. Handsome made it home from work early enough to spend time with her, too. It all felt so nice. She gushed love and affection. Noone had their guard up. We seemed to understand each other intuitively. Not only was there never an awkward silence or a forced word; the exchange of love was airtight and soothing. Harmonious. The way you always hope and need for communication to be. She is the same sweet little Jessie Michelle we had been mourning all these years, and she has done a stunning amount of maturing, too. I am so deeply grateful to know the woman she is becoming.

After I drove her back to the city so she could get ready for her evening and weekend plans, I realized that we had just spent four and a half hours together, during which time we never stopped talking. And it broke a silence of four and a half years. The mirrored time frame brought me to tears and shuddering laughter on my drive back to the farm. 

You could rightfully argue that four and a half hours could never replace the loss of four and a half years. But maybe you have never been through this. You would have to feel what I felt and learn what I have learned about God’s power and generosity to restore what’s been lost. Everything really can be wiped away in a moment. We have everything we need.

Okay. I have more to share soon. I appreciate you, as always, for stopping in here. It’s nice to share my heart with you and to have broken the silence too. This storm really is over. 

“Peace be still.”
XOXOXOXO

my bliss list for august

Hello and happy last day of August. I kinda can’t believe what the calendar is declaring, especially compared to what the weather is whispering. But here we are, well past the halfway mark for the year and once again taking stock of so much joy. 

After writing these privately for several months, I’m sharing for the first time my personally curated “Bliss List,” as inspired by an Austin based blogging team The Hungry Yogis. I hope you groove this. 

Farm Stuff…

  • Those chicks that hatched over Memorial Day weekend are growing like happy, bouncy little weeds. Their scruffy feathers have smoothed out, too, and they have found a place in the flock.
  • So much lush, green grass everywhere. Barefoot quality stuff. Cool, velvety lawns devoid of sticker patches. Bliss.
  • Hummingbirds smother the zinnias especially.
  • Speaking of zinnias, they are outstanding this month! As are the sunflowers, oregano, chocolate mint, roses, basil, lemongrass, morning glories, and more. The easiest plants to grow, sure, but no less blissful in their abundance.
  • We have a deer family visit from the Pine Forest several times per week. All month they have gathered at the pond around 5:45 a.m.
  • A baby hawk recently hatched. When it screams at us, we feel like we are in a Heman/Skeletor cartoon.
  • Natasha actually caught and killed a field mouse. It’s a miracle. She paraded it around for days.
  • And we discovered two baby kittens in the barn! Pretty certain that Giant Yellow Forest Cat is the daddy.
  • Fat, healthy, happy horses who (this is a new development) don’t mind fly spray anymore. Bliss for them and for me.
  • This month we collected far more fresh eggs than we could eat and had plenty to share.
  • Herbs, peppers, and leafy greens (kale and arugula) continued to grow the whole month, with constant little harvests. So fun.
  • We picked up an order of fresh hay in early August. The big, heavy bales are fragrant and gorgeous and should last until winter. Bliss to be stocked up.
  • The honeybees are multiplying again and are still building up their honey stores. It’s all pretty magical.
  • Velvet and Lincoln have been staying at the farm!! We all love having them here. So much fun. And it has been a character building experience for Mr. Only Child aka Klaus.
  • My husband has been mowing the grassy areas adjacent to our gravel driveway into curving wildflower meadows. I call it the “Curves and Edges Meadow.” The long, south edge is part of the front field, where Chunk-hi used to live. The earth there is not only healing; it is bursting with new life, a brand new wildness. The poetry is pretty hard to miss.

Personal Stuff…

  • I cut my bangs once this month and did not botch them. Cool.
  • Running has been on a steady uptick, my plantar situation healing nicely and my mileage increasing slowly each week, up to 130.56 for August. Running = bliss.
  • I found a new running trail near the farm! Having options is nice, especially for long-ish miles.
  • My health overall has been great, in fact. I feel easily vibrant, aware of not having chronic troubles. I appreciate it more and more as a gift, not a given.
  • Gutting the Apartment and starting a big redecorating project up there has been deeply satisfying. Like shedding old skin and starting fresh.
  • The book Code Red and all the intense charting I’ve done this summer really came into focus this month. I have enjoyed some fascinating insights and uncanny celestial coincidences. Three or fours women in my life might be about ready for me to stop coercing them to read the book, haha.
  • I am so happy to have made room in my schedule for things that really matter. This particular life improvement showed clearly this past month, and I am grateful. 
  • Good solid contact with my most beloved people. August brought lots of amazing surprises, and I will remember it forever.
  • So many glowing neon signs in life right now, pointing me straight to writing. It has been a month for good, solid alignment of signs, circumstances, and my heart’s desires.
  • August was another month of food triumphs. I could write a book on all the excellent nourishment we enjoyed. Not a cookbook, probably. Just lots of descriptions, ha.

Friends and Family Stuff…

  • We spent lots of quality time with our people this month. From intimate dinners to afternoons with nieces and nephews and of course that 5K downtown, then our big Lazy W Talent Show, August was packed with fun and meaningful socializing. We are surrounded with people who really magnify LOVE.
  • And one Friday night we drove to Norman to see my cousin perform her music live! Such a great night with family, and she is wonderfully talented.
  • I dreamed of my Grandpa all month for some reason. A few times I woke up thinking he was still alive, and that reality stung, but the dreams were sweet and warm and happy. I also happened to find some old letters from him, while cleaning out the Apartment. I think the arugula growing so well has kept him in my every day. Smells, after all, are so powerful.
  • I got to meet Marisa Mohi in person, finally! We had lunch then coffee to discuss bloggish things, then she and Rosie Puppins came to the farm last weekend for our Talent Show. Such a stellar human. I am very happy to know her.

 

Universal Stuff…

  • The eclipse was so refreshing and inspiring. Do you agree? Everyone pausing all day, collectively inhaling and watching the sky, drawn together to focus on something bigger and simpler and far more beautiful than the messes and suffering we have made for each other.
  • Noticing the orchestration of friendships. How sometimes we need someone we have only just met, and they need us too, or other times the familiarity of people who really know your history wraps you up at the perfect moment. The Universe knows us, knows what we need, knows what we have to offer, and is able to weave it all together into a pretty spectacular masterpiece if we relax and allow it to happen. So nice. 
  • This seed of an idea has germinated in my head: That competition can be a waste of energy in intimate relationships. I would love to hear your thoughts on this! But this is on my Bliss List because the notion of complementing each other rather than competing with each other is so sweet and soothing.
My husband snapped this photo of the Oklahoma State Capitol during the eclipse. Unfiltered, so dim and suspenseful.

Friends, thanks for listening. Thanks for checking in. It’s always nice to share the every day blissful details with you. And thank you, Hungry Yogis, for the luscious inspiration!

I hope you are well. I hope if you have loved ones in south Texas that they are safe and secure. 

Trust in Love. Count the tiny pleasures, let them multiply.

“If you are to love, 
love like the moon.
It does not steal the night
it only unveils the beauty of the dark.”
~Isra Al-Thibeh
XOXOXOXO

 

in defense of positive thinking, “The Secret,” etc.

I woke up early Friday, at 4:47 a.m. in fact, thinking about this. About how so many people are missing out because they have a weird, tangly, sandpaper view of the simple belief that our thoughts are actual power sources.

You guys. Indulge me. Let’s back away from pop-culture fads and failures and just chat. I promise to not pass the collection plate or tell you what clothes to wear. 

I want you to consider (or reconsider) that our thoughts are silent, renewable, orchestratable, abundant sources of power and energy. Or maybe, that they are conduits for the powers that can flow through us. Everything that exists or happens begins with thoughts and intentions. And thoughts literally alter the Universe.

I believe this fact as strongly as I believe that watermelon and tortilla chips are what I will request as my last meal if given the chance.

But seriously. Positive thinking has a funky reputation, maybe because it sounds like all wooden-beads-and-excessive-patchouli. Or maybe because we are barely a generation away from those folks who died with rolls of quarters in their pockets and hopes of spaceship ascension to paradise.

I get it. And I’m sorry to mock other religions, no matter how bizarre and dangerous they obviously are. I also get that most thinking adults do not want to be associated with fringe belief systems right now. It’s crazy times, and all.

But this stuff is so easy and good. It risks nothing. It’s nature, after all.

always face the light

With regard to matters of faith and philosophy, I see that most people in my life fall into one of three camps:

  1. Traditional Christian values, with the known wide array of dogmatic expressions (Oklahoma = Bible Belt)
  2. Sternly scientific and logical, with a results-and-reason-based work ethic (action-based morals, largely)
  3. Atheist or agnostic (just eff it all man)

That’s all cool. Truly. More power to each of us to explore, discover, and articulate the things we believe to be true.

What I am offering for your consideration does not challenge any of that. Pinky promise.

Because all of us have thoughts. We are thinkers by nature. We can’t even help thinking. Some people think so much they need help to slow it down and numb out a little. And (this is my solid belief) those thoughts are all wildly powerful signals to the Universe, whether the thinker of those thoughts realizes it or not. Every human being, regardless of both religious constraints and life circumstances, has an unlimited wealth of power stored in his or her mind. 

So why not harness it? Why not at least try?

Okay. Right now as we chat, two things are happening in my brain, and maybe in yours too:

On one side, the old school Christian voice is whining excitedly and sucking her front teeth at me, prissing, “Now little girl, that sure smacks of humanism! Sounds like someone’s a Rainbow Brite doll away from the mark of the beast!” 

(Did you imagine Dana Carvey just now, wearing a wig and a polyester skirt suit? Me too.)

Meanwhile, a sexier but less enthusiastic voice is purring from the other side of my skull, just oozing unhappiness: “Yeah, sounds nice, but that’s BS and you know it. If your thoughts are so powerful then why do you have so many real problems?”

(That voice for me belongs to Angelina Jolie. Infinitely beautiful and seductive but dried up on the inside, miserable, cruel, constantly seeking what she cannot find. Who was it for you?)

I really do get it. Both the disbelief, the indifference, and the mild repulsion to “positive thinking” as even an ingredient for faith.

(Sorry, I do not possess internal dialogue for atheism and not know how to assign that one a voice. If you do, please share!)

The place of faith where I have landed is less like a mix the three camps and more of a completely separate level or reality that actually connects them all. This is complementary, not competitive.

Your thoughts can serve as a beautiful support net that strengthens, illuminates, and girds up your existing system of faith. In fact, it kinda should. I have found that if my inner thought patterns contradict what I am seeking in prayer, if I am wringing my hands with worry as I pray, imagining the worst, then my prayers don’t get answered the way I say I want them to be. Does that make sense? Thankfully, the exact opposite is also true.

I have a handful of personal stories to share that are pretty good mile-markers in my own little evolution of belief. I will work on some blog posts to tell those stories, but for now…

Please join me on a brief vacation from worry. Treat it like a fun experiment, if you like that kind of thing. Just get really still and honest with yourself about the things you want in life (not the things you don’t want, that’s key) and, the rest is pretty simple… Start thinking about them. But do it more vividly and with more dogged positive energy than ever before.

Start thinking about them. But do it more vividly and with more dogged positive energy than ever before. Drum it up from deep inside yourself!

Continue working on your goals and living your daily life and being accountable for your actions, always. And maintain your prayer life, whatever that means to you. Thinking strong, constructive, loving thoughts is a nourishment to all of those efforts. 

Let your mind fall easily and happily on the details of your heart’s desires, like it’s playtime in your heart and brain. In your free moments, while you’re exercising, if you’re in the shower and the warm water loosens your mind. Try falling asleep thinking about what you want for the future; it’s much more fun than privately scanning an unaccomplished to-do list, and I bet you’ll sleep more soundly. 

This is meant to be lots of fun and hopefully spark some discussion. The expectation is not that suddenly all of your dreams will come true and all of your problems will evaporate. The expectation is that you will get a spark of control over the positive energy buried in your mind. Also, though, I happen to know that the thoughts you choose (during this experiment and anytime) are like seeds that will germinate and can manifest at any time in the future. I just don’t want to convince you of too much at once, haha : )

Maybe you will feel emotionally better day by day or begin to sense more possibility and gratitude in your life, if you are usually worn down by the limits and the negatives. Maybe you will detect an opportunity for healing in a broken relationship or solve some practical problems. Maybe something truly uncanny will happen as a result of your focused thinking (this is how it happened for me) and you will be like, WHOA. 

I’ll be checking back in about this. I am so excited for you. And thank you for indulging me today!

If you want to read a few past posts about this, here ya go:

  1. Mitt Romney (my husband is a skeptic)
  2. Diamonds, Dreams, and Worry Doors
  3. The Worry Door

Heading out now to see some friends and enjoy another hot and humid summer evening in Oklahoma. We’ll be looking for that technicolor sunset again.

Think well.
XOXOXO

 

 

 

 

a private moment filled with reminders

At the park where I ran this morning is an open-air, concrete pavilion with several large caged fans mounted at the ceiling, all pointed down to the floor at different angles. I was stopped for a drink of water at a brick building about twenty feet away.

A young dad was standing inside that pavilion, holding his young son up in the air, facing away from him, the dad’s arms wrapped around his little boy’s slender, stiffened legs, chunky sneakers hitting his dad mid-torso. The boy’s arms, also stiff, were glued to his own torso. His blonde head was tilted back, and he was screaming into the fan, at high volume and with lots of gusto:

“III LLLOOOOOVVVEE YYOOOOOOUUUUU DDAAAAADDD!!!”

Over and over again.

Just like we all did to oscillating fans when we were kids. But it was an extra big fan. Extra loud.

So many times.

The dad just held him there, a blonde headed little torch of energy, beaming happiness. The boy screamed I love you dad at least a dozen times while I stood there drinking water and stretching, spying on their private moment in public.

Mom, baby me, and Dad, circa 1974.

This is what I wanted to tell you today:

Go for a run if you can and love your kids steady and hold them up really strong and love your dad, too.

Over and over again.

XOXOXOXO