Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

squash bugs, plantar fasciitis, & other forms of domestic terrorism

Our fresh new work week had started off happy, humid, and healthy. The gardens are still rolling out gorgeous vegetables. The hens are still laying colorful eggs (despite Rick Astlee’s occasional violence). And we remain so thankful to have both a pool and air conditioning for afternoon siestas. Beneath the surface pleasures, we feel that river of peace rushing strong and sure. Watering everything deeply. God is moving on all the trauma. He is binding everyone up and together in brand new ways. How amazing that every day He refreshes my hope and carves out a new level of trust.

I visited my orthopedic doctor today to get my ankles and feet checked out. Although the pain has now diminished to almost zero, I kept the appointment in order to display all of my Instagram physiology knowledge. This is definitely not annoying to a health care professional, right? Seriously though, this is a recurring soft tissue problem, and I need it sorted out. I also wanted to rule out bone and joint problems. A few X-rays and ankle twirls confirmed healthy everything, just mild calcification on my left heel. My doctor is wonderfully conversational about natural running stride, the importance of core strength and hip alignment, arch support, shoe debates, you name it. He even recommended a book to me that just happens to already be on my book shelf! Running friends should be prepared for my extremely annoying unsolicited advice, coming soon.

Ok. Halee and her men are soon moving to Spain, but I need her to reconsider everything so she and I can pursue our synchronized swimming career. No photo of that available to share, but trust me, our maiden attempt was spectacular. Instead, here are her boys trying to lure Little Lady Marigold with a bucket of sweet grain. This petite sheep really does come closer every day.

Greg, almost 10, and Connor, 4 1/2 xoxoxo

Ok. A few days ago I asked you guys for advice on eating only watermelon and cashews for a while, and nobody objected. Not one person cautioned me for any reason whatsoever, so I am gonna go for it. It’s fine.

While most of my squash and zuchinni vines are looking great, I have discovered a few plants in the two long, narrow raised beds (the two connected by an arched trellis) that have suffered a squash bug attack. Rather than try to rehabilitate those, I decided to rip them out, give the neighboring tomatoes and marigolds some really good TLC, then fill the blank spaces with zinnia seeds. I had been feeling a vague sadness for the conspicuous absence of explosive zinnias so far this summer, and this new effort could bring me all the way through to Halloween. Maybe some Russian kale, too.

That middle stripe will be clean & replanted by tomorrow afternoon.

Today is His Holiness the Dalai Lama’s 85th birthday! He has become special to us since we read The Book of Joy. If you have four minutes, click over and enjoy his video message to the people of Tibet.

Have you read The Book of Joy yet?

How has your work week started? What are you reading this week? Is there any way we can be praying for you and your people? Please continue to send love and all kinds of healing for our girls. That is forefront in my heart, and all of it is making such a difference.

Please help me remember to talk to you about being a verb instead of a noun, and about embracing constant evolution. I love you, thank you for checking in!

“People take different roads
seeking fulfillment and happiness.
Just because they’re not on your road
doesn’t mean they’ve gotten lost.”
~Dalai Lama XIV
XOXOXOXO

i love you etcetera

July 2, 2020. Quarantine Day 110

Brain food! Alex and Jess recently recommended a podcast called The Anthropocene Reviewed. The episode about our temporal range was fascinating. Author John Greene explores mankind’s obsession with predicting the end of the world and does a good job of reframing it a little. Great timing, by the way, with current events. And the short podcast was a nice compliment to the research book I have been reading called Fear Itself, which delves into all kinds of societal fears and conspiracy theories. What I found refreshing was that Greene neither fully demonized nor glorified our species, as so many voices tend to do. He didn’t pass too much judgement; he just raised interesting questions and made great observations. To return the excellent recommendation favor, I told Alex about the Netflix special Thirteen, about the 13th amendment. Have you seen it yet?

Yesterday Halee and the nephews visited! They will soon be joining my brother in Spain for a three year stint, so these silly and free farm days with them are a treasure to us. Even if the heat and humidity are bone melting, ha! We swam, retreated to the cool house, baked chocolate chip oatmeal cookies, reapplied sunblock, swam again, went on a nature walk and took tractor rides, harvested berries and squash, swam one more time, and had pizza. (Big thanks to Handsome for picking it up!)

Connor picked a green tomato and did not believe it was real. He carefully put it back next to the vine.
I call this “happy chaos!”
Greg, my little cookie making machine!

During our very casual paper plate dinner, we all chatted about how much we love each other, specifically our moms. Greg (age 9.87 years old) remarked that he has to love Halee because she created him, etcetera. Wrist flip, eye roll, pass the pizza please. Oh man. We seized the opportunity to shame him for not loving his Mom for all of her wonderful qualities (fun, smart, kind, generous, patient, loving, awesome!!) and for all the things she has done for him his entire life (cleaning up vomit, taking him to fun places, providing him his favorite foods and toys and books, you name it). His self defense was quick and surgical: “You guys didn’t HEAR me. I said ETCETERA!!” Then an even more dramatic wrist flip-eye roll combination, flourished with some chin wagging. I mean he really stuck the landing this time. The room erupted in laughter. I doubt whether any lessons were learned, but a new family catchphrase was born.

Handsome is making such progress with the Batmobile project! All the farm improvements from March to June were important and satisfying, but this might be the one physical accomplishment for which we all remember quarantine the most. His aspirations, among other uses, are to use this vehicle for hospital outreach and charity parades. I am so proud and excited! He has really been pouring his heart into this.

After a couple of wonky months, I am enjoying a nice reset with fitness. Yesterday’s workout was 5 steamy miles at the Choctaw park followed by a quick gym session, focused on unilateral moves. I am convinced that muscles imbalances have been the root of my plantar fasciitis and Achilles pain, and all of this gradual strengthening is helping more than rest and time off ever did.

Today I had intended to run at the lake at daybreak but made the mistake of doing chores first (seems like I am physically incapable of leaving the house without certain things finished) then checking the gardens. So, two hours and a sink-ful of produce and eggs later, I decided I should probably do laundry, too, before electricity hit peak price. And maybe sweep floors and water the gardens, ha! Around noon I finally laced up, but we had hit feels-like temps of 110 degrees, so I opted for the treadmill. Eight miles easy effort, no heatstroke. The pleasures of a lake run can wait.

I am giggling here because after a rambunctious day, Greg asked for a cuddle and nearly fell asleep in my lap while I played with his gorgeous red hair. I loved it. Sweet spicy boy.

Thanks for checking in, friends.
I love you, ETCETERA!!
XOXOXOXO

cashews, watermelon, & ancient stoic wisdom

Do you ever wake up and think, Man from now on I will live off of cashews and watermelon. Just send me outside, that’s all I need.

Summer is taking hold here now, and I have these moments often. My heart opens generously, my mind is pliable and calm and trembling with ideas, all at once, and my body’s needs simplify.

Sometimes the chickens eat breakfast out of watermelon rinds.

Cashews, watermelon, and limitless hours of sunshine. Okay, maybe also some lake running and trail hiking, a few excellent mugs of dark coffee, a big clean swimming pool, and thin cotton pajamas for wearing after a very good, scrubby shower, which you take only after a long day of gardening and running. Maybe a stack of books and journals. Oh! Also friends and family for bonfire conversation and the new Top Gun movie with greasy popcorn and sticky red Twizzlers.

And suddenly I am Steve Martin’s character Navin Johnson from The Jerk who leaves with just this ashtray, that’s all he needs! I feel so sad every time I think of him lugging around his miscellaneous treasures, dog nipping and barking, but really wasn’t it wasteful to have a disco room in his mansion? And I am very thankful for our modern consumer protections which will hopefully keep us all from going cross eyed from wearing new inventions like his.

I digress.

Wait, also, in addition to Top Gun, what other movies were you excited to see this summer, that are being released late thanks to the pandemic?

There is something else I want to talk to you about. I came across it while soaking up some ancient stoics’ teachings, and I think it is so useful anytime, but especially now: “Amor Fati,” translated from Latin as “a love of fate.” This is, “the state in which one is in friendly acceptance of fate… the consummate achievement of human life, and the only path to happiness.”  

How does this strike you? Let me expound just a tad, then answer again, in case at first blush it feels too much like, “bloom where you are planted,” which I know has some negative vibes surrounding it, as if we are resigning to something we don’t choose for ourselves. Okay:

Marcus Aurelius is one of the stoics credited for loving the concept of Amor Fati. He had a perspective that demanded we use all of our circumstances, the good and the bad, the ugly and unexpected, as kindling for our inner fire. A podcast on this topic offered that analogy. On Daily Stoic, I heard the host say, “Everything you throw in front of a fire becomes fuel for the fire. A person who is hungry, who can make use of everything that happens to them, that’s the person who gets better and better.”

Another echo I am hearing for Amor Fait is the ever so soothing encouragement, “Smile at the thought.” I first heard this through a running blogger’s mom, who told her daughter to deal with anxieties by literally, physically with her face, smiling every time a negative situation presented itself in her mind. Over time it rewires your thoughts and emotions to connect with that problem in a more positive way. This is a great tactic, and I use it often, though I will admit that at first it feels a bit maniacal, ha. Stick with it.

None of these are exercises in resignation or abandonment of our own drives and ambitions. I am so not into promoting self-flagellation. To me, it’s feels like the exact opposite. Amor Fati feels like taking control of our attitude, intentions, and energies and using every circumstance in life to our advantage, accepting as gifts all that what we are given and putting those gifts to work. It feels like an invitation to make something beautiful out of what might be seen as scraps and obstacles, throwaways and even dead stops.

The obstacle is the way.

Friendly acceptance, not begrudging compliance. This tweak provides such a lift!

Starting over, employing our ingenuity and tenacity, building and rebuilding as often as necessary to design ever more beautiful mosaics from shattered pieces rather than forever mourning the broken plates. This is a transformative approach to the inevitable problems and disappointments in life. Nothing is wasted. We redeem everything, especially time. Waiting for something becomes an invitation to learn or practice something else.

With this approach, the possibilities for growth and improvement are limitless. We are limitless.

I hope that when we are met with roadblocks and disappointments, we cope with them more gracefully than Navin Johnson did. I also hope that we have plenty of cashews and watermelon, if it happens in summertime. It’s the small comforts, after all.

“The obstacle is the way.”
XOXOXOXO

a few coping exercises

Hello again, friend, and happy Sunday! According to my journal, we are at day 64 of the quarantine in Oklahoma. It has been a curving, intuitive, stumbling walk through unfamiliar woods, right? With a few bumps and scrapes along the way? But it’s okay. It’s different, but it’s okay. I hope you’re okay.

I just wanted to pop in and offer a few thought experiments and coping exercises that I love, in case you could use a fresh approach this coming week. Take what you like, leave what you don’t, and feel free to share your own ideas!

Here and Now: I close my eyes and imagine an actual X-Y axis and put myself in the center of it, safe and surrounded by Love. I am here, in this beautiful place, today, in this moment, and this time is both fleeting and elastic. It will never come again. I am safe. I imagine each of my people in this space too, either in their own X-Y axis or in mine. Then I open my eyes and really pause. Friend, try to remind yourself that most worries and fears are about the future, the conjured up what ifs, and most sadness is about the past or the imagined or magnified losses. Not all of them, I admit; life is brimming with very real grief and I do not mean to diminish that. But if you can harness your energy and imagination and pour it all generously into the present moment, the current situation, you will walk more powerfully and deal with that grief better. Worries tend to dissolve in the heat of mindfulness. You will also be primed to more fully celebrate brand new joys!

Attitude of Gratitude: Bob Goff has some great explorations of the word attitude in his stories about small aircraft. He explains well the importance of small, imperceptible degrees as you set your course and how they change the plane’s trajectory, its ultimate destination. This image helps me remember that attitude is more than a flimsy notion about our thoughts, more than an invisible flavor; attitude is literally how we shape our path and progress in the world. And gratitude, as we know, unlocks all kinds of blessings. It’s an amazing combination.

I was given the chance to catch some bees this week! I was nervous and excited. Definitely grateful for so many aspects of this project. Those emotions shaped the whole experience.

Pretend This is All Your Design (befriend the moment): Do you ever feel trapped? Especially if you are really quarantined, right? This exercise is surprisingly helpful for me in lots of circumstances. It draws me out of a frustrated, victimized state of mind and helps me see how much is actually going in my favor. I do this in small, common moments, and I do this in the grander scheme of things too. It helps. Try it! Just literally pretend for a few minutes that everything you can notice was your idea, no matter how weird, no matter how “good” or “bad.” In fact, in this fantasy everything is good. Pretend that you had a secret and deliberate plan for everything to be exactly the way it is, and somehow your mind will begin to fish out the hidden benefits. You can (at least temporarily) become sold on the upside to every perceived limitation and obstacle. Results will vary, haha, but if you can get your creative juices flowing, then you can begin to see that some things are not so bad after all. Some difficulties really are blessings, or at least opportunities for growth. Life should not always be easy, right? Let’s scrape out all the benefits of weird times. Have fun with this one.

Accept, then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it. Make it your friend and ally, not your enemy. This will miraculously transform your life. ~Eckhart Tolle

Sensory Inventory: This practice not only refocuses me into the present moment; it helps keep words and phrases fresh and active in my mind. I try to do it at unusual times of day, too, not just the obviously poetic moments like sunrise or the golden hour. Invest a few minutes taking stock of a particularly stressful or unpleasant chapter of your pandemic life, and you might find some humor or hidden beauty there; you may even find a profound message. Try this practice when you do not feel the least bit poetic or particularly observant, so you can develop those muscles. Write down seven categories: Everything you see, hear, taste, touch, and smell. Now add your thoughts and emotions, for they are certainly part of your private landscape. Take a good, honest inventory and do so without judgement. Allow wide eyed observation and curiosity to take a high-resolution snapshot of what is a truly happening in your life. If I had students or children at home, I would absolutely be challenging them to write Senses Inventories at random times throughout quarantine, then keep those little scraps of paper in a memory book to read twenty years from now.

Move Your Body (in a new way): Oh man, haha! Okay, I have had to cut way back on running due to some spicy Achilles and ankle situations, and it took me some time to remember how good it feels to truly indulge in other physical activities, I mean indulge in the fullness of them, without the exhaustion of high mileage. After a few weeks of pouting then a few days of choosing joyful movement, my body feels good and lively again. I dare you to try this ahead of necessity. Move in all directions. Flex and stretch and allow life’s energy to literally flow through you, then make sure you are nourished and hydrated in your favorite ways. Our minds and spirits and bodies are already all one being, no doubt about it. Nurture that and enjoy the benefits.

Remember The Book of Joy that we ready a couple of years ago? My Mom is reading it now, on my brother Joey’s recommendation! I love it when we all devour the same goodness.

Okay, that’s what I have for you today! How are you finding a bit of calm in the chaos? Please share. I wish you vibrant health and abundant joy this week. Hope to talk again soon.

“Although the world is full of suffering,
it is also full of the overcoming of it.”
~Helen Keller
XOXOXOXO

less and more in these exciting times

March 20, 2020: Worldwide and local realities of the Corona virus pandemic, some thoughts on how we can thrive more fully, in a less-and-more format:

Less scrolling our internet news feeds, more phone calls with loved ones. More paying attention to good sources of information.

Less thinking of people on the news as strangers, more realizing they are all our sisters and brothers.

Less thinking that all of this is someone else’s problem, more believing that as a group we can thrive. More placing value on what every single person contributes to society. Less demonizing any segment of the workforce, including white collars and government officials, ok? More appreciating all the layers of cooperation we need and enjoy.

Less complaining about government leadership, more supporting the things going well, more affirming the hard work being done, more praying for the human beings in charge, who have never navigated this before.

Less feeling lost in our homes not knowing what to do with this time and these new tasks (laptop work from home, schooling restless kids, etc)  and less wandering around, more sinking in and nesting together. More making silly memories, more making all kinds of memories that will last a lifetime. This will hopefully be a once in a lifetime event, and none of us will forget how we dealt with Corona virus 2020. Make your future self proud, haha!

Less outsourcing your daily decisions, more tapping into your personal wisdom.

Less newsy, opinionated podcasts in the background, more music.

Less stress snacking, more sunshine walks and stretching.

Less busywork, more meaningful progress on big projects. Also more disinfecting, ha!

Less worrying and talking about each other’s complaints and woes, more praying about actual challenges. More praying for specific people. More praying for specific situations and needs.

Less food waste and hedonism, more appreciation for good nourishment and more sharing with others.

arugula

Less slouching, more dancing and yoga!

Less dwelling on plans thwarted, on goals delayed, on what fun we could be having out and about, more living in the moment and more trusting that this weird time is a gift to be enjoyed, maximized, savored. There are untold hidden treasures in this mess.

Less “What if… (bad stuff)” and much more “What if… (good stuff)!”

Less droopy outlook, more JOYFULNESS and inner aliveness!

Less focus on the negatives of social distancing and more focus on human connections.

Less takeout, more homemade comfort food and maybe more growing our own food.

sourdough for the win

Less driving, more staying put.

Less marathon training, more being healthy and having fun with health and fitness and not being sad about the marathon and also looking forward to starting fresh soon. On that note? Less group runs, more treadmill miles and more weights. It’s fine. It’s fine! Also, runners, listen to the podcast below if you need a morale booster about your race being cancelled. Good wisdom here.

Less planning out the details of every week coming soon, more living within the bounds of this exact day, because we really have no idea what is coming next.

Less control, more implicit trust, more surrender.

Less complaining, more actively giving thanks. Thanks to God, to our spouses and children and parents, to our neighbors and friends and workers and leaders. Thanks to everyone for everything we can manage to notice, because it matters.

Less stress, more peace. Good, deep peace, the kind that helps you breathe well. Invite that feeling, embrace it. Protect it. Allow others to have their own.

Less excessive junk food, more small hobbies that keep our hands occupied while watching movies because let’s be honest we are gonna be doing that.

Less fear, more confidence.

Less seriousness, more playfulness.

Less number crunching, more hand washing.

Less disregard for each other, more flattening the curve.

Less seeing how much we can get away with, more being proactive about our social responsibilities.

Less scarcity, more abundance. Abundance in all things. An attitude of abundance, in our thoughts and supplies and capabilities. More attitude of abundance in our relationships and our world.

Less fear, more Love. That’s really it.

What would you add to this list, friends? And how are you and your people doing? What a weird time. What a bizarre and beautiful gift this is, really. I hope you are finding the diamonds and gooey centers in your days. Stay in touch, take care!!

XOXOXOXO
~Marie