Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

You are here: Home / Archives for Uncategorized

reeling from the KFOR “remarkable woman” fun

Several years ago, Handsome and I attended an awards dinner where my sweet Dad was being honored by his Knights of Columbus peers. After an effusive and much deserved welcome speech, the emcee invited Dad to the front and handed him the mic. Dad smirked while everyone applauded, then he said in his perfectly deadpan voice, “I had a speech written but seem to have left it at home.” Then, pretending to pat down his own pockets and turn to look behind himself, he shrugged one shoulder and actually left the stage. Dad rejoined the family with exactly the same smile he wears when launching a spectacular knee-grabber. The crowd exploded into laughter and applauded again, because of course this is exactly how Joe Dunaway would accept an award. I decided then and there, that if I ever won anything I would do something equally clever and evident of such charming humility. Such unbelievable arrogance to not have a speech! It turns out that Dad is a tough act to follow in every way, including this.

You guys, I have not even won anything, but I have so much to say! You all have poured out such love that I am soggy from it. Warm and pliable and smiling, pulsing from every syllable you have arrowed my way. My heart is full, is what I am trying to say. The magic here is that literally every single person who has expressed love and friendship to me holds a vital space in my heart. One evening as my husband read to me some names and notes that I had not heard from personally, I could not stop crying. How wonderful and bizarre to feel so connected. Please know that I have always felt this way toward you. My life is brimming with fascinating people. Inspiring, hard working, generous, amazing people. You all set templates for me constantly.

Dad calls this situation a “Mutual Admiration Society.”

Thank you to all of our friends and family who conspired with Handsome to include me in this fun nomination. I thank you truly both for the words you shared weeks ago (covertly, ha!), and I thank you truly for the tidal wave of love notes you have been pressing here since. Your affection and support have landed squarely in my heart, and I am letting it all sink in deeply. It will not go to waste.

Forgive me, though, if every time
someone quips, “you’re famous!”
I instantly think “don’t you mean INFAMOUS”
and do the Three Amigos dance in my mind. Okay.

we are INFAMOUS

Thank you, Ali Meyer, for your listening heart. Thank you for your talented storytelling and your discretion. I aspire to your skillful, poetic brevity. You and Travis helped us feel seen in the best ways, and we hope you and your families feel welcome at the farm always.

Thank you to my sister Angela for sharing her time to do an interview and for her immense love. I know how lucky I am to have her as a friend.

Thank you to Handsome for being the world’s most supportive and most protective husband, period. He just will not allow anything but love and freedom and safety here, and for that I am eternally grateful. And thank you to his colleagues, our friends, who were in on this.

Now that the story has aired, we feel compelled and excited to share more of our Lazy W Family Outreach stories. So far we have just flown under the radar with hints and glimpses. It’s all a relatively fresh undertaking and one which we are determined to keep fluid and responsive month to month, season to season. But right now feels like a good and strong time to open up. I hope you’ll follow along with that! Feel free to join conversations both here and on our Facebook pages (here is the blog page). We will be posting fresh new community events soon.

One more thing, friends, before we all get sleepy. I am thrilled to be meeting so many new Oklahoma readers! I think you are all from Oklahoma? Thank you for introducing yourselves and for leaving me notes here and in messages. I am having fun contacting everyone slowly. Thank you for understanding that I do this between chores and running and cooking, ha!

Speaking of chores (last thing, promise), I do not want to alarm you, but we collected thirty eight eggs over the past twenty four hours. Thirty-eight!! Also? The frogs have come out of  hibernation and the roses are all breaking dormancy. The countdown to true spring is gaining momentum.

Happy waxing moon indeed.

“UBUNTU: I am because we are.”
African philosophy
XOXOXOXO

a cat story for love week

Happy belated Valentine’s Day, friends! Handsome and I have celebrated with a handful of traditions as well as a few fun new treats which I’ll post about later.

But for now! What a sweet and loving week we have had at the Lazy W, mostly because of two small cats? I never expected to say that.We have needed more mousers here, more cats who could be tasked with snake patrol once things warm up, and that should be soon. So after a few days of searching online ads and messaging with nearby offers, Handsome settled on a pair of young cats from a woman in Harrah who takes in ferals and strays and has them fixed and immunized, etc.

On Tuesday evening we drove to pick them up. They were over-the-top sweet and much smaller than they appeared in photos. They cuddled us, we said our goodbyes to the woman, and we drove our feline quarry back to the farm, where Klaus welcomed them with exuberance and hospitality. I tried to play it cool.I should cut to the chase here: We fell in love with the cats. This was especially annoying to me, because I generally do not get the obsession people have with cats. No offense, but I like most cats from a distance. I only agreed to adopting more because my sweet, wildly convincing husband had said they would be outside cats with a job to do. Earn your keep, and all.

Another chase worth cutting to, and keep in mind that these animals are closer to the kitten stage than lion or tiger. Okay: they slept inside with us. Also, we decided, very seriously and unanimously as a family, to make blanket piles and cuddle puddles and all sleep downstairs with the new farm residents, so they could get used to us.

The next day was Wednesday, frigid cold and raining in Oklahoma. I did not have a run that morning, so I spent lots of time trying to think of what to do with this new situation. When Klaus and I went outside to do chores, I carried the kittens to the hay shed, intending to introduce them to Forest Cat and show them where the working cats eat. Maybe get them to sign their W-2s.

Okay I’m just going to tell you. They bolted. After a few minutes of tentative interaction with their much larger, much less social coworker, I turned my back to talk to Johnny Cash (the gander), and when I looked back they were gone. Into the dark, dismal, cold, wet February gloom, two skinny little motherless babies had vanished.Also, I have a lot of feelings this week thanks to hormones and the full moon.Chase, cutting!! When Handsome got home he tried to make me feel better, like it was an inevitable happening to lose feral cats, but I knew he was as sad as I was, and I felt awful for it happening on my watch. I just thought they would follow me! I was aghast. We missed them. It was a long, worrisome, sad day that was also, it is worth mentioning, filled with some business about Jocelyn and some plenty stressful hours at the Commish. We were verklempt.

By evening, though, each of them had been found. They were hiding nearby, the boy between two large bales of hay (I barely caught his eyes in the gloom) and the girl in the forest (Handsome had to show her how to navigate the predator fence). I cannot relay to you the joy and relief! You might never have guessed we only knew these animals for eighteen hours, ha.

In the days since, we have decided the will be indoor cats until they grown bigger and stronger and have a better bond with us to not hide, if they get scared. Here are some facts:

  • They love hot breakfast in the morning. And if they don’t get scrambled eggs and warmed milk they try to steal your coffee.
  • They use the litter box, thank heavens because I cannot emotionally uphold such a serious deal breaker right now.
  • They are supreme cuddlers, affectionate and endearing, which is the job of all babies in nature.
  • Cats, it turns out, are difficult to reprimand and are terrible followers.
  • Klaus is patient with them, allowing all antics except playing with his toys.
  • The little boy is a gorgeous black and silver tabby, named Johnny Ringo. Sometimes we call him Toonces when he is naughty. He has a suckling fixation that absolutely heartbreaking.
  • The little girl is a perfect silky black with snowy white feet and a few white splashes, including this sweet white dot on her lip. We call her Domino for now, but it doesn’t fit perfectly.
  • Cats are crazy. They really do stay awake all night. That is not a myth. And they actually love yarn toys and foam rollers. My macrame artwork is at risk.
  • I don’t know anything anymore. This in in the category of Paradigm Shift.
  • I love them. Don’t tell my husband. Definitely don’t tell Klaus.

Questions and marital negotiations remain about more animal additions, much larger animals, but that whole story will simmer on the back burner for now.Gotta go. I have an attention starved 130 pound dog on my arm and two hungry kittens lurking nearby.

XOXOXO

exonerated five, takeaways from an evening with raymond santana

Last Monday I was lucky enough to attend a fascinating speaking event with my sweet Mom. Edmond’s Oklahoma Christian hosted Raymond Santana as part of their 7th annual “History Speaks” speakers’ series, and it was time very well spent. You may know his name instantly from the Central Park Five saga, but before diving  in I want to point out that much of the university’s literature and commentary touted him, instead, as one of the exonerated five, and I find that beautiful.

Mom and I sat in a sold out auditorium, knowing that several annex rooms had also been filled, where guests were watching the live conversation on big screens. Mom and I chatted with a few people seated near us and made notes of all the books being recommended (Just Mercy by Brian Stephenson among them).

When the University’s president introduced Gary Jones, their Dean of Students, the gentleman who organized the event, he invited us all to pray as a group, to agree that racism is a sin, for help seeking to understand more than to be understood, and for insight and courage to live well. They also played a video montage of previous years’ speakers, and I found myself wishing I could go back in time and listen to every single one. Certainly, we will pay attention in coming years and make a point to attend again.

Whether you have seen the Netflix series When They See Us and watched Oprah’s subsequent interviews with both the players and the actual people involved, or read about these events real time since the awful events in 1989, I think that you would find Mr. Santana’s remarks deeply valuable. He spoke life over his story and over his future. And he offered that same, powerful life to the audience. It was beautiful in every way, and when you consider the ugliness in his life, the injustice and suffering that happened to him at such a tender age, this beauty is a remarkable thing.

I could talk for hours about this 90 minute conversation. If you ever have a chance to hear Mr. Santana speak, jump on it. He is so overflowing with love, insight, and strength that  you cannot possibly walk away feeling defeated in your own circumstances. Mr. Jones echoed my thought by commenting on how often we “complain about stuff that really isn’t that bad.”

Santana spoke of the 1989 events, of course, and did a good job describing the root of each misturn. Fear, mostly, is what came across to me. Natural fear and innocence and compliance, and the opportunistic tendency some people have to exploit all of that. He spoke of childlike hopelessness, and of bewilderment; but also he eventually spoke of the power of education in prison. Books were his arsenal for reframing his entire life. He named some of the formative titles and expressed with relatable affection how they helped him shape his thought process.

After being imprisoned for seven years, Santana was finally exonerated. But he made sure we understood that exoneration did not, and does not for others still, necessarily mean freedom. For someone ripped so traumatically from his childhood, he had an insightful grasp on the importance of finding safety in your home. He described the ongoing, residual pain from how deeply his character had been vilified.

“It is easier to build strong children than it is to repair broken men.” ~Frederick Douglass

Santana shared the back story of the genesis and production of When They See Us, and everyone especially loved his building Twitter banter with director Ava DuVernay.  If like many you were unsettled by the documentary, he pressed us gently to remember that what they shared with the public was a watered down version of the truth. He also walked us through his feelings and thought process about how sharing any version of the truth would affect his friends (particularly Kory), how it would affect their futures. Because every story we tell does have an impact. It was a valuable reminder to me.

Okay. Let’s bask in some of the life he spoke over his story!

His faith was tested repeatedly. He had to learn how to be a fighter. But time has given him the perspective of not just being exonerated but of crafting his own freedom. He named blessing after blessing after blessing in his life and exuded spiritual energy as he spoke. “Back to back blessings,” is how he put it. It gave me goose bumps. Isn’t that how life is, really? Yes.

More on being a fighter, Santana described how it felt to be like a boxer, to always be waiting for the bell to ring, but also maybe not wanting it to ring. Over time he developed the skills and momentum that would eventually help him build The Innocence Project. He continued to find ways to “channel that fighting energy and get proper revenge by being successful.” When asked how it felt for the state of New York to never have apologized for the wrong done to him and the others, he just smiled and pointed to the fact that they have to see him on television all the time, watching him make something with his life. “God puts us on the platform. He gives us our voice back so we have to use it.”

This part grabbed my attention in a special way. In The Alchemist, we read that blessings ignored can become curses. If we are blessed with a voice, with a platform, then we are expected to use them. Ignoring such a blessing could become a dangerous curse.

Someone in the crowd asked for advice to a person on the brink of giving up. Santana had nothing rehearsed to say, nothing poetic, he just shrugged and shook his head almost like he was confused and said, matter of factly, “Never give up. Plain and simple.” He elaborated, gently, that giving up is just not an option. He suggested that we strive to envision our futures, seeing possibilities beyond our circumstances. I was deeply moved and reinvigorated for so many private battles in my own life.

Okay, friends. I could continue for a long time but will close up now. I am so thankful to my Mom for bringing me along to this beautiful evening. I am so humbled and inspired by everything Mr. Santana had to say. And I hope that some of this can transfer to your heart, to your life, for any battles you are fighting.

“Envision your future. See your possibilities.”
~Raymond Santana
XOXOXOXO

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho (book review)

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho had been on my reading list for over a year, nudged repeatedly onto the edges of my bookshelf from several different sources; but I never made time for it. Then our beautiful, mathematician-spiritualist friend Kelley did something to thrust it front and center.

At last year’s Lazy W Talent Show, between wild musical acts and hilarious 80’s trivia silliness, Kelley offered us a prose reading. She sat calmly on stage and spoke into the microphone a passage from the book.

summer 2019 xoxo

Her voice pressed evenly through the dark, and Coelho’s poetic words synchronized with the twinkle lights around the stage. I remember noticing the full moon rising directly behind her. Everyone was rapt. It was quite a moment. As she read, our other friend Kellie (that evening she and I had done the Walk Like an Egyptian number) pulled out her phone and swiftly ordered a copy of the book. By the end of the reading, the entire audience was stunned and fully absorbed. We all applauded and cheered, many of us promised to read the book, and Kelley rejoined the crowd, probably unaware that she had just inspired our next group book study.

can you see the full moon over her left shoulder?

Fast forward past a bustling holiday season, and a handful of us have now read The Alchemist for ourselves. This weekend we finally gathered for some delicious treats to catch up with each other and discuss it all. Nourishment for body, mind, and spirit. I want to mention, also, that we scheduled the gathering to coincide with the January New Moon. Since the whole thing started with a full moon, we felt like Coelho would groove this.

Ok let’s chat!

The Alchemist is a lusciously quotable inspirational parable, an allegorical tale about desert journeys and the meaning of life and passion and God’ will for us, plus our own power to co-create with God, and much more. It’s a framework kind of story that leaves lots of room for private interpretation and spiritual reflection. It’s one of those books you could (and probably will) read again and again, during different life seasons.

A big style point, so you don’t shun this book, thinking it’s dogmatic and preachy: Coelho skillfully braids wisdom from the ages and fables from several different world religions and historical periods to illustrate his lessons. We enjoyed recognizing details from the Bible, Middle Eastern teachings, mythology, and more. And he handles it all equally.

Another style point: Coelho originally wrote this in his native tongue of Portuguese. It was translated to English and dozens of other languages upon reaching global popularity and importance. Moreso than other translated works, maybe because it is poetic, there is some softness and rhythm lost here and there. It’s occasionally difficult to pinpoint why a sentence or paragraph feels stilted. (Mickey described it as staccato, which is perfect.) But overall that does not detract from the book’s value. In fact, it adds to the easy feel. (Declarative, Mickey said, and I agree. It’s a feel that gets you to just accept it and move on.)

For me, the timing of finally reading this little book was magical. I read it after Passion Paradox, which speaks straight to the heart of what motivates us, and in the midst of studying The Universal Christ, which is the intellectual antidote to so much church dogma frustration lately. The Alchemist has been a soothing and fortifying synthesis of the two. And the whole notion of alchemy itself, my gosh! You guys know how devoted I am to the importance of transforming what we perceive as negative into something valuable and powerful. I can’t get enough.

Kellie makes the prettiest and yummiest grazing boards xoxoxo

Our discussion group was extra small this weekend, but even so we enjoyed a wonderful array of viewpoints and emotional responses to the characters, symbolism, etc. I love hearing strong opinions about elements that strike me in very different ways. And I love getting to know my friends more deeply. As always, of course, the food and company were spectacular. We are very lucky humans.

whoa whoa whoa

If you have a few people in your life who are open to really sharing their hearts, this book would provide an excellent framework for some long, fruitful conversations. I challenge you to scoop up a few copies to share, set a date, and get to reading. And do this before the movie gets made!

Still not sold? Before I let you go, here are some of my favorite passages. You decide whether these sentences alone don’t seduce your brain a little bit:

“It is the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting.”

“And when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” (This passage is repeated throughout the book, and the resonance is powerful. How cool would it be to sit and discuss the Law of Attraction with the author!!)

“People are capable, at any time in their lives, of doing what they dream of.”

“He had to choose between something he had become accustomed to and something he wanted to have… When each day is the same as the next, it’s because people fail to recognize the good things that happen in their lives every day that the sun rises.”

“The secret of happiness is to see all the marvels of the world, and never to forget the drops of oil on the spoon.” (I could talk for hours and hours and hours about this exact parable. Wow.)

“As he mused about these things, he realized that he had to choose between thinking of himself as the poor victim of a thief and as an adventurer in quest of his treasure.” (Yes, choice!! We get to choose our thoughts, how we frame our lives, and the stories we tell ourselves regarding our circumstances. YES.)

“Because the crystal was dirty. And both you and I needed to cleanse our minds of negative thoughts.” (Lose yourself in the work. Go for a run too.)

“Every blessing ignored becomes a curse.” (WHOA.)

“…there was a language in the world that everyone understood… It was the language of enthusiasm, of things accomplished with love and purpose, and as part of a search for something believed in and desired.” (This in on my dining room chalkboard right now.)

passion and purpose

“If I could, I’d write a huge encyclopedia just about the words luck and coincidence. It’s with those words that the universal language is written.” (Have you and I discussed, yet, the burgeoning academic study of coincidence? Like, at actual universities? It’s real now. Recently.)

“People need not fear the unknown if they are capable of achieving what they need and want.” (I still need to tell you guys about a dream I had two weeks ago, about Jocelyn, and about facing the unknown.) “This fear evaporates when we understand that our life stories and the history of the world were written by the same hand.” (Yes, I told God when He asked, I will be okay even if she is already home. But I still want her to know that I miss her and love her.)

“Everything on earth is being continuously transformed, because the earth is alive… and it has a soul… in the crystal shop…even the glasses were collaborating in your success.” (So much echo to The Universal Christ here!)

“They spent so much time close to the fire that gradually they gave up the vanities of the world. They discovered that the purification of the metals had led to a purification of themselves.” (ahhhhhhh yes yes yes yes yes)

“If you can concentrate always on the present, you’ll be a happy man…Life will be a party for you, a grand festival, because life is the moment we’re living right now.” (Eckhart Tolle is definitely nodding warmly right now.)

Regarding oases and places of refuge: “Maybe God created the desert so that man could appreciate the date trees.” (Frame it well! Decide how you see things. Cultivate a stronger perspective. Appreciate needs because they help you focus on abundance.)

“The secret is here in the present. If you pay attention to the present, you can improve upon it. And, if you improve on the present, what comes later will also be better. Forget about the future, and live each day according to the teachings, confident that God loves his children. Each day, in itself, bring with it an eternity.”

“Well, that’s good. Your heart is alive. Keep listening to what it has to say.” (I believe this is part of the passage Kelley read to us last summer. Beautiful.)

“When I have been truly searching for my treasure, I’ve discovered things along the way that I never would have seen had I not had the courage to try things that seemed impossible for a person to achieve.” (I have been reflecting a lot lately on what kind of person I will have to become to both qualify for Boston and publish a novel, among other things. What about you?)

Okay, friends, I have smothered you with lots of quotes, despite my restraint. I have just one more, and it might be the one with which most people are familiar. It offers a powerful encouragement, a breath to catch if you are on the brink of giving up:

“Before a dream is realized, the Soul of the World tests everything that was learned along the way. It does this not because it is evil, but so that we can, in addition to realizing our dreams, master the lessons we’ve learned as we’ve moved toward that dream. It’s the point at which, as we say in the language of the desert, one dies of thirst just when the palm trees have appeared n the horizon.”

Thank you, Kelley and Handsome and Mickey and Kellie, for starting the new year with me in this book study! It was magical.

Where your treasure is
There will your heart be also
XOXOXOXO

grievances & a luscious start to the new year

Hello, friend, and happy new year! How has your crossover been so far? Ours has been light and easy and anchored by a few of our favorite little rituals.

Last night we watched part of a fun burlesque show in Oklahoma City (thanks to our friend Mer for the tickets!). Most of the women attending were dressed in flapper style dresses and beaded, feathered headbands wrapped around the fronts of their foreheads. Really pretty! I’m inspired for the decade just by that!

Ducking out early, we cruise through a very festive Bricktown party then made it home and into our bed for the midnight countdown. Klaus was ever so grateful we were home at a reasonable hour. Amanda Shaw performed on TV! She is a New Orleans musician who we saw perform live on the West Bank several years ago. Her lively Zydeco rendition of Auld Lang Syne last night was so perfect. I do miss the Quarter.

We fell into a deep, efficient sleep which lasted all the way to six this morning; then while waiting for daybreak, we sipped strong coffee, enjoyed a growling fireplace, and read each other last year’s grievances. I want to talk more about that in a minute. After a while, we ate a slow brunch together and walked around the farm, telling all the furred and feathered residents, “Happy New Year!” It has been a bright and blustery day so far. Warm, windy, intense light. An auspicious, energizing start.

Every year, our Grievances are a good, strong mix of details. We both write spontaneous memories of work and play, memories big and small. (Which means they’re all big. You know.) We love it.

This morning I noticed a few themes in our 2019 Grievances:

  • Lots of sensuous rain and thunderstorm notes (it was an especially wet year)
  • Lots of joy from entertaining (we hosted tons of parties and family gatherings this past year, which we love doing)
  • Lots of celebrating a long list of heavy farm projects. (Some of the things we fixed or built or created this year, already seem like they’ve been around much longer. It was a productive year!)
  • Lots of xxx romance (that’s not blog rated ok)

Some years our grievances seem to orbit the overcoming of stress or grief. Sometimes that’s just how life is. And we accept it all as part of the masterpiece.

This past year, based on how we seem to feel and also how these scrappy little Grievances played out, our energy was really constructive. Definitely stronger, more deliberate, plenty outbound and of the carpe diem flavor. I love it.

This makes me curious about what this next year might hold. I’m not writing resolutions, because intention setting and meditation have been so much more fruitful. I’m keeping with that. And I am paying attention to the flow of energy. The rhythms of life. We have good reason to believe that a few wonderful answers are on the horizon’s razor edge.

But even without that, we would continue to feed hope. We would continue to choose joy. Those dark, more difficult chapters grew us to inhabit this one. This chapter of strength and so much celebration, ready and waiting for even more.

So happy new year to you, friend!! How is your energy today, and how have you been able to take stock of this threshold? I hope you are filled with peace and contentment, enough energy to work and play, and all the assurance that Love conquers literally everything. Light drives out every shadow.

Ok. Signing off. Talk soon about books worth reading and marathon training?

XOXOXOXO