42 things I have been meaning to say to Angela

For my first sibling Angela, on your 42nd birthday…

1. Everyone who calls you friend feels deep-down lucky, me included.
2. You were an especially beautiful baby, I could see it even as a little girl. You were a bright, glowy orb of peach fuzz and smiles, and you lit up that little duplex in Plano, Texas.
3. Have you ever actually finished a plate of food? Doubtful.
4. I am very sorry about the time I tricked you into using permanent marker as eyeliner. Hehe. I mean I really am sorry, ha. But you are the one who did it.
5. You have unnatural physical strength for your size. How?
6. I love how ready for adventure you always are. Road trips! Hiking! Camping! Zip-lining! Parties and sightseeing! It’s a sight to behold, and an inspiration.
7.  Your children are three of the luckiest children in the world…
8. …as is your gorgeous daughter in law.
9. I can’t believe you’re a mother in law before me, ha! Ha!!
10. I think of you every time I almost wear a bright color but opt for black.
11.  And yet, the color association I have for you is an actual shimmering double rainbow.
12.  It breaks my heart that someone as openhearted and enthusiastic about life as you are, has so much trauma and fear from which to heal. But you are doing it. Keep it up.
13. How weird and cool that after all these years we can band together over the Law of Attraction and faith, specifically.
14. Thank you for always, from day one, loving my girls with no reservations, no limits.
15. Thank you for sharing Dante with me when our kids were little, for allowing him to be part of so many precious family memories.
16.  Thank you for sharing Chloe and Kenzie, too, for summer visit at the farm and more. They are irreplaceable, and I am so glad they have you.
17. I am still a little salty about losing to you at Tug of War a couple of months ago. That was honestly ridiculous and I demand a rematch.
18. You are amazingly loud. Like literally, you have an impressive vocal volume. If we could average your voice with my voice we might arrive at an average-decibel human voice.
19.  How can you nap so easily? Is that the secret to your physical strength? Or are you sleepy because you never finish your food?
20.  Our family was not okay while you were gone. And we are so much better with you “home” with us, among us, as part of all of us near and far. We need you.
21.  Even Brene Brown does not hold a candle to your vulnerability. You exude it, along with both humor and gravity about the big stuff in life. You never shy away from the truth, no matter how scary it is.
22.  When you wrote to me from prison, I took a long time to read your letter. I had so much healing of my own to do, and so many conflicting emotions, that I had to gather my energy for it. But I keep it nearby now and am actively thankful for you every time I see it.
23.  How many ear infections have you had in life, really? I mean!
24.  I will never forgive you for the “sponge cake” prank. But I will steal the idea and do it to someone else.
25.   Much like Mom, you make people feel seen, and you make people feel seen for their best qualities. You both have a way of helping people remember the best possible things about themselves, and I hope you always have someone nearby to do this for you, too. Because you deserve it.
26.   One of my favorite things about you is how naturally and genuinely you slash through chit chat and small talk to get straight to the real conversation. I LOVE THAT!
27. Also, you get straight to belly laughs quickly, and it is contagious. I love that too!
28.   Will you please make me egg rolls? You make the best egg rolls.
29.  I love how you call my husband out on stuff. And how you often just end it with, “Whatever Brandy.” Hehe. It delights me.
30.   You are such a voracious reader! If you were when we were younger, I didn’t  notice it. I love discussing books and everything with you now.
31.   Even at 42, you are a bright, glowy orb of peachiness and smiles. You look more beautiful every year, and frankly it’s annoying.
32. Much like Dad, you have a weird and wonderful talent for gift giving. Over and over again, you both find really personal, specific treasures for everyone in your life, and it is just so cool.
33.   Do you remember Randee Dandy Julie? That might be part of my rainbow association with your spirit. But just part of it.
34.   I love your heart for abandoned animals, even when you were little.
35.  Your future adopted dogs will be very loved and happy!
36.   I also love your ability to draw a crowd for celebrations. You really are the life of every party! We love it when you walk in to any event!!
37.  Do you remember that time we got into an argument over whether it was okay to over-annunciate “daddy” as “DATTEE” and it escalated into a fight and WOW. That memory floats to the surface sometimes when I hear the word “goatee” and I wonder if really, we should be saying it as “GOADEE.” No! Obviously! So dumb!
38.   I am sad for the years we lost not being close friends, because I thought I was so much older (four years, ha!) and that being sisters was enough. Turns out, being both sisters and friends is such a wild gift in life.
39.   Your clients at Hope are so lucky to have your heart and mind and tenacity and Love working in their favor. You have an ability to connect with people and finish work worth doing, and no matter what happens in the future I know you are living out part of your personal mission, your vocation in life to serve others.
40.  Are you having a good birthday? It’s so weird this year, I know, but you deserve a wonderful, deep watering of love. I cannot wait to see you!
41.   Happy sobriety anniversary, too! We are all so blown away and happy for your health, so proud and inspired by your journey.
42.   Why do you hate Twister so agressively? I do not get that.

Ang, I love you more than I can express, either seriously or as a joke. You are a gift and a treasure and irreplaceable for a million reasons. Happiest of birthdays, sister.

Love Over Fear
XOXO