Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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Archives for July 2020

true colors & tiny bits of happiness

“A wise man dyes events with his own color.” ~Seneca

For me this affirms the value of living authentically, of framing events and circumstances in ways that are productive, growth oriented, joy centered, and loving. Live with honest and truthfulness, sure, because we’re not talking about denial or avoidance; but do not live based in someone else’s story, someone else’s colors. We are not living that person’s life, and noone’s life is disposable. Every single one of us has a path and a purpose that is valid, worthy, and beautiful in its own right.

Just a few things to consider, friends, in case you are in the habit of dismissing your own worth or assigning your value or your understanding of the world to someone else. Own your truth. Color the world with your unique self, the fulness of it. No holding back, okay?

Best royal icing: one cup powdered sugar, one egg white, few drops lemon juice, food coloring. BAM. Perfect.

Okay.

Some quick farm news for Thursday!

First, yesterday afternoon I scoured the kitchen for leftovers and scraps then took all of it out to the front coop. Before emptying my big bowl dramatically, I tossed a pink-frosted, sprinkle-covered donut into the air. A demure little red hen hopped up and caught the sugary treat on its descent. Donut in her beak, she ran to the furthest corner of the yard and dove into it, all by herself. Made me so happy.

Second, today at 11:47 a.m. I touched Little Lady Marigoild’s head. I was, regrettably, wearing gloves, but even through that barrier I could feel the smooshy wonderfulness of her fleecy noggin. She said “BLEEEHHH” and whipped her neck a few times, but she did not run away. Progress. Major progress.

One more thing:

Do you know how old my parents are? They are I called one of them but they put me on speaker and both talk to me years old. And I love it. I love it very much.

What small details are making your day extra nice?

XOXOXOXO

a restful, healing week

“It is the soul’s duty to be loyal to its own desires. It must abandon itself to its master passion.” -Rebecca West

This past week was the first time in many years, outside of a few occassions of convalescence, that we have enjoyed so much quiet, uninterrupted time with Jessica. (Although my husband might passionately argue that very much of our time was quiet, ha!)

It was luscious in every way. She and Bean went home today, and the farm is so quiet. We already miss them very much.

Image may contain: Jessica Hartley

Of our many exceptionally deep and fascinating conversations, one that has been echoing in my heart was about how humans are designed to crave beauty, how it is a natural appetite and a healthy inclination. We measured it against passion-gifts, too, like art and science, cooking and gardening and nesting, against caring for ourselves as women, and travel and the craving to explore this big world, and much more. We agreed that a hunger for beauty and a drive to pursue our unique passions can lead us down the best paths, if we watch our motivations.

My daily devotional entry from July 20th says, “Seek my face and you will find all that you have longed for. The deepest yearnings of your heart are for intimacy with me. Do not be afraid to be different from other people. The path I have called you to travel is exquisitely right for you.” (Jesus Calling)

This past week I was able to see the farm, and our home, through Jessica’s eyes a bit more deeply. A bare bones routine became soothing, not boring. I watched her slowly unwind and shed a landslide of stress from her body and spirit. She soaked up every day, morning till night, and every meal and activity we laid hold of, with a joyful kind of mindfulness that really inspired me. She allowed beauty and pleasure to overtake her, and more than ever she reflected and magnified all kinds of beauty, just by being herself, natural and free and untethered for a while. It was like watching overstressed plant rehydrate, turn emerald green, and bloom before your eyes.

Her health and happiness, and Jocelyn’s, is everything to us. This well timed investment of time and rest was so wise on Jess’ part, and I know that she was engaged enough in the retreat process to retain the feelings, to translate the efforts to her daily life and normal routine, in ways that only she can do.

I would like to chat more extensively about the pursuit of beauty in life, in the world at large. About how the deepest purpose in our various callings, is maybe to reflect Love? Soon, I hope. I am sleepy now and can feel my thoughts unraveling a bit. Thank you, friends, for the love you send our girls.

XOXOXOXO

more surprise pigs, tuesday family snippets & my devotional themes lately

When Jess reprimands Bean, it sounds sweet and mildly squeaky, like this: “Beeeaan-nahh, nooo-ahh!! Why-yahh??” Terrifying to him, I am sure. Then she says, “Oh mi amor, I love you” and snuggles him face to snoot, a maximum amount, to ensure a swift reconciliation.

We spent a nice slice of Monday afternoon on the deck, beneath that one big blackjack tree that covers the firepit, talking and painting and talking. Also talking. The dogs played and dug holes in the sand; the south flock luxuriated in the mild weather; and somewhere in the magic of it all we heard pigs. Actual oinking pigs. Plural, based on the layered sounds. Romulus, Klaus and Bean all responded excitedly to the foreign voices, so Jess and I knew it was not imaginary. I climbed the red gate and walked over to check the little strip of woodsy expanse between our property and our neighbors’, but found no pigs. I did, however, discover a tightly packed heap of children’s toys in a nest of Virginia Creeper. Half buried, mudcaked, but arranged in an almost ceremonial pattern, with a torn tote bag nearby. Exactly the kind of sight that would make an excellent beginning for a true crime podcast series. More on that idea soon.

Today, the farm is soaked to her bones from overnight rains, and we are enjoying a brief respite from the July heat. Our pond is full to its banks. The lawns are spongy. The tree limbs and flowering branches of crepe myrtle, rose of sharon, and thornless blackberry are all heavy with water, nodding low like sleepy horse necks.

After chores for us and several overlapping conference calls for Handsome, making the very most of this beautiful day we have been gifted, the three of us filled our bellies with homemade crepes. Jess is especially good at this classic Martha Stewart recipe, and she spoiled us today. Look at this fresh eggy crepe smeared with Nutella and sandwiched with sliced strawberries!

homemade crepes…xoxo

I also roasted some chicken early this morning to be ready for a big homemade pot pie meal tonight. The pie crusts were mixed and rolled out too, to chill in the fridge. Each of us will soon have a specially crafted pot pie with our own custom fillings, for out last family dinner together for a little while.

This afternoon, our readiness and a gap in the rain coincided, so Jess and I ventured out to the lake to run together while Grandpa BW entertained the boys. This was a first for us, and I loved it! Please enjoy our matching Brooks shoes:

My early morning meditations and devotionals lately seem to return again and again to themes of freedom, truth, and purpose.

I welcome the growing sense of freedom we feel, from all kinds of oppression as well as from external systems. I definitely cultivate better discipline when left to my own systems. And scripture after scripture seems to be reminding me that my personal liberty has been redeemd in a powerful, permanent way. Who am I to surrender it to anything or anyone lesser than God?

And I welcome this growing urgency for telling the truth, for exposing truth, for pressing it into the spotlight. We have hidden our stories away for so long, in delicacy and carefulness, with caution. Really? Sometiems it’s been just plain old fear. But our fears are tumbling one by one. And as they say, the truth sets us free.

Expansion into purpose, too, this satisfying process of stepping into and aligning better and better with our many beautiful purposes, day after day, stacking up our efforts, weekly building a house made of Love. When we feel so much synchronicity, our energy redoubles and our motoivation is through the roof. When we feel that spark of yeah we are on the right path, anything feels possible. Time feel irrelevant. In fact, most resources do. They are details.

Our three chicken-vegetable pot pies are now about done! The house smells golden and cozy. Our sinuses are filled with chlorine water. The dogs are exhausted, ready for a good meal and some cuddles. We are so thankful, so happy to have this evening to relax with Jess before she goes home tomorrow.

Happy Tuesday, friends.

XOXOXOXO

“we are permanent”

Jess and Bean are back!! We picked them up Sunday afternoon, and the wild romping and untethered conversations ignited right away.

So far we have swam like fishes and coined the term hydroventilating, to describe the way Bean partially inhales the water as he chomp-swims.

We have played tetherball, keep away, and chase and have deeply watered and weeded the shade garden. Jess has also tormented Pacino with her do you wanna bite game. It’s a whole thing.

For dinner last night we made pickle-brined chicken tenders, macaroni and cheese, and Martha Stewart’s cornbread, salad and and marinated garden tomatoes on the side. This morning we all woke up pretty early and drove with the pink daybreak to find donuts. The dogs went, too. There was a maximum amount of joy and anticipation in the truck and again at home.

Have you seen Troop Zero yet? We watched it a second time last night, first time for Jess. So sweet. And how fun to pull apart and absorb the story with our daughter as an adult, when so many of its details remind me of her as a little girl. I highly recommend the movie, by the way. Its themes include childhood, gender roles, authenticity, community, grief, eternity, making your mark, friendship, mentorship, and much more. I know it will stand as a lifetime favorite of mine, and I was so happy that Jess enjoyed it with us.

I could honestly talk to you guys about this, about our life, all day. We are having serious fun, and we are doing a lot of mutual healing and deep connecting. The only reason I won’t spend more hours writing is that I am ready to continue living. The day marches on. See you soon, thanks as always for checking in!

Here I Am
I’m Here Too
XOXOXOXO

so many people to love

After a really fun family dinner and silly videos last night with the kids, Jess and Alex took Bean home for the weekend. (They’ll be back soon for more farm retreat livin.) So early this morning Klaus showed me the Apartment door, knocked on it with one giant paw, and smiled at me over his shoulder. I had to open the door and show him around, proving to this sweet big boy that they weren’t there, ha!

Kenzie, our youngest niece, turned 13 today, wahoo!! A milestone birthday, in the midst of a pandemic, and fresh on the heels of a brand new round of testing and quarantine for her household.

These facts are almost universal now, and commonplace, and less startling in many ways than they would have been two or three months ago.

Or so I thought.

My magical first sister arranged a drive-past-curbside birthday celebration for her baby, and when I saw these young ladies on the sidewalk my throat tightened up and my eyes flooded, involuntarily. I had been happy and excited to get there, but seeing them, in masks, and us wearing masks ourselves, and none of us hugging, although I definitely believe these are the right things to do, just gave me lots of feelings. A moment in history. I hated driving away from them.

The very first day we all get clean bills of covid health, I want to see them.

Tomorrow is a big day for some of our favorite humans, our dearest and closest friends who are really our brother and sister now. Say some prayers with us, for continued grace and peace? Thank you!

We have some fun plans for when Jess returns soon, and the gardens are already approaching the cusp of a transition, and I have laid hold on a temporary fitness plan that feels really good for this weird season. Those are a few previews.

Happy Saturday night, friends!

“Small streams don’t choose to be mighty rivers.
We keep moving in a direction
And God decides what He’ll make out of us.”
~Bob Goff
XOXOXO