Lazy W Marie

happy new year from the lazy w!!

January 1, 2019

Happy New Year! The first day of a sparkling new season, a meandering story certainly worth telling. I am so happy to still be here writing, trying to document our life stories and capture some of the learning curve along the way.

Regarding the above photo, two things: I am very excited to soon finish some extensive dental work that could end a lifetime of front-tooth replacement drama. This means I might soon smile for photos with my mouth OPEN, ha. Also, I am loving winter garden tasks lately. So much. Just looking at this, I can smell the cedar and feel the crunch of leaves.

How are you? How was your December-January threshold celebration?

Our last day of 2018 was quiet and well spent. Yesterday while Handsome was at the Commish, I took down all of our Christmas decorations and started cleaning the house. Klaus helped by requiring lots of fetch in between. I also grabbed my final run of the calendar year and started cooking and setting up for a casual dinner with Mickey and Kellie. We had “church” on Monday evening this week, and it ended up being a sweet and perfect New Year’s Eve, just the four of us. I promise to tell you about this project soon, as in this month. Pinky promise.

After we hugged a lot and the Sperrys went home (around 10 p.m.), Handsome and I got into some pajamas and cuddled up to read aloud our 2018 Grievances. This is only the second year we have done this, but we both know it is a favorite tradition that will likely stay with us for the rest of our lives.

It’s so simple, too. We just keep a large empty jar in our bedroom and a supply of blank slips of paper near it. Both of us are free every day throughout the year to scribble down little memories and love notes, details of daily life we want to remember. As with yours, our life is brimming with variety and roller coasters. The details each of us chooses to harness are a lot of fun to read at the end of the year! We cover everything from romance and super romance (brown chicken brown cow, haha) to family updates, farm projects, stressors overcome, community stuff, funny animal stories, excellent meals, and all the stuff in between. You name it, one of us has documented it in short sentences and messy handwriting.

So we accumulate them all year long. Then on New Year’s Eve, at least an hour ahead of the countdown, we take turns reading aloud the other person’s notes. Oh! We call them “grievances” because at some point in 2017 a joke started about filing grievances, something funny, I don’t remember now because we forgot to write that down, ha!

Example, an entry of mine following our Second Annual Talent Show which was rained out and which my husband rescued in one million vital ways:

Anyway. It’s heartwarming and funny, and it is amazing how many big and little events tend to otherwise blur together or standout in weird ways until we read our real-time reactions to them. Does that make sense? It’s a tiny, easy little time warp into our own minds. The things that mattered to us on no particular days in the past. We both love it. And it is funny how many events we both chose to document, unwittingly along with the other.

Okay, moving on.

Speaking of writing and keeping history, this year one of my seven million happy intentions is to blog more regularly, to keep an actual account of daily life. I don’t know whether I have a specialty niche to offer the internet, but as they say, each of us is an expert in our own selves, in our own lives, so that much I can definitely offer. And I will gratefully and freely admit, my husband and I have built and enjoy a really beautiful life here on these nine acres. Lots to share if I just take the time. I hope you will follow along.

I am reading for the second time the small daily devotional called “Jesus Calling.” It was a soothing and inspiring little daily ritual for most of 2018, and I am excited to dive more deeply this year. Plus, I get to read over again the notes I wrote on each calendar date from last year. So much has changed in our life, so many miracles, so much growth! It’s going to be fun to re-experience all of that, including the hard weeks.

Today’s standout scripture is from Romans 12: “Be ye not conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” This speaks to me more vividly all the time. It all starts in our minds, truly. And I crave deeper transformation than ever before. As for the worldly part, also yes. Yes a thousand times. It takes effort, but resisting the push and pull of trends and bandwagons is good. Cultivating our own paths, learning to ignore outside pressures and actively choose to not be conformed, that is all so good and juicy. “The Joy of Missing Out” has been on my mind all month long. Ironically, I don’t feel like I have missed out on anything that matters. It’s a pretty nifty little paradox.

One of the television programs that made a big impact on us last year was The Kindness Diaries, and my husband especially has taken up the chance to connect with the show’s host and author, Leon Logothetis, via social media. As a result, he has received two books in the mail and is excited to read them. One is a memoir of the making of the show’s first season. The other is called, Live, Love, Explore. After my guy studied The Book of Joy with me, helped host that amazing discussion dinner, and then propagated that material to his friends and employees, I am so happy deep in my bones for this next experience.

Farm Census to Start the Year:

We still have two fat, sassy horses, Chanta and Dusty. Both male, both cut, both extremely affectionate and smart, but neither trained. No, before you ask, sadly I guess, we do not ride them. But we do love them so very much.

We have one slightly famous llama, Meh, who is approaching five years old. He was born here at the Lazy W to registered and beloved parents Romulus and Seraphine. Meh is one of those animals who is more than the sum of his fuzzy parts. We just plain love him to the moon and back. Meh was recently immortalized by local artist Emily Williams, and as long as I am lucky enough, the artwork is hanging in our living room. Pretty sure Handsome will scoop it up and take it to his office before long.

The Lazy W has two South African geese, one gander named Johnny Cash (we always say his full name) and one mostly blind, barely walking, still elegant and beautiful female named Mama Goose. We are amazed she is still with us after so many years, so much extreme weather, and so many predator encounters. We love her. We love them both.

Along with the geese we currently have nine chickens. Two of them are mature roosters, and the other seven are gorgeous little hens, all hatched here at the W. My “pet” is called Red Shoulder Chicken, so name because in good weather she has a penchant for hopping all the way up to my shoulder to perch. She rather demands (and therefore receives) lush and colorful kitchen treats before settling for pedestrian chicken scratch.

Lately we have been getting two large, heavy fresh eggs every day or so. Our hens are young. It will naturally increase as weather improves and the hens mature, but I also want to increase our laying flock this year. The trouble is that we want to keep them safe in the penned yard (hash-tag hawks and owls), but space is limited. We want them to be super happy and have room to play. We shall see.

Three barn cats grace us with their presence and for food and cuddles, and each of them has a distinct personality. Klaus loves them like the small, vulnerable siblings they are. He roughs them up violently and with great zeal. I taught him this.

Fast Woman still appears when the stars align, and I recently dreamed that she was shrinky-dink size but three times as loud as normal.

Also, of course, you know Klaus, and if you have been reading here very long you know Pacino, our adolescent macaw. We have some possible life-improving plans for Pacino his year. Stay tuned.

Have you ever taken a meditation class? Handsome and I and a few of our friends are flirting with the idea of attending some being offered near the farm, and a Buddhist Monastery. I am pretty excited. Reading, studying, thinking, journaling, and staying in contemplation are all easy for me. Quieting my mind, not so much. But I crave “spaciousness” and ease, and this could be a pathway to that. Plus, one of our happy intentions for 2019 is to explore other faiths. Love it. I will keep you posted.

Ok, I am so glad you stuck around for some thoughts and reintroductions to the farm. Again, thank you for reading. Thanks so much for giving me a chance to share some of the things I find to be truly amazing in this life.

More than ever, I feel the cascade of Grace and Joy, and I am eager to write it all down. Happiest of the New Year to you, friends. I hope you can take hold of this wave of good energy and make it your own. See you again soon.

“We are all gardeners,
planting seeds of intention
and watering them with attention
in every moment
of every day.”
~Cristen Rodgers
XOXOXOXO

holiday details I want to remember forever

December 29, 2018

Hi!! How are you, how was your Christmas week? I am still buzzing pleasantly from everything and also trying to take a breath, let it all soak in deeply.

Since, in the best ways, life remains too full for me to slow down and write thorough accounts of each little pleasure, I am seizing this quiet Saturday afternoon to at least mention some highlights from Christmas 2018. It was spectacular in more ways than I can relay. Our home, our family, our circle of friends, everything was drenched in grace and joy. It has really truly been a season of Love coming and going from every direction. Here are some of the memories I hope stay with us forever:

Walking through the Blanchard, OK Christmas parade with our Jedi OKC friends. Handsome was dressed as Batman from the waist up, ha! And he drove his Smokey & the Bandit car, which was laced with twinkle lights. So much fun. Just as the sun was setting, we saw a station wagon pull around the corner, topped with a huge tree and filled with people costumed as the Griswold family. We died from laughter.

I want to remember our fledgling outreach project with the Sweet Sperrys. All those tight hugs from strangers, the ongoing feeling of abundance and gratitude. All the random connections and shared prayers.

How side-splittingly hard my sisters and nieces laughed at Snapchat filters. Hashtag-hotdog-face.

And the fun of distributing gifts with my youngest niece, Kenzie. She is enthusiastic and generous, just like her mama!

May I never forget all the many stolen bits of raw cookie dough I enjoyed while baking so many multiple trays of so many different cookie recipes. All month long, from plain and simple to crazy and decadent. My favorites were the monster cookies and one that resembled shortbread and had orange zest, almonds, cranberries, and coconut. Ok, wait, also maybe the espresso-dark chocolate chip biscotti. I claim to not have much of a sweet tooth, which is true, but when homemade raw cookie dough is available, especially when said dough is loaded with extra textures, I am powerless. For some perspective: the Lazy W kitchen cranked out about 20 separate batches of sweets in a few short weeks. I snuck at least a little bit of each one. That, friends, is a lot of raw cookie dough commandeered by yours truly. I will run so fast in January, right? All that sugar and glycogen??

Let’s hang onto memories of Christmas Eve at my parents’ house and then Christmas Day at the farm. I want to always remember the several hours of cooking fresh Mexican food and the hard laughter and warm cuddles with nieces. I want to always remember how great it feels just to be with my parents and siblings, three generations represented, lots of complementary personalities and deep, abiding Love between us all. And the Saran Wrap game!! My gosh!

I also want to always remember my husband’s idea and the effort he made to surprise my Mom with Chinese food on Christmas Day. She had suggested we all go out to eat at a Chinese restaurant and then see a movie together, but the group consensus was a cuddle puddle instead. So Handsome’s gesture was just so thoughtful. I fell in love with him a little more when he made it happen, never mind that everybody was so stuffed we barely ate any of the food, ha.

How downright excited Klaus got every single time we drove him around looking at Christmas lights. He is so boyish and sweet, it hurts a little.

And his discovery of empty wrapping paper tubes. Over the course of the month, he shredded at least four and I am not allowed to throw them away. He continues to guard the slobbered little bits of cardboard as much as he loves his plush toys.

That house at southeast 44th and Harrah Road. My gosh!! It was so festive in daylight hours, with about fifteen inflatables, but at night? The Las Vegas of rural Oklahoma.

How happy and friendly the general public has been all season. Kind of amazing.

Time with my girls. And Jocelyn texted on Christmas Day!

Time with friends.

Downtime and daily routines with my boys.

Watching the pond and probably Meh through the upstairs hallway window. xoxo

Small Group Christmas reception! It was also our one year anniversary as part of this monthly gathering. We had lots of fun. I need to tell you more about this tiny community soon.

Paperwhites, to me, are a perfect expression of the gentle anticipation we all feel around Christmastime. The watching and waiting, the silent vigil, the growing excitement (ha!), and then all the fragrance when the white petals finally open. God with us, the coming, the fragrance of the Holy Spirit when He is near.

Oh. Guess what. I planted mine late this year, but they still grew tall and strong, green and glossy all the way through Christmas weekend. Then, true to the magic of the season, I saw white tufted blossoms sitting quietly the night Jess came to the farm to open her gifts this past Friday night. Is that not beautiful? I love how God orchestrates the details for us. I could never have arranged that on my own. And? He makes something so good (perfectly timed blossoms) out of my mistake (planting the bulbs late). Okay. Let’s remember that gift.

Amazon Prime. Amen and amen.

Glorious, easy, pleasant, miraculous Oklahoma weather. Good weather just makes everything so simple. Would a snowy wonderland be picturesque? You bet. But in our state, those rarely happen without the attendant ice storm, power outage, and car wreck extravaganza. So I will take the gift of springlike weather very thankfully.

Watching The Neverending Story at home, wearing pajamas, thinking about how beautiful the holidays have been.

Many of the details and lots of our traditions are the same as before. But this Christmas has felt different. It has felt different since summertime, really, and in ways that I suspect will last. This underlying sense of permanence makes every gift more glittering, every day glowier, and every every job more meaningful.

What is left to cause us fear? What is left to keep us from feeling joy?

I mean it is all a stunning amount of joy, and this is the top of that iceberg. I loved Christmas 2018, and I love even more the confidence that our Joy is planted. God is with us now and always. Christmas cannot end.

“If our tigers and hunters are now gone,
then our futures can shimmer out of the darkness.”
~Mowgli, 2018
XOXOXOXO

out of the blue and in his perfect timing

December 9, 2018

Two Wednesdays ago, I had already planned to drive to the City to see Jess and go shopping with her for eyeglasses, hopefully grab lunch together, and do some early Christmassy fun stuff, too. You may already grasp what a beautiful blessing just this much is in our life, this normal mom-and-daughter afternoon. A year ago it was a brand new chapter, and I have been grateful every day since. But this week, we had another surprise.

In our planning texts, Jess asked casually how I would feel about her big sister joining us. My contact with Joc has been almost non-existent this past year, though I do hear updates through loved ones here and there and my intense dreams about her have not slowed down. But this would be our first in-person meeting in many months, and for it to happen by her choice made it extra meaningful.

Silliness, beauty inside and out, & pure joy!! xoxoxo

My baby girls are young women now, ages 23 and 21, both fully engaging in life with all of its light and darkness, all of its thrills and terror and beauty and ugliness. They are as similar as twins yet wildly different. And they are two of the most resilient, deeply feeling, and vital people you will ever meet. Seeing them together, across from me, after so many years is an immeasurable joy.

Jess treated us to rolled ice cream after a romaine-free Tex-Mex lunch.

A few days before this, though I never told anyone, I was kind of on the edge of despair. For all my talk of gratitude and hope, faith and trust, I certainly have little stretches of time when the facts get too loud and scary, and I begin to doubt.

That Monday morning I was driving to the lake for a run and cried out loud to God, kind of spontaneously, “When are you going to bring her back?! I miss her so much!! Just bring her back!” Had you been in the car with me, friend, you might have described my outburst as a shriek. And not a lovely one. It was guttural and unplanned.

Though brief, all of that felt too much like anger, which is dangerous territory for me. So I tempered it with deliberate prayers of trust, shaping my thoughts and words with effort, making sure to verbalize that His timing is perfect, that I know it’s more important for her to be safe and happy than it is for me to have her close by.

You know that sometimes with motherhood, sometimes it is an impossible separation for us, to ever stop craving our children. Sometimes I miss them so much I feel like screaming or vomiting. Selfish, but there it is.

So I quieted myself and ran those solitary miles and went on with my work day at the farm. Next came a few days of extra spiritual/emotional work, choosing to trust Him when it did not come easily. And I will tell you that God was merciful. He sent me some relief, emotionally. I just felt softer, safer, more assured in those days. And forgiven for my outburst, too.

Then came Jessica’s text Wednesday morning. My hands were shaking, and I cried and giggled until my jaws clattered against each other.

Then my long drive to Oklahoma City, anticipating Jocelyn’s face, her ebony eyes, her smell, her slender arms and sneaker-clad feet. I had seen her from a distance recently, while driving, but that she hadn’t seen me.

When I found my girls together, they were happy and laughing, curling their hair. We spent just a moment in suspense, feeling the space between us, then we hugged tighter than ever. I laughed until I cried, again. And those slender arms squeezed me back. She was 23 and newborn and 9 years old and home with me and on a mountain top in Estes park and there in her sister’s apartment, all at once.

We spoke carefully at first, but that did not last long. All this joy and ease, all of this delicious energy, just poured out of us, into the room, filling the space between the three of us. I could taste the Love.

This is exactly the kind of thing that is both out of the blue and completely “on deck,” if you know what I mean. It is something for which we have been praying, and we have trusted and built up our faith stone by stone, but we could never know when the answer would come. In fact, sometimes the answer comes in glimpses, and that’s ok.

Last November, life was so different. We were stunned and fearful. I wrote this almost exactly a year before this thrilling reunion two Wednesdays ago:

I have spent the last two weeks soaking this answered prayer deep into my bones.

I know more is coming.

I know that God hears us. He is worthy of our trust, and He has better answers than we could every imagine on our own, certainly better solutions than we could construct ourselves. I’ll happily take these glimpses of joy while we wait and trust.

Whatever miracle you are waiting to see, please keep believing that the best is yet to come. Please muster the oxygen to fuel your faith, and fan each other’s flames too because we all need the warmth. Joy is coming. miracles are very real.

XOXOXOXO

a solid week of giving thanks

November 27, 2018

Hello, friends, happy last week of November to you. We are here at the farm taking deep breaths and settling into our coziest, happiest early winter vibes, having properly celebrated a full week of Thanksgiving. We feel deeply grateful. And full. Our hearts and our bellies are so very full. It hurts a little, but it’s ok.

Last week our gatherings were a delicious mix of romance and solitude, friends and family, and a dash of community outreach. We spent our days and evenings mostly together, and I loved it. Klaus’ brother Lincoln was also with us until Saturday, which greatly added to the holiday cheer.

We exercised gently when it felt good and we had the time. We ate endless feasts of our favorite traditional foods. We watched movies at home and napped shamelessly. We completed fun projects around the farm, had a couple of prayer meetings with precious friends, and started making big, happy plans for Christmas.

My parents hosted the local family on Friday evening. This year, none of our coastal siblings came to Oklahoma for Thanksgiving, and neither of my girls were with us (Jess was with her Dad’s family on Thursday, excited that her brother is in town from college, wahoo! Then she came down with strep throat, poor girl). We also are missing Grandpa Rex an awful lot. We could have focused on the people not with us, and in fact missing Jocelyn so acutely right now, I cried a lot on our drive to the City.

But somehow, the collective joy and laughter were powerful enough to drive out any sadness. I so appreciate this about my family. Everyone is so fun loving and light hearted, no matter what difficulty we are facing. Sometimes, I think, we are silly to spite what we are facing. And we have faced plenty over the years.

There’s a whole funny story about this moment that will probably lose all its humor in translation so just trust me here.

Mom, Angela, and I divided the menu, and I dare say conquered it. Three generations ate like kings and queens. Afterwards, everyone was able to fill their refrigerators with excellent leftovers.

We played board games after dinner, and thanks to some magical November weather, the kids played outside.

My nephew Dante and baby brother Phil. Love them so much!!

Our Dad built this swing set for us when I was still in middle school. Now the little kids love it, and I bet they don’t even know that once I fell from it and busted my head open and got stitches and still have the scar.

On Sunday, Handsome and I welcomed several close friends at the farm for a low-key Friends-giving. Two fine humans named Kellie and Mickey arrived early, rolled up their sleeves, and helped finish all the food prep while we all chatted about deep and joyful new things. I have to say, the four of us make an outstanding team, especially in the kitchen. It was lots of fun.

Kale salad with roasted butternut squash and pom seeds, and smoked deviled eggs form Dennis. Amazing flavor!!

About nine adults total gathered and ate buffet style, snuggled up in our living room, where Handsome had built us a gorgeous, crackling fire. Everyone who joined us is in a very different life chapter, a mix of hard and beautiful, but we all have been friends for several years and care so much about each other. It was good to catch up in a quiet atmosphere and count our many blessings. Lots of laughter, again. Laughter prevails. Our faces hurt.

Along the way, truly every day this past week, we have felt that glowy warmth of genuine thankfulness. Gratitude for so many huge and tiny blessings. We feel God up close to us and surrounding us, too. He is pressing in, and we press back. Or maybe it’s the other way around?

Guess who can flat foot jump onto a round bale of hay now?

What I know is that it is working, this ongoing effort to improve our perspective a little more each day. Widen our view. Count the blessings that are coming at us like a tidal wave. Love immeasurable and full of hope.

Thousands of prayers for these kids who are growing so fast…xoxo

Plus, it’s finally Christmas lights season!!

Thanks for reading, friends. I hope your Thanksgiving Week was also filled with love and pleasures. I hope you feel miracles brewing again. I would love to hear all about it.

Check back in soon for slightly more analytical thoughts on gratitude, whether it actually has power to change things.

Over and out!

XOXOXOXO

friday 5 at the farm: surprises this week

November 10, 2018

Whew, happy Friday!! What a great week this has been!

Since last I wrote, between and among all of our beautiful daily routines, several delicious little things have happened. Taking note of some of them feels really good. (When the exact opposite things might happen, the negative versions, we would complain, right? So let’s celebrate the small victories and pleasures.)

001 My first November fartlek run felt easy: 8 miles total at 9:31 average (1 up/1 down, 6 in the middle just casual intervals) Ahhhh you guys it felt really easy and I had so much fun. Had that day been less hectic I would gladly have started earlier and tried several more intervals. Anyway, it was kinda messy but overall a decent pace, and it didn’t tax me at all. The day before I had run 10 easy, so I was happy to be zero tired. Progress. Another type of progress, also kind of a surprise: I had to skip running two days in a row this week (Wednesday and Thursday) just due to life obligations, not a lack of motivation, and I was conspicuously un-bothered by it. At least, less bothered than I would have been not long ago, ha. Learning to keep the long view and keep running in balance with life is a sign of emotional progress. (And you can bet that getting out the door this morning to grab ten solitary miles was like pay-day, ha! Super refreshing.)

On Sunday we were surprised by a cluster of hot air balloons above OKC, so beautiful!

002 An unplanned visit from Jess! On Tuesday afternoon our youngest texted asking if she and her (very sweet) friend Mercedes could come to the farm for a visit. They arrived just as Handsome had pulled the truck and trailer in with a load of winter hay, and both young women jumped right up to help. They kicked and shoved with their strong legs four mammoth round bales onto the ground, all the while keeping Meh and the horses held off. Then we played with Klaus (of course) and caught up with each other. These girls are so smart and such fun conversationalists. We all four ate a dinner of baked chicken, roasted butternut squash soup (yes please let’s add a drizzle of coconut milk!), simple green salad, and buttery French bread, toasted. Jess and Mercedes stayed after dinner to play a board game, and we all had a blast. Such a happy surprise for us.

003 Lunch with Handsome at Lido in the Asian District, OKC. We used to eat here pretty frequently years ago but hadn’t been in so long. On Wednesday we found ourselves in town at the same time and he had just enough of a window to eat, so we ducked in and it was great. I had a bowl of vermicelli rice noodles with chicken. It was on top of a big pile of shredded lettuce and had carrots, mint, and crushed peanuts. Delicious. I love when unfamiliar restaurant food is flavorful and filling without a ton of syrupy sauce. And I love surprise lunch dates with my guy.

Also, three cheers for piping hot jasmine tea! So good.

004 Water tank repaired two whole days early!! That is a very happy surprise when you are excited to get caught up on laundry, ha! The repairman was scheduled for tomorrow (Saturday), but earlier this week he advanced our appointment to get ahead of a possible snow this weekend. He spent most of Thursday replacing our ancient well pump and the house water tank, and throughout the day he taught me a lot about how our rural water system works. It was pretty interesting. Klaus assessed the situation as training for when he finally gets to attack an intruder. He used his big boy voice. A lot.

005 Our first true cold snap surprised me. We have already had some cool nights and chilly, breezy afternoons the past month or so, but yesterday and overnight into Friday morning we felt the first blast of truly cold air. That autumn air that is so cold is tastes sweet and almost smells like something else, and certainly, when you catch a whiff of wood smoke from someone’s chimney, that perfume is stronger in the cold. Our kaleidoscope-colored oak, pecan, and maple leaves are abandoning their branches and drying to a crisp on their way to the ground. Already I am raking or sweeping up great oceans of them twice a day. But there is beauty even in the trees’ increasing bareness, and the cold means more soups and thicker socks and that deep sense of rhythm that the winter holidays provide. I’m ready. Tonight our heaters are on and my flower pots are indoors.

Related: I saw the above tee shirt at Old Navy and it is my motto for a few days. Starting next weekend, our calendar is packed all the way through to the New Year, so this weekend I intend to crate and hold some space for breathing and stretching and being cozy. I want (NEED) to gear up for the season in some quiet ways. Soak up some details. There is some winter nesting to enjoy.

After I run. : )

Any surprises in your world this week? Are you fully invested in the season change now?

Thanks for checking in!!

“The moments of happiness we enjoy
take us by surprise.
It is not that we seize them
but that they seize us.”
~Ashley Montagu
XOXOXOXO

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