Archives for 2020

23 blessings on Jessica’s 23rd birthday

August 8, 2020

Jessica Michelle… on your twenty-third birthday, I send you all possible wishes for deep, abiding joy, for a long dose of something similar to the joy you take with you everywhere you go. I wish you the best life has to offer, now and always. Here are some specific blessings I am asking for, prayers I am saying over your beautiful life:

May you always have enough water tanks and terrariums to shelter all the orphaned turtles that cross your path. And may Bean never get nipped on his perfect snoot.
May you always find time to cook good food, slowly, sensually, applying your great talents and affections to meals meant for people you love. May you also cultivate the joy of cooking for yourself.
I hope that you soon replace the houseplants that were recently upended and devoured by your neighbor’s pigs, two amazing animals who you loved instantly.
I am confident that your path is already anointed, that you will find your way through college and medical school and beyond, that your dreams and purposes are fulfilled in ways that are unique to you. Remember we are here to help you.
How wonderful that you are well on your way to being truly bilingual with Spanish! May you contunue finding joy in that pursuit then learn every single language that sparks your imagination and your cultural appetite.
I wish you a well used passport in life, the moment covid-19 releases us all. I wish you one fine adventure after another, to all corners of the globe, both with friends and loved ones and alone. Both kinds of travel are important.
I am praying for deeper healing than you have ever experience in your life, and you have experienced plenty already. I am praying for a dazzling, transcendant expeience.
May all the things you crave, all the things you cannot stop daydreaming about, take shape right before your eyes. May the best versions of every desire manifest for you.
I also hope and pray for you to know unexpected joys! Surprises that you could never imagine. Those are thrilling, and you deserve them.
You are the kind of woman everyone wants as a friend. May you find the kind of friends you want, too, lots of them, of various depths and flavors and walks of life. Friendships of every duration, for each season. May you cultivate exactly the kind of village that your soul needs. May you always feel safe and like you belong. Because you are. And you do.
Please let Bean come swimming again before summer ends. I am expecting that to happen. We miss him. (Oh we miss you too, you can come.)
I pray that you discover the harmony between building your self sufficiency as a woman and living in healthy relationships, in community, with other people, because they are both crucial. The world needs well nourished, happy women, and the world needs tightly knitted communities.
I pray that you know your worth, that you have a deep and unshakable sense of identity that noone (including me) can touch.
You have such a green thumb! May your life always have space to grow things.
May you and Jocelyn make time for each other this year, more than ever before. I pray for your sisterly bond to be galvanized so you can mourn your Dad together, however you need to, and so you can build new memories and share your adulthood as much as possible.
May you continue to see with your wide open heart how loved you are by our big, unweildy family, how loved you have always been. How much a part of us you are, and always will be.
May you learn to appreciate movies with subtitles but sitck to your guns about avoiding heat styling tools for your gorgeous mane of hair.
I hope that on days you feel particularly drained or stressed or just plain grief stricken, you are surrounded by peace and affection. I hope that you get the quiet time you need, regularly, as well as the activity you need. You are such a good, intuitive caretaker; I hope and pray that you always receive the caretaking you need, too. Remember I am always here.
Sprinkles! Fruit! Salads! Ice cream and shortbread cookies! Eggplant Parmesean! Homemade marinara sauce! Chicken noodle soup! Pot pies! Really good, authentic street tacos, pasole! May you always fill your belly with your favorite foods. It is one of life’s best pleasures.
I hope you accept exactly the perfect amount of overtime at the hospital, no more than you need or can do in a healthy way, and just enough to enjoy your earnings.
Keep painting and drawing. Keep creating. Write when it strikes you. Express every shade and nuance of your soul. I pray that you never put your pens or paintbrushes down for very long. It will keep your blood flowing.
Stick with hope. Stick with forgiveness and peace and Love. These are choices only the strongest women can make, over and over again. I pray that in the deepest parts of your being, you find rest and trust in the overall goodness of life.
May you always know God’s voice, the sounds that He makes just for you and you alone.

Jessica & Chole assembling egg rolls, Dante in the background.

My baby, also picking me some wildflowers, also Mother’s Day 2007.

I love you more than words can say. Happy birthday my beautiful baby girl, now truly a woman. I am so delighted watching you live your life. My heart breaks for you in your giref, and it soars with you in your joy. Life is all of this and much more, every detail in between. It is all worth living to the fullest.

Just Keep Swimming
XOXOXOXO

friday 5 at the farm: bouts of optimism

August 7, 2020

What a week! What a luscious, productive, happy week. And we still have the entire weekend to enjoy and maximize.

Our weather here in Oklahoma has been unseasonably mild, so I was able to dive headlong into gardening tasks without once stopping to say, “Whew, hot enough fer ya?” Maybe it has been the weather, in fact, that spawned a pleasant wash of optimism. Here are five ways this optimism has manifested:

ONE: After wrestling all spring and summer with a muscle imbalance and some shifting tendon pain and joint stiffness, I am feeling pretty good again, almost fully normal. This week I have found myself thinking more about long term running goals, and this particular optimism is thrilling. In my situation, having the 2020 race calendar wiped clean is not a big deal. My heart goes out to my friends, many of whom are pretty devastated and also out lots of money for travel accomodations on top of race fees, but my goals will keep. I am in no hurry, and the joy I get from running is actually sweeter when I extract it in privacy.

TWO: Speaking of running, yesterday it seemed like a very good idea to take Klaus for a four or five mile run. We had such fun! He was all sparkly eyes and and high legs, exploring one of my favorite run spots in Choctaw. But we called it good after one mile and went home, ha! I finished on the treadmill while he slept like a sweet fluffy bear in winter hibernation.

THREE: With roughly 93 days still to grow food before our first frost, I planted lots of new seeds like small pumpkins and more winter squash. Also several new leafy greens and radishes. I also ordered even more seeds for the late summer push, many of which need almost 100 days to grow to food-fruition, ha! It feels good, though. It’s fine. I have a positive sense about them all.

FOUR: This week I have allowed myself to daydream more and more about travel, as unlikely as it seems right now. My imagination has included a tropical getaway with my husband, a fun New Orleans week, a hiking excursion in Colorado with Jocelyn and Jessica, a Mexico trip with Gen to run the Copper Canyon mountains, and even a trip to Europe. I would love, at some point, to visit Germany with Jessica (see the convent she once considered) and Spain with everyone to see Joey & Halee & their boys while they are deployed there, and Italy with Handsome. I was lucky enough to travel Italy at age 13 or 14, with our church choir. How amazing would it be to see it all again, as an adult.

FIVE: I woke up this morning to a husband who was ribs-deep in design plans for a sweat lodge. Or maybe a yurt. Ok like a spacious teepee, but not exactly. I personally want it to have a combination of Native American and Tibetan aesthetics. The functions will be various, for all kinds of health and wellness practices. More to come, friends; we are very, very, very excited. Something he and I have in common is a gnawing hunger to make plans, to build things, and to advance the farm constantly along its path to being a full bodied human retreat and community epicenter.

As I finish typing this, our overnight rain and thunder are edging eastward past the farm, and the sky is brightening up. Our forecast is less mild now, more summery from here on out, but we love that too. Having made good use of this past week of easy temps and low humidity, I am excited to sweat hard and luxuriate poolside again.

What has you feeling optimistic today? And is there anything on your heart, in your life, to which I can lend some of my optimism? I wish you something better than you expect. A long ribbon of magic that absolutely takes your breath away!

Believe it, give thanks for it all, ahead of time.
XOXOXOXO

beautiful start to august 2020

August 2, 2020

Hello, happy August! Our monthly threshold was made rich and beautiful from heavy doses of quality time, both with a few special loved ones and with each other. For these well spent hours I am deeply grateful.

Now we are charging our batteries for a very back to business work week. I suspect this first slice of solid routine, sans the visitors and staycation partying which pretty much defined the fun, gorgeous month of July, will be much easier than it could be, for two good reasons: 1.) We now have very fancy and futuristic high speed internet (wahoo!) and 2.) our weather is supposed to be especially mild. We’re talking crazy low humidity and daily temps from 65 to 89 degrees. This is almost unheard of for early August in Oklahoma!

And the gardens are at that luxurious stage when I just walk past and they pour out basketsful of zuchinni, peppers, tomatoes, herbs, and flowers. It is a non stop harvest lately, with watermelon coming soon. I plan to spend plenty of time in these upcoming mild days “working” outside. Heavy on the air quotes there, it is so much fun.

My gardening jobs this coming week will include: Weeding, pruning, feeding and watering literally everything, all the raised beds and blackberries especially. Excavating and rethinking the east facing flower bed. Mowing and edging the people-ish areas of the lawns. Scraping and scooping manure in the middle field and collecting chicken litter to add to the compost heaps, also flipping the compost heaps. Trading out the honeybee boxes and doing a hive inspection. Sweet talk the horses into having their hooves trimmed. Sweet talk the chickens into laying more eggs. Sweet talk Little Lady Marigold into, well, loving me.

This is a fun but ambitious list, and I very much want it finished before next weekend. Good thing I have nowhere to go!

Are you gardening this summer? I want to hear everything! Tell me what you’re growing. What surprised you. What disappointed you. What inspired you. Tell me what is coming next in your garden.

And please share how you are approaching this fresh new week! Tomorrow is a full moon, by the way. An excellent time to release anything not serving you well. Burn regrets. Halt waste. Feel the fulness of your belssings, health, and happiness.

“He who keeps a garden
still his Eden keeps.”
XOXOXOXO

true colors & tiny bits of happiness

July 30, 2020

“A wise man dyes events with his own color.” ~Seneca

For me this affirms the value of living authentically, of framing events and circumstances in ways that are productive, growth oriented, joy centered, and loving. Live with honest and truthfulness, sure, because we’re not talking about denial or avoidance; but do not live based in someone else’s story, someone else’s colors. We are not living that person’s life, and noone’s life is disposable. Every single one of us has a path and a purpose that is valid, worthy, and beautiful in its own right.

Just a few things to consider, friends, in case you are in the habit of dismissing your own worth or assigning your value or your understanding of the world to someone else. Own your truth. Color the world with your unique self, the fulness of it. No holding back, okay?

Best royal icing: one cup powdered sugar, one egg white, few drops lemon juice, food coloring. BAM. Perfect.

Okay.

Some quick farm news for Thursday!

First, yesterday afternoon I scoured the kitchen for leftovers and scraps then took all of it out to the front coop. Before emptying my big bowl dramatically, I tossed a pink-frosted, sprinkle-covered donut into the air. A demure little red hen hopped up and caught the sugary treat on its descent. Donut in her beak, she ran to the furthest corner of the yard and dove into it, all by herself. Made me so happy.

Second, today at 11:47 a.m. I touched Little Lady Marigoild’s head. I was, regrettably, wearing gloves, but even through that barrier I could feel the smooshy wonderfulness of her fleecy noggin. She said “BLEEEHHH” and whipped her neck a few times, but she did not run away. Progress. Major progress.

One more thing:

Do you know how old my parents are? They are I called one of them but they put me on speaker and both talk to me years old. And I love it. I love it very much.

What small details are making your day extra nice?

XOXOXOXO

a restful, healing week

July 29, 2020

“It is the soul’s duty to be loyal to its own desires. It must abandon itself to its master passion.” -Rebecca West

This past week was the first time in many years, outside of a few occassions of convalescence, that we have enjoyed so much quiet, uninterrupted time with Jessica. (Although my husband might passionately argue that very much of our time was quiet, ha!)

It was luscious in every way. She and Bean went home today, and the farm is so quiet. We already miss them very much.

Of our many exceptionally deep and fascinating conversations, one that has been echoing in my heart was about how humans are designed to crave beauty, how it is a natural appetite and a healthy inclination. We measured it against passion-gifts, too, like art and science, cooking and gardening and nesting, against caring for ourselves as women, and travel and the craving to explore this big world, and much more. We agreed that a hunger for beauty and a drive to pursue our unique passions can lead us down the best paths, if we watch our motivations.

My daily devotional entry from July 20th says, “Seek my face and you will find all that you have longed for. The deepest yearnings of your heart are for intimacy with me. Do not be afraid to be different from other people. The path I have called you to travel is exquisitely right for you.” (Jesus Calling)

This past week I was able to see the farm, and our home, through Jessica’s eyes a bit more deeply. A bare bones routine became soothing, not boring. I watched her slowly unwind and shed a landslide of stress from her body and spirit. She soaked up every day, morning till night, and every meal and activity we laid hold of, with a joyful kind of mindfulness that really inspired me. She allowed beauty and pleasure to overtake her, and more than ever she reflected and magnified all kinds of beauty, just by being herself, natural and free and untethered for a while. It was like watching overstressed plant rehydrate, turn emerald green, and bloom before your eyes.

Her health and happiness, and Jocelyn’s, is everything to us. This well timed investment of time and rest was so wise on Jess’ part, and I know that she was engaged enough in the retreat process to retain the feelings, to translate the efforts to her daily life and normal routine, in ways that only she can do.

I would like to chat more extensively about the pursuit of beauty in life, in the world at large. About how the deepest purpose in our various callings, is maybe to reflect Love? Soon, I hope. I am sleepy now and can feel my thoughts unraveling a bit. Thank you, friends, for the love you send our girls.

XOXOXOXO

Archives for 2020

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