Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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Archives for July 2020

come what may

Today is our nineteenth wedding anniversary!!

This snapshot was taken in the French Quarter at a very cool little artists’ walk we both love. He was refusing to let me smooch him like I wanted to. Then he grabbed me and held me up in the air. xoxo

When I reflect on the last nineteen years, my heart feels overwhelming gratitude that so much of our marriage has burned brightly with real and true passion, with romance that’s more than an undercurrent; it has been the theme, the mood, our day to day vibe. We enjoy a warm and safe, balmy, equatorial connection. I refer to brackish water a lot, meaning that we have a mix of fresh and salty water in our life. But it is almost always warm.

And when we have found ourselves swimming in the colder, more violent waters of grief and trauma, chaos and general stress, we always manage to choose each other. We are always drawn to the safety and center of us. That is an easy thing to take for granted. This magnetism is the reason young couples cannot stand to be apart. But the older we get, the more I see how powerful and beautiful it is to also consciously choose both each other and “us,” and to know that the other person will do the same.

Complimentary spirits and personalities, different gifts that make a good team, that’s real. And being greater then the sum of our parts, that’s also real.

What else is real is the history we have built together, in just nineteen quick and beautiful years. We now share almost as many memories together as apart, and I love that. We share so many dreams, still, that we will need to live to 150 at least to see them all to fruition.

As we go, though, the day to day is plenty for me. Our simplest days are my favorite.

Today after perfect coffee at daybreak and a near miss with a skunk, he oversaw our final electrician repairs while I ran at the lake. Then we fed and played with the animals together, and I started removing all the artwork from our downstairs. (He recently gifted me a gorgeous new area rug, so obviously let’s just start from scratch now.)

It will not look this way for long.

This afternoon we delivered a mattress set and picked up seats for the Batmobile then, instead of eating our anniversary meal at a restaurant, stopped at Crest for steaks and shrimp. Once home, I worked on potatoes au gratin while he chopped up ripe garden fare for fresh, warm, homemade salsa, one of his specialties.

I can’t really share every good detail, because they are innumerable. Every hour feels important. Every detail worth capturing.

Mostly, we are home together, happy. And we know that we will sleep in the same bed tonight. Then have perfect coffee together again at the next daybreak. And we know that we are both praying and trusting for the same things, our energies and intentions fully supporting each other’s needs and wants and dreams and goals. These are gifts for which I am wildly, humbly thankful.

Happy anniversary, Handsome. I love you more than ever, and I love that we are on this adventure together, even on the simplest days.

XOXOXOXO

lightning strikes again, running comfortably, clean hair, & a question

Another overnight storm, what? We did not see that one coming. The boys had been up for about an hour when I awoke to a wall-rattling chorus of rolling thunder. I rubbed open my eyes and was greeted by an extra dark upstairs hallway with strobe-light flashes of lightning. Gorgeous.

I love summer storms so much. I love the deep watering they provide, the drama, and the perfume. I especially love when they happen overnight, leaving us (and the gardens) free to soak up the heat during the day.

I am less enchanted by having our house and air conditioner struck repeatedly by such powerful bolts of lightning that electronics are ruined and mechanical apparatuses literally vaporized.

As I type this, Handsome and our electrician friend are outside making repairs. We are thankful that it is a repair we can make and that the lightning didn’t start a house fire.

This morning, to celebrate the dark skies and mild temperatures post storm, I ran seven slow, pain free miles with a nice low heart rate. This is more progress. I felt not so much as one tender Achilles or even a hint of aching feet, and my energy has stayed high all day. It feels like my body wants to run again, whereas for several weeks it was so scary or uncomfortable that I only did it here and there because I felt like I needed to, or in order to test my core strength. Now it’s a happy release again, and I am thrilled. I hope to gradually sprinkle in some short intervals and work up to a baby long run soon.

Crucial detail, if you are following along for the running injury saga: I was able to heal my body over a couple of months and regain all kinds of comfort and refreshed energy without changing running shoe style and without adding orthotics. Also I never took one one painkiller. I did trade my $1 Old Navy flip flops for more supportive flip flops from Amazon, which was a long time coming. I am only sharing this with you to say that some injuries are over-compensations and body imbalances, and we can do hundreds of things to cooperate with our bodies, rather than fight against them. Okay. That’s enough on that soapbox for today.

Related to both extravagant summertime living and running, today I washed my hair. Might not seem like a blog-worthy topic to you, but trust me. The more weird buildup you have of Sun-In, OFF bug spray, dry shampoo, mousse, chlorine, sweat, and who knows what from the farm, multiplied by how many days you wait to properly shampoo and condition your hair, equals the level of religious experience that cleaning event is. Oh my gosh. Nirvana. Valhalla. Heaven on a Monday afternoon.

Would you please feast your eyes on our baby boy now, compared to five years ago? I showed this to my husband and he asked me why would I try to break his heart?

sleepy Klaussen, 5 years apart

Here is the question, for my bibliophile friends! I love this multiple choice thought adventure. I have been daydreaming about each of the possibilities:

I choose #4 but love them all!

Okay, thank you yet again for checking in here! You guys are making this blogging streak so much fun. I love reading your comments below and in messages and social media.

Stay engaged with your life, whatever is happening. Keep focusing on and magnifying the beauty around you. Keep cultivating your relationships and let your joy grow and expand. It’s pure magic.

“Your religion is what you do with your solitude.”
~William Temple
XOXOXOXO

stress management, farm abundance, & the real vibrancy of love

Staycation Day Two: We reclaimed the whole point of being off work.

It almost never fails, that every time we anticipate a good relaxing stretch of days, something happens to jam up our chi. Sometimes it’s one huge crisis; other times it is the cumulative tide of smaller problems. I know this is universal. But this year, stress has been too damaging and joyful miracles too abundant for us to sit idly by and just allow the negative inertia to win. I mean, really, we should never allow it to win, right? But it happens. Stress is sneaky. But we are smarter and more resilient than everything that comes against us.

Ok, here’s the thing: Our air conditioning unit had some kind of catastrophic failure. Also, I skipped running some miles thinking that’s what my husband wanted (I was wrong), and it put me in a weird mood. Then he got chased by wasps. Three dumb things in a row, ok?

Happily, the burst open fly trap from last night is a distant memory, so the deck and pool area are no longer stinky. (And Little Lady Marigold has forgiven us wholesale, a fact she proved with an extra dramatic blaaaa-eeehhh at breakfast). But we are pretty accustomed to enjoying all the outdoor activities that cause heatstroke (swimming, gardening, playing in the car shop, chasing Klaus), if only so that we might retreat to the chilly, concrete-floored living room and watch a movie together. So we called a guy. We know a guy.

We called the guy then had an open, honest, lovely heart to heart conversation about not letting stress win and about transparent about what we need day to day, and we treated ourselves to lunch from Braum’s.

Now we wait.

My groom and I will soon have a cold house again.

So then we will go outside again, obviously. And he will promptly get chased by wasps. Again. You know how they say that the Universe continues to send you the same lesson repeatedly until you learn it? It’s more true than anything I know.

Mindset and intention matter.

The oregano and Rose of Sharon are especially magnetic to bumblebees. All day every day, the chubby, fuzzy creatures hover and dive noisily among the blossoms, reminding me that the garden is really theirs. The “High Biscuits,” as my girls used to call them, are stunning at the edge of the shade garden. Zinnia and okra seeds I planted a few days ago have already sprouted. I keep harvesting squash and tomatoes, fruits I could barely see a few hours before. The hens are happy to produce eggs, still, despite the heat.

It’s a thrilling time to live on a small farm.

Even the pond is full to it banks and wildly alive! Mama Goose and Johnny Cash, our two South African geese, swim gently like swans then run up the greenbelt of the middle field then feast on bugs in the garden then descend to swim again. They have wild visitors that include a blue heron and a small flock of white egrets. The horses take their fly spray contentedly, and the llamas are thankfully too relaxed to wage battle. Frogs, snakes, dragonflies, and spiders must number in the millions this year.

I love that our afternoons are too bone meltingly hot and humid to move quickly. The pace helps me see things.

This popped up in my Facebook memories from last summer:

Love is an actual cosmic power.
It is THE power.
Love overshadows everything else.
It’s not a flimsy, meek, gentle, water colored Victorian notion of hope for better days or a feeble turnaround.
Love is a loud, smiling, terrifying, throbbing neon bulldozer that, once unleashed, mows down every obstacle and razes mountains.
Love heals diseased relationships and connects people across oceans of separation, in unseen and truly mystical ways. Love provides for physical needs in ways that cannot be explained.
Love can be gentle, but it is never weak.
Love is the root of every good and beautiful thing, and it is the ultimate end of all difficulty too.
If you feel like love is just a lottery ticket, a slim chance at some kind of emotional or circumstantial lottery in life, try thinking more concretely. Think of Love as what encompasses EVERYTHING and ALL of your loved ones.
Trust all of that pulsing energy because it is just waiting to prove itself, for your sake.

Happy Sunday, friends!

kicking off anniversary staycation

It’s anniversary week! Tradition bears that we spend at least part of it at alone the farm, soaking up summertime romance. Late yesterday afternoon, Handsome signed off from his Commish duties until one week from Monday. Ten days off, very hard earned, wahoo!!

Ten days at the farm after 118, ha! Despite the obvious jokes about quarantine sameness and farm work being constant and a general inability to halt certain routines, we are pretty excited. This time together has historically been a special time to reconnect and recharge. I love it. I love him. I love us.

Day One:

Johnny Ringo the nursing cat makes cuddling an extreme sport.
LLM is baaing and approaching more bravely.

We slept until 5 a.m., drank coffee with Little Lady Marigold, and went to Walmart for pool chemicals and a few groceries. We also sketched out a list of random lists we want to share with you guys, to document our 19 years of marriage. We promise it will be just as boring as it sounds.

Midday, Handsome got the mowing done while I grabbed an hour of exercise (a mix of treadmill and gym today, while watching gardening videos). We swam at high noon, exchanged a couple of fun gifts, then retreated to the air conditioning when our skin hurt.

Handsome surprised me with this colorful area rug he knew I was loving.
Klaus immediately claimed it.

I got to enjoy an afternoon Zoom with my family to discuss Where the Crawdads Sing. So fun! And I appreciate our baby sister Gen for gifting copies of the book to everyone. Really generous! That’s the book review I recently promised, by the way, so if that interests you please stay tuned.

How fortunate are my siblings and I that we are all friends, and that our parents will join us in reading and discussing books, even during quarantine?! I just love it. They are both voracious readers. They always read aloud to us, our entire lives, and they read their own books and papers in front of us, too. It was just a very normal and constant part of life. I am super thankful that we can share it now, still, in new ways.

This evening we watched the new Netflix movie with Charlize Theron, The Old Guard. So good! Imaginative action movie with a surprisingly inspirational message toward the end. We both loved it, and I hope it is becoming a series.

How about one quick piece of salad advice before closing up for today? Instead of adding toppings to the top of your bowl of leafy greens, start with them. That makes them bottomings, I suppose. It makes all the difference!

Just get a much bigger bowl than you think you need, ok? Tonight I assembled a pile of chopped sweet peppers, cucumbers, and gorgeous garden tomatoes, also some cooked chicken breast, and let it all sit in the fridge with balsamic vinegar. While I cooked Handsome’s dinner, it all became extra cold and flavorful. Then I just piled it high with greens and mixed it up. So much better this way! The tomato juice and balsamic provided more than enough slickness and moisture to skip dressing, and all the chunky bits were findable with my fork. Like treasure.

One more story: Just before the golden hour while I was folding laundry from the clothesline into a big basket, my industrious and forward thinking husband tried to remove some very full fly traps (the water bag kind) into sealed trash bags, but one of them fell and burst. It was, even from a good distance, easily the most startling and psychologically unsettling odor I have ever smelled. EVER.

To his credit, my man stayed calm and cleaned it up quickly. But much more than a whisper of the offense remains. The llamas are sad now. The tomato vines wilted. The cats are in a frenzy over the smell, but they are too young to know why. I fear the Little Lady Marigold will take this personally, because it happened so near where we have been making such progress with intimacy.

Back inside, we almost got into an argument over who was yelling too much or stifling their yells or what, because in the midst of it all a worried, newly homeless fly tried to burrow in my ear while I was delivering leftovers to the chickens. I did not handle it well.

Staycation is going great! See you tomorrow!

“The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man
who can’t read them.
~Mark Twain
XOXOXO

nobody’s sad at hooters

Jess and I spent the morning together, handling some pretty heavy emotions and navigating startling black skies, shattered by webs of lightning. The weather came out of nowhere, like so many storms in her young life, and her sister’s.

Does anyone remember that wild hailstorm through which Joc and I once drove, on our way to Colorado? It descended out of nowhere, was violent and scary for a few minutes, then it ended just as suddenly. We had to look in the rear view mirror to confirm that we had, in fact, just seen it. There it was, behind us, and we kept driving. I will never forget it. It still reminds me how suddenly a life storm can come and go. How succinctly our traumas can be put behind us. Chapters close, and we move forward.

Back to this morning with Jess.

As our time together was winding down, we drove east across south Oklahoma City toward her house. I exited the highway, turned into a parking lot, and said, “I’m taking you somewhere.” My idea was to find a delicious treat at a really cute health food grocery store we both like, in lieu of eating brunch at a restaurant. (#covid)

The parking lot also fed into a Hooters restaurant. Jess very calmly said, “Oh you’re taking me to Hooters?”

I said, “Yes obviously. Nobody’s sad at Hooters.”

“Sounds perfect, let’s go!” Peals of laughter. Much more lightning. Even blacker, lower skies.

Brackish waters.

Was everyone in Oklahoma as surprised by today’s storm as we were? It built steadily then absolutely raged. We were braced for the Heat Dome of the Apocalypse, but instead, all of daybreak’s sticky blue atmosphere collapsed beneath black, woolly shelf clouds. We felt chilled. Even the biggest trees fell subject to straight line winds. Torrential rain, flash flood warnings, even one rumor of tornado conditions.

I can’t stop eating dried mango! Or pecan praline crumbs!

And if you could have any of the following iconic cars, which would you choose? I want the A-Team van, obviously. Fools pitied, and all.

Handsome is currently in the city for a few hours, then once he returns home we will begin our anniversary staycation!! Next week we will mark 19 years of wedded bliss and adventure. While it’s customary every summer for us to spend at least part of our anniversary week at the farm, doing our favorite staycation things, this is the first year that ten or so days “alone” will follow 118 days “alone,” ha! So more than ever I am taking a good honest look at how to be deliberate about quality time and relaxing together. The biggest difference of course will be that he won’t be spending the weekdays on Commish business.

I’m excited! We are definitely staying home, but somehow it feels like we are packing for a trip?!

This reminds me that I have been wanting to tell you guys about our game, “This Hotel…” It’s a way we encourage each other to more fully enjoy our home bound life. Rather than focus on the sometimes annoying facts of a relative quarantine, we try to magnify some of the hard work we do to keep things comfortable and happy, luxurious and fun for each other. Examples:

“This hotel has great coffee service. I love that they have it ready so early! Most place you have to wait until 6.”

“This hotel is so pet friendly, like really pet friendly!”

“This hotel has a really cute pool boy. I wonder if he gives massages…” : )

“This hotel’s nature walks and gardens and animal refuge are so relaxing, and we are so remote, it’s more private than I expected…totally worth the extra money.”

“This hotel has so many great snacks! I love that we don’t have to drive to town to find something. And I heard that they grow their own produce, and those eggs from breakfast were fresh.”

“This hotel has all the best movies, for FREE! And have you seen their free library? Any book you could ask for!”

“Ahhh this hotel has the best pillows. And so many extra blankets for when you turn down the air at night!”

“Did you see that on Tuesdays they have outdoor painting? And on the weekends they make s’mores and have storytelling around the bonfire? I think they have bicycles you can rent, too.”

“Free laundry service? This hotel is amazing!”

“I love the room service here. This hotel has great food. And And I love the boutique atmosphere. We can really be ourselves.”

You get the idea. It’s fun and silly but wildly effective. Try it! Staying home for weeks and weeks and weeks might have its challenges, but if you are diligent and imaginative about how you create and maintain your home, then, outside of actually experiencing a new city, home can far surpass any hotel. It just takes a little perspective shift and some silliness.

It’s now almost 2:30 p.m. The weather is calm. Our only storm damage is a toppled hammock. (#wewillrebuild)

Sadly, I have now eaten so much dried mango and so many bits of pecan praline that I must brush my teeth again. Wishing you the best Friday evening friends! Thanks for checking in.

Please remember that grief and joy can coexist
that you are strong
and that every thing is survivable.
XOXOXOXO