Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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farewell to chunk

What I’m not going to write is one more piece on love and loss and the importance of keeping our eyes on the silver lining. We’ve had so much of that here on this blog, because my husband and I have had so much of it in real life. It’s all a worthy lesson, no doubt; but today we just need to rest a bit in a new reality here at the farm. I am writing to ask you for your best loving energy. Your prayers, good vibrations, kind words, or just you quietly nodding head as you read. Handsome and I will appreciate your embrace from a distance.

Just the facts, ma’am.

Okay.

Today we are saying goodbye to a beloved farm-ily member, Chunk-hi the buffalo. Our bottle baby-turned cuddle bug for nearly seven years, our cookie-loving, face-scratch-begging, engine-racing, tractor-tire flipping behemoth is moving on to his next life chapter. We are caught in that all too familiar brackish water where salty tears mix with fresh starts and past meets future face to face.

buff BW face

Chunk is alive and well, don’t worry, just going to live on another ranch. Thankfully, that ranch is here in Oklahoma and owned by the parents of some friends of ours, so it’s possible we can go visit Chunk in his new digs. We could see his new girlfriend. Maybe next year meet his little golden calves. (We could become bison grandparents!!) This ranch happens to be in Stratford, so we can also stock up on peaches when they’re in season.

Those are all silver linings, Marie, stop.

Sorry.

This decision is not one at which we’ve arrived easily, and the factors have been many and building in intensity. During angry, bitter moments we find people to blame (new neighbors usually, the Turnpike Authority also). In tender moments we see that maybe this was always meant to happen, eventually. Our bison dreams way back in 2009 were big, and life has taken so many unexpected twists and turns since then. Whatever you believe about fate and bad luck, these last six and three-quarter years have just evaporated with our sweet buff. He quickly became part of our farm-ily during those early summer bottle feedings. He has etched himself into our identity at the Lazy W (how many children have visited to feed him cookies and scruff his wooly face?). He will always of course own a slice of our hearts.

I promised not to wax too poetic about this. It’s just such an emotional thing.

Chunk is being picked up today around Noon, and it will be only his second time in a trailer. He will be arriving at only the third place he has ever seen on this beautiful earth, and besides his mother (moments before she was hunted, I feel the need to point that out), he will soon meet his first adult American Bison. Word on the prairie is she’s quite a looker and feeling amorous.

Wink-wink…

We are not heart broken, exactly. We are heart-aching. We know this is the responsible thing to do and that Chunk-hi will be safer (uninvited attention from passersby on our road has been a huge problem this year), and we even believe he will find a whole new level of happiness in his new life. Of course that last part stings a bit, but gosh. We have survived a child leaving the nest and finding happiness. We’ll survive this too.

It’s all for the best.

So please keep us in your happy thoughts, and for sure keep Chunk-hi in your happy thoughts. Hope for him wide, green pastures, abundant fresh water, excellent romantic companions, and just enough human interaction to help him remember us fondly. Believe in these hopes and we will too, and no doubt he will be okay.

To Robbie and your family, thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Knowing that good people love Chunk is such a comfort. We reminisced this morning that it was Robbie who helped us feed Chunk grass clippings when we were neighbors. It was Robbie who held off a dog attack before Chunk had horns to defend himself. And it has been Robbie all along who watched Chunk grow just as both our families’ kids were growing. As poetic full circles go, this is a lovely one.

Friends of the Lazy W, if you have ever visited our farm and shown love to our buff, thank you too. Thank you so much. Thank you for your cookie generosity, your inquisitiveness, your sense of caution and bravado. We have enjoyed it all. We would really love it if you took a moment to share a Chunk-hi memory with us.

We love you Chunk! We already miss you, sweet boy.

Oh give me a home
Where the buffalo roam..
XOXOXO

 

deep sleep, blackbirds, & some magic

We slept so late. More than nine hours in bed. Our smooth new slate-colored sheets must have chamomile leaves woven into the cotton.

We creep outside well past daybreak. The morning is warm and absent of any breeze but overcast, as gray as our magical sleeping sheets. Perfect coffees in hand and one hundred-pound puppy bouncing around our ankles, we start the day already simmering in affection and buffered by safety. Hot Tub Summit. We plan our day.

An hour later we are outside again, this time dressed and sitting at a round metal table next to the barn, facing downhill. We are still wrapped by the warm woolly air, no technicolor sunrise today. Our four-leggeds eat their breakfast contentedly. So fat and beautiful. Hens tease roosters, darting seductively across the middle field, scratching at horse manure, chuckling in the dormant flower garden. The birdsong is exceptional. We hear and scout for cardinals, blue jays, doves, and woodpeckers. Then it happens.

Out of the southwest corner of the farm, a dense flock of blackbirds, half as wide as our property and trailing twice that length, swoops up over the sand hills, maybe from the forest or maybe beyond, and speeds across the farm. They are too high to touch but low enough to force the air down in whooshes with their energetic flight. The birds are massed together into one quilted black flying carpet, undulating and speeding between the sky and the earth, slicing through the moment.

They race toward one tree with one purpose and land on an oak just past my husband’s car shop. Its branches dip and dance from the burden. Every twig now is dotted with a round black bird, the whole mass still twittering and vibrating. Handsome takes photos of the spectacle.

When they eventually hush, the regular birdsong resumes. I cannot tell whether the cardinals, blue jays, doves and woodpeckers were quiet during this stunning display or just out-sung. Either way, the heartbeat of the farm returns to normal.

Chickens laughing again and roosters crowing on every side. Geese preening with soft honks down by the pond. Horses snuffling and bison knocking around a fallen tree with his massive horns.

I have one more cup of perfect coffee to sip before deciding between work and play. But on days like this, when the magic here is so thick, it’s hard to know the difference.

Happy Valentine’s Day friends
Enjoy some magic
XOXOXOXO

crossing over into a fresh new year

Sunday, late morning, the weekend after Christmas. Oklahoma is enduring an ice bath and typically vicious winds. Handsome and I are wearing cozy things like flannel pajamas and eating fun snacks like popcorn, cheddar slices, crackers, and turkey. The farm is well stocked and in good repair, making it perfectly luxurious to just stay home and hibernate. We are playing the full Star Wars series for Klaus to watch in order, starting with Episode IV of course, so that he may grow up with the proper morals and one day be a good dog who chooses to use the force for good. Pacino is in the living room purring and telling himself what a good boy he already is. Christmas lights are still glowing all over the house because they are so pretty and I like that kind of thing.

Outside, the ice clings to every tree branch like winter’s own version of tinsel, and the wind is doing its best impression of a freight train. But inside? Inside, it’s all warm socks, holiday leftovers, and the kind of aimless snacking that only feels justified this time of year. Handsome and I have leaned fully into the hibernation lifestyle, wrapped in flannel pajamas with popcorn in one hand and turkey in the other. The farm feels like a cozy snow globe, undisturbed and glowing with Christmas lights that I refuse to take down just yet.

Our Sunday mission is both noble and necessary: a proper viewing of the Star Wars saga. Naturally, we started with Episode IV, because character arcs and surprise parentage are sacred. Klaus, wide-eyed and cozy on the couch, is taking notes like the padawan he is. It’s important that he understand the difference between a Jedi and a Sith—he’s got the potential to be a great dog, but even the best boys need guidance. Meanwhile, Pacino purrs with smug self-approval, already convinced he could run the galaxy with one paw tied behind his back.

In true holiday fashion, our marathon led us to a little online window shopping, and that’s how we discovered Theory Sabers. It’s not about swinging blades or sparring in the backyard—it’s all about the merch. From stylish collectibles to subtly geeky decor, it’s a treasure trove for anyone who believes their love for Star Wars deserves a spot on the shelf. A mug here, a lightsaber lamp there—next thing you know, you’ve built your own Jedi lounge without even trying. Honestly, it’s the kind of fandom indulgence that makes staying in feel like an event.

The end of 2015 is fast approaching. When I think back over the last twelve months I am overwhelmed with gratitude. Life has been full of surprises, mostly good ones, and no matter how stressful or scary the hours have been from time to time, the overarching mood of the days and weeks has been joy. My heart is overflowing with more than optimism; I truly feel excitement about the future.

2015 photo collage

My husband’s career is showing signs of deep relief and great leaps forward. The farm is growing and shrinking according to our mutual desires. Our oldest daughter is finding romance, adventure, and self-sufficiency in Colorado. Our youngest daughter is far from us in circumstance but so near to our hearts. I dream of her regularly and pray for her almost as constantly as I breathe. Other prayers have been answered in such stunning displays of grace; how could anyone ever doubt that this all important miracle is not on its way?

My baby, also picking me some wildflowers, also Mother's Day 2007.
My baby Jessica picking me some wildflowers at the Buffalo Mountain, Mother’s Day 2007.

On the personal front, I learned so much this past year about health and fitness. I’m excited to train for my next marathon with this experience and knowledge and maybe fit more easily into my skinny jeans too.

I ran the 2015 springmarathon badly, trying to diet during taper week, and paid for it. Then I lost weight and got faster over the summer. Then I hosted eight big parties in a row and gained the weight back, haha. Now I am excited to get back at it. the 2016 race will be the bomb dot com.
I ran the 2015 springmarathon badly, trying to diet during taper week, and paid for it. Then I lost weight and got faster over the summer. Then I hosted eight big parties in a row and gained the weight back, haha. Now I am excited to get back in a routine. The April 2016 race will be the bomb dot com.

I have started a little apron business that is not only profitable but really fun. The Oklahoma County Master Gardeners Association is a more permanent part of my life and schedule now (I am on the Social Media team), as is the Oklahoma Beekeepers’ Association (I’m the new state secretary). Lots of fun stuff coming around the bend in 2016 with both of these organizations.

apron room

Will 2016 be the year I draft a full piece of fiction? And stop blogging to do this? Or level up my blogging in order to sell more textiles and produce? What does SEO even mean? Will we sell the farm because of the new turnpike rumors? (If you haven’t heard, some sources predict the new Oklahoma turnpike could run exactly across our front pasture. Meh objects. He strenuously objects. We shall see.) If we stay, will be tackle a remodeling project or three? 

fri5 meh wet c

Hopefully we will visit our beloved French Quarter before long, and I will do everything in my power to get Handsome to a white sand beach before he self-destructs. In my wildest dreams, we also visit some place completely foreign to both of us. And of course I go see our girl in the Rockies too. She has her own cabin there, and a new puppy, and a healthy dose of True Love.

forever new orleans

Will the Lazy W Honeymakers make a comeback? Will the hens continue to lay eggs even in frigid temperatures? What about squash bugs? This could be the year I use chemical pesticides. Please withhold judgement; there is a smart way to do this. Yes to growing and selling watermelons that rival Rush Springs.

I am pulling away from Book Club for now and forming my own reading list for the coming year. Don Quixote is probably still not on the list, sadly. But Infinite Jest? Maybe so. I would love to see you on Goodreads to trade titles and reviews this year.

So much gratitude for the life we have been living. So many endless possibilities for the future, both near and far.

Friends, I want to thank you again for stopping here. Thank you for reading, for offering encouragement and insight, thank you for your prayers. Thank you for sharing your life with us in myriad ways this past year. Thank you for helping me sort out my thoughts so often. You are a wonderful gift.

colorful south garden

Now let’s do some relaxing and recharging. Let’s give so much thanks for a good, solid 2015 and start making grand plans for an even better 2016. Much love to you from the Lazy W!

“Write it on your heart that every day
is the best day in the year.”
~Benjamin Franklin
XOXOXOXO

motivation monday: why I’m not waiting until January

I sat down last night and typed out a little summary of how things are going in my pursuit of health and skinny-ness, and it felt super redundant. I even asked my husband his thoughts on my sharing it, and he thought I was weird for even asking. Then Facebook showed that “On This Day” exactly a year ago I had shared almost the exact same thoughts on my blog. I mean, you guys, the seasonal stuff does tend to repeat itself, but you would be laughing right along with me to see how similar these two posts are.

Anyway. So last year I wrote this and last night I wrote almost the exact same thing. No need to share them both. Instead, here is what was on my mind this morning during my run:

Why I am not waiting for a New Year’s Resolution to focus on my health:

5 reasons I'm Not Waiting till Jan

What are your thoughts on this? Is any part of wellness on your radar right now, or in the back of your mind is it something you’ll take care of later, or in January, or eventually when the stars align? What is it about your goal that makes you think t’s better to wait?

Thank you for posting this Dorothy Beal! http://www.mile-posts.com/
Thank you for posting this Dorothy Beal! http://www.mile-posts.com/

Just some food for thought, friends. I finally know for myself that treating my body really really well affects a lot more than how I look in jeans and bikinis. It affects my mood, my outlook on life, relationships, mental acuity, everything. We are not meant to live separate from our bodies, after all, and accepting that the body and spirit are deeply intertwined has allowed everything to make so much sense for me. This understanding makes the short term payoffs of diet and exercise much more valuable, so that the continued effort can bring those long term results, you know?

Anyway. Above are my five reasons for starting now. Here are my five strategies for December:

  1. Run more and with greater variety in my workouts (30 miles per week, add some speed work).
  2. Adding strength exercises a few times each week.
  3. Watch junk food, obviously. But focus on eating all the vegetables I can find!
  4. Sleep, water, and vitamins. I keep a gallon jug of water in my fridge and make a point to drink it empty by bedtime.
  5. Yoga or deep stretching once a week. Three cheers for YouTube!

I’ll be checking in here every Monday this month to make notes of how these five guidelines are serving me. Rumor has it that Monica may be hosting a fitness challenge this month again, so that may be fun too. In November her motivation helped me run most of the 100 miles I promised, despite a hectic farm and family schedule.

Do you have some ideas for wellness in December? I would love it if you checked in with me here on Mondays, just to encourage each other.

“He who takes medicine
and neglects to diet
wastes the skill of his doctors. 
~Chinese Proverb
XOXOXOXO

 

unbridled joy and easy gratitude

Ahhh November, the month of thankfulness. The season of expressing gratitude and counting our blessings, of celebrating the gifts in our life.

Over these past few years I have shared with you guys stuff I’ve learned (reluctantly at times) about the muscles of gratitude, about the importance of showing our thankfulness even when we aren’t really feeling it and about how that discipline can get you to a brighter place. I believe deep down in my bones that the purposeful, conscious act of choosing joy is vital to our temporary well-being and infinitely beneficial to our long-term spiritual health. I also believe that your choice to see the good in life becomes your pulse, gradually, and that over time you cannot help but feel drawn to the brightest of everything and even learn to overlook the dark. So often in life, after all, we are clouded by worry or surrounded by grief and joy does not come naturally.

autumn ivy

And then sometimes joy comes very naturally.

Sometimes life surprises us with wave after wave of unbridled joy. Do you ever feel so happy and giddy that you look around to see if anyone else is feeling it, too? Almost like you need someone else to be similarly caught up in your elation in order for it to be real, or for you to feel okay about it? Especially when huge oceans of grief seem to be swallowing the globe, or swallowing our friends, it can feel self-indulgent to just be really happy about life.

Sometimes you just feel so great that you simply want to share it.

Things are looking up for us, friends. In three or four million different ways. Handsome and I still have normal problems like everybody else, and we always will. Some of them are pretty serious, actually. But we have better perspective than ever. The seasons of grief and waiting have taught us all those important lessons about gratitude and humility, upward gaze and steady breath. Now the unbridled joy is building strength. I find myself grinning for no reason at all. For every reason. At this point, giving up on those yet unanswered prayers would be so ridiculous. We have more evidence than ever that miracles are real. That faith counts. That grateful hearts are receptive to the best gifts.

frosty roses

frosty pots

We woke up to a beautiful, magical, frosty farm. We have in front of us just as much play as work. Our blessings are easy to count. Thanksgiving week at the Lazy W is starting with a big swell of energy and Love, and we want to share it.

“Gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions.
The more you express gratitude for what you have,
the more likely you will have even more to express gratitude for.”
~Zig Ziglar
XOXOXOXO