Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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we better just keep going

There is a sensation that reads somehow as both expansive and contractive. I am sure you know it, too. It’s the breathing in and breathing out of Life Itslef, the simple, sacred rhythm of just being.

We feel the coexistence of both joy and sorrow. We grow big and strong but make terrible mistakes. We have brand new, beautiful experiences that stretch us then some that humble us. We add to, subtract from, and constantly edit and polish ourselves and our lives so that, no matter how many patterns and routines we follow, no matter how many seasons we witness, nothing is ever exactly the same, not quite.

And it feels like it is happening all at once.

And all of this is exactly as it should be.

We are given this rich, lush, fascinating world meant to be explored and loved. We are given all these many, varied people, near and far, meant to be known and loved deeply. We are given animals and gardens to care for, work worth doing, communities worth building, experiemnts worth trying, and goals worth chasing, in order to… Well, I won’t pretend to know the exact purposes, but I do know without a doubt that it’s all an extravagant gift.

I am telling you this because it hit me right when I needed it most. I have been feeling like too many things in my life have been starved of the attention and energy they need, yet I am all the way depleted. Not much extra to give, you know? When I pulled back to see what’s been happening, I was so happy to remember that I just set different goals for a while. The chaos I have been feeling is the natural result of a life densely packed wth all the best things, and it’s okay. I know that it’s within my power to reorder things when the time comes.

With this deep breath of contenment in my body, I see no other way forward except to just keep going. Continue on in the mild chaos. Continue doing the work we find important and satisfying. Nurture the friendships we treausre. Chase the goals that make our mouths water, respecting the process regardless of the outcome. Cultivate the best things we can find in community. Make sure we are doing everything we can to construct a history we are proud and happy to reflect on later.

It will feel off balance plenty. It will feel weird often. But it will also feel victorious and hilarious and awe-inspiring! I’ll take it, all of it, thankyouverymuch, and all of it at once if the Universe continues to see fit to send it that way.

Keep on going, friends! We all need the particular flavors of chaos, disruption, and beauty you are creating.

“Don’t be fooled by the calendar; you only have as many days as you make use of.”
~Charles Richards
XOXOXO

january t.g.i.f.

Hello, and happy Friday! Here’s a Brene Brown-style “TGIF” as we wrap up a short work week. I am feeling so good and hope you are, too. If not, I hope you know how to change that, no matter your circumstances. Taking the reigns on our emotions is a superpower. It’s how we change our actual, three-dimensional worlds.

((January reds laying the groundwork for Valentine’s Day soon))
((visiting mallards fluttering away from the pond))
((little Miss Hissy fit still not comfy with Klaus))

TRUSTING: I am trusting that Jocelyn is safe and healthy, as happy as a young woman can be, and that deep down she knows she is loved and treasured beyond words. I am trusting God’s timing and healing and the joyful power of all those reunions in recent years. We are trusting that Marigold passed as peacefully as she appeared to and that she felt our intense love. We are trusting that rainfall will replenish Oklahoma, that hay prices will soon adjust, and that our sweet old horses will stay healthy for many more years. I am also trusting in the timing of some personal goals (two book proposals and a few really unique community events here at the farm!).

GRATEFUL: Gratitude is the name of the game lately, ha! I am so grateful for a safe, comfortable, happy home, for this big, glorious nest we cultivate together, for our marriage, for all the daily Love between us and around us. We are immersed in Love that gets expressed in so many beautiful ways. I am thankful for constant, fun and meaningful communication with Jess and Alex, for quality time with family, for easy times with friends and neighbors and their precious dogs (Klaus’ best friends), when we all laugh so hard and just relax and make memories. We are thankful that the hens are laying big, colorful eggs again and that some long fought battles at the Commish are slowly yielding real success. I feel the beginning of relief coming, and it’s a thrill. Another cool thing for which I am grateful is that my husband has rekindled his Car Guy instincts and is waist deep in a new renovation project! He always seems happier with a big mechanical toy at his disposal, and his happiness makes me happy.

INSPIRED: Lately I have gulped in the beauty of art forms I am unlikely to ever even attempt myself, much less master, but they have nonetheless inspired me. Dancers, musicians, and painters are just amazing. They practice their elaborate crafts, create brand new works, share generously, and make the world infinitely more beautiful and interesting! Many of our actual friends are spending their lives as artists, and I just feel so lucky to absorb it all. It wells up inside me and inspires me to do more of my own creative work. I am also inspired, as all gardeners are in January, by the myriad possibilities of a brand new growing season. Recently I attended a master gardeners’ meeting where Julia, the Extension Director, shared a slideshow of her trip through England, and of course those gardens gave me so many ideas. Boundless beauty, such inventive themes. Also? I am thinking specifically of Van Gogh and his combination of gardens with painting. I think we need another painting day here at the Lazy W gardens. It’s been too long. We are also hosting a garden tea party in early spring. Does anyone want to come dance? We can make it a true bohemian day.

FAITH: We are still not attending church services, but My private faith practice is pretty nourishing. I love to start the day early with a short devotional, the related Bible passages, and usually journaling. Then I do walking meditations during breakfast chores. These ebb and flow with life and that day’s prayer requests. I have learned to stay in a posture of saying thank you all day long, of constantly naming blessings as they cross my mind, and of thanking God in advance for blessings showered on my people, for solutions to problems we are facing, for surprise miracles not yet seen. This practice not only feels wonderful; it yields stunning results. I strongly encourage you to sample it in your own life. Just thank God in advance for His help, internalize the sensation of your prayer being answered, and watch what happens. So simple. Also along the lines of practicing faith, I have become more protective over my own spirit lately, guarding more than ever the content of my information diet. I just don’t have the stomach for serial killer or murder mystery stories right now, nor really anything too tragically sad. The ideas and images in which I allow my heart to marinate quickly take shape in my days, in my attitude, in how I see the world, and really I just want more of the good, beautiful stuff. To that end, my podcast subscriptions, books, and video choices are heavily weighted to happiness studies and health, spiritualty, gardening, uplifting stories, you name it. I cannot remember that last time I finished even a short episode of a crime documentary, and that’s fine by me.

Okay, your turn! In what ideas or in whom are you trusting? For what are you grateful? What’s been inspiring you lately? And how are you practicing your personal faith? I would love to hear.

Happy Friday, friends,
and have the most luscious weekend.
XOXOXOXO

friday 5 at the farm, daily rituals to thrive in quarantine (or any time)

Quarantine Day 55 according to my journal.

How are you holding up, friend, really? Are you safe and secure? Are you finding ways to cultivate health, and are you choosing joy as often as you see it as a choice? Are you learning anything from this bizarre life chapter, gleaning any new wisdom or opening your heart again to any old truths? Or are you barely scraping by, either physically or emotionally, wondering how you’ll make it through several more weeks or months of unknowns, when so many days are long and heavy as they are? Are you on a roller coaster, trading self awareness for depression, then back again? Are you connecting with loved ones deeply and often enough?

I think many of us can say yes to all of this, if not all at once, then in waves. And I think it is all pretty much to be expected. The good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful. I am no expert, but this global experience sure feels like just a compression of the human experience, you know? The bitter and the sweet. The high and the low. And so a level measure of acceptance and a hefty sense of humor will serve us well.

Additionally, I find lots of comfort and strength in practicing the habits and systems I discovered in better times. I am leaning hard into those, then allowing space and breath to kind of take over from there.

For a Friday 5 at the Farm post on this gorgeous Mother’s Day weekend, I would like to offer five daily habits or rituals that really do seem to help me feel and perform my best.

1. SPIRIT: I try to read, meditate, and journal first thing in the morning. The perpetual devotional Jesus Calling has been my favorite for a few years now, and I love seeing notes in the page margins from past life chapters. I love reading inspirational material and absorbing directive scriptures while my heart is warm and pliable. Usually, after a good night’s sleep, my brain has lots to download into a spiral notebook, and that first cup of strong coffee facilitates it well, ha! This used to be a truly private few minutes of my day, but lately I have grown cozy with the habit of doing all of this in bed with one lamp on, while my husband watches first the morning news then an episode of Little House on the Prairie. It’s a sweet, mellow way to start the new day. And you wouldn’t believe the symmetry and harmony in the messages I am receiving!

2. WORK: My daily work is truly a pleasure and has for a long time been boiled down to a succinct list of “Minimum Daily Actions” which can be accomplished in about an hour. It’s just the basics that keep our house and animals tended, and the walk-about is my opportunity to plan further tasks. That leaves the rest of the day for all kinds of deeper housework or tackling interesting projects, but the first hour of work feels almost sacramental. I love getting dressed to do what absolutely must be done, and Klaus, my constant companion, loves it too. He knows the exact order of our chores, he knows our rhythm, and he understands a few phrases that signal changes. I walk and feed everyone and smooth things and align lists and supplies and give thanks, actively. This sets the framework for an easy, productive day, and it really can feel sacramental. Meditative.

3. MOVE: Daily exercise for the sake of exercise, something outside of normal activity, is a game changer. And for me, daily exercise apart from marathon training has been deeply refreshing. I try to give myself ninety minutes of conscious variety. Triggered by a little injury, I am learning to listen to what my body needs day to day, not just run all the miles. The time for that will return soon enough. For now? I am embracing the pleasures of yoga and strength and mobility work, with treadmill and trail miles sprinkled in, and hopefully soon we will ride our bicycles too. Movement equals energy and endorphins!

4. SKY WATCH: If at all possible, and it almost always is, I love to be physically outdoors when the sun rises and sets, and when the moon is visible. It does wonders for settling my spirit and helping me watch the slow passage of time. Oklahoma has famously picturesque skies, too. Such a simple, profound way to see what God does for us over and over again.

5. CONNECT: I am making a deliberate effort to make eye contact with my husband when he speaks to me, and to be a better conversationalist in general. Being alone most daytime hours, then being only in each other’s company after work hours, as much as we enjoy it, I tend to take him for granted. This is common, I know, but I want to be better than common. He is my favorite person, and I don’t want to waste these weeks of quarantine by slipping into sloppy autopilot. (Also, I am susceptible to losing my verbal skills entirely if I don’t make an effort to speak full sentences and use more than the baby talk I use with the animals. Anyone else? No, just me? Gulp.) Connecting with friends and family has been vital, too. Weekend Zooms, a virtualgame night here and there, a surprise day of chalk art, and lots more actual phone calls have all kept my most precious bonds thriving.

So that’s it! Five ways I am keeping myself more or less on a healthy track, more or less connected to a sense of purpose and wellness. What are you doing to feel your best? I would love to hear. And happy Mother’s Day weekend to my friends and family!! Talk soon. Love you.

This is temporary.
Soak up the beautiful parts.
XOXOXOXO

rooted & grounded

And just like that, we have leaped across the verdant threshold between seasons. My heart is filled all over again with excitement for the coming gardens and with hope for so many yet-unanswered prayers. I know I say that a lot, about hope, but please know that we also celebrate the brick-and-mortar resolutions, the answers, the rewards of waiting and hoping, all the time. Our world lately has been riddled with both good news (really good news), encouragement to expect more of it, and some healthy perspective about how much worse life often is for others. Gratitude is not strong enough a word to express how I feel about it all. I am in awe of what God has been doing for us and the people near us.

Jessica planting some joyful color in her apartment courtyard garden…xoxoxo

Seeds are germinating left and right. The Peeps have officially outgrown their indoor trough home and have moved to the flight pen outside. Broccoli, cauliflower, and cabbage starts are suddenly voluptuous; their neighboring snow peas are tendriling upwards on arched cattle panels; and the Mouse Garden is a thick, highly textured bed of kale. Kale!! The Yukon Gold potato box has sprouted with food, and what so far looks like just green confetti will very soon be full ruffles of spinach, kale, arugula, and fancy lettuces. Last year’s chicks, now fully mature hens, are laying eggs regularly and eating all the wild clover I can pull from our new watermelon patch. The horses are shedding as thickly as the cottonwood is about to be blooming, and speaking of blooms, all four of our fruit trees seem to have kept their precious springtime flowers and are all set up for a heavy season of apples, peaches, and plums.

The house stays warm enough most days, now, even with the heater off and the windows open, to keep a sourdough starter going, and I bake fresh bread as often as we crave it. We stay busy outdoors so much longer these days, with the gradually later sunsets and mild weather, just moving easily and with great pleasure from one task to the next. Klaus keeps us company the whole time, and it is wonderful to find him exhausted instead of restless at the end of a day well spent. (My husband says he feels the same way about being able to exhaust me, ha! Hibernation is not for everyone.)

Our middle field especially is greening up, and just a moderate effort to scoop up and relocate manure is making a big difference. The compost bins have stayed so full that I recently started a second, much larger area for experimenting with a faster decomposition method. But now I think it’s too far away from a water source. Oh well, the honeybees love it!

My little herb garden is waking up from winter, and it is so fun to try and visualize what will return, where the truly blank spots are, how to reshape and replenish the small area. It’s a luscious intimacy, to know a garden for a length of time, to become familiar with its dimensions and habits and needs and wants. To know how it behaves in each season, what is asks of the gardener, what it offers in return. In the spaces between perennials, I am scattering seeds like cinnamon basil, dill, zinnias, and more. By Easter Sunday everything should be erupting there. Already, in this garden and in the areas flanking the vegetable gate, day-lilies and vinca have returned. I am so excited about the gomphrena and Mexican petunia. For now my eyes feast on the Jane magnolia petals falling all over the front sidewalk.

We have been craving to host an outdoor yoga night and will do this soon. The weather is just so close to being reliable, and we have only a short list of deck repairs to make first. Local and interested in moonlit yoga and meditation? Stay tuned!

The first three months of this gorgeous new year have been filled with incredible Love, satisfying work, plenty of restoration and deep breathing, and just good, plain, happy daily pleasures. Life at the W is not without stress and certainly out hearts have aches like everyone’s; but we have laid hold of some powerful antidotes and some very agreeable reminders for each other about what matters most, about how to shrug off distractions and quickly refuse energy siphons, and how to really sink in and enjoy the moments. Magnify pleasures. Minimize irritations. When either of us buckles from some outside pressure, I think we are pretty good at showing each other grace and welcoming each other back to paradise. Because paradise, really, is how it so often feels. For these things and much more, I am so deeply grateful.

One last update, I just finished The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. My sister Angela had recommended it, and I found it to be not just thought provoking but deeply confirming of so much I have already been considering. Lots to discuss if you have read this!

Happy Sunday, friends, and happy springtime!

Rooted and Grounded in Love
XOXOXO

holding space, and early march update & a new spin on optimism

In like a lion, out like a lamb. That’s the adage I’m celebrating right now, doubling up on the almanac’s confident assurances about an early spring. My local friends will argue that our frigid air temps of late have already proved that prediction wrong; but it was a brief blip on an otherwise sunny outlook. This too shall pass. Let’s cling to that adage as well, which brings me to my favorite reading material this week: The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.

Have you read this book, or are you listening to Oprah’s piecemeal interview with him, which dissects his other title, A New Earth? The material is such a luscious reinforcement to all the Buddhism we have been absorbing this winter, all the lessons on mindfulness, stillness, and impermanence.

And I may or may not have mentioned this here: For months now I have been receiving crystal clear direction from God to make space and hold it. I crave space in my body, in my schedule, in our home, even in my intimate relationships, though creating space there has been magically coupled with a new layer of more meaningful intimacy. I tried to rationalize it for a while but eventually relaxed and decided that simply doing it could become my daily practice. It has been lovely, and I am only just beginning.

One funny thing about space is that it tends to fill itself up if we aren’t watching. Physical space, especially. We recently sold one car and rearranged the others plus some gym equipment to other outbuildings and in so doing wound up with a completely blank car bay in the garage attached to our house, the one where I do laundry and have a potting/painting bench. How long did that space stay empty? Not very! We went to the feed store last weekend and brought home 21 newly hatched chicks and 2 tiny ducks. They now live in a heated metal horse trough in that “empty space,” ha! Our days since they came to the farm have been very peep-ish and our whole world is now totes adorbs. This kind of space filling is fine by us.

Let’s talk about the weather once more, and the seasons.

These recent weeks brought us freezing (truly freezing, not just hyperbole-cold-Oklahoma but actually sub-zero) temps and plenty of frost and ice. We fought off the despair of unceasingly gray, gloomy skies, wore layer upon layer of clothing but still shivered, and ate weird food that barely ever warmed us up. The tail end of February is always bizarre, right? Doesn’t it feel longer than all the rest of winter, combined?

Then, on Monday evening, the clouds parted suddenly and the sun shone on the farm just long enough to accomplish a dramatic stab of gold and bronze, fighting off the gloom, literally moments before dusk. We were sitting in the east living room when it happened, and the change in atmosphere deserved its own Vivaldi soundtrack.

Then Tuesday was ever so slightly more pleasant for being outside, and sunset on Wednesday took my breath away. This morning, before seven, I saw the eastern sky do that kaleidoscope twist where all of her pink and apricot colors churned and shone and cast a shimmering mix of lavender and yellow onto the basin of the western sky, just across our pond. It happens some days in a more kinetic way than others. It’s truly magical, and I love it.

Also, our only two adult roosters are fighting a little bit, no matter that they have a harem of seven gorgeous hens to share.

The pine forest has been weighed down with hefty flocks of visiting, screaming black birds.

The earthworms are wriggling into the warmest top layers of soil and compost.

The horses are shedding like crazy.

The bees are foraging on dried manure and dandelions.

And my heart just knows.

What I’m saying here, friends, is that springtime is happening. We knew it would!

All the seed trays, empty raised beds, and future watermelon patches will soon be ready for action.

Until then, more space making, More reading and cleaning and working and loving. More teaching ducklings to swim (like they need lessons) and more encouraging German Shepherds to appreciate every single romp outdoors, because the freeze is over, at long last.

A quick, gentle word about optimism, and this darling snuggling photo of Handsome with Maddie:

At our friend Maddie’s recent high school performance of Shrek, one song stood out to me and actually kind of hit me like a marshmallow sledgehammer. The character Fiona was singing a funny lament about how many years she had been locked away in her tower, about for how very long she had been wishing for her prince to rescue her (insert your own long-awaited miracle at this point). Then in the scene when it finally happens, when Shrek finally comes to release her from her bondage, she proclaims, “I knew it would happen TODAY!”

TODAY. Fiona knew, all those days and years leading up to her big moment, that her answer would come. She surrounded herself with evidence of other princesses and their unique moments of redemption. As her own waiting and captivity stretched on, she may have felt discouraged sometimes but still knew in some funny, weird way that it would happen today. The only detail missing was exactly which today it would be. And so, with that deep knowledge, she never gave up.

Okay, I will leave that with you for a while, to marinate. Please get back with me and share your thoughts. The whole notion that today is all we have, that this moment is all there ever is, that presence and attention are powerful, well, it will not let go of me. And it all leads me to crave more space. And I knew that springtime would eventually happen, that it would happen on some unknown today. And I know that all of our hardest-yearned for prayers will also be answered, on some very special today that is very much worth waiting for.

A final thought about Fiona? She waited, and she trusted, but her answer was still a miraculous surprise. Remember? It was not exactly what she imagined: It was far better. So friends, let’s stay open to the shock and trembling joy of all that is possible in our lives. Let’s crate and hold space for whatever is coming. And then relax back into the present moment.

I love you. I wish you only the best of every detail. Please come visit our baby peeps before they grow up.

“Past and future veil God from our sight.
Burn up both of them with fire.”
~Rumi
XOXOXOXO