Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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the cult dream

Are you dreaming extra weird dreams during this pandemic? Bonus points if this is even weirder for you because of Shark Week hormones.

Last night I had a whopper, a real story line worth sharing.

THE CULT DREAM:

On a whim I attended some multi-cultural creativity retreats that turned out to be a cult. We were promised dream catchers and meditation and book studies, among other treats. And instead of a locked down compound, it was the kind of cult where you can leave, go home, and come back at your leisure, as long as you wear your name tag and sign up for enough community service.

Weirdly, most of the members didn’t seem to like anyone else in the group very much, but they acted happy. Everyone had glossy, curly hair, except me. They kept coming back for more and just stayed in tight little two or three -person cliques. The overall lighting was wanting.

As far as I could tell, the biggest “initiation” ceremony had to do with being submerged in a giant tank of choppy water and keeping just the tip of your nose exposed for breathing. It was scary, because you had to tread with your legs only, not use your arms to stay above water, and if just a few splashes of the water entered your nose, your chances were ruined. I don’t know what the prize was, besides membership, but tension was high. Drowning was the least of our worries.

We never got around to crafts or studying. Not even yoga. As far as I could tell, the only special power held by cult members was the ability to hear animals’ thoughts as clearly as a person speaking English. Voices, accents, inflection, everything. This might be the bees knees and quite fun, except that the cult meeting room was filled with puppies who were terrified and in pain, and nobody cared. It was excruciating.

At some point, the whole cult took a field trip to the zoo, and the leaders were soon cornered in such a way that a secret lever was activated, and a giant fake hollow rock cave was lowered over them, trapping them. Like a real Scooby Doo moment. My husband was suddenly there with me, and he said, chuckling, “How’s it feel to be caught?” Hehe.

The confusion reigned for a while longer, and I eavesdropped on several conversations about who was there and why and who they hated most and why. The leaders’ entrapment did little to soften the mood, apparently. And nobody took the opportunity to leave.

Then a meeting was called to order, and without warning I was dismissed for all of eternity, rejected and barred by the whole cult. My offense? Writing too many inspirational messages on the walls. The walls were plain, exposed lath and plaster, horizontal relics of twentieth century home construction, perfect for sentences.

I left the cult, hurt by the rejection but also relieved to have my freedom.

The End.

You‘re in a cult, call your dad!!

an easter week we will never forget

Tomorrow is Easter Sunday, easily my favorite holiday of the year.

Easter represents world-changing miracles and promises kept despite every opposition. Easter means new life. The best life, in fact, springing from absolute grief and apparent defeat. Easter is the resurrection of every good and pure thing, a celebration of the immovable power of Love.

Traditionally, Easter is fresh flowers and home cooked food, baskets filled with chocolate bunnies and colorful gifts, egg hunts and gingham and lace.

(a lifetime ago)
(one of our passover traditions)

Holy Week is also somber remembrances and Bible readings, “blood” around our front door, and white cloth on the cross. This holiday week has always been  busy with church activities and family gatherings, and the details sustain me. They all bind me together in deep places, providing that rhythm of renewal that we need over and over again. (There is no shame in needing renewal, by the way. We are designed for it.)

In many ways, I love Easter more than Thanksgiving and Christmas and the New Year, combined. Now is when everything actually feels new.

Easter is different this year, in quarantine, but it’s different in some magical ways. I feel it and smell it and hear it coming like birdsong at daybreak. We are renewing ourselves more than ever, despite the changes and limitations. Maybe because of them?

I hope you sense it too. I hope you are able to rest and breathe deeply, still capturing the essence of this special season. I hope you take all the time you need to distill and celebrate the best gifts, because they are still being offered.

(apple blossom)

I am not too upset by missing out on some of the man made trappings of Easter weekend. Traditions are, after all, just outward expressions of what matters to us, physical things we do to rekindle emotions we hold dear. We are all more than capable of accepting new circumstances and applying our imaginations and resources in new ways, to still conjure up those feelings. Maybe even amplify them. Maybe build some magic in brand new ways.

(our dessert tomorrow, for just the two of us)

How are you holding up? Or are you, actually, thriving in this weird time? On a cellular level, safe and hidden from the news cycle and statistics and angst about what is temporarily lost, are you at peace? Are you encouraged and nourished by what is being offered to us, and happy about what is right around the corner? I am. I feel it, like a heartbeat. I am breathing it in, like ozone and honeysuckle and fermenting sourdough. I see the green shoots of New Life bursting through clay and unfurling, silently. Surely. Right on time.

“Heaven took a deep breath and held it,
because everything was about to change.”
~Bob Goff
XOXOXO

less and more in these exciting times

March 20, 2020: Worldwide and local realities of the Corona virus pandemic, some thoughts on how we can thrive more fully, in a less-and-more format:

Less scrolling our internet news feeds, more phone calls with loved ones. More paying attention to good sources of information.

Less thinking of people on the news as strangers, more realizing they are all our sisters and brothers.

Less thinking that all of this is someone else’s problem, more believing that as a group we can thrive. More placing value on what every single person contributes to society. Less demonizing any segment of the workforce, including white collars and government officials, ok? More appreciating all the layers of cooperation we need and enjoy.

Less complaining about government leadership, more supporting the things going well, more affirming the hard work being done, more praying for the human beings in charge, who have never navigated this before.

Less feeling lost in our homes not knowing what to do with this time and these new tasks (laptop work from home, schooling restless kids, etc)  and less wandering around, more sinking in and nesting together. More making silly memories, more making all kinds of memories that will last a lifetime. This will hopefully be a once in a lifetime event, and none of us will forget how we dealt with Corona virus 2020. Make your future self proud, haha!

Less outsourcing your daily decisions, more tapping into your personal wisdom.

Less newsy, opinionated podcasts in the background, more music.

Less stress snacking, more sunshine walks and stretching.

Less busywork, more meaningful progress on big projects. Also more disinfecting, ha!

Less worrying and talking about each other’s complaints and woes, more praying about actual challenges. More praying for specific people. More praying for specific situations and needs.

Less food waste and hedonism, more appreciation for good nourishment and more sharing with others.

arugula

Less slouching, more dancing and yoga!

Less dwelling on plans thwarted, on goals delayed, on what fun we could be having out and about, more living in the moment and more trusting that this weird time is a gift to be enjoyed, maximized, savored. There are untold hidden treasures in this mess.

Less “What if… (bad stuff)” and much more “What if… (good stuff)!”

Less droopy outlook, more JOYFULNESS and inner aliveness!

Less focus on the negatives of social distancing and more focus on human connections.

Less takeout, more homemade comfort food and maybe more growing our own food.

sourdough for the win

Less driving, more staying put.

Less marathon training, more being healthy and having fun with health and fitness and not being sad about the marathon and also looking forward to starting fresh soon. On that note? Less group runs, more treadmill miles and more weights. It’s fine. It’s fine! Also, runners, listen to the podcast below if you need a morale booster about your race being cancelled. Good wisdom here.

Less planning out the details of every week coming soon, more living within the bounds of this exact day, because we really have no idea what is coming next.

Less control, more implicit trust, more surrender.

Less complaining, more actively giving thanks. Thanks to God, to our spouses and children and parents, to our neighbors and friends and workers and leaders. Thanks to everyone for everything we can manage to notice, because it matters.

Less stress, more peace. Good, deep peace, the kind that helps you breathe well. Invite that feeling, embrace it. Protect it. Allow others to have their own.

Less excessive junk food, more small hobbies that keep our hands occupied while watching movies because let’s be honest we are gonna be doing that.

Less fear, more confidence.

Less seriousness, more playfulness.

Less number crunching, more hand washing.

Less disregard for each other, more flattening the curve.

Less seeing how much we can get away with, more being proactive about our social responsibilities.

Less scarcity, more abundance. Abundance in all things. An attitude of abundance, in our thoughts and supplies and capabilities. More attitude of abundance in our relationships and our world.

Less fear, more Love. That’s really it.

What would you add to this list, friends? And how are you and your people doing? What a weird time. What a bizarre and beautiful gift this is, really. I hope you are finding the diamonds and gooey centers in your days. Stay in touch, take care!!

XOXOXOXO
~Marie

marathon monday: kickoff week 12 & lessons lately

Hello and happy Monday! I have birthday stories to tell and garden notes plus lots of gratitude and insight to share about the KFOR “Remarkable Women” experience. My heart is full, and I hope you’ll check in throughout the week to see what’s going on at the Lazy W.

But today I have a running and fitness update. This is our first Marathon Monday blog post of 2020, and there might not be many this year. Let’s dive in!

Only 47 days remain before the Oklahoma City Memorial Marathon. I am one of many local runners who are beginning week 12 of an 18 week Luke Humphrey (formerly Hansons) training cycle, and momentum is building. The easy volume is well established, my body has long since preferred running six days per week, and gradually the “SOS” workouts are not just doable; they are also pretty exciting. I can see that my body is adapting week by week. I feel stronger and more capable of running a good, strong full marathon than I ever thought possible. April 26th will be the day to prove it, ha!

Speedy days can be literally terrifying to me if I spend too much time anticipating them. But, as with every difficult task in life, once they are completed, the feeling of exhilaration is irreplaceable. Learning to speed up and grab that feeling of control over and over again has been disorienting and fun and, again, exhilarating. One of my motivations for pursuing a BQ is that I crave more agency over my own body. More impulse control, more awareness of how things feel, more control over everything from hunger to power and exhaustion, fear and focus and self consciousness, resolution, all of it. Internalizing the sensations of narrow pace ranges has helped a lot with this.

Okay. I could talk about that forever.

I have recently learned a few things worth sharing:

  • Do not look too far ahead at the SOS workouts, because stressful anticipation can erode your confidence and ruin the fun. I write them down in my planner a few weeks ahead and try to ignore the details until the morning of each workout. Then, if I feel queasy about it, I consciously fill my head with at least three times as many positive affirmations and negative fears. It’s just good old fashioned encouragement to myself. Nothing fancy, but it helps.
  • Stay in the moment and trust the experience. Remember that no matter how hard any interval may feel in the moment, you invariably feel stronger and healthier and somehow magically better at the end of the full workout. Run the mile you’re in. Run the interval you’re in. Be in the moment. Let the next step or interval or mile or challenge bring its own difficulty. Worrying about what is coming next just ruins the current effort. Trust deep down that you have everything you need, that tomorrow and even race day are already well provided for. Every single day that seemed like the hardest test ever, has turned out to be a blip on my radar. I bounce back almost immediately, even as the weeks grow in difficulty. This is good to remember.
  • I have been reminded of the crucial little daily habits! Dynamic warm ups are great for cold muscles and joints, slow stretching is magical for an exhausted body, and strength moves are imperative, not optional. My feet are the first to let me know that my hips are getting weak. Pretty cool little warning system built in there. Spend the time.
  • Run those speed and tempo days outdoors, no matter the weather, if at all possible, even if it’s very inconvenient to your schedule. The treadmill does not provide the same difficulty as road running, so your body may not reap the same rewards, and the paces are not perfectly accurate. (Apparently the faster you go on a treadmill, the greater the pace discrepancy between its readout and your watch’s. And on Tuesdays especially, you need to know how fast you are running.) Best case scenario? The lingering doubt as to whether you “completed the assignment” will be absolutely haunting. Depressing. And worst case scenario? You will straight up not be prepared for race day. What a waste of all that effort. Embrace inclement weather.
  • Nutrition and sleep make a luscious difference, especially on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays! So nice to be well fed and deeply rested for hard runs, haha!
  • I have learned to give thanks for every mile, whether easy or hard, successful or embarrassing.

One of the unique features of this plan is that the weekend long runs are capped at 16 miles. Many marathon plans prescribe exhausting runs well beyond that, so runners who have not used HMM before are surprised. But the supporting work leading up to those 16 mile Sundays is so substantive that your body is far from rested when Sunday morning rolls around. Last week, for example, I had already logged 48 miles, 16 of them pretty hard, by Saturday. Then Sunday morning I was able to run 16 at a good, steady pace, not far off of my tempo. If I were to think about that very long, I would make myself tired and sad. But the reality was that, somehow,  I felt amazing. Not drained at all, just hungry.

This fact alone gets me excited for how great I will feel at the end of taper week, which has a grand total of just 26 easy miles scheduled. The book explains a lot about enzyme replenishment, the restorative powers of sleep and stretching, glycogen stores, etc. Everything combined? There is a fabled 3 or 4% performance increase at the end of this cycle. I can’t wait!

 So including this week, I only have six more speedy Tuesdays, 6 more tempo runs (they gradually longer), and 2 more 16-mile runs. The weekly volume continues to build, but so should both my fitness and my fatigue, haha! Such a funny combination.

Okay. Have you endured enough rambling? The process of marathon training is so interesting to me, even when I am not in the thick of it. But being in the true thick of it again, in a focused way with measurable goals attached, is so fun. So exciting. I am thankful for the experiences of facing nervousness and fear of failure, of flying and being carried by that rippling purple cushion of energy that shows up during a good tempo run, of spending everything I have in my body on a fasted, depletion run and laying flat with a bottle of water nearby. I love the feeling of sharpness it all hones. I am smitten with the work coming next.

Thanks for checking in!!  

would you rather, gardeners’ edition!

Friends, I am shin-deep in pruned off rose branches and dried pampas grass clippings. My ponytail is full of shredded oak leaves and dried manure, and all my jeans are loose from excessive wear and grimy from, well, everything. Seed trays, still devoid of green sprouts, are filled with what looks like brownie batter and are also wrapped in plastic, coaxing all that sunny-window magic they can to germinate tomato seeds and other treasures. Sugar snap peas have soaked overnight and are ready to find a spot outside. Potatoes are soon to follow.

My trusty work gloves are getting as much use as my best kitchen apron, and I love it all. I am giddy from it, and the season is just getting started. My imagination for the outdoor spaces is in overdrive this year. I have more construction ideas and growing inspiration than ever before, or maybe it always feels that way?

Let’s play a game! Let’s play “Would You Rather, Garden Edition!”

Please share as many of your answers as you can. I love to hear how other gardeners think and feel!

Would You Rather…

Rehabilitate on old, overgrown garden… or start with blank earth and design your own? (I always want to rehab spaces. Driving around neighborhoods and small towns, especially abandoned properties, I cannot resist visualizing how I would change things. Rip out old shrubs, prune trees, double dig weedy flower beds, what would grow here?  How could we change the eye line? Etc.)

Would You Rather…

Grow only food… or grow only ornamentals? ( I would choose food and edible flowers and herbs, but grow them in artful arrangements.)

Would You Rather…

Win a huge lottery-style budget to spend all in one gardening year… or win free, unlimited garden labor for that year? (I would choose the budget win, and spend it on long term investments like trees, perennials, and masonry supplies. Because I love working outside and Handsome does pretty much anything I cannot do, physically.)

Would You Rather…

Have access to unlimited flats of healthy annual color… or have perennials guaranteed for life? (This question pops into my head every time I visit places like Six Flags, where their annuals beds and baskets are overflowing every single day, and I just know they have greenhouses full of replacements for the inevitable losses. Still, I would choose perennials that never fail.)

Would You Rather…

Grow all the roses… or all the hydrangeas? (Hydrangeas for me, only if you force me to choose! I have several of both at the farm.)

Would You Rather…

Grow only old fashioned, stand by heirloom vegetables… or only the new, fun hybrids, bred to solve modern problems?

Would You Rather…

Have a gardening mentor… or be a gardening mentor?

me with my mentor and my mentee xoxoxo

Would You Rather…

Invest a windfall amount of money in statuary or other garden art… or invest it in gardening machinery? Tell me what you would buy!

Would You Rather…

Spend your November cash on paper whites and poinsettias for the holidays… or spend it on tulip bulbs for spring? (I always spend my winter gardening money on immediate gratification then regret, come spring, that I did not buy at least a few tulip bulbs. Every year I resolve to plan better. Including this year.)

Would You Rather…

Use chipped wood mulch… or well rotted organic compost?

Would You Rather…

Wear boots or golashes… or flip flops?

(…or maybe your Grandpa’s old leather boots?)

Would You Rather…

Work outside in the morning… or in the evening? (Tough call. I feel extremely lucky that most every day I can flit form task to task at my liesure, more or less following the sun. If I had to choose, though? Morning.)

These are fun to track in wild thought, and they can help us refine our wishes and priorities; but how wonderful that we rarely have to choose. We can grow and design and indulge our senses in myriad ways. We can do things differently every year if the mood strikes us.

What projects are on your early March calendar? Tell me everything!

“And forget not that the earth
delights to feel your are feet
and the winds long to play with your hair.”
~Khalil Gibran
XOXOXOXO