Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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My Word for 2013: STRENGTH

   Happy New Year friends! Happy first Thursday of the fresh, clean, brand spanking  new set of months and moments! Happy cold, frosty morning (if you are in Oklahoma) and Happy Another Chance to Try Big Things and Chart New Territory. Do you feel the energy? Much more than caffeine, I feel it. I feel the pulsing, sparkling sense of possibility and hope all around me.

I’m a spring and summer person for sure, 
but this year is the farthest I have ever felt from a “winter of discontent.”
My heart is so full, my mind is so stimulated,
and my spirit is so encouraged… that where dormancy is evident,
I see only possibility, only life building up her wonderful stores.

   My personal resolutions are too many to count, and since last year I fell into the tantalizing habit of calling them reVolutions, they evolve anyway according to need and passion. So to mark the first of the year, and as an homage to the deep and communal love we all share for words, my word of the year is…

STRENGTH.

   Strength, in so many manifestations.

   Strength of body, because in two weeks I begin training in earnest for my first half marathon, which will happen in late April.

   Strength of spirit, as I flex repeatedly against that Worry Door and face new challenges and pains resolutely.

   Strength in finances, domestic pursuits, and daily goal tending. Strength to keep my promises. Strength to maximize the potential of our fabulous little book club.

   Strength to bend but not break… Strength to grow and bear fruit… Strength to admit my faults and overcome them. Strength to trust more fully, love more freely, and give of my true self (not my competitive, imagined self) more generously. Strength to hang on tight and let go gently, and strength to know when to do each.

   The possibilities for 2013 are endless!! I shudder almost to articulate them, though, because the year is so young I still have that waking sensation you get between dreaming and living when you can still enjoy the vision but dare not focus too hard on it, or it evaporates.

   Thank you to everyone who has been nibbling around this digital Lazy W this past year! I appreciate all of the comments, the emails, and funny, smart, touching interactions. Sometimes I cannot believe how many wonderful people I have met “here.” Thanks to those of you who have visited the dirt and hooves Lazy W this year too, and helped Handsome and me make so many fun memories. Our home is richer for the time spent with you. Also, thanks to those of you sharing your own wonderful stories. I treasure these connections so much.

   So, cheers to the close of a rich, wonderful year! And cheers to the startlingly gorgeous beginning of a new one! Love to you all.

“Only those who risk going too far
Can ever possibly find out how far one can go.”
~T.S. Elliott
xoxoxoxo 


Waiting for Paper Whites and Celebrating Grace

   So, last week, just before Christmas, we all noticed the Winter Solstice come and go. You did notice it, right? The shortest day of the lunar year is now behind us. This means that now, gradually, until the Vernal Equinox in late March and then the Summer Solstice in late June, the days are lengthening. If ever so slightly, we are now seeing a little more sun each and every day. Except for when it’s hiding behind the formidable clouds. Like right this minute in central Oklahoma. But we know you’re there, Sun!

   So that’s all very exciting!

   Then, yesterday, I received via snail mail my first of what will soon be many garden seed catalogs. I should admit along with this feigned shock that on Christmas evening I had already surrendered to the urge for green and browsed the Internet (yes it was Pinterest, okay??!!) for gardening images and such. I just can’t help it.

   Once the holidays are over (or shortly before the last hurrah) I have this intense biological craving for growth and freshness and live greenery.

   It so happens that coinciding with all of this chlorophyllic anticipation… a bowl of paper white bulbs which I have been nursing since around Halloween has been on the verge of blooming.

   This morning I just felt like it could happen at any moment, and since this will be my very first ever batch of successfully grown indoor flower bulbs in my whole long life! …I did not want to miss the big moment.

   So for the bulk of my morning I sat contentedly next to the Christmas tree with my shiny new PAPER planner and a sharpened pencil and some orange juice and just watched it, this little glass bowl of promise. I watched the thick, fleshy stems bend indiscernibly toward the sunny east window. And I rotated the bowl gently to face the darker wall. Then the stems stretched again to face the sun. Back and forth, keeping the vertical, verdant lines as straight and strong as possible. I watched the towering bulbous pods atop those stems grow more pregnant with expectation, hour by quiet hour.

   Watching the slow, silent ballet of life take place on my coffee table, I was reminded of the magic, the miracle of living and dying. Of growth, transformation, yearning, and regeneration. I also wondered who the heck do I think I am forcing these bulbs to do the impossible?? …to bloom outside of their appointed times?
  
 But then I remembered Russia and all of her abundant hot houses in the midst of those endless winters . And the power of grace, the very real presence of blessings we do not deserve. Flowers held warmly and mercifully inside glass rooms where the frozen tundra can’t hurt them. Love and joy held securely in our hearts and homes where darkness cannot creep in and steal them.

“In the depth of winter,
I have finally learned that within me there lay
an invincible summer.”
~Albert Camus

   Mostly, you guys, I am just so excited to start planning the gardens for 2013 and begin work on composting, ordering, seed starting, etc. And I will try my best to be fueled by this excitement rather than paralyzed by it this year.

   But deeper than that, I am thrilled to be so in touch with the beauty of life. With all of its challenges, despite all of its inevitable pain, this world is so beyond words beautiful. And life is so rewarding when you actively live it.

   Don’t be afraid to force bulbs a little ahead of springtime. I can’t believe the difference this one spot of green makes in my living room! And don’t be afraid to cultivate little joys, either. They may be exactly what lift you out of the darkest, coldest rooms of your life’s winter.

   As I wrap up my midday chores and end my coffee table vigil, the paper whites have not quite bloomed. But I know they will. And in the mean time I am happy to watch and wait for that beautiful miracle.

Cultivate Joy.
Be Invincible.
xoxoxo


 

 

 

December is Beautiful, Be Sweet

   Happy December you awesome people! Did you have a good weekend? Are you even more in the thick of Christmas preparations than last time I asked you? Things at the Lazy W are just as simultaneously hectic and restful as ever. I am hitting a daily stride around here that is deeply satisfying, so much so that maybe one day I should try to write it. It’s a thrilling awareness.

   Anyway. 
   As our seasonal decorations evolve from autumnal to sparkly, and as we accumulate special gifts for loved ones and indulgent desserts and appetizers for all of the holiday parties headed our way, I am happy to have a moment of pause. This year I am thinking of the Christian reasons to celebrate, of course, but also of the pagan traditions that have carried over into modern culture. Maybe it’s Oklahoma’s changing weather patterns that have me feeling all contemplative… Or maybe it’s the fact that this year I have more friends than ever who don’t particularly subscribe to a rigid Christian label. Or maybe it’s that in two days I will trepidatiously get my first spray tan thanks to a bottom-dollar coupon on Living Social I bought a thousand years ago. Whatever the cause, I am simmering in thoughtfulness about why we do the wintry-Christmassy things we do.
   I don’t have too giant of a message with this you guys, only a little reminder and encouragement to go ahead and celebrate things your way, according to your own heart. Pull out all the stops! But don’t waste precious time and energy criticizing how others celebrate. Or how they don’t. The things we do are supposed to be joyful and loving, life-affirming acts, not critical and obligatory and demeaning to others. Or to yourself. And certainly, traditions are at their best when they are upheld deliberately and lovingly. Don’t you agree?
“We have just enough religion to make us hate,
but not enough to make us love one another.”
~Johnathon Swift
   So if you have a friend or neighbor who decorates a tree but doesn’t use an Advent wreath or nativity scene, relax. There is still enough Christmas cheer for everyone. And if you are one of those sweet souls who  cringes at this time of year because of the inevitable religious guilt trips, despair not. True Love isn’t about that. Go ahead and keep your personal winter traditions, whatever they are. Let them bind you to your past and comfort you for your present. And everyone come to the lazy W for some hot chocolate by the fire! If this winds ever dies down we will be open for bonfiring business. And Christmas caroling. Because these are some of my traditions.
Live lovingly and 
Wish Me Luck with my Spray Tan!
xoxoxoxo
   
   

Diamonds, Dreams, and Worry Doors

   My morning coffee is often the perfect time to browse through inspirational quotes and essays, opening my mind and heart to those morsels of wisdom that just click into some struggle happening within me. Today offered such a moment of serendipity, and I’d like to share it with you. I hope you’ll join the conversation.

“You rush from room to room 
hunting for the diamond necklace
already around your neck.” ~Rumi

   It floors me. How common is this? With such enormous appetites for everything from food to material luxuries and even friendships or romance, how often are we chasing after more than we need, or how often do we fail to notice dreams that have already come true? I know I am guilty of this from time to time. And not just when we frequent the Friday Night country auction, though that is a great example. I mean, I don’t care what Pinterest says… A person only needs so many rusted antique milk cans or empty wooden frames that want to be painted turquoise…

   We can accumulate more than we need in many areas of life, continuing to pursue duplicates or poor imitations of treasures already at our feet.

   Handsome and I watched a news segment this morning about a pink diamond ring being auctioned off for charity, at a ridiculous value. The female news anchors, doing their jobs, oohed and ahhed over the sparkly bauble then took turns trying it on. They each slipped it on their wedding ring fingers where beautiful diamond rings already sat. This really bothered me, that a woman would put another diamond ring where her wedding ring sits, just because the second ring is pretty. To each her own, but really. To me, that speaks volumes.

   Then about ten minutes later I read the above quote from Rumi, and it lept off the page. Err, phone screen.

   I am not looking for diamond rings, by the way. That was just an interesting coincidence. But this does remind me of a sparkly wrap bracelet I bought about a year and a half ago on a frivolous shopping trip with my friend Marci. It is missing about a third of its stones but is so pretty, and so odd, that I wear it all the time. It cost like nine bucks.

I think this is a necklace, but I usually wrap it a few times around my wrist.

   Anyway, to add yet another layer of coincidence, Marci happened to called me out of the blue yesterday with some of the most encouraging words I have heard in a long time.

   Read into this as much or as little as suits you, but for me I am taking all of this as a big, happy clue to examine my yearnings. Do you remember the Worry Door story, and how it is supposed to be closed tight, forever?  What phantoms do I still allow to creep up and and terrify me, and what dreams am I still chasing frantically, that perhaps have already come true?

Thrifty stuff update: That painting now sits on my writing desk upstairs in the Apartment;
that gray & white tiered stand has served about three hundred cookies by now;
and those paper white bulbs are finally planted and proudly displaying three inch green sprouts! 

   I have this slightly weird belief that some prayers can be answered in advance, at a far distance; they just take a little time to become visible. That is when faith bridges the distance, the waiting period.

   That is when I have to trust that the diamond necklace I am hunting in every room is already around my neck. Or my wrist. So I just close my eyes and imagine it. And give thanks for it. And stop hunting. And allow the Worry Door to remain closed.

   What phantoms chase you around, trying to terrify you and fling open your Worry Door? Let it stay closed, man. What dream are you pursuing, hunting like a diamond necklace in every room? Perhaps it is already around your neck.Or your wrist. I’m not suggesting that worry has no place in life, or that we should stop dreaming big dreams. Just that sometimes it’s good to stop and notice how abundantly blessed we already are, and how many treasures already belong to us.

Be Happy.
And if You Have a Friend Like Marci, 
Give Her a Hug.
xoxoxo

Red Beans & Rice Won’t Miss Her

   Of the following two things,
I cannot decide which I love more:

Cajun Cooking 
or
Spiritual Metaphors

A.)  On one hand, Cajun food is nourishing and spicy. It warms my belly and my bones, and it makes my mouth dance. It’s an instant mood lifter, and it makes me want to string up lights on everything I see and paint things black and turquoise. And it’s so practical. Cajun cooking is the best of both artistry and resourcefulness, really. It encourages us to make the best use of whatever ingredients we have, and it is always aimed at satisfaction and excitement, never leanness or deprivation.

B.)  And spiritual metaphors are really aimed at satisfaction, too, not deprivation, not when you see things clearly. I am a firm believer that God wants us to be happy and fulfilled in a thousand ways every day!

C.)  On the other hand, spiritual metaphors have the unique ability to relate me and my frantic, purpose-seeking mind to every little thing in the world. Spiritual metaphors can make me cry those good, cleansing, satisfying tears. And apparently I need a lot of that in life.

D.)  But wait. Actually, is it that unique? Really good Cajun food has done the same thing. A particular restaurant in New Orleans serves bread pudding that reduces me to actual wet, salty tears every single time we visit. I have tried to analyze myself to understand why this happens. I have even tried to keep it from happening (because openly weeping in small, crowded restaurants in embarrassing), but to no avail. Red Beans and Rice followed by Bread Pudding at Little Dizzy’s = a sobbing, inarticulate me.

So, you see? Both Cajun Cooking 
and Spiritual Metaphors
are a kind of Soul Food. 
No wonder it’s hard to choose a fave.
Little Dizzy’s gumbo includes not only spicy andouille sausage but also crab legs, shrimp, and more…

   So basically it’s a toss up for me. A toss up between the virtues of the best food you will ever put in your mouth and the veil of meaning around all the tangible stuff we might notice on a daily basis. It just so happens that this week I stumbled on a glorious and unexpected intersection of these two, which I’d really like to share with you guys…

********************

   I pinky-promise I’m getting to the point.

   While cruising food blogs and keeping my eyes open for the perfect recipe for red beans and rice (been craving it, clearly), I found this lovely woman’s story about counting beans and raisins. That is not a typo. For a month she kept two bowls, one for collecting raisins when she spoke kind, truthful, loving words, and the other for collecting uncooked beans when she spoke hard or unkind words, angry ones, words that hurt.

   Here is a link to the 2010 blog post written by Lisa over at My Own Sweet Thyme: Eating Our Words- How Will Yours Taste? I hope you spend a few minutes reading it. Then you should spend even more time browsing her gorgeous recipe collection! I have already Pinned about a thousand.

   So it’s simply a metaphor for closely watching the things that we say… A simple way of measuring whether our words are hard and hurtful, or soft and sweet. I was rapt immediately. Then she continues the metaphor by describing how hard, dry beans can be redeemed into a delicious and nourishing meal. This slayed me… 

When the month is done we will cook and eat the bowl of beans we have collected. Soaking them in water the beans soften as the hard outer husk cracks and often pulls away. When heat is applied they become even softer until they are actually palaltable and can provide nourishment. Then the beans are able to absorb a little salt and other seasoning making them into a tasty meal.

 
   Are you with me? Is your jaw dropped open a little, and is your heart humbled? The notion that even our hard words can be transformed by the Water, heat, and salt provided by God… this is encouraging.

********************

   All of this has been a big challenge for me lately. I have been shocked at some of the things proceeding out of my mouth, mostly because of what it represents in my heart. Way too much bitterness and hostility is bottled up inside me, and no matter how hard I work to keep it in check or filter those feelings, eventually they leak out of my mouth. Even if I just mutter things under my breath or alone in the barn while raking hay, the words hang in the air, poisoning our environment. They echo in my head and shame me during happy moments. The worst part is that sometimes people I love hear them and are hurt by them. I am hoping daily for multiple opportunities to make amends.

   What I need is the Water of Life, heat like discipline and conviction, and salt like Truth and power. I need Love to soak and soften everything, to transform my hard words into something better.

   Just for your own study, here are some relevant scriptures:

  • James 3:10 “Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not be so.”
  • Matthew 15:18 (Jesus speaking) “But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart, and they defile the man.”
  • Luke 6:45  “A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh.” 
  • Ephesians 4:15 “But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ.” 
  • James 1:19 “Wherefore, my brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.”
   
   And here are a few relevant quotes I found thought-provoking:
  • “By swallowing evil words unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach.” ~Winston Churchill
  • “The trouble with talking too fast is that you may say something you haven’t thought of yet.” ~Ann Landers
  • “Speak when you are angry, and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.” ~Ambrose Bierce
  • “Don’t speak unless you can improve the silence.” ~Spanish proverb

   But I am afraid this restraint of speech is only part of the solution. The root of anger still needs to be resolved, at least for me it does. I feel a series coming on, folks.

   Big thanks to Lisa for her sweet note and for allowing me to use her words today. I hope you all can take time to read her essay and then examine your own words. Weigh them, and if they are hard just know that they can be softened. God redeems all kinds of sin. All is not lost.

   Also, make some Cajun food! It’s definitely on the Lazy W menu this week!

Be Happy, Speak Lovingly, Eat Well
xoxoxoxo