Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

out of the blue and in his perfect timing

Two Wednesdays ago, I had already planned to drive to the City to see Jess and go shopping with her for eyeglasses, hopefully grab lunch together, and do some early Christmassy fun stuff, too. You may already grasp what a beautiful blessing just this much is in our life, this normal mom-and-daughter afternoon. A year ago it was a brand new chapter, and I have been grateful every day since. But this week, we had another surprise.

In our planning texts, Jess asked casually how I would feel about her big sister joining us. My contact with Joc has been almost non-existent this past year, though I do hear updates through loved ones here and there and my intense dreams about her have not slowed down. But this would be our first in-person meeting in many months, and for it to happen by her choice made it extra meaningful. 

 

Silliness, beauty inside and out, & pure joy!! xoxoxo

My baby girls are young women now, ages 23 and 21, both fully engaging in life with all of its light and darkness, all of its thrills and terror and beauty and ugliness. They are as similar as twins yet wildly different. And they are two of the most resilient, deeply feeling, and vital people you will ever meet. Seeing them together, across from me, after so many years is an immeasurable joy.

Jess treated us to rolled ice cream after a romaine-free Tex-Mex lunch.

A few days before this, though I never told anyone, I was kind of on the edge of despair. For all my talk of gratitude and hope, faith and trust, I certainly have little stretches of time when the facts get too loud and scary, and I begin to doubt.

That Monday morning I was driving to the lake for a run and cried out loud to God, kind of spontaneously, “When are you going to bring her back?! I miss her so much!! Just bring her back!” Had you been in the car with me, friend, you might have described my outburst as a shriek. And not a lovely one. It was guttural and unplanned.

Though brief, all of that felt too much like anger, which is dangerous territory for me. So I tempered it with deliberate prayers of trust, shaping my thoughts and words with effort, making sure to verbalize that His timing is perfect, that I know it’s more important for her to be safe and happy than it is for me to have her close by.

You know that sometimes with motherhood, sometimes it is an impossible separation for us, to ever stop craving our children. Sometimes I miss them so much I feel like screaming or vomiting. Selfish, but there it is.

So I quieted myself and ran those solitary miles and went on with my work day at the farm. Next came a few days of extra spiritual/emotional work, choosing to trust Him when it did not come easily. And I will tell you that God was merciful. He sent me some relief, emotionally. I just felt softer, safer, more assured in those days. And forgiven for my outburst, too.

Then came Jessica’s text Wednesday morning. My hands were shaking, and I cried and giggled until my jaws clattered against each other.

Then my long drive to Oklahoma City, anticipating Jocelyn’s face, her ebony eyes, her smell, her slender arms and sneaker-clad feet. I had seen her from a distance recently, while driving, but that she hadn’t seen me. 

When I found my girls together, they were happy and laughing, curling their hair. We spent just a moment in suspense, feeling the space between us, then we hugged tighter than ever. I laughed until I cried, again. And those slender arms squeezed me back. She was 23 and newborn and 9 years old and home with me and on a mountain top in Estes park and there in her sister’s apartment, all at once.

We spoke carefully at first, but that did not last long. All this joy and ease, all of this delicious energy, just poured out of us, into the room, filling the space between the three of us. I could taste the Love.

This is exactly the kind of thing that is both out of the blue and completely “on deck,” if you know what I mean. It is something for which we have been praying, and we have trusted and built up our faith stone by stone, but we could never know when the answer would come. In fact, sometimes the answer comes in glimpses, and that’s ok.

Last November, life was so different. We were stunned and fearful. I wrote this almost exactly a year before this thrilling reunion two Wednesdays ago:

I have spent the last two weeks soaking this answered prayer deep into my bones.

I know more is coming.

I know that God hears us. He is worthy of our trust, and He has better answers than we could every imagine on our own, certainly better solutions than we could construct ourselves. I’ll happily take these glimpses of joy while we wait and trust. 

Whatever miracle you are waiting to see, please keep believing that the best is yet to come. Please muster the oxygen to fuel your faith, and fan each other’s flames too because we all need the warmth. Joy is coming. miracles are very real.

XOXOXOXO

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

how we enrich each other’s motherhood

If it’s true that it takes a village to raise a child, then surely that truth carries throughout life. Surely good mothers can rally around each other, impart their best qualities, and thereby nourish more women to help more children live fuller, healthier, happier lives. A cross-pollination of sorts, you know?

I am so grateful for my own Mom, for my Mother in Law, for other women in my big beautiful family, and for the dazzling array of female friends in my life who collectively have nourished my mind and heart. They each and all have helped me see the world in new ways. They have helped to refine me, inspire my dreams, and put muscle behind my efforts. I am sure you would say the same about the women in your life. We all are products of our communities. We all help each other evolve and grow, and it’s beautiful.

The woman I was yesterday introduced me to the woman I am today; which makes me very excited about meeting the woman I will become tomorrow.

From my own sweet Mom, among many other passions, I inherited a love of gardening. She taught me slowly, by osmosis even, a host of growing lessons without ever calling them lessons. She passed along a love of recycling found objects and furnishing a home on a shoestring. She taught me that cooking at home, in my own kitchen, is better than eating at any restaurant (except maybe really good Tex Mex) and that leftovers can be delicious and fun. Because of her I crave healthy food and love to be outside. Imagination, I learned first from my Mom, is vital to our well being, and boredom is not an option for any thinking person.

From Judy, Handsome’s Mom, I learned to pray. I learned to cover my children in prayer and anoint them. She taught me to trust God with my babies, with our home, with everything. Judy taught me how to seek after miracles and lay my hands on them.

My sister Angela is younger than me but has taught me plenty. She proves the incomparable power of unconditional love. Her children are her glow and life force.

My little brother’s amazing wife Halee is one of my most favorite people on this planet. As a mother she exudes peace and calm. Over the years she and I have had deep discussions about the power of positivity, and really her life is proof of it. She as incredible inner strength and lends it to me regularly. (PS: They are expecting their second baby, yay!!)

Marci, my very best girlfriend, personifies the importance of education and hard work. She sets a high bar for her children and supports them firmly every step of the way. She is also one of the most fiercely protective mothers you will ever meet, so much so that it even makes me feel safe, haha!

My friend Meredith reminds me to celebrate the uniqueness of each of my children. She aims her gaze away from herself, toward whatever her children are looking at, and I love that. I am now in a chapter with Jocelyn that allows me to do that more than ever, and it is quite a gift. I’m thankful for Meredith’s example.

Brittany celebrates wildness. She prizes a little feral beauty in her young kittens, and she clearly sees them as dangerous, powerful individuals. She whispers a thrilling kind of freedom into the world, and I would be so sad without her voice.

Deb is a woman I have known since she was a teenager and I was little girl. She was my Mom’s midwife when my little sister Genny was born, and over the years Deb has been a strong, happy role model to me. She promotes whole-person wellness, good music on repeat, granola, chamomile tea, and playing outside. She spread her wings early in life and has encouraged her children to do the same. We are reconnected now as my own daughter is spreading her wings, and that has been so comforting.

Heather is my Canadian blogging friend. She and I became acquainted during a dark valley in my motherhood journey, and she helped me see the light. She helped me keep alive that spark of hope for good adult relationships with my daughters, hope for the truth to come out slowly and safely. Now she helps me celebrate good news over and over, and I appreciate her so much! All of that, plus she is just one of the most industrious and creative women ever to walk the earth.

Christy is a friend I would have been lucky to make about twenty years earlier, except I understand now that timing in life is perfect. Just leave it alone. She is an avid champion for positive body image, healthy habits, and joy. Unbridled joy!! But if I write much more about this woman she might block me on Facebook.

Tracy is a book club girlfriend who is devoted to her family. Her style is to be active with them and be silly and play. Play play play. She is a serious soul with a very un-serious side that I adore. She reminds me to play, and I love that.

My drop dead gorgeous cousin (she’s actually my second cousin but so what) Jen is a whole other kind of playful. She is the kind of mom who worries privately but somehow transmits only confidence and zen. She absorbs the darkness for her people and does some kind of magic that makes it possible for her to only emit light. She is dry witted, fun, sexy, smart, and very go-with-the-flow, and it’s all so magnetic.

I met Trisha through Marci and am so glad we are friends. She is a first-time mom with great old-time values. She is deliberate in filling her toddler Avery’s time with valuable stuff, lessons and face time, but no screen time. She wants her daughter to grow up unencumbered by technology addiction, and what a great reminder to us all. This is only a snapshot of what she offers the world, but to me it’s vital. It’s all about carpe diem, right? Yes.

My Aunt Marion has imparted to me a wealth of wisdom and good habits. More than I can encapsulate here. What stands out as I write this is her attention to nesting and home keeping. She allowed me to house sit for her when I was about 19 years old, during a time her house was on the market to be sold. She left clear instructions to keep every bed made, every bathroom tidy and clean, and the kitchen shining. I was not to leave the house with so much as one glass in the sink, she said happily, because a realtor might bring a prospective buyer to view the house at any time. The thing is, her house has always been clean and beautiful. This was nothing special for her. But that short week of keeping her home up to her standards made a deep impression on me. It’s probably why I find it physically impossible to go to bed now with so much as a glass in the kitchen sink, and I never leave the farm with unmade beds or messy bathrooms.

I was thrilled to be in touch with both of my beautiful girls today! Klaus was happy to be cuddle up for a Mother's Day photo though, haha! xoxo
I was thrilled to be in touch with both of my beautiful girls today! So very happy. But my sweet Klaussen volunteered to cuddle up for the Mother’s Day photo, haha! xoxo

I could write for days about dozens of other women, and just as many men, who challenge and inspire me to be better. These are the women who came to my heart today. I was laying outside, just kind of luxuriating after a long, happy lunch with local family, and the warmest feeling of gratitude washed up over me. Warm, vibrating gratitude for the influence these women have been. For the contributions they continue to make to my life. I hope they each know they are appreciated.

Who has enriched your motherhood? What qualities are you thankful to see growing in your life because someone else planted a seed?

Happy late Mother’s Day to all of my friends. My wish is that you feel more hope than pain. That you are standing in more light than dark. And that you trust deep in your bones the trans-formative power of Love and imagination.

Now excuse me while I have dessert for dinner.

“Empowered women empower women.”
XOXOXOXO

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

happy mother’s day

Happy Mother’s Day, friends! How are you spending today? Are you sleeping late and enjoying a simple but heartfelt breakfast in bed constructed by toddlers? Are you dressing up for a fancy brunch with adults? Are you attending church service with your family, looking forward to hearing the preacher’s message about motherhood and all a good woman’s virtues?

Or are you removed from some of the cultural fanfare, either missing your mother or missing your children? I think of some close friends who lost their Moms years ago, and how even with the passage of time the pain doesn’t stop. This worries me for my husband who lost his Mom just a year and a half ago. I also think of the women in our life who have lost a child, of how no matter who else is in their life, that loss remains a deep, open wound.

This all can be scary, except that I understand how grief can be such a beautiful expression of affection. Love and loss, so closely intertwined.

rp_instagram-roses-after-rain.jpg

I am so lucky. My own life has been generously blessed by an amazing Mom who at a young, tender age decided to give everything to me, and then to my four siblings, and now to our spouses and her grandchildren. Her life all these forty-plus years has been all about us, good and bad, no matter how much it has hurt her. But really she shows us joy. She makes us believe that she has loved every minute of the roller coaster, and each of the five of us would agree that Mom is our biggest fan, our most ardent cheerleader no matter what we are trying to accomplish. We may not always admit it, but making her proud and making her laugh is truly one of life’s biggest pleasures.

Mom has been an example of humility and strength, selflessness, resourcefulness, and good, plain hard work. She has also shown me how to be a good friend to people and how to be a good caretaker. She totally embodies gratitude. She is a wonderful cook, talented at creating delicious things out of whatever she already has, and she grows the most beautiful gardens. Slowly, naturally, patiently. Every year her gardens are more stunning. This is how I want my entire life to look.

mom me 2015

Time will tell whether I become the woman Mom has shown me to be, but for today I am very grateful. I am grateful for the example she continues to set, for the forgiveness she allows when I hurt her, and also for the freedom she gives me to live my own life, to find my own way.

heart shaped rose petals

However you are spending this day on the calendar, I wish you all the Love your soul craves as well as all the strength and openness you need to share the Love you have already been given. I hope your life has been graced by all the best qualities of motherhood so that when someone near you needs it, you can shed that grace all over again. Keep it moving, just like new life. Breath it in and breathe it out.

“Making the decision to have a child- it is momentous.
It is to decide forever to have your heart go
walking around outside your body.”
~Elizabeth Stone
XOXOXOXO

Milestone, Miracles, and a Goodbye.

   Today was my sweet Momma’s birthday. Her double-nickel birthday, to be exact. Handsome and I joined her and my Dad, my baby brother, our nephew and his friend for dinner in the City. We ate a Tex-Mex feast on a very sunny balcony. So very sunny. Really hot. Like lava. The sun set in a curvy line behind the biggest skyscraper downtown. My nephew was confused.

Feliz Cumpleanos! 

   We had the best time. We always do, really. I love my family so much, and I know I take them for granted. I feel nauseous sometimes to realize how many days have passed since I’ve seen them, or weeks. Or months in some cases.

   Tonight we teased my Dad about how many wounds and scars he has on his arms and legs at the moment. To say he is accident prone isn’t quite right; it’s more fair to say that he has an abject disregard for his personal well being and never ever stops working. Physical work.

   My nephew quipped, “Grandpa’s not really a handyman; he must be in Fight Club.” In addition to his numerous bumps and bruises, this would explain why Dad’s not much of a talker. No worries, because the rest of us love to talk. Love it.

********************

   Earlier today, before this heat and this laughter,  Handsome and I attended a funeral. A friend of ours buried his mother. She was older than mine, but not that much. She seemed too young to be gone, except that she had endured a long, difficult illness and her release was a blessing.

   Hearing our friend’s grief to say goodbye to his Mom was deeply moving. It softened my heart in unexpected ways; and it certainly made the hours I spent with my own Momma tonight extra sweet.

   He and his brother both read beautiful poems they each had written to honor their Mom, and the whole room held our breath together then sobbed gently.

Me with Momma on Mother’s Day last year.
She taught me to love gardens and gardening.
She has a carefree, affectionate gardening style, 
and this is one corner of her paradise in Oklahoma City.
Those blue and purple flowers behind us? Larkspur.
She cut them all and brought them to our farm in large buckets 
early the morning of the wedding we hosted last May.
That’s how she is.

   I also exchanged some loving notes with my first born today. I cannot overstate what a miracle this is, this recent trend between us. And soon I want to describe the journey from despair to joy in full, but not tonight.

   That’s all I really have to say. Just that life is full of reminders to love more deeply and appreciate each other more fully. I received my reminders today.

   Happy Birthday Momma, I love you so much!!

   And friends, please say some prayers for the peace and comfort of our friends Trent and Carrie and their family. Thank you!

Love your people.
Anticipate Miracles.
xoxoxoxo

 

Proverbs 31, Motherly Advice for Sons…

   Since Proverbs 31 starts off as advice given from a mother to her son, presumably Bathsheba to King Solomon, a man who would hold great influence in the world, I thought it would be fun to collect bits of advice some of my guy friends have received from their own sweet mommas. You will quickly see that not everyone took this assignment too seriously. But that’s okay; I appreciate every single submission greatly. Enjoy…

Brian:  “When you’re eighteen, you’re outta here!” Ha!! Thanks, Brian.

Fairo: “Be good. And if you can’t be good, be safe.” I just love this. I can totally hear my Grandma Dunaway saying it to my Uncle Chris and me as suntanned, barefoot kids. And she might be laughing as we run outside to play in the wasp-filled barn and hide in the trees from angry cows. Thanks Fairo!

Brad:  “Don’t kill your sister, because one day that might make you sad.” He claims this advice was often given during a regularly scheduled beat down session between him and his sister. That is a direct quote, folks. Thanks Brad!

Brandy:  “Go to church and always put God first.” This is my husband’s foremost memory of advice from his Mom, but I can assure you she has taught him thousands of wonderful things, from money management to overall stewardship of your blessings, hard work, and charity. What’s beautiful is that the foundation of putting God first kind of covers it all. Oh, and she also taught him all about hot rods and street racing… Ahem…

Pete: “Don’t leave fingerprints on the coffee table.” Okay. Pete’s lovely wife Tracy submitted this on his behalf, and I just want to say that teaching good habits for a clean home might be a skill more future wives would appreciate. Very cool.

Greg: “Please don’t put that milk in your ear. It only goes in your mouth.” This is my nephew. He is flat out adorable. And two years old. Also, when his Mom and I chat on the phone he likes to yell constantly in the background, “Love you Rie!! Love you Rie!! Love you Rie!!” This is what my siblings called when when they were small and adorable, a long long long time ago (well, Gen still does), and I think it’s so funny that he picked it up naturally. Okay, watch that milk, Greg!! xoxo I love you too!!

Bruce:  “Kill them with kindness.” This is advice given for dealing with jealousy or anger. I think it’s brilliant. Simple, age-old, and applicable to just about any relationship. Thanks to Bruce’s wife Serena for submitting this!

Doug:  “If you want to see how a man will treat a woman, watch how he treats his mother.”  Also, “Never hit a woman.” Have you guys ever heard this before, that a man will treat his wife the way he treats his mother? What are your thoughts?

Zane: “Don’t do anything you would be ashamed of or embarrassed to tell your future wife.” Ha!! This young man’s mom is my gorgeous, smart, and thoroughly lovable cousin Jen. I have spent a lot of energy in life pretending we were twin sisters, that’s how much I want to be like her. She’s giving you good advice, there, Zane!

Jon said that his sweet Mom gave him mostly practical advice: “Chew with your mouth closed, brush your teeth every night, and don’t eat your boogers.” I cannot help but wonder about the relationship between these three bits of wisdom… Thanks Jon!

********************

   And now, for a touch of the timeless, a few little scraps of wisdom from people we don’t know:

“When you teach your son, you teach your son’s son.” ~The Talmud

“I remember my mother’s prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life.” ~Abraham Lincoln

“Giving your son a skill is better than giving him one thousand pieces of gold.” ~Chinese Proverb

“Let France have good mothers, and she will have good sons.” ~Napoleon Bonaparte

   That last one slays me. How beautiful! To me, this speaks directly to the notion that nourishing our hearts first will inevitably result in an outpouring of health, love, and growth, in all areas of life. We need good sons! So ladies, be good mothers.

********************

   Thanks for reading, everyone! I hope you have time to share your mother-son advice or thoughts on any of these here. Have a wonderful Friday, and if you’re in Oklahoma bundle up. We’re getting excited for the first truly blustery weekend of the season.

xoxoxoxo