Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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simple ways to keep those positive vibes vibing

Even the most upbeat folks endure times when they struggle to maintain positive vibes. A friend who I admire greatly and who wants to be positive but is managing all kinds of heavy, meaningful burdens right now, recently invited practical suggestions. What average, daily rituals can a person adopt to stay afloat? 

Maintaining positive vibes in a negative world is a universal challenge, although it can often feel like we are all alone in the struggle. Here are my thoughts:

 

  • “Neck-Up Check-Up” I once saw this phrase while subbing in a Kindergarten classroom. It was posted above a small mirror, where only the teacher (a woman I love and look up to still) could have seen it. I interpreted the phrase to be just a quick and easy reminder to think about how you look. Your facial expression. The softness (or hardness) in your eyes. How clean are your teeth? Do you need to touch up some makeup? Tidy up your hair? Or just relax and smile? Whatever appearance means to you, tend to it for a minute. And not just for vanity reasons. Lots of times the way you look from the neck up speaks volumes about how you are moving through the world. Personal vibes are both contagious and visible. They also tend to circle right back to you.

 

  • Limit Your Exposure To the internet (you know what poisons you), to toxic people, to abrasive music, to chemical smells, to electronics, etcetera. Just scan your spirit and mind and body for whatever could be fraying your nerves unnecessarily. Step away. Make some space for your well being. I’m not saying this will erase your actual problems, but why cope with them in a compromised state? Cleanse yourself a little, and smooth out the rough edges. Manage what is eroding your strength so you can focus on the bigger stuff.

 

  • Fresh Air & Endorphins You guys know my favorite way to feel better is to go for a good, sweaty, happy run (it’s magic for sure). But I also reap so much peace and joy just from walking around the farm and playing with the dogs, brushing the horses, piddling around the gardens. Even just twenty or thirty minutes outdoors works wonders for me. I quickly regain that deep sense of calm, even if a very real-life problem has arisen.
    Do whatever you can do to get outside, no matter the weather and no matter where you live. Soak it up consciously. Take a senses inventory if you have time. Move your blood, breathe deeply, and hydrate while you’re at it. It’s all basically free energy. And friends, carefully consider whether you spend that time sorting through the problem or recharging yourself. Every situation needs something different.

 

  • Count Your Blessings. Active gratitude is powerful! Sometimes even bad situations are still so freaking lucky, it’s crazy! When your anxiety cranks up, take a beat. Register loud and clear within your brain how lucky you are, that whatever you’re upset about really could be much worse (almost always true in my life, which is filled with close calls, near misses, and silver linings). Or, think about something else entirely. Refocus just long enough to remind yourself that “The Awful or Annoying Thing” is not everything in life. Magnify what is going really truly right and let it swell and grow. Let it begin to take over the landscape of your thoughts and emotions. Start listing stuff that thrills you, stuff for which you are crazy thankful.
    I have a rule for myself: For every single thing about which I want to complain, I have to name five other things that are good. This argument of light over dark happens silently in my own head, and it always works to combat that irritable, downward spiral, gloomy vibe. It’s so easy. Also? The ratio of good to bad is always way better than 5:1. Because life is beautiful and amazing. This rule just gets me going in the right direction. 

 

  • Focus on Someone Else. My Grandma Ina Lynne was known for her positivity and generosity of spirit. She often shared her philosophy, that as soon as you begin to feel sorry for yourself, think of someone else who has it worse. And extend yourself to them. Help someone else with a problem to escape your pity party. (That’s all paraphrased, of course…xoxo)
    I know that not all of our life stress is rooted in self-pity. But lots of our paralyzing suffering is, if we are being honest. We can choose to step away from that and pour our physical and spiritual energy into lifting up someone else and, magically, it tends to lift us too. Plus we gain that perspective (once again) of how much worse things could be. 

 

Joc & Bridge xoxo Best hiking guides on earth

 

Hopefully, friends, some of this resonates with you. What practical advice would you share for maintaining positive vibes?

I wish you the BEST this weekend has to offer!! Change is in the air, both the weather and the spirit behind it all. I’m excited. : )

Seize the Day
XOXOXOXO

september bliss list

I like this new tradition, this writing of a monthly Bliss List. Another thank you to the Hungry Yogis for their inspiration!

September 2017 was one for the record books in many ways. I recently shared the tip of one big, happy iceberg, and I cannot thank you enough for your outpouring of love and support, for everyone’s warm celebration of our family’s happy good news. It was a September highlight for sure, a highlight of an already beautiful and glimmering month of milestones and days well spent.

Let’s magnify the good stuff!

Pumpkin Spice Granola: This recipe will be on repeat all autumn. I first made it as part of a birthday care package for Jocelyn, and she and her boyfriend loved it. She said opening the container was like smelling home. (heart eyes) My friend Kellie made a version of it including cashews and pepitas. Yum!
 

 

Yoga! Early in the month, we spontaneously opened the farm for Full Moon Yoga on the deck, attended by a handful of our friends who had not yet met each other, which is always fun! Then one evening Meredith and I attended yoga in Oklahoma City, outdoors at the Myriad Gardens, which was beautiful. All of this led to Handsome and me together diving into a 30-day yoga challenge with Adriene. Every evening we roll out our mats up in the Apartment, try to convince the dogs to stay off of our mats, and practice together. It has become one of my favorite daily rituals. We are “finding what feels good,” ok?

Almost autumn. Oklahoma had a true Indian Summer, the kind of heat swell that catches you by surprise after a noticeable cool down. We got humid and sticky and all SPF-y for a few weeks. Then the rain came (again) and the temps dropped (again). As we finished September, the mornings were relatively crisp and cool. Blissful, especially for running.

The gardens are in transition, and just like every year, it is all so beautiful. I adore the slow decay, the gradual exchange of saturated color for dried sepia tones. I love collecting seed heads for next year and planning autumn color. All of it. We added more pallets to the veggie garden perimeter fence, and if you ask me it looks pretty fab. I have also been spending time collecting manure and flipping the 3-bin compost heap. This job always makes me weirdly giddy.

 

Jocelyn turned 22. Twenty-two, you guys!! We are so in love with her and so proud of her, in every way. Should I start a new blog where all I write about is how great my kids are? Ok.

Running and keeping an eye on marathon season: In September I started reading the Hansons Marathon Training book and have been nibbling away at pace tests as well gradually increasing weekly mileage. I feel so confident about building a strong base, staying injury free and healthy, happy, just overall balanced. That daily yoga ritual is helping tons. My long-term running goals are lofty (for me), but I am so happy with how September wrapped up: 169+ miles total, lots of cross training, mild weight loss (fat loss, leaner stronger legs), way better stamina, and slightly faster intervals. I just love it all and actually believe my goals are within reach. Watch for more running posts now that I’ve hit a stride!

We have two new kittens!! Have I told you? They are no longer feral, haha, not at all. They climb small trees, boss the dogs around, follow us all over the farm, know exactly where and what time to eat, and even like to be held for purring demonstrations. Handsome especially is quite smitten. I call them Root and Toot until further notice. 

Out and About This past month, all on one weekend, in fact, Handsome and I got dressed up and went to Oklahoma City for different and really fun food “gala” type events. We had such a good time, both times! We indulged in amazing food and drink, dancing with friends, and committed lots of pure silliness. I love getting away from the farm once in while and doing something completely different. 

My guy and his cars. This month I really have enjoyed watching my husband spend time in his shop again, working on cars and sorting through both creative and mechanical problems and ideas. It’s great to see him work on things that are central to his personality and not based on anyone else’s demands of him. He works so hard in life. xoxo

So many excellent meals. WOW. The following photo is of a pasta dish I enjoyed at an Italian restaurant in Del City, where had joined a group of folks from the Jedi OKC organization. This was basically a lemon-artichoke-capers-chicken-garlic plate of bliss. I think I had a dream about it a week or so later.

Thanksgiving plans are already in the works! We are so excited for the holidays this year. All of our coastal siblings and nephews are flying home, Genny is staying at the farm, and a big group of us plans to run a turkey trot together. Fun! 

Comfort and Connection. Since beginning to share some of our family’s story about alienation and reunion, so many people have reached out to tell me their own stories, friends and strangers alike. It saddens and comforts me all at once to see how widespread these heartaches are. It’s a weird, beautiful thing, to be connected to people over something like this.

 

Bedtime freedom. You know what has been really fun and blissful this past month? Sleeping anywhere we want, ha! We have a huge and very comfortable master bedroom upstairs, at the south end of the house. And we usually sleep there. But recently we have so truly enjoyed the newly spacious Apartment, that on cool nights we open the windows and luxuriate in the guest bed. Also, for a third option? Sometimes we inflate a camping mattress on the concrete floor in our downstairs tv room and sleep with the pups. I mean, we are adults. Probably.

Ok friends, please feel free to share something blissful from your September! I would love to read about it. Life can be dark and difficult, and the news especially deepens our sadness; but magnifying the beautiful stuff helps.

“Take responsibility for your own happiness.”
~Adriene Mishler
XOXOXO

 

 

this storm is over

Have you ever been caught in a storm that descended out of nowhere, was more violent and long-lasting than anything you’d ever endured, then fell apart and cleared away just as suddenly?  Maybe after the storm, you were stunned silent for a while, looking around to survey the damage as you caught your breath, slowly accepting that the worst was over and you could finally, truly relax. You might have hidden in a safe place during the storm, and found ways to be comfortable there, but afterward, you could come out into the open again. Only it took you a minute to realize this.

The last several weeks have delivered a wide spectrum of joy, our days and nights filled with both average beauty and extraordinary miracles. Handsome and I have exhausted ourselves working hard and playing harder, carpeing all the diems the best ways we know how. I have a lot to share about how life has changed here at the Lazy W. But I don’t know quite where to begin.

I keep drafting blog posts about lemon-artichoke pasta and what to grow in your fall gardens, also how my marathon prep has been going, but I know there is something bigger to share. And some of you know it too.

The thing is, our biggest storm is over. The one that began over a decade ago and brewed and stalled and tore through our lives and wreaked all kinds of scary havoc, the storm that began losing strength three years ago and released one of our girls to us, the one that even before that was closed behind the Worry Door, just like a hurricane, is finally over. One day the violence and the blinding rain just stopped. Like we knew it eventually would. Then the quiet came. And eventually some sweet, bright sunshine and gentle breezes. And now we just know that it’s over.

I am finally coming out of the stunned silence.

Jessica  turned twenty in August. She and I had been exchanging sparse emails throughout the summer, but they stalled around her birthday. Then not long after we were in touch aagin. The notes were long and sweet, intimate, meaningful, and rapidly becoming less and less careful. Less formal, increasingly familiar and delicious. We were building up a good line of communication, and I was grateul for it and not interested in rushing anything.

Then on the eve of the solar eclipse, she reached out in an unexpected way, although sort of how I always imagined she would, and the next day we spoke on the phone. It was the first time I had ever heard her adult voice, and I can tell you the sensation was a lot like hearing her infant voice crying for the first time. Only this time she laughed.

We spoke eagerly, giggled, exchanged I love yous and continued trading notes all of that day and evening and for days after. Then we made arrangements to see each other on the upcoming Friday afternoon. The days and hours leading up to our date felt, not surprisingly, a lot like anticipating labor induction two decades earlier. Except this time I was much healthier and much better prepared.

I picked her up in Oklahoma City. We spent the early afternoon drinking cold drinks and chatting (laughing so much), shopping for clothes and celebrating when we found bohemian dresses with pockets, reminiscing, grabbing groceries and getting caught up on life. We covered so much emotional ground as we drove around making quick stops all over Midwest City.

Then we drove back to the farm to cook together. She wanted to make shepherd’s pie and a cinnamom crumble cake, both of which turned out delicious. She has always been a natural in the ktichen.

Our reacquaintance was easy and natural. Handsome made it home from work early enough to spend time with her, too. It all felt so nice. She gushed love and affection. Noone had their guard up. We seemed to understand each other intuitively. Not only was there never an awkward silence or a forced word; the exchange of love was airtight and soothing. Harmonious. The way you always hope and need for communication to be. She is the same sweet little Jessie Michelle we had been mourning all these years, and she has done a stunning amount of maturing, too. I am so deeply grateful to know the woman she is becoming.

After I drove her back to the city so she could get ready for her evening and weekend plans, I realized that we had just spent four and a half hours together, during which time we never stopped talking. And it broke a silence of four and a half years. The mirrored time frame brought me to tears and shuddering laughter on my drive back to the farm. 

You could rightfully argue that four and a half hours could never replace the loss of four and a half years. But maybe you have never been through this. You would have to feel what I felt and learn what I have learned about God’s power and generosity to restore what’s been lost. Everything really can be wiped away in a moment. We have everything we need.

Okay. I have more to share soon. I appreciate you, as always, for stopping in here. It’s nice to share my heart with you and to have broken the silence too. This storm really is over. 

“Peace be still.”
XOXOXOXO

my bliss list for august

Hello and happy last day of August. I kinda can’t believe what the calendar is declaring, especially compared to what the weather is whispering. But here we are, well past the halfway mark for the year and once again taking stock of so much joy. 

After writing these privately for several months, I’m sharing for the first time my personally curated “Bliss List,” as inspired by an Austin based blogging team The Hungry Yogis. I hope you groove this. 

Farm Stuff…

  • Those chicks that hatched over Memorial Day weekend are growing like happy, bouncy little weeds. Their scruffy feathers have smoothed out, too, and they have found a place in the flock.
  • So much lush, green grass everywhere. Barefoot quality stuff. Cool, velvety lawns devoid of sticker patches. Bliss.
  • Hummingbirds smother the zinnias especially.
  • Speaking of zinnias, they are outstanding this month! As are the sunflowers, oregano, chocolate mint, roses, basil, lemongrass, morning glories, and more. The easiest plants to grow, sure, but no less blissful in their abundance.
  • We have a deer family visit from the Pine Forest several times per week. All month they have gathered at the pond around 5:45 a.m.
  • A baby hawk recently hatched. When it screams at us, we feel like we are in a Heman/Skeletor cartoon.
  • Natasha actually caught and killed a field mouse. It’s a miracle. She paraded it around for days.
  • And we discovered two baby kittens in the barn! Pretty certain that Giant Yellow Forest Cat is the daddy.
  • Fat, healthy, happy horses who (this is a new development) don’t mind fly spray anymore. Bliss for them and for me.
  • This month we collected far more fresh eggs than we could eat and had plenty to share.
  • Herbs, peppers, and leafy greens (kale and arugula) continued to grow the whole month, with constant little harvests. So fun.
  • We picked up an order of fresh hay in early August. The big, heavy bales are fragrant and gorgeous and should last until winter. Bliss to be stocked up.
  • The honeybees are multiplying again and are still building up their honey stores. It’s all pretty magical.
  • Velvet and Lincoln have been staying at the farm!! We all love having them here. So much fun. And it has been a character building experience for Mr. Only Child aka Klaus.
  • My husband has been mowing the grassy areas adjacent to our gravel driveway into curving wildflower meadows. I call it the “Curves and Edges Meadow.” The long, south edge is part of the front field, where Chunk-hi used to live. The earth there is not only healing; it is bursting with new life, a brand new wildness. The poetry is pretty hard to miss.

Personal Stuff…

  • I cut my bangs once this month and did not botch them. Cool.
  • Running has been on a steady uptick, my plantar situation healing nicely and my mileage increasing slowly each week, up to 130.56 for August. Running = bliss.
  • I found a new running trail near the farm! Having options is nice, especially for long-ish miles.
  • My health overall has been great, in fact. I feel easily vibrant, aware of not having chronic troubles. I appreciate it more and more as a gift, not a given.
  • Gutting the Apartment and starting a big redecorating project up there has been deeply satisfying. Like shedding old skin and starting fresh.
  • The book Code Red and all the intense charting I’ve done this summer really came into focus this month. I have enjoyed some fascinating insights and uncanny celestial coincidences. Three or fours women in my life might be about ready for me to stop coercing them to read the book, haha.
  • I am so happy to have made room in my schedule for things that really matter. This particular life improvement showed clearly this past month, and I am grateful. 
  • Good solid contact with my most beloved people. August brought lots of amazing surprises, and I will remember it forever.
  • So many glowing neon signs in life right now, pointing me straight to writing. It has been a month for good, solid alignment of signs, circumstances, and my heart’s desires.
  • August was another month of food triumphs. I could write a book on all the excellent nourishment we enjoyed. Not a cookbook, probably. Just lots of descriptions, ha.

Friends and Family Stuff…

  • We spent lots of quality time with our people this month. From intimate dinners to afternoons with nieces and nephews and of course that 5K downtown, then our big Lazy W Talent Show, August was packed with fun and meaningful socializing. We are surrounded with people who really magnify LOVE.
  • And one Friday night we drove to Norman to see my cousin perform her music live! Such a great night with family, and she is wonderfully talented.
  • I dreamed of my Grandpa all month for some reason. A few times I woke up thinking he was still alive, and that reality stung, but the dreams were sweet and warm and happy. I also happened to find some old letters from him, while cleaning out the Apartment. I think the arugula growing so well has kept him in my every day. Smells, after all, are so powerful.
  • I got to meet Marisa Mohi in person, finally! We had lunch then coffee to discuss bloggish things, then she and Rosie Puppins came to the farm last weekend for our Talent Show. Such a stellar human. I am very happy to know her.

 

Universal Stuff…

  • The eclipse was so refreshing and inspiring. Do you agree? Everyone pausing all day, collectively inhaling and watching the sky, drawn together to focus on something bigger and simpler and far more beautiful than the messes and suffering we have made for each other.
  • Noticing the orchestration of friendships. How sometimes we need someone we have only just met, and they need us too, or other times the familiarity of people who really know your history wraps you up at the perfect moment. The Universe knows us, knows what we need, knows what we have to offer, and is able to weave it all together into a pretty spectacular masterpiece if we relax and allow it to happen. So nice. 
  • This seed of an idea has germinated in my head: That competition can be a waste of energy in intimate relationships. I would love to hear your thoughts on this! But this is on my Bliss List because the notion of complementing each other rather than competing with each other is so sweet and soothing.
My husband snapped this photo of the Oklahoma State Capitol during the eclipse. Unfiltered, so dim and suspenseful.

Friends, thanks for listening. Thanks for checking in. It’s always nice to share the every day blissful details with you. And thank you, Hungry Yogis, for the luscious inspiration!

I hope you are well. I hope if you have loved ones in south Texas that they are safe and secure. 

Trust in Love. Count the tiny pleasures, let them multiply.

“If you are to love, 
love like the moon.
It does not steal the night
it only unveils the beauty of the dark.”
~Isra Al-Thibeh
XOXOXOXO

 

after the full moon

Monday delivered another unseasonably cool August daybreak. Walking from the kitchen door across the south lawn, two steaming mugs of perfect coffee in hand, I first noticed the humidity and then alternating pockets of warm and cool air. My eyesight was still blurry and dreamlike, barely awake, so in those stumbly moments, the brackish air around me seemed to manifest blue and pink, puffy handfuls of varying temperatures. It was an illusion, I knew that, but a gorgeous one.

To my left, of course, the sky actually was colorful. Oklahoma sun rises are surpassed in kaleidoscope beauty only by Oklahoma sunsets. Monday was no exception. Blues, pinks, and oranges. Silver and gold.

Later that day, after an easy run and half a day’s work, I walked back through this same space, west this time, downhill toward the shade garden. The sky had lowered and turned a suede gray. Still humid, but the air was stirred up now, all blended into one smooth, mellow flavor. Birds called from every side the way they often do only at dawn. Tree frogs and locusts raised the volume.

Full moon singing.

I spent some time cutting back sunflowers that were damaged from weekend thunderstorms. Thinking the whole time about Jessica turning twenty, I gathered enough for a hefty bouquet, set aside lots of dried seedheads for next year’s garden, and donated the rest to the horses and chickens.

(Besides sunflowers, did you know our horses will also eat arugula? Weirdos.)

Klaus kept me company most of the time, but he was often distracted by Meh splashing in the pond or crickets burrowing in the soft earth. My loyal pup appeared at my side half a dozen times with a muddy snoot and spiky-wet legs, belly, and tail. Little-boy happiness pulsing off of him.

I continued on emptying the raised beds of weeds and bolted leafy greens.

It’s a wonderful full moon task, this garden clean up. Right now is the perfect time for culling dead things, releasing what is damaged, and then letting everything rest. Since Monday I have grabbed an hour or two here and there, cleaning flower beds and working over exhausted vegetable plots, trying to help the farm catch its breath at this special time of the moon phase. Soon we will get another deep drink of rain, and more August heat, so this rest will be put to good use for new growth.

Just like in life, you know?

Wednesday night we drove to nearby Harrah to purchase a few round bales of hay for the bachelors.

Klaus accompanied us and smiled literally the entire time. I swear he puts of a certain kind of heat from his abundant joy. He loves truck rides so much.

When we arrived back at the farm and pulled through the barn to unload, Chanta, Dusty, and Meh thundered uphill and found us pretty quickly. They nibbled at a hay bale that was still wedged in the truck bed while Handsome wrestled, rolled, shoved, and pulleyed the other three behemoths into the barn. (We will eventually invest in a tractor with a hay spike; until then, it’s my husband’s brute strength that keeps things happening around here.)

We later dropped that delicious contraband over near the bonfire pit and deck yard, beneath some oak trees. I walked-rolled the big aluminum hay ring across the farm to encircle the feast.

I love fresh hay. Fragrant, tender, all shades of grassy neutrals and some green threads too. I love massive, dense bales that seem to be concrete blocks wrapped up in a flaky layer of goodness. Being stocked up makes me deeply content.

Early this morning, we took another walk south with perfect coffee in hand. Our Hot Tub Summit ritual continues. The farm was half wet from gentle overnight rain. The clouds were dappled, this daybreak as colorful as Monday’s but much warmer. The horses were standing at the new bale of hay, beneath the oak trees, eating breakfast (which actually appeared to be the end of a midnight snack). Sunlight from the east stabbed right through the steamy darkness and landed on the scene, illuminating all of it. Chanta’s hindquarters especially were glowing. Dusty took a deep breath and folded his legs to lay down. His big head lowered until his chin touched the wet leaves, and he fell asleep. Just as the farm was waking up.

Happiest of Thursdays to you, friends!
XOXOXOXO