Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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what’s saving my life lately

I’m shamelessly borrowing this sweet idea from Emily Freeman. I love it as an expansion to Bliss Lists or Senses Inventories. Diving in.

What’s Saving My Life Lately is everything, really. Every single reminder to live more fully in my human form, immersing myself more deeply in the physical and emotional experiences of being here. Because it sure is fleeting and ever changing. This is a welcome contrast to living online or living in my head. This is natural.

What’s saving my life lately is music by Sting, Lana del Rey, and Leonard Cohen.

Something else saving my life lately is more silence than usual, so I can hear the farm better. Fewer podcasts and lots of quiet solo work. I am becoming reacquainted with the sounds of Johnny Cash honking sleepily and the cows mooing at each other. Rhett’s tone is especially low, so his voice goes unnoticed unless your’e paying attention. I even love, again, the swish-gurgle-hum of the dishwasher. I am smitten by the background music of Klaus snoring.

What’s saving my life lately is slowing down to let Klaus lead me on walks more often. He loves a routine and a familiar path, but sometimes he surprises me. He can always tell when I am following him, when he’s the one in charge, and he loves it. He rewards me with lots of leg cuddles and full face smiles. The kind with smoothed back ears and stars in his eyes. The cooler mornings have been saving his life, too. It’s pure joy to see him skip and bounce again, teeter tottering around the farm.

((Scarlett and Klaus are still buddies, even if they no longer play soccer every day.
Rhett just wouldn’t understand.))

More of the full human experience, something I really love lately, is hours of unstructured quality time with loved ones, face to face. We wouldn’t want to do without the digital conveniences, of course; but remembering those are tools, not replacements for the real thing, has generated a lot of luscious goodness. On Tuesday I had the rare luxury of a whole afternoon with a new friend, and really we just sat still and talked and talked. We talked about everything, at least twice! We did take one slow walk around the farm, and we planted paperwhites in the greenhouse, but that’s it. Barely even a snack, ha! Thursday, Alex and the grandpups visited, and we talked and talked, too. We shared a rare midday meal, nice and slow, just the two of us, and it was literally wonderful. Full of wonder. There is no replacement in life for deep, face to face, undistracted connection.

The colors of autumn, both in the landscape and inside our house, are a visual and energetic balm to me. This year the decline has felt especially slow and gentle. Restful and life giving.

((as above, so below…xoxo))

A surprise view of the Northern Lights with Handsome and our friend Cathy.

Realizing that a new friend and I do miss each other, now that we are no longer seeing each other every day.

Conversations with our adult chldren, spiraling upward all the time. What a gift! I never know what we’re going to discuss, but I always love hearing their perspectives on world events, dog care, television, food, you name it.

An old book by C.S. Lewis (Screwtape Letters) and a new book by David Robson (The Expectation Effect).

Something truly saving my life right now is making a point to do something each day that is not easily undone. In my world, it’s so easy to get stuck in perpetual maintenance mode, always chasing the daily mundane tasks that are necessary but invisible and unending. It helps my state of mind to pause that treadmill and do something slightly more long lasting.

Speaking of treadmills, I’ve been doing a little more strength and mobility work and focusing less on how many miles I’m running. It’s refreshing. Life giving, to be sure.

Dreaming up new ideas for third grade garden club is one of the best life givers. Spending time with those kids is pure magic! This Monday we had our final outdoor project for the semester. They learned how to pot up paperwhite bulbs, an easy task for practiced gardeners they are; then they decorated their pots with exactly the amount of wild abandon you would expect from happy third graders. I loved every milisecond and went home smiling so hard I was almost crying.

Brushing the horses and watching their winter coats come in thick and fuzzy.

Watching our lone rooster follow and protect his eight hens.

Noticing Johnny Cash make his way all the way downhill to the pond for a sunshine splash.

Perfect coffee with frothy heated cream. My favorite multigrain bread for lunch. The biggest, crispest, sweetest apples I have ever eaten, a small heap of them on my dining room table. Kiwis, roasted garden vegetables (maybe the final batch of the season), more beans, oatmeal, and guacamole. More fiber in my diet latey, ha! That may literally be saving my life.

Seeing Handsome dressed sharply and feeling happy to go to work, excited about so many worthwhile projects. And seeing him get his second tattoo! Watching him adorn our farm with Christmas lights, boop the cows on their noses, and cuddle our cat. Listening to him and Alex build a new kitchen pantry at the kids’ house. Knowing he has more ideas and more love to pour into them. Watching him sink in and enjoy his life, in so many different ways, gives ME life.

Taper candles. Pumpkins. Forty year old popcorn garland on my indoor trees, a gift from our recently passed Aunt Marion, I remember them from childhood. White twinkle lights everywhere. Plaid fabric ripped and tied into garlands. A citrusy-cinnamon-clove simmer pot. Layers of fuzzy blankets but open windows so the breeze comes through. Copper cookie cutters hanging in both the kitchen and dining room. Colorful paper chains for a rambunctious Christmas display in the Party Barn. The promise of paperwhite blooms in a few weeks. Seven pots’ worth!

It is saving my life right now to decorate for winter, a little bit for Christmas, but just winter in general. Thanksgiving is right around the corner, and it’s so fun to see the farm and our rooms cozied up and ready for celebration. It feels good deep down.

Writing more, especially chipping away at the children’s Farmily stories, has been wonderful. I am slow at this for several reasons, but it’s getting done, and it’s life giving.

It’s saving my life right now to share our favorite chocolate fudge cake recipe with Jessica, to walk her through the needed ingredients while she shopped then give her a small boost while she prepared it for her office potluck. She did great! She even obeyed me and took a tiny “Quality Control” bite from the corner, hehe. The best detail of this story is that Jess used the same 9×13 glass pan that my Mom gifted Handsome on his birthday when we were first married. Way back when, Mom brought it to his office filled with her Mom’s recipe, and it instantly became his favorite. So Jessica took her great-grandmother’s recipe in a 24 year old glass pan, and it was a hit with her coworkers. Life.

Here’s what I know:

We are pulled in all directions, tested and drained in every way. We are tattered and bruised, and we are in many ways battle weary and heartbroken. Filled with fear, if we fill ourselves with fear.

We can cling to those emotions, nurse them and glorify them, magnify and identify with them; or we can make a better choice.

We can identify and celebrate the just as numerous ways life returns to us, refills us, saves us. We can magnify those feelings instead and acknowledge and celebrate the incredible, wonder-filled goodness of this earthly life, this human experience, in all its richness and complexity.

I wish for you a million details that give you life, that save your life, that recharge you. I wish for you the wisdom and presence of mind to name them. Magnify them. Give those gifts way more power than you give the rest.

I’m wishing this for myself, too.

Thank you, Emily, for this lovely train of thought!

“Who knew that by making the world a better place,
You’d make the world a better place?”
~Alex Yeverino
XOXOXO

september bliss list

I like this new tradition, this writing of a monthly Bliss List. Another thank you to the Hungry Yogis for their inspiration!

September 2017 was one for the record books in many ways. I recently shared the tip of one big, happy iceberg, and I cannot thank you enough for your outpouring of love and support, for everyone’s warm celebration of our family’s happy good news. It was a September highlight for sure, a highlight of an already beautiful and glimmering month of milestones and days well spent.

Let’s magnify the good stuff!

Pumpkin Spice Granola: This recipe will be on repeat all autumn. I first made it as part of a birthday care package for Jocelyn, and she and her boyfriend loved it. She said opening the container was like smelling home. (heart eyes) My friend Kellie made a version of it including cashews and pepitas. Yum!
 

 

Yoga! Early in the month, we spontaneously opened the farm for Full Moon Yoga on the deck, attended by a handful of our friends who had not yet met each other, which is always fun! Then one evening Meredith and I attended yoga in Oklahoma City, outdoors at the Myriad Gardens, which was beautiful. All of this led to Handsome and me together diving into a 30-day yoga challenge with Adriene. Every evening we roll out our mats up in the Apartment, try to convince the dogs to stay off of our mats, and practice together. It has become one of my favorite daily rituals. We are “finding what feels good,” ok?

Almost autumn. Oklahoma had a true Indian Summer, the kind of heat swell that catches you by surprise after a noticeable cool down. We got humid and sticky and all SPF-y for a few weeks. Then the rain came (again) and the temps dropped (again). As we finished September, the mornings were relatively crisp and cool. Blissful, especially for running.

The gardens are in transition, and just like every year, it is all so beautiful. I adore the slow decay, the gradual exchange of saturated color for dried sepia tones. I love collecting seed heads for next year and planning autumn color. All of it. We added more pallets to the veggie garden perimeter fence, and if you ask me it looks pretty fab. I have also been spending time collecting manure and flipping the 3-bin compost heap. This job always makes me weirdly giddy.

 

Jocelyn turned 22. Twenty-two, you guys!! We are so in love with her and so proud of her, in every way. Should I start a new blog where all I write about is how great my kids are? Ok.

Running and keeping an eye on marathon season: In September I started reading the Hansons Marathon Training book and have been nibbling away at pace tests as well gradually increasing weekly mileage. I feel so confident about building a strong base, staying injury free and healthy, happy, just overall balanced. That daily yoga ritual is helping tons. My long-term running goals are lofty (for me), but I am so happy with how September wrapped up: 169+ miles total, lots of cross training, mild weight loss (fat loss, leaner stronger legs), way better stamina, and slightly faster intervals. I just love it all and actually believe my goals are within reach. Watch for more running posts now that I’ve hit a stride!

We have two new kittens!! Have I told you? They are no longer feral, haha, not at all. They climb small trees, boss the dogs around, follow us all over the farm, know exactly where and what time to eat, and even like to be held for purring demonstrations. Handsome especially is quite smitten. I call them Root and Toot until further notice. 

Out and About This past month, all on one weekend, in fact, Handsome and I got dressed up and went to Oklahoma City for different and really fun food “gala” type events. We had such a good time, both times! We indulged in amazing food and drink, dancing with friends, and committed lots of pure silliness. I love getting away from the farm once in while and doing something completely different. 

My guy and his cars. This month I really have enjoyed watching my husband spend time in his shop again, working on cars and sorting through both creative and mechanical problems and ideas. It’s great to see him work on things that are central to his personality and not based on anyone else’s demands of him. He works so hard in life. xoxo

So many excellent meals. WOW. The following photo is of a pasta dish I enjoyed at an Italian restaurant in Del City, where had joined a group of folks from the Jedi OKC organization. This was basically a lemon-artichoke-capers-chicken-garlic plate of bliss. I think I had a dream about it a week or so later.

Thanksgiving plans are already in the works! We are so excited for the holidays this year. All of our coastal siblings and nephews are flying home, Genny is staying at the farm, and a big group of us plans to run a turkey trot together. Fun! 

Comfort and Connection. Since beginning to share some of our family’s story about alienation and reunion, so many people have reached out to tell me their own stories, friends and strangers alike. It saddens and comforts me all at once to see how widespread these heartaches are. It’s a weird, beautiful thing, to be connected to people over something like this.

 

Bedtime freedom. You know what has been really fun and blissful this past month? Sleeping anywhere we want, ha! We have a huge and very comfortable master bedroom upstairs, at the south end of the house. And we usually sleep there. But recently we have so truly enjoyed the newly spacious Apartment, that on cool nights we open the windows and luxuriate in the guest bed. Also, for a third option? Sometimes we inflate a camping mattress on the concrete floor in our downstairs tv room and sleep with the pups. I mean, we are adults. Probably.

Ok friends, please feel free to share something blissful from your September! I would love to read about it. Life can be dark and difficult, and the news especially deepens our sadness; but magnifying the beautiful stuff helps.

“Take responsibility for your own happiness.”
~Adriene Mishler
XOXOXO