Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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tiptoeing into christmas, and asking for your prayers

If I continue waiting to write until life is back to normal and my heart is steady, I am unlikely to ever form a complete sentence again. So here we go.

But the thing is, really, my heart is plenty steady. Despite the massive unknowns and the very real and fresh grief in our family, I am so thankful to be physically home and to be held in every way by God. There is so much more to say. I promise to not be vague forever.

Here is my baby, a woman already, clipping wild sage for me to bring back home. I miss her so much, and yet I feel her right here against my arm and can smell her too. xoxo

Let’s nibble at the day to day things for a bit.

Handsome and I have been tiptoeing into Christmas and it feels nice. It’s important, especially when at first you don’t feel like doing it, you know? I guess it’s all about discerning rituals and traditions apart from cultural obligations. Do what feels good and right. Let it all serve you and your family, rather than become your master.

Immediately after a bizarre and beautiful Thanksgiving with family, we put up our tree, festooned the outside of the house with lights and our Snoopy garden inflatable, and started adding a little more every other day or so. Paperwhite bulbs are inching their way skyward, a sure sign of winter here. A variety of Christmas music plays almost constantly (really loving Sia’s album). More wrapped gifts appear downstairs every day. Neither of us will claim responsibility.

We have accepted more invitations to socialize than I have felt “up to” accepting; and after almost declining each one, every single time I come home so glad. So happy for the loving energy we share with friends and strangers, so refreshed to be away from the farm for a few hours, just to remember that life and the world are big and expansive. As much as I love it here, I always love it even more when we drive home.

I have to mention our dear friends Mickey and Kellie. We’ve all become acquainted sort of by chance (if you still, after all the ways life happens, believe in chance). Now they are part of our fabric, plain and simple. They pray for us and with us. They open their hearts and offer love and support, advice when needed. They feed us both incredible meals and much-needed Truth. If our friendship is an accident, then it ranks among the best in life. A funny thing is that we have precious few photos together (except for Halloween!) because even a small event tends to grow into a leisurely five-hour conversation, all four of us talking and listening and laughing. You know that popular graphic floating around, “Do more of what makes you forget your phone,” well that’s time with Mickey and Kellie. Straight up. So, not many photos. Ha!

We have joined in with the Jedi OKC folks twice recently. Once to dress up for the District Attorney’s Christmas party for foster kids in the OKC area. This is an incredible tradition. Then again for a small town Christmas parade in Blanchard. The weather was merciful and the crowds were so happy and sweet. I am always proud to be with Batman, even if he is embarrassed that when I throw candy I tend to peg kids right in the face.

 

Party on (Bruce) Wayne, party on Darth! xoxo

The Apartment has become Santa’s workshop in new ways this year. Besides sewing (I’m having lots of fun making gifts this year, fun creative surprises, not so much selling aprons right now) the Apartment is a gathering spot. Klaus plays with his myriad toys while I sew or wrap and Handsome draws and paints. Adding a television to this big upstairs room means we can watch Christmas movies as we dabble. It’s all lots of fun, and I hope it becomes a habit that stretches beyond December.

Not pictured is the vacuum sweeper which Klaus is battling, causing him to appear blurry. He regards the Apartment as his playroom. He’s not wrong. xoxo

From a practical standpoint, it’s nice having all of our explosive creativity located in one big, spacious room. It’s decorated and cheerful here but still somewhat “contained,” haha, so the rest of the house stays neat day to day.

Running has been a joy, not a chore at all. Most mornings, right after Handsome leaves for the Commish, I make the bed and wipe down the kitchen, feed the animals, start a load of laundry, and then lace up. Six to eleven miles per day had been my sweet spot, but I am running without a plan this month. Just enough to feel good day to day and keep my heart beating evenly. I have done lots of crying in these solitary hours, and it’s a very good thing. Better runners and more prolific writers than me have already expressed how the physical act of running and breathing is like a mediation, and I will add to that: The privacy of prayer when you are outdoors surrounded by nature is just going to church, plain and simple.

Nice and slow and easy. Refreshing. On this day I remember having energy to spare but my heart was drawn back home. Lots of Christmas things happening!

Speaking of running! Yesterday evening we drove to OKC to join a few dozen local runners for dinner at Hideaway Pizza. Two of my friends plus more have some experience with the Hanson brothers’ marathon training method and have offered their mentorship to those of us who are new to it. I’ve read the book and have already become fascinated by the science, so listening to real life success stories just got my blood pumping for real. I will keep you guys posted on this, whether you want me to or not, ha! Marathon training starts on Christmas week.

Jeff and Robin are two people who have my admiration for many reasons, even outside of their incredible marathon journeys. They are buoyant, joyful, strong, and so loving and prayerful in genuine ways. (But yes for sure I stalk them both on social media for running inspiration!)

Our kitchen’s abundant baking drawer has been restocked now, minus pecans, almonds, and walnuts. Exactly when those items tripled in price I don’t know, but if you have an affordable local spot to suggest I’m all ears!

The Lazy W baking list is long and happy this month. Today a small stack of blank pizza boxes should arrive, meant for packing the treats as gifts. Very excited about this. Hopefully, I’ll soon be joined by a special sous chef or two.

Music is helping me a lot lately. Traditional hymns like “O Little Town of Bethlehem,” especially this line…

The hopes and fears of all the years
Are met in Thee tonight.

Also Sia’s album. One song in particular is Snowflake. She croons…

There’s noone like you so I’m gonna hide you my sweet.
Keep you till winter when you won’t be needing me.
Snowflake don’t forget us…
If I were a betting man I’d bet a million of you.
There’s no way around this, the only way now is through.

Friends, life is good and beautiful. Love is as powerful as ever. Prayer works.

I am here to celebrate the little victories and many pleasures afforded us, despite our mistakes and despite the fears looming. But I am also here asking for your prayers. Our beautiful girl is in trouble. We love her so much, it is excruciating, and no matter how busy we stay, she is at the forefront of our minds every minute of every day. She is far away but always in our hearts, often in my dreams, in the background of every conversation, every project.

God has taken so much out of our hands, we have no control right now. But He does. And we believe that He is drawing us in and holding us tight, guiding our beliefs and saying “Witness Me,” watch what He will do for us, for her.

That’s about all I can write this morning. It’s after six now and the roosters are crowing. Another full day is cracking open, and I feel God nearby. In Colorado, too.

Merry Christmassing, friends!
Talk again soon.
XOXOXOXO

 

early autumn, mid morning, deep bliss

The wooden deck is still damp from last night’s rainstorm. The surrounding gardens and lawns are soaked too, and newly vibrant. Single oak leaves and twigs with two or three leaves still attached litter everything, a cheerful seasonal confetti. A long, branching strand of Virgina Creeper clinging to the old brick smokehouse is autumn colored finally, boasting as much red and rust in its flat, serrated leaves as summertime’s leathery green. 

The oak trees are getting the same idea, finding their oranges and browns slowly in dots and splotches and fading, bleeding edges. Although many of those leaves won’t fall, it’s nice to see them change.

Midmorning sunlight cuts across the space, dissecting the shade garden and illuminating hydrangea blooms, both the violet, velvety ones and the dried, sepia colored ones. Faded zinnias are left in darkness.

He is lighting and stirring the bonfire now. Smoke from the torched, oily pine branches jets upward, and the cold sunlight plays games with that too.

I love the opposite temperatures. Chills and breezes crawling up my spine and flesh-shrinking heat on my face. Sunglasses do a poor job of shielding me from either the heat or the smoke. 

Some of the pansies and cabbages are still heavy from rain, still diamond studded. Their colors especially vivid. I cannot resist taking multiple snapshots of them. None of them are good. The real thing always shrugs off the imitations.

Ashes fall over us. Kittens scramble around new pallet decking. Logs crackle and collapse then pop again as the bonfire gains strength. 

All of this puts us somewhere between breakfast and lunchtime. Also somewhere between summer and fall. Not a day for working, no plans for extravagance. Just a good, deep breath of opposites and comfort and steady transformation.

XOXOXOXO

simple ways to keep those positive vibes vibing

Even the most upbeat folks endure times when they struggle to maintain positive vibes. A friend who I admire greatly and who wants to be positive but is managing all kinds of heavy, meaningful burdens right now, recently invited practical suggestions. What average, daily rituals can a person adopt to stay afloat? 

Maintaining positive vibes in a negative world is a universal challenge, although it can often feel like we are all alone in the struggle. Here are my thoughts:

 

  • “Neck-Up Check-Up” I once saw this phrase while subbing in a Kindergarten classroom. It was posted above a small mirror, where only the teacher (a woman I love and look up to still) could have seen it. I interpreted the phrase to be just a quick and easy reminder to think about how you look. Your facial expression. The softness (or hardness) in your eyes. How clean are your teeth? Do you need to touch up some makeup? Tidy up your hair? Or just relax and smile? Whatever appearance means to you, tend to it for a minute. And not just for vanity reasons. Lots of times the way you look from the neck up speaks volumes about how you are moving through the world. Personal vibes are both contagious and visible. They also tend to circle right back to you.

 

  • Limit Your Exposure To the internet (you know what poisons you), to toxic people, to abrasive music, to chemical smells, to electronics, etcetera. Just scan your spirit and mind and body for whatever could be fraying your nerves unnecessarily. Step away. Make some space for your well being. I’m not saying this will erase your actual problems, but why cope with them in a compromised state? Cleanse yourself a little, and smooth out the rough edges. Manage what is eroding your strength so you can focus on the bigger stuff.

 

  • Fresh Air & Endorphins You guys know my favorite way to feel better is to go for a good, sweaty, happy run (it’s magic for sure). But I also reap so much peace and joy just from walking around the farm and playing with the dogs, brushing the horses, piddling around the gardens. Even just twenty or thirty minutes outdoors works wonders for me. I quickly regain that deep sense of calm, even if a very real-life problem has arisen.
    Do whatever you can do to get outside, no matter the weather and no matter where you live. Soak it up consciously. Take a senses inventory if you have time. Move your blood, breathe deeply, and hydrate while you’re at it. It’s all basically free energy. And friends, carefully consider whether you spend that time sorting through the problem or recharging yourself. Every situation needs something different.

 

  • Count Your Blessings. Active gratitude is powerful! Sometimes even bad situations are still so freaking lucky, it’s crazy! When your anxiety cranks up, take a beat. Register loud and clear within your brain how lucky you are, that whatever you’re upset about really could be much worse (almost always true in my life, which is filled with close calls, near misses, and silver linings). Or, think about something else entirely. Refocus just long enough to remind yourself that “The Awful or Annoying Thing” is not everything in life. Magnify what is going really truly right and let it swell and grow. Let it begin to take over the landscape of your thoughts and emotions. Start listing stuff that thrills you, stuff for which you are crazy thankful.
    I have a rule for myself: For every single thing about which I want to complain, I have to name five other things that are good. This argument of light over dark happens silently in my own head, and it always works to combat that irritable, downward spiral, gloomy vibe. It’s so easy. Also? The ratio of good to bad is always way better than 5:1. Because life is beautiful and amazing. This rule just gets me going in the right direction. 

 

  • Focus on Someone Else. My Grandma Ina Lynne was known for her positivity and generosity of spirit. She often shared her philosophy, that as soon as you begin to feel sorry for yourself, think of someone else who has it worse. And extend yourself to them. Help someone else with a problem to escape your pity party. (That’s all paraphrased, of course…xoxo)
    I know that not all of our life stress is rooted in self-pity. But lots of our paralyzing suffering is, if we are being honest. We can choose to step away from that and pour our physical and spiritual energy into lifting up someone else and, magically, it tends to lift us too. Plus we gain that perspective (once again) of how much worse things could be. 

 

Joc & Bridge xoxo Best hiking guides on earth

 

Hopefully, friends, some of this resonates with you. What practical advice would you share for maintaining positive vibes?

I wish you the BEST this weekend has to offer!! Change is in the air, both the weather and the spirit behind it all. I’m excited. : )

Seize the Day
XOXOXOXO

The Taco Bueno Wholotta Tailgate Box (a giveaway!)

Hola mi amigos! And Happy National Taco Day! How weird that this important event doesn’t fall on a Tuesday this year, right? Also, it’s fine, because every day can be Taco Day if you are living your life correctly. Which I certainly am.

I digress!

The fine folks at Taco Bueno reached out again to let me know about a new menu item, which I am thrilled to share with you. In fact, we are offering another giveaway for a $25 gift card so you can go try it yourself!

It’s called the “Wholotta Tailgate Box,” and it’s both enormous and delicious.

The whole shebang costs an even $15 and this is what you get:

The Wholotta Tailgate Box has the most dippable Bueno items. Each box includes eight Crispy Beef Party Tacos or eight Chicken or Beef Taquitos, four large bags of chips and five large dips, including queso, refried beans, jalapeno ranch, firehouse salsa and Taco Bueno’s signature red salsa.

Yesterday, Handsome and I had funny afternoon schedules, so we met last minute for an early dinner at the Taco Bueno in Midwest City, almost exactly the halfway point between his office and the Lazy W. Normally we would have invited friends to join us for so much food, but it just didn’t work out that way. We ordered, and the girl who took out order let her eyes widen as she said, “That’s a whole lot of food for two people!” I don’t even think she knew how cute and funny it was that she actually uttered the words, “WHOLE LOTTA” haha! Perfect. My husband politely agreed. I silently took it as a challenge to eat everything, including the truly perfect grilled chicken burrito bowl I always have to order. (Kind of addicted to these).

My husband especially likes Taco Bueno’s refried beans (they really are better than anything similar we order at more expensive Tex Mex restaurants) and the Wholotta Tailgate Box comes with a large carton of these. Of the other dipping sauces we tried, I personally like the Firehouse Salsa best. The Jalapeno Ranch was also good! I bet had we opted for taquitos instead of tacos, that would have been scooped up quickly. I drizzled lots of the Jalapeno Ranch on my burrito bowl. Along with so much cilantro. Yum. 

Which reminds me: Besides the actual food choices, my favorite thing about Taco Bueno continues to be the fresh salsa and condiment bar. I heap my meal with several little cups of chopped cilantro, fresh pico de gallo, salsa, and sliced peppers. LOVE this extra stuff!

Our honest review of the new item:

We both love the food at Taco Bueno, so enjoying dinner was easy. My husband commented that The Wholotta Tailgate Box is a great deal if this (chips, tacos, and beans and queso, etc) is what you would have ordered anyway. But we did kind of wish you could mix up the items, so that you get some tacos and some taquitos or burritos, for example. Still, it’s so convenient! I sat there thinking how nice it would be to just drive through and pick up to go, a $15 self-contained meal that does not require a ton of special orders but still satisfies all kinds of flavor cravings.

Say, for example, you are taking food to…

  • teenagers at play practice or study group (perfect!)
  • casual movie night at home and you’re hungrier for more than popcorn but are tired of pizza (yes, soon!)
  • potluck football watch party (I mean obviously, haha!)
  • office meetings that go late and you want to feed your people and keep them working (this happens)
  • slumber partiers (fun!)
  • your favorite hobby farmers who invite you for a night of bonfires and ghost stories soon (us, stay tuned!!)
  • so many food-requiring times and events. It’s crunchy, salty, cheesy, meaty, affordable goodness! 

I have to say the two of us made a pretty good dent in the meal, even considering the burrito bowl I ate first, but we still came nowhere near finishing it. We tidied up the leftovers (really love the sturdy cardboard delivery style box!) and I drove it to our friends’ house on my way back to the farm. They have teenagers, and you know teenagers are always hungry. As an avid always-hungry person, I respect that.

In addition to the Wholotta Tailgate Box and Tacos Sacks, Taco Bueno is unveiling their new $5 Box. This combination box comes with two options:

  • The $5 Muchaco Box includes one beef muchaco, one party crispy beef taco, one party bean burrito, one small bag of chips and queso, and a small drink.
  • The $5 Combo Burrito Box includes one combo burrito, one party crispy beef taco, one party burrito, small chips and queso, and a small drink.

So, yeah, I will be visiting Taco Bueno again shortly for more goodness. And apparently, Handsome and I are not alone in believing this to be the top choice for quick and fresh Tex-Mex! Look what I noticed as we left the restaurant:

That’s awesome. Congratulations Taco Bueno!

Do you want to win $25 to go feast on some Taco Bueno? Just leave a comment here, or tweet this post, or hop over to my Instagram and comment there, share any of it, etc. I will collect all entries everywhere and do a random drawing next Taco Tuesday, October 10th. Good luck! And thank you, Taco Bueno, for a delicious, convenient dinner with plenty to share!

“50 Years of Fresh!”
XOXOXO

 

september bliss list

I like this new tradition, this writing of a monthly Bliss List. Another thank you to the Hungry Yogis for their inspiration!

September 2017 was one for the record books in many ways. I recently shared the tip of one big, happy iceberg, and I cannot thank you enough for your outpouring of love and support, for everyone’s warm celebration of our family’s happy good news. It was a September highlight for sure, a highlight of an already beautiful and glimmering month of milestones and days well spent.

Let’s magnify the good stuff!

Pumpkin Spice Granola: This recipe will be on repeat all autumn. I first made it as part of a birthday care package for Jocelyn, and she and her boyfriend loved it. She said opening the container was like smelling home. (heart eyes) My friend Kellie made a version of it including cashews and pepitas. Yum!
 

 

Yoga! Early in the month, we spontaneously opened the farm for Full Moon Yoga on the deck, attended by a handful of our friends who had not yet met each other, which is always fun! Then one evening Meredith and I attended yoga in Oklahoma City, outdoors at the Myriad Gardens, which was beautiful. All of this led to Handsome and me together diving into a 30-day yoga challenge with Adriene. Every evening we roll out our mats up in the Apartment, try to convince the dogs to stay off of our mats, and practice together. It has become one of my favorite daily rituals. We are “finding what feels good,” ok?

Almost autumn. Oklahoma had a true Indian Summer, the kind of heat swell that catches you by surprise after a noticeable cool down. We got humid and sticky and all SPF-y for a few weeks. Then the rain came (again) and the temps dropped (again). As we finished September, the mornings were relatively crisp and cool. Blissful, especially for running.

The gardens are in transition, and just like every year, it is all so beautiful. I adore the slow decay, the gradual exchange of saturated color for dried sepia tones. I love collecting seed heads for next year and planning autumn color. All of it. We added more pallets to the veggie garden perimeter fence, and if you ask me it looks pretty fab. I have also been spending time collecting manure and flipping the 3-bin compost heap. This job always makes me weirdly giddy.

 

Jocelyn turned 22. Twenty-two, you guys!! We are so in love with her and so proud of her, in every way. Should I start a new blog where all I write about is how great my kids are? Ok.

Running and keeping an eye on marathon season: In September I started reading the Hansons Marathon Training book and have been nibbling away at pace tests as well gradually increasing weekly mileage. I feel so confident about building a strong base, staying injury free and healthy, happy, just overall balanced. That daily yoga ritual is helping tons. My long-term running goals are lofty (for me), but I am so happy with how September wrapped up: 169+ miles total, lots of cross training, mild weight loss (fat loss, leaner stronger legs), way better stamina, and slightly faster intervals. I just love it all and actually believe my goals are within reach. Watch for more running posts now that I’ve hit a stride!

We have two new kittens!! Have I told you? They are no longer feral, haha, not at all. They climb small trees, boss the dogs around, follow us all over the farm, know exactly where and what time to eat, and even like to be held for purring demonstrations. Handsome especially is quite smitten. I call them Root and Toot until further notice. 

Out and About This past month, all on one weekend, in fact, Handsome and I got dressed up and went to Oklahoma City for different and really fun food “gala” type events. We had such a good time, both times! We indulged in amazing food and drink, dancing with friends, and committed lots of pure silliness. I love getting away from the farm once in while and doing something completely different. 

My guy and his cars. This month I really have enjoyed watching my husband spend time in his shop again, working on cars and sorting through both creative and mechanical problems and ideas. It’s great to see him work on things that are central to his personality and not based on anyone else’s demands of him. He works so hard in life. xoxo

So many excellent meals. WOW. The following photo is of a pasta dish I enjoyed at an Italian restaurant in Del City, where had joined a group of folks from the Jedi OKC organization. This was basically a lemon-artichoke-capers-chicken-garlic plate of bliss. I think I had a dream about it a week or so later.

Thanksgiving plans are already in the works! We are so excited for the holidays this year. All of our coastal siblings and nephews are flying home, Genny is staying at the farm, and a big group of us plans to run a turkey trot together. Fun! 

Comfort and Connection. Since beginning to share some of our family’s story about alienation and reunion, so many people have reached out to tell me their own stories, friends and strangers alike. It saddens and comforts me all at once to see how widespread these heartaches are. It’s a weird, beautiful thing, to be connected to people over something like this.

 

Bedtime freedom. You know what has been really fun and blissful this past month? Sleeping anywhere we want, ha! We have a huge and very comfortable master bedroom upstairs, at the south end of the house. And we usually sleep there. But recently we have so truly enjoyed the newly spacious Apartment, that on cool nights we open the windows and luxuriate in the guest bed. Also, for a third option? Sometimes we inflate a camping mattress on the concrete floor in our downstairs tv room and sleep with the pups. I mean, we are adults. Probably.

Ok friends, please feel free to share something blissful from your September! I would love to read about it. Life can be dark and difficult, and the news especially deepens our sadness; but magnifying the beautiful stuff helps.

“Take responsibility for your own happiness.”
~Adriene Mishler
XOXOXO