You fine folks have been really gracious about my little advice-giving project. I appreciate that so much! Because it seems like no matter how many people I invite to offer me their birthday advice, hardly anyone ever asks for mine! Harrumph. And I have made sooooo many mistakes, you’d think people would be dying to know what I’ve learned.

   You’d think.

   And so, today, a second installment of…

#15. Karma is Real. Call it karma, call it the Golden Rule, or just say “what goes around comes around,” deep in my bones I know it’s more than just an old saying. This life has some truly reflective properties as well as a tendency to operate in circles.

   I read The Secret last year, with a mix of caution and curiosity, and realized it’s just the same Christian principles of reaping and sowing, only articulated in more direct absolutes. It also promotes the notion that every action begins with a thought, something I have always felt to be true. In other words, choose your thoughts carefully.
   Maybe give this book a shot. In the mean time, friends, I think it’s pretty safe to remind you that your life will reflect back to you what you exude, more or less, for better or worse, sooner or later. Let that guide your path a bit. And know that, like this foal, you were created with great natural beauty. Go ahead and be a little fascinated with yourself and with each other.

#16. Speaking of modern, cash-cow self-help books, treat yourself to Love Languages. It’s short and easy to read, and it is available everywhere. I think Love Languages offers a great view of how different we all are but also how understandable. We don’t have to be content with not “getting” each other, whether our spouses, our friends, or children. Read this book and just experiment with the ideas you find. See if treating a loved one in a slightly different way (a way prescribed for his personality, not yours) makes him behave any differently toward you. See if a cooling relationship can be warmed with a fresh approach. Learn each other’s hearts and enjoy the adventure of nurturing.

#17. In fact, read so very many books! Read a variety of books, until you fall desperately on a style that you crave. Then read the heck out of that style. Then challenge yourself to read different styles. Then join a book club. Or start one.

   Read a lot when you can and nibble little things when you’re short on time, and build up to reading a spectrum of authors and genres. Surprise yourself. This habit works special, mysterious muscles in your brain and unearths glittering treasure in your soul.
   Don’t think you’re a reader? I feel like the key to falling in love with reading is discovering the perfect physical setting for you. For me, it’s a clean, quiet, comfortable place with my feet either propped up or curled beneath me and something yummy to drink, either hot chocolate or icy cold Diet Coke. It’s best if all of my work is done and my phone is far, far away. Throw in either some dramatic weather or a sun worth bathing in… and I am in bibliophile heaven.

#18. Take Care of Your Body. Girls, ladies, young women, daughters, sisters, friends, it is so important to care for your body inside and out, from head to toe. Your health and vitality, even your beauty, underscore everything else you do in life. Don’t be shamed into thinking that it’s all vanity, as long as you don’t stop your efforts at vanity. Let your healthy and beauty be servants, not masters. (Thank you for that phrase, Edie! xoxo) Eat right, exercise, exfoliate and moisturize! Pay attention to changes and take charge of your own well being. Enjoy your femininity just because you can. And the earlier you start the better, because a woman’s appearance evolves every couple of years. Young ladies, pay attention. This is not a lesson you want to wait thirty nine years to learn.
   
#19. Reduce Household Waste. Learn what kitchen scraps can be composted (not everything), what can be fed to different animals (you might be surprised), what should be recycled or burned, and how many times you can reuse different items. It’s fun to see how long you can go without filling a trash bin for municipal collection. I bet you can go a lot longer than you thought!

#20. “Elevate the Ordinary.” Here’s another phrase I can’t claim to have coined, but isn’t it great? It just means to make the everyday stuff of life more lovely than it has to be. Not fussy or complicated, just special, whatever that means to you. My Momma has always kept her counter top sugar in a beautiful cut glass lidded bowl, and now I do the same. Hang artwork in your pantry. Wind your garden hose up into a giant urn instead of laying it on the grass. Play music in your bathroom. No rules here, just an urge to tuck beauty and pleasure in the mundane corners of your world.

#21. Don’t wear a short skirt to get a pedicure, unless you want to. I have my gorgeous cousin Jennifer to thank for this hilarious memory and pearly piece of wisdom. About twenty years after our junior high school makeover party in Florida, she took me for a very grown-up professional pedicure right here in the Red Dirt State. It was a first time experience for me, and I wore the worst possible garment for the occasion.
   I cannot think of a better person to have with me for this fallout, which seems like a terrible word choice suddenly. I love you Jen! And I am happy to share this advice now.

#22. Also, seek out new experiences. Break your own molds. As with books, surprise yourself. I think habits are good and useful, but they can also be trapping. Habits which you are unwilling to escape now and then can make your spirit grow stagnant. Some of my favorite memories are of things Handsome and I have done spontaneously or against the grain. And some of our best friendships have been forged out of passionate adventure-seeking. Dive into life! Don’t waste time being overly shy. It doesn’t really benefit anyone. And yes, this is another thing it took me a long, long time to realize.
   Here is one of my favorite silly quotes, drawn from an actual road sign somewhere in the Alaskan wilderness where the deeply scarred muddy roads can trap vehicles for a long, straight drive:

   Word.

#23. Delay Pleasure. I realize lots of people say that we should eat dessert first, and I have probably said so myself a few times. But now I’ve changed my mind. These thirty nine years have taught me that over indulgence in anything can ruin the enjoyment. Collecting a reward prematurely, eating food too quickly or too excessively, rushing any good thing, including those of the romantic persuasion… it’s all sabotage. To really enjoy something special, delay it a bit. Deny yourself just a little and push the climax away so you can force your mind and your body into a more complete experience. It’s all about redirecting energy. Contain it, feel it, and use it to your advantage.
   Eat more slowly and in smaller amounts, and not just to lose weight. Do it to taste things more fully. Train yourself to begin your meal even as you are cooking it, and the experience becomes more sensual, more delicious and interesting.
   Let your appetite for all kinds of worldly pleasure build with the power of anticipation. Good things become amazing when you purposefully enjoy them from beginning to end instead of just racing to the finish, to the full stomach or the finish line or the opened gift. Give yourself more complete and nourishing experiences in life, not just a bunch of quick finishes.
   Hang on a sec, this sounds like it might contradict advice #22, but it doesn’t. Seek out new experiences with abandon, but once you are settled on a pleasure, experience it fully. Use your stores of energy for a complete pleasure, not an abbreviated one.

   Okay, I hope some of this is useful to you guys. I have a lot more advice to share, so clear your calendars! ha-ha-ha…
   Right now I am off for a long, rainy Saturday run. I have so much love to digest. I spent most of the day yesterday with my beautiful and affectionate youngest daughter. Then I read a million wonderful birthday messages from truly the BEST people on the planet. Then, after a confusing afternoon of being banished from my own home, Handsome and a thousand of our hilarious, loving friends surprised me with a birthday celebration I will never forget!

   My life is way too good for one silly heart to contain, and now I need to go press these positive vibrations deep into my molecules. Have yourself a fantastic weekend, friends. Thanks for stopping by!

xoxoxoxo

   My birthday is fast approaching, you guys. My eleventh twenty-ninth birthday to be exact, and this year I have decided to celebrate by giving everybody a ton of unsolicited advice. This is not without precedent, though; it has for many years been my habit at other people’s birthday celebrations to ask the honoree, “What have you learned this year? What advice can you give us from another year of living?” I feel like it goes without saying that the average birthday person answers by staring blankly at me, offering no new wisdom to the wanting.

   So this is my revenge. For my thirty-ninth birthday I have written thirty-nine pieces of really solid, hard-won life lessons for you. In my heart, this information is sort of dedicated to my nearly grown daughters and my little sisters and nieces, as well as to any women or girls who might bend a listening ear. If I think I know anything in life, it’s only because I did it wrong first. Repeatedly. I believe it was it Elanor Roosevelt who said, “Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself.” Okay. Today, here are items one through fourteen.

#1. Life passes by so quickly. This may sound cliche, but cliches are often rooted in truth. Take life slow and easy when you can. Choose to be happy every single time you realize you have a choice. Soak up as many details as possible. Notice your people, count your blessings, and breathe deeply.

#2. Wear sunscreen. If you are a little younger than me, than you were probably raised with this habit anyway, but I am here to tell you that even if you like some summer color (I happen to like a LOT), you absolutely must protect your face, shoulders, collarbone, and hands. Find other fun ways to “blush.”

#3. Be careful how you witness your most passionate beliefs to others. What you think of as zeal can in fact be a very destructive act of self glorification. True spiritual witnessing should be loving. If you’re brandishing political beliefs, then you probably already know the risks. Good luck.

#4. When making changes to your home, be careful that you do so with a good, positive spirit. Your mood and your memories from that day have a way of imprinting themselves into the paint, the upholstery, and the curtains. It is no fun to repeatedly see a dried paint drip on a light-switch plate that reminds you of a harsh word said out of impatience. Conversely, it’s wonderful to pass by paintings and pillow covers that remind you constantly of very real love and very deep laughter. Let  those redecorating days be fun and loving, silly and memorable, for all the best reasons. If you’re cranky, try to turn that attitude around before arming yourself with a paintbrush or even rearranging furniture.Your physical home is definitely made up of non-physical details.

#5. At all costs, protect your natural teeth. Avoid stepping on metal garden rakes that want to smash your mouth and steal your two front teeth. While we’re on this topic, also never ever do something called the “Duck Walk” on a slick gym floor; never walk backwards in a hallway with concrete walls; and never do underwater flips in concrete pools with your eyes shut. Also, go to the dentist regularly. Find a great dentist you don’t mind visiting and brush, floss, and swish that pretty mouth like your future smile depends on it. Because it totally does.

#6. Cultivate Joy. Joy-making is a constant process, and it is attacked from all sides, all the time. So you must continue to plant seeds of joy everywhere you walk and do your best to protect them, grow them, and share their fruits whenever possible. The joys you cultivate in life will feed you through hard times, and they may even help someone else. Also, I am pretty sure you are responsible for your own joy. It’s very personal, so do not depend on anyone else to grow it for you, not even your closest friend or your soul mate or your parents or children. They all have their own to tend, and the better everyone does individually, the more we all have to offer.

#7. Speaking of cultivation, try growing your own food. At least once, try growing something edible, either a salad or some herbs or a few rows of sweet corn or tomatoes. Wherever you live and whatever your lifestyle, there is some gardening you can do to feed yourself, and the experience will change you. Just try it. Don’t waste energy being intimidated by science or success-fail stories; all you really need is dirt, sun, water, and seeds or plants. Give yourself this gift.

#8. Hold a service job. I am of the strong opinion that young people, before they truly step out into this big beautiful world, should spend some time working in a service industry. Wait tables, work a retail sales job, clean, do kitchen work, etc. And do it well. Earn your money doing physical work that relies on having good manners, a strong work ethic, and a dash of humility. It will serve you later in life in ways you cannot imagine. And enjoy and appreciate that job! Make happy memories. Be proud of your work product no matter what your title or position.

#9. “Under-Promise and Over-Deliver.” This is a lesson I learned from one of those retail jobs I held, a thousand years ago. For emotionally driven, enthusiastic souls like me this mantra is tricky to execute, but the results are lovely. How much better is it to surprise someone with much more than they expected rather than disappoint them with less! My husband is really good at this, and I am trying to be better.

#10. On that note, try not to make promises when you’re really happy or permanent decisions when you’re really mad. This is another something that sounds cliche, but it’s good advice. Let your emotions normalize a bit before slashing and extending things all crazy-pants style.

#11. Meditate. Investigate different methods of meditation, find one that suits you, and practice it regularly. I happen to see yoga, for example, as a nice compliment to a healthy prayer life. I also have learned to prize the time I spend running; it helps me clear my mind and scrub away negative emotions. Some people find certain hobbies meditative. Walk circles, chant, burn incense, draw mandalas, string beads, read scriptures, read, write, do whatever steadies and frees you, and do it often. Find little rituals that help you maintain a clean and healthy center of being.

#12. Learn to love thrift stores, garage sales, auctions, and castoff treasures. Even if you are wealthy beyond measure and can afford to buy new stuff, give yourself the gift of the hunt. Besides saving a ridiculous amount of money, you will learn things about yourself. You will discover your own sense of style instead of being a trend follower; you will feather your nest with layers of things that no one else has; and you will ever so gently fight the tide of consumerism. It’s a great skill to hone in youth, when resources are usually limited. Then later in life, when you have a little extra money sitting around, you will be happy to know how to hang onto it. Handsome and I like to say that we don’t shop that way because we’re poor; but it’s because of shopping that way for so long that we’re not poor. Wait, did I say that right? You get the idea.

#13. First things first. Prioritize your work and stick to your plan as wisely as you can. Let the less important things fall away first. This style of working has a cumulative effect on momentum.

#14.  Train your heart and your mind to be positive. Through experiences, with some effort, train yourself to see the best in people and to see the upside of whatever you are facing. This is not the same as just sticking your head in the sand. Instead, face your problems squarely but learn to see the best possible outcomes before they happen. Trust that good things are in store for you, and love people for the best version of themselves, even your perceived enemies. That’s what you hope they will see in you, too, right? Be confident in the possibility of everything. Life is so good and beautiful!! Don’t waste it by dwelling on darkness or difficulty. Except for the lesson learned, I wish I could go back in time and reclaim all the hours and days and years lost on negative thinking.

   Okay, those are my first fourteen pieces of birthday wisdom for you. I know your head is just spinning right now and that you can’t wait for more! (hahaha) Tune in as the week progresses for two or three more installments of Unsolicited Birthday Advice.

xoxoxoxo