This past Friday morning most of our Great State received a soft, thick blanket of snow. Arriving a little past the Christmas morning forecast, perhaps, but made far more beautiful by the element of surprise.
Waiting for Paper Whites and Celebrating Grace
So, last week, just before Christmas, we all noticed the Winter Solstice come and go. You did notice it, right? The shortest day of the lunar year is now behind us. This means that now, gradually, until the Vernal Equinox in late March and then the Summer Solstice in late June, the days are lengthening. If ever so slightly, we are now seeing a little more sun each and every day. Except for when it’s hiding behind the formidable clouds. Like right this minute in central Oklahoma. But we know you’re there, Sun!
So that’s all very exciting!
Then, yesterday, I received via snail mail my first of what will soon be many garden seed catalogs. I should admit along with this feigned shock that on Christmas evening I had already surrendered to the urge for green and browsed the Internet (yes it was Pinterest, okay??!!) for gardening images and such. I just can’t help it.
Once the holidays are over (or shortly before the last hurrah) I have this intense biological craving for growth and freshness and live greenery.
It so happens that coinciding with all of this chlorophyllic anticipation… a bowl of paper white bulbs which I have been nursing since around Halloween has been on the verge of blooming.
This morning I just felt like it could happen at any moment, and since this will be my very first ever batch of successfully grown indoor flower bulbs in my whole long life! …I did not want to miss the big moment.
So for the bulk of my morning I sat contentedly next to the Christmas tree with my shiny new PAPER planner and a sharpened pencil and some orange juice and just watched it, this little glass bowl of promise. I watched the thick, fleshy stems bend indiscernibly toward the sunny east window. And I rotated the bowl gently to face the darker wall. Then the stems stretched again to face the sun. Back and forth, keeping the vertical, verdant lines as straight and strong as possible. I watched the towering bulbous pods atop those stems grow more pregnant with expectation, hour by quiet hour.
Watching the slow, silent ballet of life take place on my coffee table, I was reminded of the magic, the miracle of living and dying. Of growth, transformation, yearning, and regeneration. I also wondered who the heck do I think I am forcing these bulbs to do the impossible?? …to bloom outside of their appointed times?
But then I remembered Russia and all of her abundant hot houses in the midst of those endless winters . And the power of grace, the very real presence of blessings we do not deserve. Flowers held warmly and mercifully inside glass rooms where the frozen tundra can’t hurt them. Love and joy held securely in our hearts and homes where darkness cannot creep in and steal them.
Mostly, you guys, I am just so excited to start planning the gardens for 2013 and begin work on composting, ordering, seed starting, etc. And I will try my best to be fueled by this excitement rather than paralyzed by it this year.
But deeper than that, I am thrilled to be so in touch with the beauty of life. With all of its challenges, despite all of its inevitable pain, this world is so beyond words beautiful. And life is so rewarding when you actively live it.
Don’t be afraid to force bulbs a little ahead of springtime. I can’t believe the difference this one spot of green makes in my living room! And don’t be afraid to cultivate little joys, either. They may be exactly what lift you out of the darkest, coldest rooms of your life’s winter.
As I wrap up my midday chores and end my coffee table vigil, the paper whites have not quite bloomed. But I know they will. And in the mean time I am happy to watch and wait for that beautiful miracle.
Cultivate Joy.
Be Invincible.
xoxoxo
Our Lazy W Nativity
Happy Sunday everyone!! Today is Christmas Eve-Eve!! Around here that’s a big deal. Yesterday was “Christmas Eve Cubed,” suggesting that suspense is a vital ingredient for our holiday magic. Happiness and excitement cost nothing. Neither does cuddling, watching recorded holiday movies, keeping freshly baked cookies secretly in your pocket, or eating meals slowly and indulgently with people you love. Okay.
Today I’d like to share with you fine citizens and scholars our Lazy W Christmas card. A few people have already received this via snail mail or inter-office delivery, but still more will receive this eventually in the flesh. No one knows when, though, because, and this is a bit of little known trivia, I am currently tied with eight other people for the distinction of World’s Most Unorganized Person. The thing is, I need some addresses. Like, a lot of them. But I am insisting that sending cards a tad late really only extends the holiday cheer! Christmas is a feeling more than a date, right? And surprises are fun. Like, the surprise of whether your holiday card will arrive at Christmas or, say, Easter. Okay.
My Angels This Week
Family fun.
Holiday preparations and twinkling lights and hilarious adventures.
Romance.
Difficult times.
Fear.
Fighting.
Pain.
Tears.
Sleeplessness.
Laughter.
Work.
Sleep.
Illness.
Tragedy.
Shock.
Denial.
Deepening sadness.
Extreme sensitivity to everything. EVERYTHING.
Unrecognizable personalities.
Despair.
Reminders and truth.
Sense of purpose restored.
Fun excursions.
Distractions.
Words of encouragement from precious people.
Redemption of love and support.
Fresh air. In every possible way.
Life this past week or so has been the most roller coaster-ish, melting pot-ish, concentrated human experience-ish as ever I think we have experienced here at the Lazy W. I have to acknowledge that much of our atmosphere has been sort of a manifestation of others’ pains, though, and our blessings are still innumerable. Mostly, we are so thankful to be still standing, still whole, still loved and loving at maximum capacity. Handsome and I are keenly aware of the very real loss nearby us, both around the nation and in our families, and so we have a hard time today complaining about anything.
I have a few precious friends who have made this week extraordinarily beautiful despite the dark hours. You are angels to me, even though it is not snowing here in Oklahoma quite yet. I love each of you so very much, and I hope you all find the angels you need in tough times, just like I have found you this week.
Wishing everyone within earshot of this digital Lazy W a very happy, peaceful week preparing for Christmas. Enjoy the process. Be joyful. Water your roots deeply, focusing on love, not money. Treasure each other and make memories.
Gotta go you guys. I have cookies to bake, sewing to finish, gifts to wrap, and a bed to make for a romantic mid week rendezvous… Merry Christmas!
“We are each of us angels with only one wing
and we can only fly by embracing one another.”
~Luciano de Crescenzo
xoxoxoxo
Some Nights, For Dante
Well, some nights I wish that this all would end,
Cause I could use some friends for a change
And some nights I’m scared you’ll forget me again.
Some nights, I always win, I always win.
But I still wake up, I still see your ghost.
Oh Lord I’m still not sure what I stand for, oh
What do I stand for? What do I stand for?
Most nights, I don’t know…
So this is it? I sold my soul for this?
Washed my hands of that for this?
I missed my mom and dad for this?
Do you know this song? Take a listen to the video; the group FUN is my latest obsession.
My heart is breaking for my sister
and this con that she calls “love,”
When I look into my nephew’s eyes,
Man you wouldn’t believe…
The most amazing things
That can come from some terrible lies.
It’s just so true. Life can be, and often is, riddled with violence of every variety. Physical, emotional, and financial destruction are in store for everyone in different ways. Pain, despair, and counterfeits are just constants sometimes, but so is love. So is hope. There is always, always reason to hang on. Impossibly, some of the best miracles really do rise up out of some of the worst tragedies. It’s always been that way for people, too, so there is no use resisting it. There is no such thing as “should” or “deserves” or even “justice” when it comes to Love. It is just so powerful and complete. It overwhelms every imaginable darkness when you let it. Love can heal you, and It can change you and your life in ways would never predict.
I have been looking into your beautiful, deep brown eyes since you were a baby and cherish every memory. How I wish I could relay to you how much is waiting for you in this world. I am so excited for you, so confident that you are meant for big things. So hopeful that you will heal perfectly from these years. Stronger than ever and full of life.
Don’t be afraid of ghosts, and don’t feel bad about anger. Remember that you are not alone. Focus on and magnify the best parts of life, day after day after day. Hang on. Work hard and do your best, as a gift to your future self more than anything. But also because it will help you in this moment too. You are amazing and you are loved more than you know.
“Who, being loved, is poor?”
~Oscar Wilde
xoxoxoxo
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