Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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getting centered before Thanksgiving

In our corner of the universe, everyone is a bit wound up about Thanksgiving. In good, happy ways, mostly, but also in covid ways. We have the exact same dilemma you have, which is how to gather safely and responsibly while preserving our mental health and holiday traditions as much as possible. We are wound up over how to stay connected when we are entering a season of necessary separation. You know, all of it. We are all in this.

It’s hard to make hard choices, and I know we are far from alone in this. It’s all valid, not imaginary, and occasionally makes me cry.

Somehow I woke up extra early Saturday morning and felt a new uprising of optimism and hope about it all. I woke up remembering the essence of giving thanks and of keeping traditions. Our outward expressions are not the whole story, after all. The root of it all is untouchable, no matter what else is happening. The root of it all is Love, and Love always resurfaces eventually. Love always wins, and it always makes good choices.

Today’s weather is a great illustration of this. We have cold, grey skies and thick clouds over the farm. It’s a dim atmosphere, not awful, but also not glorious. Until the sun busts through. All throughout the day this intense metallic light keeps making these surprise appearances, gilding and glittering the oak leaves and evergreens, illuminating the patchy grass and purple mums. It just enlivens everything, and without warning the gloom is forgotten. A few times today it was so surprising that I gasped and panicked over having wasted a pretty day indoors.

We are in charge of this stuff, friends. We literally rule over our perceptions and focus.

We can focus on the statistics and on what others are doing and become overwhelmed and sad (or angry); or we can acknowledge reality then focus on what health we are enjoying today, affirm good choices, and make the absolute most of what is available to us. We can do everything in our power to live out Love, even if it all looks very different than we are used to.

We get hooked on the habits and details, sometimes, and forget that our habits and details are born of deeper, more meaningful values and truths. Repeating traditions is just a way of conjuring up good feelings, and that can be done in myriad ways. We are infinitely creative creatures, capable of making magic. Holiday magic. Even in pandemic.

For me, the trick will be allowing this holiday season to be exactly what it is, really digging in and enjoying it all, without comparing it to huge, glorious holidays past or even more liberated holidays in the future. Definitely let’s agree to not compare our Thanksgiving to anyone else’s. This year more than ever, that’s just a fruitless endeavor. We are all making complex choices with fluctuating resources and energy levels. So, no comparing. xoxo

I intend to celebrate the generations of Love and effort invested in us so far, everything beautiful in each of our families that has led up to this year. I will make silent promises to reinvest that Love and effort into others, every chance we get, both now and going forward.

Let’s also remember that some of the best traditions are sparked from weird, necessary moments of impulse and invention. Let’s all be open to what new beauty might come this Great Pause.

Okay. Happy Thanksgiving Week, friends. Whatever you are planning, may it be all you need and more. May lots and lots of golden-silver autumn sunlight hammer apart your gloom. May the essence of every family tradition be findable, the effort behind every good thing repeatable in new ways. And most of all, may you and your family stay safe and healthy.

Please Wear a Mask
XOXOXOXO

friday 5 at the farm: mantras lately

Since last we spoke, the farm’s electricity has been restored and life is pretty much business as usual again. Handsome has been working steadily to chainsaw the tree limbs we lost (so many), and I have been luxuriating in the pleasures of modern housekeeping and seasonal nesting. We believe most everyone in our immediate circles except my parents, who live near Penn Square Mall, and our friend Dennis who lives in Del City, are powered again and getting back to normal. Thank goodness Oklahoma weather is sublime now, making outdoor meals and open windows perfectly comfortable.

For a Friday 5 at the Farm this week, I have some mantras to offer you. These sweet, simple ideas have fit snugly into my thinking lately, and they have challenged me, too. I hope they feed you in some way.

“What More is Possible?”
I adore this sentence! It is the deepest feeling I have, that is so often tamped down into a stifled, unwilling calm by minimalism, scarcity, exterior control, etc. Those are just not part of my natural groove, and it’s silly to pretend that they are. What more is possible? is on my kitchen chalkboard wall right now, and it keeps me tingling with excitement about all kinds of stuff in life. It reminds me, for one, that my strong appetites and high energy are good gifts. Life is meant for living and living fully!

“Do More With All You Have.“
Again, a refreshing bounce away from the scarcity mindset. The old version of resourcefulness was “do more with less,” but MAN! We are so abundantly blessed, in so many ways! I keep this sentence in plain view too, and it inspires me to lay hold of my various resources more proactively and to squeeze more from them, day to day, week to week. For me, this applies to living space, time, and energy as much as to finances and objects, etc.

“Well Being is the Only Stream That Flows.“
This is a brand new concept to me, one outlined in an alluring book I have been reading extra slowly. Think of well being as a stream of electricity, one that can only be stopped or interrupted by a switch. Darkness itself (or negativity, or un-wellness) is not its own power stream; it is just the absence of light, which we can control. OK, I could talk about this one all day. I have been experimenting with more specific thought patterns, and so far I love the results.

“Strong Backs, Soft Hearts, WILD HEARTS!”
Thank you Brene Brown! Her short and sweet, deeply nourishing November 4th podcast episode on Unlocking Us provided this. If you have 22 minutes soon, check it out. Strong backs keep us safe and grounded, well framed in our values and foundations. Soft fronts keep us vulnerable and connected to each other (we are designed to live in community). Wild hearts, well, authenticity and greedy, lusty, life-giving universal expansion are the name of my game right now. She could not have said anything better to release me for more joy! Toward the end, Brene mentions “irreducible needs,” which blew my mind in the best way. Human beings all have the same needs which cannot be ignored or minimized. For me, it’s a better way to think of rights.

“I Wish to See the Highest Possible Outcome.”
Turning away from worries (that door can absolutely stay closed), keeping our gaze on not just some small successes and joys but on the highest possible successes and joys, the very best outcomes for every situation great and small, this is a good and powerful intention. A very good focus and expectation. I use this mantra from small, private hopes and prayers way up to the Presidential election, and everything in between. So much is possible! So often in the past I have limited my hopes and prayers by asking too small, too specifically, with too much self abasement or false humility, do you know what I mean? I am unlearning that and diving deep into everything I wish for myself and our people, for the world, truly. The highest possible outcome will always include answers beyond my wildest dreams, because God’s ideas are better. His solutions and creativity are so far beyond my own, it’s exciting. He delivers that shock and awe kind of bliss.

Okay friends, happy Friday! Happy weekend! I am off to visit Jess and Alex and Bean for a hot minute, then I crave a double digit run before the weekend gets rolling. We have a few special things in store here, and I am excited.

I hope you are staying centered and calm in the midst of widespread chaos; I hope you feel loved; and I hope your needs are far beyond met. I hope you have enough to share, both materially and energetically. Thank you as always for checking in.

Ask largely!
XOXO

October Ice Storm

Checking in from the farm! Like almost everyone, we have been without power since yesterday and are coping in all the usual, modern ways. I will not complain about being in a warm, dry house with books and blankets, a fireplace, and snacks and bottled water. 💜

The ice storm has taken out or shredded many of our beautiful trees, which is a bit gut wrenching, but we know from experience that after a big cleanup we will have lots of wood to use and the forests and meadows will heal themselves in surprising ways. My gardens are officially done for the year, ha!

Today, with temperatures climbing slowly, the ice is beginning to melt. I can hear it falling outside, a much gentler sound than so many violent, crashing jolts from trees breaking yesterday and overnight. The middle field is flooded and the pond is high again, which is a really good way to go into winter. We are so thankful that our animals are safe and healthy and that (so far) we have not discovered any trees fallen on fences or out buildings.

Praying for everyone out working on power lines and in grocery stores, for hospitals still coping with being overrun and understaffed, for homeless people and jobless families, and for those not coping well with these layered, compounding stressors.

It’s a lot. Every storm eventually ends, and we always get a chance to clean up the aftermath and restore ourselves (and each other) to the comforts we crave.

I love you, friends!! Hoping you are cozy and finding ways to be happy.

Choose Joy.
-Marie

forty seven years and many more to go

On this cold and variable autumn weekend in late October, my beautiful parents are celebrating their 47th wedding anniversary. Rumor has it they stole away to their own backyard for a brief and covid-friendly date night, which is to say that they are finally getting a room. Get a room guys! hehe

Mom, baby me, and Dad, circa 1974.

My parents married especially young and had me almost immediately, then they had four more kids who were also, well, pretty good, depending on who you ask.

Genevieve, me, Angela, Philip, & Joey (not in birth order or coolness order either)

All my life our parents have been the young parents in every crowd, and I have loved it. I grew up very accustomed to my female friends having crushes on Dad and my male friends having crushes on Mom (a particular devastation, though, when I reached the age to have crushes on those boys). Moreover, I always just felt like part of them. No kids remember life without their parents; but I felt a unique sense of almost kinship or camaraderie because we were relatively close in age. Understandably, they were less advertisory about this fact to the world at large. I suppose, especially in the 1970s, people might be judgmental and have plenty to say about it. But I was always proud of them, and I still am.

Earlier this month I had the opportunity to answer a question about their youth, when I posted about Dad’s 63rd birthday. A new Facebook friend noticed the narrow age difference between Dad and me (I am 46), and I quickly confirmed it. I am never shy about this. I said that yes, they were very young when they married, and the five of us kids have been the luckiest kids ever for their love and devotion, not just to us but to each other.

Growing up with young parents was gobs of fun. They were energetic, playful, driven, attentive, hard working, and always up for every good tradition, big and small. They fed us healthy food every single meal, read aloud to us and in front of us, took us on all kinds of trips, threw countless parties, fixed our cars, made us laugh, connected us to family and friends at every turn, kept us in Catholic school whether we deserved it or not, and endured all of our adolescent weirdness and young-adult griefs. They gave us everything, most of it made from thin air, and I honestly do not know how they did it. What I do know, in my bones, is that our charmed and beautiful family life was a product of sheer will, determination and, yes, passion (get a room).

The older I get, the more I realize how lucky we are to still have our parents alive and healthy, still married, and still celebrating their anniversary in personal, unique ways. They still tease us and feed us. They still laugh hard with us and read books and ask us what we are reading. They still try to get us all together as often a possible, whether it’s a weekend cookout or a special group travel plan or, during pandemic, a family Zoom. It sometimes makes me cry thinking of how much of their human lives have been spent, literally, on us.

group candids = the best

We have received the full force of their loving personalities for forty seven years, and now a whole batch of grandchildren are soaking it up, too. Maybe soon, great grandchildren.

Seeing Mom and Dad celebrate privately now, and seeing them enjoy their home in this brand new chapter of middle aged romance, is lusciously sweet.

The photo above is from when Mom and Dad renewed their vows in the Church. (Their first wedding was several years prior, and before Mom took her Catechism and joined.) See Mom’s wedding band on her necklace? My memory is that she and Dad both wore their bands this way for several months leading up to the ceremony. It was a very intentional second engagement, something they didn’t experience the first time around. I think about this all the time.

Mom and Dad, you never pretended like marriage has been easy, but man, you have made it look so completely worth all that was asked of you, and that is inspiring. Wildly encouraging. We might never really understand how hard it has been for you, or what you have sacrificed to be our parents. But we hope to have many decades still to say thank you and to encourage you to live life for yourselves as much as possible. Your efforts have not been in vain. I hope you feel as much joy and satisfaction, as we all feel gratitude. I hope your backyard pandemic-style anniversary celebration was romantic and happy!!

“You come from a long line of effort.”
~Mickey Sperry
XOXOXOXO

why Jedi OKC?

Why Jedi OKC?

(a serious moment)

A few years ago, my husband and I joined up with a local club called Jedi OKC, and our lives have been greatly enriched for it ever since. This creative bunch of movie-loving, community-serving, fun-having Oklahomans has shown us a whole new level of hospitality and modeled for us a beautiful example of Love for community.

Admittedly, we joined just for fun, plain and simple. My husband loves to be in costume, and I love to be around people, so we invited and imposed ourselves into their midst for those reasons. It did not take long to realize that this group was about much more than costumes and fun. Since 2001, Jedi OKC has served central Oklahoma communities in some very specific and ever expanding ways. We had no idea about their mission when we first joined, but learning about it has made us love them even more. And our gradual exposure to and involvement in the club’s ongoing community outreach has earned them a place in our hearts forever.

They have raised thousands of dollars, year after year, to provide gifts and parties for children at the Integris mental health hospital in Spencer, OK. They have volunteered countless hours and immense creativity to add something over-the-top special to the former District Attorney’s longstanding annual Christmas party for abused and underprivileged kids. Jedi OKC lends its magic to parades and charity walks big and small, all year long. Club members costume up and attend movie premiers and vacation Bible school events when asked, fun and simple civic events like the opening of the Devon ice rink downtown, and even unsuspecting wedding photo shoots, if you are at the Myriad gardens at just the right moment, ha! (Not for hire, worth noting, but fun accidents do happen!) They throw their abundant energy at all kinds of charity events, with a special affection for kids in need.

As with any good, thriving organization, it’s the people who make it special. In Jedi OKC you will find men and women of all ages, and creativity and passion abound in them all. They exude camaraderie and inclusion, intelligence, teamwork, perseverance, charity, silliness, gentleness, compassion, and just every expression of Love that you could hope for. What I find magical is that their ongoing projects are so well wrapped in fun that people hardly realize it’s a lot of work, valuable and needed.

This pandemic year has been as challenging for Jedi OKC as it has been for any charitable organization that relies on in-person gatherings to raise money. Normally by this time of year, the group would have hosted so many incredible community fund raisers that the upcoming children’s hospital parties and gift giving traditions would be nearly satisfied. Instead, everyone is scraping. If you want to share in some of this glowy goodness, please consider adding to the candy heap before October 23rd.

Or consider contributing a little cash to the Christmas fund. Both parties are for children at the Integris mental health hospital in Spencer, OK. You can rest assured that 100% of everything shared goes straight to the kids. All labor and materials are supplied on a volunteer/donate basis. And every speck of contribution and effort made is wildly appreciated.

In case I fail to say so to anyone in person, this is my insufficient thank you to Rick, Rita, Ryan and Shawna, to Bobby, David, Cara, Jon & Carissa, Kit & Jackson, David & Keri, Letitia, to dozens of folks who have come into our lives and welcomed us into to theirs, through this really cool club. I am honored to be even loosely associated with you, and I hope your winter goals are met in excess! You do such good work, ma’ams and sirs. Keep it up.

May the Force continue to be with you, always.
XOXOXOXO