Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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Archives for October 2018

“be gentle”

This reminder came to me in earnest on Saturday, but it has been circling for weeks: “Be gentle.” 

I saw it at a nearby thrift store while we shopped for a table lamp. The message stopped me in my tracks, the words scrawled in loopy handwriting with a blue grease pencil on this beautiful little dressing mirror, a pink vintage treasure, chalky to the touch and no doubt filled with memories. 

“Be Gentle,” the message pleads with passersby to not crash past and damage this.

I had been hearing and feeling this all month in lots of different ways, but I just kept crashing through every day.

Do you remember in that Jim Carrey movie Bruce Almighty when the silent homeless man holds so many cardboard signs, yet he goes largely unnoticed until finally the messages are unmistakably aimed at the main character? Ok. You’re with me now for sure.

Be Gentle, lady. Ease up.

It’s all okay.

Soften a little, breathe more deeply.

Touch everything more lightly.

Speak and think more slowly.

Gentle yourself,

like it’s a verb as much as an adjective.

Move into more delicacy.

I have a tendency to crash through my days with a weird sort of desperation, trying not to miss a thing, trying not to waste a drop of time or energy. Everything is so beautiful and I really do love my life so much, even the difficult parts. I’m learning to appreciate that particular sort of growth.

It’s all a positive panic, but still a panic. And too often that results in spreading my attention (my awareness) so thinly that I only manage to glance at my surroundings and opportunities. I miss out on the deep, nourishing soak that I crave. And that means that my people and animals and home and community miss out on my undivided attention. 

I move (and speak and think) so quickly that I become rough and handle breakable things carelessly. Things like dishes and garden tools and books and even relationships. 

When my grandpa was alive he would have said, “Settle, settle.” He would have hushed me lovingly, his tan and wrinkled hand parallel to the ground, pulsing steadily. He would have done so with a smile and maybe some soft laughter. 

Some gentleness is in order. Some stillness and attention. 

I definitely trust God enough to pause and take a deep breath. Choose to see and affirm that He is in control and that I can afford to slow down.

My zinnias and other summer flowers are fading slowly, very slowly, so I watch them obsessively. Every tiny change is fascinating. Beautiful.

 

Okay, this is precisely the motivation I needed today, friends. Kind of the opposite of how I usually revv my engines on Monday morning, ha! I hope it finds you in a state of bliss or inspiration or at least poised for exactly what your soul needs most.

Just a few days left of this fine transition month. I am so excited to see what November brings. But I will reign myself a little bit, gently, so it all comes more slowly. One glittering moment at a time. 

Slow Down, You Move Too Fast.
You Got to Make the Morning Last
~Simon & Garfunkel
XOXOXOXO

friday 5 at the farm: busy, happy, thankful week

Last weekend was a long one for us, four days of much needed deep refreshment, and this work week that wraps up today has been solid. It was solid, happy, productive, and good in many ways. Last week’s extended recharge has been put to good use. Here are some headlines from the Lazy W!

001 Dad’s Birthday!

My Dear Ol’ Dad turned 61 this week, and last night we all gathered at home for his requested dinner of, “ribeyes and hot fudge sundaes.”  Yum! I took exactly zero photos because we were having so much fun and my hands were always full. My sister Angela and I shopped and cooked dinner, then seven of us (all adults this time, which is rare) sat around the dining room table talking about DNA testing, conspiracy theories, some wild family history, and more. Everything. We feasted on food and love and excellent conversation. Jessica drove over, too, and we all had such a great time. Laugh upon laugh upon laugh! Happiest of birthdays, Dad, we love you so much!

002 Batmobile Progress

This morning, between meetings and court and who knows what else at the Commish, Handsome stole some time at a very cool Oklahoma City business to help blow the “bubbles” that will crown the Batmobile. And he invited me last minute to watch! So I dropped everything at the farm and drove to town. I haven’t told you much about this project yet, but I will soon.

Short version: It’s a fun and labor-intensive old-car restoration that will play a big role in our community outreach hopes and dreams. And it becomes more fun and exciting every week. When I say “bubbles” and “Batmobile” in the same sentence, do you picture exactly what I’m talking about? Cool.

003 Halloween Vibes

Thanks to an attic full of Halloween decorations and some pumpkin fun with friends last Saturday night, our house is festooned with all the seasonal details. We love it. And we are living our best hide-pounce-scream-recover life, too, especially after dark. So fun. Even the gardens are in on the spooky mood, and I take every opportunity to walk around the farm in galoshes and sweaters.

004 Aprons & Organization

Domestically, I have been working steadily to empty drawers and closets, purge, reorder, clean, and hold space everywhere I can find a bit of congestion. I crave space physically and emotionally. It feels amazing, like the best precursor to nesting. It’s that deep-breathing, roll-your-shoulders kind of private survey I like to do just as the seasons really trade. It feels great, and every day I find new things to do around here.

This afternoon my plate was clear enough to sew two fun apron designs that have been swimming in my head. (This one is for a very special local podcaster!)

005 Fat, Fuzzy Horses

In keeping with the season change, our farm-ily is fattened up and beginning to retain a certain amount of fluff and fuzz. It’s definitely time. The horses are eating all the hay I offer them (so much), and the chickens are feasting on more than the usual amount of herbs, rose hips, and grass clippings, plus all the average fare. Fingers crossed that they soon decided to lay some eggs.

Okay, that’s our little sum up from the week. Approximately one million other things happened, too, because life is full and beautiful. If our internet cooperates, I’ll have a post up sometime Saturday about what I’ve been reading, watching, and listening to. Good stuff.

Happy weekend!

Redeem the Time
Even the Weird Days & Moments
XOXOXOXO

 

 

 

 

motivation monday (err tuesday ok): GOALS and VALUES

Intimidation or Inspiration?

All summer and especially last week, lots of my local friends and online acquaintances have been running stand-out races. Big marathons, big goals, fast times, strong bodies. Just amazing, motivating stuff. And after simmering in envy for too many weeks, this most recent rash of other people’s accomplishments has left me feeling great.

I finally feel relaxed about my personal timelines and not at all panicked. Studying, for example, how many years some people have spent working hard at their goals is a huge encouragement for me. I have time. And, I don’t mind admitting this, seeing the price some people pay in pursuit of those goals has been eye-opening. It helps bring my own values into focus.

As with anything in life, it helps to know that each of us has our own set of unique goals, and we should tailor them to our unique talents, lifestyles, and resources. It all just reinforces to me that I need to get honest with myself and focus on some goals that would bring me authentic joy while aligning with my core values and resources, which might differ from the people I have been emulating. I need to focus a little more on what I am doing with my own running and overall fitness, with less comparison to the rest of the world.

 

So I spent some time marinating these things and came up with a short list of goals and values that are genuine for me, in no particular order:

GOALS that are both measurable and long-term

  • Run a sub-4 marathon. I have no clue how close I am right now. And I am a little scared to find out. My focused training weeks this year went well, but I have not progressed much overall, just making small adaptations month to month. My mileage base is strong, so there’s that.
  • Also, qualify for Boston (for my age group that would be about 12 minutes faster than my sub-4 goal).
  • Run a half marathon really close to my brother’s time. (Dream big ok!!)
  • Finish this calendar year by running 2,018 miles EARLY. Take some downtime around Christmas. Only 424 miles to go!
  • Win the Olympics. Ha. And while I am at it, write a best selling novel so my husband can quit his job and we can spend the icy months at the beach. Ok.

VALUES, methods I want to observe along the journey:

  • Continue carving out time for lifting (baby) weights in order to feel really good, improve bodily function and strength and stay injury free. Even when it means sacrificing miles.
  • Evolve my diet safely and sustainably so I can live in a more fat adapted state (Primal? Maybe?) and curtail diabetic symptoms. 
  • Eat well (I feel my best when I eat great food and enough of it) but live life fully with my people, never dieting, not “fueling” constantly or pretending to be in a running vacuum. Perfectionism is a pitfall. And I am so tired of trying to lose weight. I just want to feel good every day and trust that healthy habits work in my favor, long-term. I love pizza and cookies once in a while. That has to fit in.
  • Overall health and balance, pursuing a good, ongoing sense of well being without overuse injuries or emotional burnout. 
  • Keep my running in harmony with the rest of our busy life, not living constantly in a strictly scheduled “training” mode, which leads to burnout and imbalance with friends and family. This means maybe one run per weekend right now, knowing that could change once marathon training starts.
  • Schedule more excursion runs with friends and family. “Iron sharpens iron” and also, it always turns out to be so fun. (I generally resist because I feel slower than everyone, I always have to pee more often haha, and I definitely treasure the alone time. But social runs are good for us too.)
  • Races are exciting and I am enticed by the competition, but they are less important to me over time, in the scope of things, so long as running and other healthy activities can remain a part of my life. I recognize that I need to spend less time and energy agonizing over how many races and fun events I am missing. 
  • Maintain the JOY of running!! I think anything we do for too long at an almost obsessive level can become work, and I want running to be a joyful part of my life for the rest of my life, if possible. So I am happy to allow some breathing room.

To remember my friend Robin’s advice, it’s great to look to others for inspiration, but once that begins to feel like intimidation, it’s time to look away.

Look at a baby kangaroo instead. 

Wish me luck and maybe some wisdom as I sort out exactly how all of this translates to weekly and monthly plans. I definitely do better with at least a skeleton plan and short-term goal or two.

Speedbump:

Something funny is that this morning after I drafted this blog post, I headed to the lake for a speed workout. As I was parking my car, my phone started flashing and buzzing tornado warnings, and the sky turned black. Instantly. I drove the nine miles home through blinding rain and straight-line winds, got the animals safe and happy, and watched the weather on television for two hours instead of working out. I was mad for a while but was able to pull out if it, reminding myself that this is life. Life (and certainly weather) does not revolve around my plans for the day. Also? It’s fine. It really is fine.

Someone in one of my running groups recently posted that an altered workout is actually good for us, because not only does it build mental tenacity; it also keeps our bodies guessing a little bit and makes us stronger in new ways.

Ok. Over and out. Thanks for coming to my TED talk about running goals and values and how I worry about missing out on stuff. 

It’s Fine!!
XOXOXO

 

 

the word for this week is “WHEW”

This past week flew by in a whirlwind of ordinary and extraordinary, with a couple of scary close calls and lots of deep relief mixed in. As the dust is settling before daybreak Sunday morning, I am even more filled with gratitude than usual.  

This is how my strong, sweet husband described it at bedtime Thursday night: “We have had two days that could have brought major paradigm shifts, but here we are resting in our comfortable bed and everything is okay.” I love that. And I am truly thankful for a husband who will speak words this powerful just as I am falling asleep.

Early Thursday morning Jessica had a health scare that brought all four of the parents together in the emergency room. Jess had been sick since the day before, feeling pretty worn down and in lots of pain (she had an elevated heart rate, too) from what we would eventually know was tonsillitis. But before we knew that, everyone was on high alert. 

By mid-morning, she had had tests and received lots of assurance from the doctor plus a few prescriptions and strict instructions to rest. We were all wildly relieved and with her blessing made plans for her to come back to the farm to recoup for a few days.

Klaus is very good at cuddling and watching people be sick. He loves us back to wellness.

It had been many years since we all convened in a hospital room like that, and it echoed both terror and comfort. Because we know God so much better by now. Trust in all circumstances has become such a natural way of life. We sense and believe so deeply how much He wants to help all of us, both with health and medicine and work and finances, the physical realities of living on earth, as well as with human relationships and all things spiritual. It’s amazing.

The peace in that hospital room was as much a relief as her good health report. 

The day before, we had a near miss with a house fire. I had spent the afternoon working between the gardens and the Apartment, where I had turned on a wall unit air conditioner, to cut the humidity. I went outside for a few minutes and returned to the sharp metallic smell of electrical fire. Long story short, the wall unit had a short in it. Thankfully, the sparks and tiny flames in the machine, though they did produce a lot of smoke, did not turn into a true fire, and the house is fine. But it was tense. My husband arrived home within minutes of me turning off all our power. He checked the wall and wires thoroughly. We turned the power back on and went back to life as usual, slightly stunned by everything that almost happened.

More echoes from past trauma, and another example of something which we have experienced before: Our house fire a decade ago was scary and stressful and expensive. But also loaded with blessings. God walked us through that ordeal then, every step of the way. This time, we were glad to avoid it completely.

So much assurance and peace, just to be restored to real life routines, two days in a row.

Before and in between those stories, life this first week of October was as full and normal as ever. My husband continues to work at the Commish under extreme stress but handles it beautifully, if you ask me. We continue to strive for health and peace and beautification around the farm. And gosh we really want to embrace the changing season.

Speaking of seasonal pleasures…

Saturday morning, Jess was feeling like herself again. The three of us took a very late breakfast outside to eat on the deck next to the first bonfire we have had in many weeks. It all happened just as a cold front swept uphill from the pond and a gentle rain tapped on the oak canopy above us. We played outside and luxuriated and talked about everything. 

What a way to start October, what a way to usher in autumn. And maybe this is helping us prepare for so many life transitions already headed our way. The house fire a decade ago signaled an awful life chapter. But I know this one brewing now will be different. I know that in my bones. Tomorrow is a new moon, too, I think. Definitely a time to notice growth.

Later that afternoon, when she was feeling really great and ready to resume her life and gentle routine, I drove Jess back to the City. (She had come to the farm with me on Thursday, without her car since she was too sick to drive.) That drive back was especially nourishing for the two of us. Long car rides have often, over the years, meant deep talking.

I soaked it up gratefully. And this time I was offered two additional gifts.

First, we saw Jocelyn. She was driving toward us on Penn, and it was actually her vehicle I recognized first, “Becky.” I am well acquainted with Becky since she started driving it in Colorado. Then I saw Jocelyn’s beautiful, pale round face and enormous brown eyes, that fringe of bangs beneath her ballcap. My heart leaped. I miss her so much, even with all the good news and encouragement we keep hearing. For a moment it occurred to me to suppress tears in front of Jessica. Then I realized that my body’s initial response to cry and ache was brief. No need to suppress.

Something warm and pleasant washed over me instead, like a touchable veil of comfort. 

Then, after dropping Jess (and cuddling her dog Pippa), as I was leaving Oklahoma City, I noticed the digital marquee on Penn, not far from where Joc would have been driving. It was at KP Supply, a business that for many years has been sharing inspirational or motivational quotes on their sign. Once, they agreed to scroll a Happy Birthday message to Joc, so she would see it as we drove to school that day. They are the nicest people, and their sign always touches my heart. Yesterday this was their message:

You cannot trust your judgment when your imagination is out of focus.

Okay, wow, yes. This speaks straight to my heart for so many reasons. How does it strike you?

I am finishing this post around lunchtime on Sunday. It’s once again raining gently outside, our windows are open, and I am happy to be immersed in all sorts of cuddly activities with my husband and our Shepp. My heart is calm. 

This week’s near misses and moments of rescue, these golden reassurances for yet unanswered prayers, they are altogether a thrilling gift. Life is beautiful and good beyond description. Trusting God with every detail is the most radical, most effective, most deeply satisfying life strategy we have ever tried. He loves us so much, it’s crazy.

Ok. Happy Sunday. I need to go check on my friends who are running the Chicago marathon today!!!

“It’s Not Time to Worry Yet.”
~Atticus Finch
XOXOXOXO

6 running lessons from September

Hello, happy October!! Can you believe it? Does it feel like October to you yet? I still keep thinking it’s June, you guys. Our gradual shift in weather is beginning to convince me, though, and I am actually happy about that. I am on board with the ever-so-slightly cooler temps, the terribly slow-changing leaves, and a few pumpkin recipes. I feel grateful for how gently this new season has arrived.

I’m checking in to review fitness goals, etc.

September was a strong running month for me. I feel great overall. And along the way, a few good lessons were reinforced to me that you might find useful, too. 

001 Those Little Extras are Actually Big Essentials

I am fully convinced that the following rituals and healthy habits have not only kept me injury free since springtime but have also enhanced my general sense of well being:

  • dynamic warm-ups before each run (just 5-7 minutes)
  • deep, slow stretching after each run (breathe light into your muscles, haha!)
  • lifting weights 2-3 times per week (at MOST, and I am talking BABY weights, for maybe 20-30 minutes per session)
  • doing focused core strengthening and one-leg balancing moves when the mood strikes (your core includes a lot more than those flat upper abs, haha! Get strong in your lower belly, hips, & glutes to see a major improvement to running power as well as foot health.)
  • running in a fasted state more often but replenishing with a lot of nutrition pretty soon after a workout
  • spreading protein more evenly throughout the day
  • foam rolling my legs and massaging my feet while watching tv at night
  • YOGA (although I only did it a few times this past month, every time I did yoga it felt luscious and I was reminded to do it more often)
please enjoy my messy weights corner of the laundry garage xoxoxo

002 Adaptation is a Slow, Beautiful Process

What fun that some things that used to be difficult for me, now feel way easier. I am in love with that rush of energy from sprinting an 800m repeat until I can barely feel my feet, or of completing a solid tempo run with energy to spare. Chipping away at a mileage goal is great, but feeling the actual differences in my body is the big thrill. Not too long ago I was scared of certain SOS workouts that I now get excited about. And this will sound ridiculous, but the stronger I get, the higher up to my hip bone I can feel those long leg muscles. That’s crazy. Ha.

003 Quality of Thought is Just as Important as a Healthy Diet

I cannot tell you how many times last month I was having a pretty great run and nonchalantly allowed my thoughts to slip into a sad memory or a frustrating life problem or melodrama, and my body nearly shut down. My legs suddenly felt heavy, my heart rate spiked, and I became hyperfocused on my Garmin, which (naturally) was giving me lots of negative feedback, and it all would make me crazy for a few minutes. 

The funny thing to me is that, sure, running is not always about performance. Often we get out there just to feel better emotionally. And on those, days, I might let my heart and mind wander a bit more and indulge in some crying while sweating. But even then I do try to reign it into a prayerful conversation with God, rather than just have a pity party. And on those days I make sure to set the intention of “slow and easy, mellow effort, low heart rate, focus on relaxing.” It helps. 

On the days I need fast intervals or just want to feel strong and capable, I focus and keep my brain in a very happy lane. I keep the reigns pretty tight on my imagination and also select music and podcasts carefully to avoid a surprise bummer.

004 Inspiration Beats Intimidation

My friend Robin gently reminded me of this a few weeks ago. I have a good, natural tendency to cheer other people on with their goals. It feels great to me and also helps me stay connected to loved ones, like my little brother who recently crushed his half marathon in DC!! And I just love learning from other people’s journeys.

But since I am not personally racing any time soon, and also I am not the caliber of runner most of my friends are, I will sometimes get that dreaded “FOMO” and start thinking loser thoughts about myself. Robin helped me restore my positive attitude. She gave me the vocabulary to draw inspiration from others, rather than allow myself to feel intimidated but their accomplishments.

I love that. And I love Robin.

005 Small Efforts Add Up

This past month I ran a total of 205 miles, but never more than 13 in one day, and I stayed plenty busy the rest of my life too, while not running, ha! The month felt really easy. I think it’s noteworthy and exciting that we can gently increase our running volume each week (each day) while staying active, productive, healthy and happy in the rest of our beautiful lives. For all of September, I never once felt so drained that I could not do my housework, farm stuff, gardening, or hanging out with loved ones. I’m thankful for that. Just a good reminder that a little extra each day, especially at an easy pace, adds up.

006 Gratitude Always

Every single run, even the ones when I tripped and bloodied my knees and elbows, ended with giving lots of thanks. And I think it matters.

Thanks for every single mile, for the health and strength to do it, for the freedom and safety, for the financial means to buy good shoes and have a car that drives me where I want to run, for the abundance of time to do something I love that greatly enhances my health, for the emotional release of it all, the mental sharpness and alone-time therapy running provides, the weather and scenery, just everything.

Sometimes after a run, I would thank God for answering my worries about a family member or for urging me to do something that day which maybe had not been on my radar yet. He talks to me, and I feel connected in these solitary hours. I am super duper, very extremely thankful.

What do you think of these lessons? Do they ring true for your running or for some other part of your healthy life?

October has already started strong for me, with a 10-mile easy run yesterday and 8 miles with my friend Sheila today, which included a really fun fartlek workout and breakfast together afterward. I am excited to chase a few goals leading up to Halloween, and the “run the year” finale is well within reach.

I have no idea about races any time soon, but whatever life brings I’ll hold these seven lessons close along the way.

Happy Running! Happy Everything!
XOXOXOXO