Archives for September 2014

close and closer still

September 28, 2014

I am the only one awake in the house, probably the only one awake on the farm, except for Geoffrey our ever-hunting-and-prowling barn cat. The morning is so quiet. Not even a tree frog croaking. Just the buzz and click of my laptop and the hum of the refrigerator. Every window is still black with night sky. Strong coffee smells are warming up the room, making my mind more pliable and my eyes less bleary. I am wearing my much loved grey book club t-shirt and pink sweat pants given to me by my friend Marci when spontaneously one day we decided to dye every piece of fabric in sight the color turquoise, including the jeans I was wearing. The table where I’m writing this morning is covered in a bouquet of fading zinnias and half a dozen pieces of fruit plus the only attempt I have so far made toward autumn decorating. And a bottle of nail polish weighting down a story idea scribbled on a wrinkly paper towel.

My heart is incredibly still. Not everything is settled yet exactly, not by the world’s standards, but everything is alright. No, everything is amazing. I can see, feel, smell, and taste that every prayer we’ve uttered in faith is already answered. And that we will be seeing the proof of that slowly, bit by bit, in God’s time. They’ve been answered for years, really. And as new crises have happened in our life, those too have come paired with their own solutions, if only we would stop and focus and breath deeply enough to see. If only we would get close enough to the Problem Solver to no longer see the problem. I miss you Harvey. Thank you for teaching me that. It has changed my life.

Yesterday between working in the barn and playing in the garden, I stopped to feed my bees and the llamas all visited. Dulcinea was particularly kissy. I discovered this photo on my cell phone later and was overwhelmed with the feeling of being so close to God, like a little girl. The feeling of being face to face with Him, silent, cuddled, held with strong arms. Maybe like Scout sitting in Atticus’ lap in To Kill a Mockingbird.

get as close as you can until He is all you can see

A rooster is awake now, though the windows are still inky black. My husband of thirteen years will soon appear in the stairwell with a towel for me and a kiss, ready to stumble outside for Hot Tub Summit, as is our early morning custom. I will give him freshly brewed coffee that he bought for me at midnight last night because I foolishly left my can of it at book club. We will admire the last stars of night and maybe the first colorful streaks of dawn. We will take note of the llamas and cats and buffalo and horses and help each other kill mosquitoes but not honeybees.

Then later today we will work together at church, getting the physical space ready for spiritual work. We will pray together and face everything together then rest in this home we’ve made, this love we’ve curated. Keeping room for every seed of hope we’ve ever planted.

My friends are all facing big trials and heartaches, just like yours. My family is in crisis, just like yours. And I ache for them just as they have ached for me. But I feel such a flood of hope and assurance right now! The dawn is finally cracking open on a long, bitter night. I just want everyone to fix their sight on where that is happening. The Source of every solution, all the Love that we will ever need. Do not let anyone distract you with worrying or over-analyzing or thinking that you alone can do it. Be firm on that, okay?

Get so close that He is all you can see.

Happy brand new day to you! You are loved and you are needed to move that Love around this world. Be a conduit. Be happy.

It’s not time to worry yet.
~Atticus Finch
XOXOXOXO

harper lee for mama kat

September 25, 2014

Hello again! This week Mama Kat invited us to share some favorite quotes. Cool!

I am a quote fiend. A quote fanatic. Quote-and-prose obsessed, it is fair to say. So narrowing down my list of faves was not easy. But this month our famous little Oklahoma book club is reading both One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp and To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee. Don’t we have good taste?

Anyway, these two books are rife with well crafted, substantial lines. And as I am reading through the latter title I am recording in a fresh new spiral notebook all the sentences that speak to me. It’s so fun! Believe it or not this is my first time reading To Kill a Mockingbird, and I clearly see why it is a beloved American classic. So good. I am halfway through and have cried three times and laughed a lot more.

I will admit that taking so many notes alongside reading just a 248 page book is taking me an inordinate amount of time. Maybe I should just read it straight through? I don’t know. But every paragraph is a gem. It’s all so beautifully written and filled with good messages, how can I pick a favorite even from this one book?

Here is one that glows on the page and is so relevant to my life right now:

It can be difficult, right? Abandoning the need for approval or affirmation when we think we’re doing ok? And on the flipside it can be tempting to preen our egos with other people’s approval despite what we know about ourselves deep down. It’s a cheap balm. Both are traps. Caring too much about what other people think while neglecting our well bred conscience, it’s dangerous. It starves us. Distracts us from the real work and joy of living.

Which leads me to an older, better known quote:

A clean conscience is a soft pillow.

Thanks for the short, sweet writing prompt, Mama Kat! You da real MVP. But don’t take my word for it.
That’s the kinda thing you hafta know for yourself.
XOXOXOXO

Kat Bouska — http://www.mamakatslosinit.com/

summer 2014 vital stats

September 24, 2014

Well, friends, like it or not (though judging from the overdose of pumpkin everything we are seeing, most people really REALLY like it) autumn has arrived. Summer 2014 has finally drawn to a close, and here we are. My husband is particularly inconsolable. Why God didn’t allow that man to be born on a beach I will never understand.

I thought to commemorate this calendar event we would record some vital statistics from one of the loveliest, though fastest moving, summers in recent history. It really has been magical in many ways.

Sunburns: 1 (I was outdoors all day every day but also really good about SPF this year so apparently I’m a grown up now)
Pounds of tomatoes harvested: one million (just trust me, ok?)

tart made with homemade crust and garden fresh tomatoes and herbs

Pounds of zuchinni harvested: two million
Squash Bugs battled: 70 trillion (let’s revisit that one with a depressing photo, shall we?)

squash bugs — hell hath no fury like a gardener overrun with these monsters

Pumpkins grown here at the farm: 24 (but they were all destroyed in one weekend by squash bugs)
Watermelons grown here at the farm: 7 (and they were beauties)

fresh homegrown watermelon oklahoma — If 2013 was the Summer of Basil, then 2014 has been the Summer of Watermelon…xoxo

Total watermelons eaten by me, all by myself, often in one sitting: 16
Goose attacks by Johnny Cash against me: just one (but it was really terrifying)

goose bite — A goose attacked me and I almost died. “That’s gonna leave a mark!”

Goose attacks by Mia against Handsome: innumerable
Bonfires enjoyed here with friends & loved ones: 7 (more to come now that the weather is mellowing)
Number of times I cut my own hair: 3 (send professional help)
How many times I won a trophy at a car show with my super cute Jeep-Jeep: 1 (and on a dare I did a cartwheel to celebrate)
Total number of car shows Handsome & I attended: maybe 8 (they are bone-melting hot but SO FUN)

I love this man more and more every week, for ever-expanding reasons. He is enduring one of the hardest years in his entire life and we appreciate every prayer, every hug, every supportive thought that is sent his way! xoxo — I love this man more and more every day, for ever-expanding reasons. He is enduring one of the hardest years in his entire life and we appreciate every prayer, every hug, every supportive thought that is sent his way! xoxo

Icy-slushie Drinks consumed after long sweaty hours of yard work: 12 (Dr. Pepper flavor for Handsome, coconut for me)
Number of stings endured: 5 (one wasp, one bumblebee, three Lazy W Honeymaker stings)
Miles ran: 153 (weak season, but I kind of needed the break mentally and physically, now getting back at it slowly)
Times I bought new bed sheets and put them on our bed without washing them: 0 (because that’s gross)
Times I bought new bed sheets and washed them before putting them on our bed: 1 (because I am a normal person)
Amount of wild Canadian goslings we adopted: 1 (and we love him so much)

wild Canadian gosling adopted by South African gaggle — Duck Duck the goose

Total number of photos I snapped of my gardens: 857 (times a thousand)
Total number of photos I snapped of my bees: 438 (also times a thousand)
Total number of times my iPhone storage was used up as a result: 9

The Lazy W Honeymakers also love the color turquoise. They told me so.

Prayers answered: More than I have slowed down to count. But to sit and gaze at them in my heart is overwhelming. God is good. Life is beautiful. None of these summertime memories and none of our pain will be wasted. I am filled with gratitude and hope! Ready for the next season, whatever it brings.

So… Happy end-of-summer-start-of-autumn, sweet friends. I would love to hear a few of your memorable statistics from the past few months. Thank you so much for stopping in and saying howdy!

Mr. Avery said it was written on the Rosetta Stone that when children disobeyed their parents, smoked cigarettes and made war on each other, the seasons would change. Jem and I were burdened with the guilt of contributing to the aberrations of nature, thereby causing unhappiness to our neighbors and discomfort to ourselves.
-To Kill a Mockingbird
XOXOXOXO

encouragement & garden updates

September 21, 2014

Oh you guys. Lately when I sit down at my keyboard to tell you farm stories and share my heart, I freeze up.

As much as I love allowing words and emotions to flow, right now our biggest life headlines are intensely personal. They are too private for this blog and also not entirely my story to tell. Our family has been enduring big changes for several years but in particular this past year. And even more recently than that, this past month has brought change and revelation which I have felt coming for a long time but which are still new and huge, much more for our loved ones than us.

(Sometimes I have to remember that I haven’t shared that stuff with you guys, so how would you know what the heck I’m talking about or why I’m always asking for prayer? Maybe sometime in the future I will share more of it. Now is just not the time.)

My little red tea roses are slowly fading, but I'm not deadheading them yet. I want to leave the spent blooms as well as the rose hips on the plants to send energy back to the roots for winter. Plus they're still so beautiful! — My pretty little red tea roses are slowly fading, but I’m not deadheading them yet. I want to leave the spent blooms as well as the rose hips on the plants to send energy back to the roots for winter.

Still I am trying daily to sort through my thoughts and experiences and find something useful to share with you. I also hope you’ll have something magical to say in response. Here is what’s on my heart today.

Often the things for which we hope and pray come in God’s time, not ours. And while the seasons may change gradually, doesn’t it seem like both tragedies and miracles come suddenly? That’s certainly been our experience. And it’s also been our experience that tragedies and miracles are closely intertwined. Some people call them mixed blessings or silver linings. And these things ring true. But to me the bigger truth is that what blesses one person can sometimes cause great pain for another. Navigating this becomes a matter of adjusting our perspective and refining our focus on God’s will, not ours. We are tasked with seeking peace on every level, trusting Him, resisting fear and bitterness, feeding Love constantly. Refusing to ask those nagging questions that start with the words, “But what if…”

I'm learning a lot about composting methods and trying to implement a lot of it in my raised beds. How exciting to think of how much harvest we can enjoy by preparing the soil first! — I’m learning a lot about composting methods and trying to implement a lot of it in my raised beds. How exciting to think of how much harvest we can enjoy by preparing the soil first!

Right now lots of herbs and flowers are doing great on auto-pilot, but kale is the only thing I am actively growing. This week I'll be adding spinach, lettuce, and more to the fall veggie garden. — Right now lots of herbs and flowers are doing great on auto-pilot, but kale is the only thing I am actively growing. This week I’ll be adding spinach, lettuce, and more to the fall veggie garden.

So once again Handsome and I are right back to living one day at a time, often a few hours at a time, carefully watching and praying our way through one little situation after another. When I pause to see how we’re doing, I am happy. We’ve learned a lot through the ups and downs of the past five years, and we have been given millions of opportunities to prove what we’ve learned.

People keep telling me to stop growing morning glories. I can't! I won't. Morning glories are old fashioned, easy, and lush. They thrill and comfort me. — People keep telling me to stop growing morning glories. I can’t! I won’t. Morning glories are old fashioned, easy, and lush. They thrill and comfort me.

Are you in the midst of a season of change? Or are you waiting on a miracle or in need of refreshment? It is totally available.

Here is some encouragement for you:

When change seems to be the only constant, God is there to help absorb the shock and guide the way.
When we are broken hearted, God is there to mend us and comfort us.
When we feel alone, we are not because He is there. He is never the one who turns away.
When we feel powerless to help our loved ones in need, we are actually filled with power if we lean on God. His resources are unlimited.
When peace seems threatened, we can remind each other that we have a choice. We can choose peace and choose love and choose faith… even if we’ve failed before.
When things seem impossible, trust that your needs will be met. Just trust, ahead of proof.
Where you allow your thoughts to swim is hugely important. Be sure your imagination is alligned with your faith.

Here’s a bigger encouragement for you:

God always keeps His promises, so don’t worry if it’s taking a long time.
Just find ways to make your waiting season count for something.
He honors faith, especially the faith that is painfully wrought.
And He sees every tear and hears every single prayer.
If you look for Him you will find Him.
If you move closer to Him, He will move closer to you.

These are all facts, all indelible marks on my heart for which I am so grateful.

The Lazy W Honeymakers are still foraging daily, still drinking up the sugar water I provide them, still buzzing me in great gentle clouds when I walk int he garden. — The Lazy W Honeymakers are still foraging daily, still drinking up the sugar water I provide them, still buzzing me in great gentle clouds when I walk in the garden. So amazing.

I like to temper the big, heavy thinky stuff with daily pleasures like what’s going on in my garden. God has such a beautiful way of teaching us there, anyway. Life goes on. Cycles happen. Joy and hope are refreshed constantly. Facing the light is how we grow. Accepting deep nourishment carries us through the dry times.

There’s just so much.

Life here at the farm is good, friends. Really good. Not perfect, but overflowing with Love and faith, hope for unanswered prayers. We are strong and steady, trusting God to meet those needs we can’t meet ourselves. Handsome and I deeply appreciate your prayers, especially because you probably have no idea what we’re asking God to do.

But the beauty here is that we’re just asking Him to move. Just asking Him to have the final word in some painful situations, and whatever that is we know we will all be okay.

Tonight I am peaceful and happy. Overwhelmed by the possibility of a life fueled and controlled by Love.

How are you?

XOXOXOXO

a series of events

September 19, 2014

Happy Friday!
For Friday Five at the Farm this week,
A story in five parts.

1. I planned to run early this morning in the cooler temperatures, but we woke up to the most glorious sea of dense gray fog all over the farm. It was thick and cottony, wet on our skin. And visibility was maybe twenty feet, so I didn’t want to navigate the rocks and sandy back hills almost blind.

2. Instead of running early I spent some extra time with Chanta. While he munched sweet grain in the barn, I brushed him and untangled his mane. I stroked his legs and brushed him some more. We sang Beatles’ songs to each other and prayed for my girls together. By the end of his bowl of grain he was nearly asleep and I was sweaty and covered in his loose silvery blonde and golden brown hairs.

3. I did some other animal chores and planted a few more small plants then watered everything deeply, taking the opportunity to rinse off some of that horse hair. The herb garden is looking pretty good. It gradually changes shape and color toward the end of summer, and the newness seduces me. As I watered plants there, the sun rose to about halfway past dawn and started to scrub out the fog. So gorgeous. Handsome was home working on his ’68 Camaro which he recently painted satin black. Quite a sight.

4. So then I went for that run I was craving. I was already wearing my trusty running shoes, although they were soaking wet now and covered with not just horse hair but also chicken poop and hay. I found a water bottle, iPod, and earbuds and walked to the back field to start finding my rhythm.

5. At mile 3 1/2 I saw Geoffrey (our playful gray and white barn cat) stalking something in a big burn pile behind the pond. He’d followed me out there but is so easily distracted. His twitching tail had caught the attention of Meh, the baby llama, who was sneaking up on Geoffrey while he sneaked up in whatever was hiding in the burn pile. I laughed, finished my miles, and walked uphill in my squishy, filthy Brooks running shoes to eat breakfast.

The End.
Happy Friday!!

the following photo is unrelated to the story but you might like it anyway…

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