Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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all these octobers

One of Mama Kat’s writing prompts this week intrigued me for a reason that was difficult to articulate even to myself, until I did the work. She asked us to share what we had blogged about this time last year, and the year before, etcetera. After taking a look I realized that this month of seasonal transition has historically delivered quite a punch. Just when Oklahoma’s weather is mellowing out and the gardens are slowing to an easy pace, I get my own personal little hurricane season. It’s not all been bad or painful, of course; sometimes change is exactly what we need. And even pain can be fruitful. 

2015

October last year was like emotional excavation. I remember loving the outdoors daily and feeling aware of my age but happy. Klaus was growing fast and Jocelyn was settling into a new chapter in Colorado, and I was all about the slow decay of nature, the passage of time. I was dreaming heavily about Jessica, just as I am this October. This post called Lovelier Than Perfection was short and sweet. But then a strong wave of nostalgia and empty-nest pain crashed into me and I wrote this. A month before some stuff had happened in our marriage that caused such deep and lasting hurt between us that I can hardly believe it was a full year ago. Remember the Super Moon? It more or less coincided with those events that are still a tender bruise to us. Or at least to me. And October was when I started releasing it all. Whew.

joc sunset dusty

2014

October two years ago was when our tomcat Geoffrey got stuck. It was also when Jocelyn was visiting the farm and we made some pretty gorgeous memories like the ones shared here. As happens when the weather changes, I also had to claw my way out of the pit of deep despair and back into the light. But I was also baking these cookies and reminiscing about early motherhood and my Grandpa. See? HURRICANE.

flourless peanut butter cookie recipe

2013

October 2013 was when we lost my husband’s mother. Hers was a sudden death, though she had not been well or happy (stress-free) for a long time. The years and months and days and hours since have been a mix of pain and healing, anxious awareness of stress levels and heart health (my husband’s in particular), and filling the many holes left by grief that big. That same month, of course, we tried to rally our spirits to help my parents celebrate a milestone wedding anniversary, and my goodness how life has tested them in the few years since. October 2013 was hard. Beautiful in the ways that helped us survive, but hard.

2012

The October before that, we hosted a really fun family dinner here at the farm to celebrate my Dad’s 55th birthday! We all laughed hard with each other and ate lasagna with all the trimmings followed by a butter-pecan layer cake with cream cheese frosting. I love my Dad so much and hope we get to celebrate his birthday again this year! Fingers crossed that he just cannot live without this cake again.

rp_Dad-55.JPG

Also in 2012 was a pretty memorable book club event that included an out of town guest author, Jen Luitweiler She drove all the way from Tulsa to the farm to meet most of our group at that time and answer a thousand-hundred-million questions about her book Run With Me. We ate and talked and listened and ate and smiled until it hurt. (I feel like pointing out that this was a several months before I started training for my first half marathon! Long time ago. Ancient history.)

rp_Run-With-Me-book-cover.jpg

Even Earlier…

Going back much further would plunge us into pre-blogging Octobers and a family life that was filled with a mix of volleyball and homework, suddenly vacant little girl bedrooms, an abundance of friendships to distract us, newborn babies, road trips, fledgling gardens, rent houses and used car purchases, art projects, slumber parties, and terrifying hospital stays. Not in that order. I kind of wish I had been blogging all along, just to digest again the best and worst parts of life.

As much as I crave and relish the details of any big season change, clearly it tends to be a mixed blessing. And that’s okay. For all its difficulties, life continues to look and feel more beautiful every October.

Thanks for the walk down memory lane, Kat! See you on Snap-Chat. You are so cute as the deer. 

“We write to taste life twice,
In the moment and in retrospect.”
~Anais Nin
XOXOXOXO

vlogging the prompt “in a perfect world”

Happy Wednesday! I am taking another stab at vlogging this week, linking up again with Mama Kat and answering a handful of “In a Perfect World” questions. This little exercise was particularly fun because it got me thinking about how close to perfect my life already is. I do walk around feeling incredibly grateful, but when asked that famous Law of Attraction question, “What is it you WANT?” I was pleasantly surprised to see that already life is bringing many of my wishes straight to my lap. Some of them are in the form of opportunities which I have to tend myself; and some of them rely on outside forces and move more slowly than others, but that’s okay. Often the best things take a lot of time. I have no desire to rush them.

https://youtu.be/FALOHfsR9Ug

Also, let’s celebrate this awesome freeze frame. I mean. That’s attractive, folks. You are welcome.

Around the 1:41 mark, I mention an old SNL skit featuring the prosecution for the OJ Simpson trial. “I-swear-to-god-I’ll-cut-my-bangs!!” if you remember this joke and get this reference, please let me know. You have the power to help me feel so normal and culturally relevant.

art

Carry on, and have a lovely day!! I am off to scoop manure into the compost heap and try to find a grey paint color that will pull together our rustic pine bedroom furniture with all the artwork I crave upstairs.

In a perfect world maybe we would realize how perfect the world already is.
XOXOXOXO

super short video book review of hard bite

Happy Wednesday! If you have approximately 2 minutes and 48 seconds to watch a little video, you might enjoy a purely frivolous book review by Yours Truly. I promise there are no sudden loud noises. Not even a parrot scream, which is a miracle straight from Heaven.

The book is Hard Bite by Anonymous, and it is a surprising little treasure I snagged for free from that email service Book Bub. Something I forgot to mention in my video down there is that THIS BOOK IS NOT FOR CHILDREN, haha, like not even close. So, know that.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FyGHBZirWSU

I am linking up again with the always entertaining Kat Bouska. When I clicked over to see what video she has for us today, I was stunned to see that she is trying to make me famous. I mean, even more famous than I already am to my dog.

 

klaus me run

Speaking of that, her baby-swaddling technique looks pretty legit. But I tried that with my 85 pound German Shepherd and the results were less graceful. I will try Taylor Swift and see if that helps.

Happy reading! What is on your nightstand this week?

If you are lucky enough to have a pet monkey, please don’t train it to kill people.

The End.

love the life you live

From the black, diamond-studded pre-dawn sky that ushers us to our morning hot tub ritual and first cups of coffee,

to the lava-colored, unbelievable sunsets, and all the chaos and calm we navigate between, this life suits me.

Our fun and failures, tears and laughter, hours of grief and months of bliss. All of it is so good with you.

live the life you love

For all our routines, it seems that no two weeks are alike. Life is moving ever onward, faster and faster sometimes.

I so often feel lost in work and happy exploration, then suddenly panicked for more time, like the park is about to close or the spell about to break. I hate for people to leave a good party.

Then some oak leaves twirl slowly down or I notice a zinnia fading gently, no rush at all, and the buffalo chews his cud. I remember to breathe more deeply, this time choosing to taste the air, sweet and blue, warm and good.

Soaking up the details only returns me to my most natural pace, sun to sun, season to season, just the way it’s supposed to.

I love living this life with you, and I love you.

BW xoxo

XOXOXOXO

 

jessica michelle

You were here with me again. Did you know?

Somewhere between Monday and Tuesday, in the sueded navy blue deep, you illuminated everything.

You were all at once young and vulnerable and old and wise, but this time you were no longer gritting against pain.

Instead, you were pulsing joy and radiating love with the most gentle pink and gold peace. Your aura had a fragrance better than any perfume.

We chatted and giggled and I touched your velvet skin and you played with my hair and asked me about my herb garden.

I asked you about your writing and are you in love? Your twinkling brown eyes said that you want to be.

One minute we were on your grade school playground, noisy and happy, the next floating on a muddy lake, blue sky above us, quiet and calm.

A new face emerged around the corner and wondered who I was, then she knew and turned away. Running. Not afraid, just… ashamed. You smiled at me and wrapped your arms around my middle, squeezing tight. I held you still and inhaled sunshine from the top of your head.

There’s a change happening isn’t there? I feel it. I feel you. And this opens such a floodgate.

I have been smiling through my pain, too.

But while you were here, glowing in the dark, neither of us had to.

Because nothing is stronger than love.

jess sweet 16

I’m linking up this week with Kat Bouska, grateful for her invitation to write in twelve lines.
I took some liberty, but she is very forgiving.
And without the safety of restraint I might not have even tried to share this.
XOXOXOXO