Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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links & ideas, Jan 2021

We interrupt this happy stream of wedding remembrance to take stock of worthwhile media consumption lately. Forgive me in advance: This month is light on actual, real, solid reading. My attention span in just suffering, haha, and I crave more quiet down time and focus. More of that in February!

READ:
Boom Town by Sam Anderson: I am chipping slowly away at this fascinating and creatively written two-fold history of Oklahoma City (it tells about both the Landrun days and the founding of our beloved OKC Thunder, plus everything in between). I will post a full review in a couple of weeks, but if it’s at all on our radar I do recommend diving in!

This Womens Running article about how to be best prepared for the covid vaccine caught my attention. Sure seems like a good night’s sleep and a quick run are the answers to all my needs.

This Greatist article about ankle mobility helped me “unlock” some things, ha. (I think people often mistake some lower limb problems for plantar faccistis.)

Still loving my new daily devotional by Bob Goff.

WATCH:
Fight Club! I watched this on the treadmill recently and got so into it that I dance-air punched-wiggled too much and fell smack down while the treadmill kept going, immediately skinning black spandex deeply into my left kneecap. It hurt, but it was also kind of perfect. My front teeth are fine, though, which is all that matters really.

The Crown Handsome and I binged this all month long and loved it, which was kind of a surprise. Between this series and a couple of other period documentaries, I have developed a soft spot for Queen Elizabeth, despite her reputation for chilliness. (We could not get into Bridgerton though. We tried, really, and neither of us liked it at all.)

Hillbilly Elegy. Whew!! Amazing acting from Glenn Close, Amy Adams, and more, but wow. Ouch. Watch at your own risk. It is an emotionally heavy memoir-made-film, no matter what your background. Be sure to watch to the epilogue. Have you seen it?

Witches: This was a welcome palate cleanser. Really cute and imaginative. All hail Roald Dahl, Octavia Spencer, and Anne Hathaway.

LISTEN:
Brene Brown’s conversation with Melinda Gates was such a breath of fresh air. I now want to read Gates’ book The Moment of Lift even more. She told lots of personal stories but mostly left me thinking about how nobody is empty handed. And her team-building anecdotes got me reflecting on my husband’s career (I am so proud).

The Gardenangelists podcast, especially the episode about sunflowers. Dee is one of my favorite gardeners anyway, but her chemistry with Carol is just too sweet, and they are both informative and inspiring. Did you know that 2021 is The Year of the Sunflower? Let’s grow them all!

sunflowers on Jessica’s 20th birthday

The Splendid Table podcast. Love it.

Okay, that about sums up my media consumption lately. What are you reading and watching? What podcasts can I absolutely not miss?

Today I finally sat down and ordered a bunch of seeds for the garden, not a week too soon for some grow light action. So let’s finally chat gardens soon, and please check back in for a few more wedding posts. So many good stories to share.

Your mind is your garden,
Your thoughts are your seeds.
You can grow flowers
or you can grow weeds.
XOXOXOXO

surprise wedding announcement!!

Have you heard our family’s big, happy news?
Jessica and Alex tied the knot!!

These sweet, smart young people have been loving each other for a couple of years now. They have felt committed and were living their lives as a team already (we absolutely love them together). And on Saturday, January 16, 2021, they said their vows and made it official in a tiny, intimate, purely blissful ceremony right here at the farm.

We really could not be happier or more proud of them both. Since they started dating, life has dealt them a series of violent blows, above and beyond Pandemic. And through it all Jess and Alex have worked hard and pursued their educations, learned each other deeply and rapidly, nurtured their friendships, woven each other into their respective families (we feel so connected to Alex’s family!), and created their own little culture of romance and domesticity. Plus they adopted Bean, ha!

Handsome and I have felt lucky to walk alongside them these past couple of years, getting to know Alex, witnessing their unique rhythms and their powers to overcome hardship. They have done more than survive; they have thrived. Grown and evolved. Made memories together. Lived life fully, as it meant to be lived.

When Jess called me (on January 2nd, two weeks before the ceremony!!) to tell me they were engaged, I was beyond thrilled but not the least bit surprised. Getting married was truly the most natural thing in the world for these lovebirds.

Their Wedding Day was magical in every sense of the word. Despite the January cold, we all felt that unmistakable glow of Love present among us. Sunshine sparkled. The flowers were intensely bright against the dormant landscape. Everyone smiled constantly “from ear to ear” as Alex later observed. We laughed a lot and filled our bellies with homemade Mexican food and lots of decadent cake. It was a real, true celebration of Love. A day saturated in romance and deliberate living. There was lots of playfulness, too, haha! Don’t worry, Alex caught her:

One day soon I will write about how it feels for my baby to be a married woman now, to share this particluar life experience. I suddenly cannot imagine her any other way.

Cheers to the future, Jessica and Alex. Marriage can be the best, most powerful human partnership, especially when it is infused with God’s power. It can be the foundation of all your life dreams come true and can allow you to be of greater service to others, which I know you both value. May you continue your adventures, taking time to nurture the world you create together and discover new and amazing versions of joy. We know you will love each other better and better, day after day. You are beautiful together, and we adore you both (and Bean, hehe).

Lean On Me
XOXOXOXO

Friends, I will be writing more about this happy family event
as the weeks progress, so stay tyned.
We have lots of stories to share in big chunks. xoxoxo

first friday 5 at the farm of 2021

ONE: Our new year has started with lots of shakeup to the routine, some very real family surprises, and plenty of coffee. Everything was good and solid. And then on Wednesday the ugliness at our nation’s Capitol. What I feel, though? What I feel deep in my bones is this unlikely thrill of victory and resilience, despite the lunacy and violence. Like so many other times in life, specifically so many dots on the timeline last calendar year, I feel excitement about what we as humans can endure, reframe, and use as kindling for a brand new fire. So many new fires growing everywhere, warming us and burning away the deadwood. Love wins.

Late last year I heard a podcast that touched on the idea of “resiliency data points.” It was actually about running injury recovery and bouncing back from disappointing races, but it sank into my heart for bigger reasons. You know the devastation when life comes crashing down and new crises constantly threaten to destroy our hardwon peace and equanimity? We all experience that. Sometimes, even, the most secure strongholds are shaken or removed completely. And yet, we are still here. We continue to discover new markers for growth and endurance in all areas of life. That’s what I mean about victory and resilience. Despite it all, we are more than surviving; we are quietly thriving. Maybe because of it all, we are getting stronger and more centered, less distractable from what matters most, more pliable and reflexive, more generous, laser focused on Love.

Thanks for allowing my mixed metaphors, always.

TWO: Bean is the sweetest, smartest beggar. He is also getting faster and stronger every single week. Noone flies and sprints like he does! His eyes, both the blue one and the green one, sparkle with energy and happiness. We gave him his very own tetherball for Christmas, mounted on a pole and everything in his very own backyard, and he tore it down within a few days, ha! So strong.

THREE: Okay, are you eating enough plants? Are you moving enough, and maybe in new ways that might surprise you? What are you reading these days, and how are you feeding your soul? I need lots of warming foods, nourishing books, freedom running, and time working outside to feel like myself. Life is affordng me plenty of it all lately, for which I am so thankful.

FOUR: We have secrets and surprises brewing at the farm, friends, and I am good at neither. This buildup of Love is more than enough to keep the bad news in perspective.

FIVE: One quick story before I wish you well on this cold and hopeful Friday: I saw a man wearing a plain black covid mask. He removed it for an unknown reason, revealing his beard. His beard was very short, closely groomed to his face, more like unnaturally black pencil shading really, and with precise edges, in exactly the same shape as the mask he had just removed. I kid you not. It was like the mask had left its shadow in the form of facial hair?? I could not stop looking at this. He caught me staring, trying to figure this out, and I am pretty sure he smirked, like finally his joke on the world landed on an unsuspecting stranger with a weakness for people watching. I had to take a deep breath and pivot my shoulders forty five degrees away from him to break the trance. The End.

Remember you already prayed about this.
It’s going to be okay.
XOXOXOXO

8 specific ways to name your gratitude

Happy Thanksgiving Week!! However the holiday looks in your world this year, whatever plans you are able to make and keep, may joyful gratitude be the heart and soul of it all. If this comes trudgingly at times due to, well, everything, here are some of my favorite thought exercises that you might find useful.

#1 Senses Inventory: Take a moment to actively notice the world as your five physical senses perceive it, then add your thoughts and emotions in that moment. What do I see, hear, touch, smell, taste, think, and feel? Cataloging these seven specific access points to your human experience can feel so wonderful; it curbs that tendency to grow numb. I love this as a grounding exercise, and it often launches me straight into overwhelming gratitude.

#2 Prayers Already Answered: Take note of prayers already answered throughout your life or your loved ones’, both recently and over time. Name them until you feel the physical relief of “what might have been” or of the heavy burdens you no longer carry. Re-experience the joy of good news, and reflect on the love poured out into your life. Your life is soaked in miracles. Sometimes I do this slowly at first, until the remembrance comes on like a tidal wave. It can be overwhelming, and I giggle-cry with thanks.

#3 Thankful that Things Aren’t Worse: This is a powerful train of thought, but in a dark moment it can slip into sarcasm, which dulls gratitude, so I try to maintain that boundary, ha! No matter how difficult the days are, it can always be much, much worse. This kind of gratitude helps me put my problems in perspective.

#4 Give Thanks in Advance: As simple as it sounds, but a small exercise in fantasy, this is a powerful act of trust. I love to tell God thank you ahead of the concrete answers. It helps me see the future in its best possible expression. It helps me land on words to describe what I really want. And it helps me affirm my trust in His goodness, instead of giving voice to my fears.

#5 Gratitude for the Strong Pillars: If you have a job, a warm home, clothes and shoes, food and clean water, and a few people near you, your life is strong and good. It is so easy to forget that these are not automatically provided to everyone, and the veil between this life and another is shockingly thin. Hwo wonderful to be in such a strong, safe place.

#6 Name Actual People! Oh this is so fun and easy, and it is a luscious way to feel temporarily connected! Just let your mind wander and literally say the names of people in your life. Sometimes my mind will fish out the name of someone who surprises me, maybe they are a part of a difficult relationship, but you know what? I can be thankful for those too, as those are often where we learn valuable lessons. But mostly I enjoy the bright cloud of faces around me, people who make my world stronger, more beautiful, infinitely more magical.

#7 Gratitude Over News Headlines: Another exercise in trust, this is about the only way I can constructively absorb the news some days. Just read or watch and try to filter it all through a lens of thankfulness. Sometimes the best I can do is tell God I know you know all about this, thank you for watching over us in all things I don’t understand, and that can be enough. But then, also, a lens of thankfulness can help me see good news more often. It sort of tunes the mind into noticing goodness more easily.

#8 Thankful for Challenges and Difficulties: This particular thankfulness robs hardship of some of its sting. It’s the alchemy, the absolute conversion of what was meant for our harm. I love to reframe hard times as opportunities to grow and improve.

Do any of these seem useful to you? Do you have any other specific thought methods to share, to amp up our gratitude?

Happy Thanksgiving week!! However you are celebrating this year, I wish you deep peace and outrageous joy. Take it easy and laugh a lot. Pour yourelf out, fully. We are all going to make some unique memories this week, so let’s make them loving in every way.

Thank you so much for checking in.

“The quality of your life depends upon
the quality of your thoughts.”
~Marcus Aurelius
XOXOXOXO

getting centered before Thanksgiving

In our corner of the universe, everyone is a bit wound up about Thanksgiving. In good, happy ways, mostly, but also in covid ways. We have the exact same dilemma you have, which is how to gather safely and responsibly while preserving our mental health and holiday traditions as much as possible. We are wound up over how to stay connected when we are entering a season of necessary separation. You know, all of it. We are all in this.

It’s hard to make hard choices, and I know we are far from alone in this. It’s all valid, not imaginary, and occasionally makes me cry.

Somehow I woke up extra early Saturday morning and felt a new uprising of optimism and hope about it all. I woke up remembering the essence of giving thanks and of keeping traditions. Our outward expressions are not the whole story, after all. The root of it all is untouchable, no matter what else is happening. The root of it all is Love, and Love always resurfaces eventually. Love always wins, and it always makes good choices.

Today’s weather is a great illustration of this. We have cold, grey skies and thick clouds over the farm. It’s a dim atmosphere, not awful, but also not glorious. Until the sun busts through. All throughout the day this intense metallic light keeps making these surprise appearances, gilding and glittering the oak leaves and evergreens, illuminating the patchy grass and purple mums. It just enlivens everything, and without warning the gloom is forgotten. A few times today it was so surprising that I gasped and panicked over having wasted a pretty day indoors.

We are in charge of this stuff, friends. We literally rule over our perceptions and focus.

We can focus on the statistics and on what others are doing and become overwhelmed and sad (or angry); or we can acknowledge reality then focus on what health we are enjoying today, affirm good choices, and make the absolute most of what is available to us. We can do everything in our power to live out Love, even if it all looks very different than we are used to.

We get hooked on the habits and details, sometimes, and forget that our habits and details are born of deeper, more meaningful values and truths. Repeating traditions is just a way of conjuring up good feelings, and that can be done in myriad ways. We are infinitely creative creatures, capable of making magic. Holiday magic. Even in pandemic.

For me, the trick will be allowing this holiday season to be exactly what it is, really digging in and enjoying it all, without comparing it to huge, glorious holidays past or even more liberated holidays in the future. Definitely let’s agree to not compare our Thanksgiving to anyone else’s. This year more than ever, that’s just a fruitless endeavor. We are all making complex choices with fluctuating resources and energy levels. So, no comparing. xoxo

I intend to celebrate the generations of Love and effort invested in us so far, everything beautiful in each of our families that has led up to this year. I will make silent promises to reinvest that Love and effort into others, every chance we get, both now and going forward.

Let’s also remember that some of the best traditions are sparked from weird, necessary moments of impulse and invention. Let’s all be open to what new beauty might come this Great Pause.

Okay. Happy Thanksgiving Week, friends. Whatever you are planning, may it be all you need and more. May lots and lots of golden-silver autumn sunlight hammer apart your gloom. May the essence of every family tradition be findable, the effort behind every good thing repeatable in new ways. And most of all, may you and your family stay safe and healthy.

Please Wear a Mask
XOXOXOXO