Fire and Ice…
Kind of Like Romance …
XOXOXO
The Wreck (part two of three)
When he returned to the house, my stalwart husband told me that the man was a friend of the deceased, that the family had just received the terrible news and only an aching sliver of information, so he was here at the crash site trying to piece together a fuller story. The timing was such that the police would have just barely completed their overnight report and not yet determined cause, no autopsy yet of course, very few answers for all of the inevitable and desperate questions. The fact that we could have a conversation with this man’s friend so early the next morning was a real blessing, for us as well as for him.
There was some concern that the driver had been drinking, but since Handsome had spent those last minutes so near his body, searching for signs of life, holding his hands and talking to him, he was able to say that he didn’t smell any alcohol. This was more than a small comfort we think. And in the course of talking we were able to get an idea of who the man was, be assured that his family was notified, and begin to slow down the build up of anxiety.
After the man’s friend drove away we retreated inside to drink coffee, shower, and dress for church. Putting on makeup felt perfectly ridiculous. Time still crawled and everything felt dull and heavy, but we plugged away at our Sunday morning and afternoon routines. That first day he and I were particularly tender with each other. Unfortunately but naturally, this changed as the week wore on and stress accumulated.
Later, after church and lunch in the city and then finishing animals chores back at the farm, we learned even more about the man who lost his life. While we hadn’t met that first friend before Sunday morning, it turns out that the deceased was a close friend of our neighbor just south and west of here, with whom we are very familiar. Sadly, in that shocking, bittersweet way, they had spent that Saturday evening together and had parted ways just minutes before the crash. Our neighbor was as glad to talk to us as we were to talk to him. He was able to describe the man to us a little more, indulge us with a general picture of his life and family, and ultimately promise to let us know about services when they were planned. We were so grateful for this.
The man we wanted to grieve did not live here but was retired and working odd jobs nearby, also spending time with his adult children who are locals. He was a grandfather. He was recently remarried but according to our neighbor (who told the story with lots of affectionate laughter) that sudden marriage was quickly determined to be a mistake. But no worries, he had fallen in love again. He was a fun person, a friend, a good guy. As Handsome and our neighbor traded ideas about the crash, they more or less agreed that the way his truck had flipped, he could very well have been avoiding a deer. It was a really dark, rainy night, remember, and deer are heavy around here lately. We are always telling our friends and family as they leave, “Watch for deer!” And we mean it. Apparently this was exactly the man’s character: he would not hurt a fly and was known to go to great lengths to avoid animals on the road.
Connecting peripherally with the man’s loved ones helped a lot. So, thinking nothing else would come of the traumatic weekend, we continued with our routines and loved each other tenderly and deliberately all of Sunday evening.
Sunday Evening Five Senses Tour
Smelling: This evening we have the air conditioner on for the first time in months, so can I smell that familiar mechanical frost, that artificial fresh-stale scent that tells us summer is close. I can smell my perfume, which today is euphoria by Calvin Klein. Seems appropriate. For all of our pain or confusion in life, we are simmering in love. We are euphoric more often than we deserve.
Hearing: The ceiling fan, the hum of the air conditioner, X Men, and an occasional rooster outside.
Tasting: Iced coffee. Sweet, creamy with half and half, perfectly dark and strong, and very very cold and wonderfully refreshing.
Touching: Clean bed sheets, new yellow cotton shirt I snapped up at a garage sale yesterday (it is incredibly soft), light breeze from the ceiling fan, and the annoying burn of a scrape I got on my shin earlier, from running into a dead sunflower stalk. That thing was like a steel pipe you guys, seriously! Ouch. Watch out for those things. I might need stitches. Not really.
Thinking: In church this morning we heard a lot of good messages, but one has been echoing in my head all day: “God doesn’t answer needs; He answers faith.” This will naturally spark a lot of debate and conversation with people, as it has in my own troubled mind, and as always I welcome your thoughts here. But so far the statement seems to be consistent with my life: Those prayers which remain unanswered are probably the ones where my doubt is strongest. Kind of a cruel paradox, but if it is true then it bears with it clear direction: Trust God. Also, I met a fascinating woman today who started telling me her life story in just about half an hour, quite by surprise, and I am so glad for this. She’s on my mind tonight. I am thinking about the garden for sure, excited to join the early warm climate with some growing projects of my own. Thinking of local honey. Thinking of camel rides with my friend Marci. Thinking of how differently people navigate grief. Wondering what the girls are thinking about. Hoping my Uncle Chris is doing alright.
Feeling: Very grateful for the love in my life. From passion, romance, and truly wonderful friendships to family ties and new acquaintances, love is abundant. I feel it all around me and all through my daily life, which is amazing. The power of Love to overcome my anger, fear, and bitterness is nothing short of awe-inspiring. I miss the girls more than I can put into words. Their beautiful faces and sweet voices and memories of their skin are never far from the surface, so I am always on the verge of tears to mention them. But even that dark feeling is being slowly overcome by Love. I feel hopeful. I feel happy for the past and excited for the future. Content in the present, confident that they are not just alright but thriving. I feel so proud of Handsome for his talents and work ethic, for all of his accomplishments at the commish lately and for everything on the horizon there. I definitely feel sad that our family has lost our grandmother, regretful that I didn’t see her more these past few years. I want more than ever to spend extra time with my Grandpa Rex.
The Bees’ Knees, Baby
We were in an OSU-OKC classroom learning all about beekeeping in Oklahoma. Well, actually, we learned how much we don’t know about this hobby. The instructor gave us three hours’ worth of solid information but teasingly admitted that the real stuff comes in future classes. I suppose this is smart; for only a partial class fee (just $20) you get an excellent overview and the chance to see if you want to learn even more. Then he generously applies the money you just spent toward the full cost. My decision? Yes please!! I am enrolled in five more classes spread throughout the springtime.
Short & Sweet
Bzzz…
xoxoxo
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