Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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Some Nights, For Dante

   I heard this song for the first time about a month ago and it immediately struck me in my gut for my nephew Dante. Then for so many other loved ones, but mostly for him. It knocked the wind out of me in that way that only incredibly well versed songs can do, songs that are belted out from someone else’s soul. The lyrics are spot on, especially the very last little selection at the bottom here…


Well, some nights I wish that this all would end,
Cause I could use some friends for a change
And some nights I’m scared you’ll forget me again.
Some nights, I always win, I always win.

But I still wake up, I still see your ghost.
Oh Lord I’m still not sure what I stand for, oh
What do I stand for? What do I stand for?
Most nights, I don’t know…

So this is it? I sold my soul for this?
Washed my hands of that for this?
I missed my mom and dad for this?

Do you know this song? Take a listen to the video; the group FUN is my latest obsession.

My heart is breaking for my sister
and this con that she calls “love,”
When  I look into my nephew’s eyes,
Man you wouldn’t believe…
The most amazing things
That can come from some terrible lies.

   There, that last sentence… Dante, baby, you wouldn’t believe the most amazing things that can come from some terrible lies. I have seen it in my own life, honey.

   It’s just so true. Life can be, and often is, riddled with violence of every variety. Physical, emotional, and financial destruction are in store for everyone in different ways. Pain, despair, and counterfeits are just constants sometimes, but so is love. So is hope. There is always, always reason to hang on. Impossibly, some of the best miracles really do rise up out of some of the worst tragedies. It’s always been that way for people, too, so there is no use resisting it. There is no such thing as “should” or “deserves” or even “justice” when it comes to Love. It is just so powerful and complete. It overwhelms every imaginable darkness when you let it. Love can heal you, and It can change you and your life in ways would never predict.

   Dante… My heart is breaking for my sister, your beautiful Mom, and I think about her and you and your own little sisters every single day.

   I have been looking into your beautiful, deep brown eyes since you were a baby and cherish every memory. How I wish I could relay to you how much is waiting for you in this world. I am so excited for you, so confident that you are meant for big things. So hopeful that you will heal perfectly from these years. Stronger than ever and full of life.

   Don’t be afraid of ghosts, and don’t feel bad about anger. Remember that you are not alone. Focus on and magnify the best parts of life, day after day after day. Hang on. Work hard and do your best, as a gift to your future self more than anything. But also because it will help you in this moment too. You are amazing and you are loved more than you know.

“Who, being loved, is poor?”
~Oscar Wilde
xoxoxoxo

December is Beautiful, Be Sweet

   Happy December you awesome people! Did you have a good weekend? Are you even more in the thick of Christmas preparations than last time I asked you? Things at the Lazy W are just as simultaneously hectic and restful as ever. I am hitting a daily stride around here that is deeply satisfying, so much so that maybe one day I should try to write it. It’s a thrilling awareness.

   Anyway. 
   As our seasonal decorations evolve from autumnal to sparkly, and as we accumulate special gifts for loved ones and indulgent desserts and appetizers for all of the holiday parties headed our way, I am happy to have a moment of pause. This year I am thinking of the Christian reasons to celebrate, of course, but also of the pagan traditions that have carried over into modern culture. Maybe it’s Oklahoma’s changing weather patterns that have me feeling all contemplative… Or maybe it’s the fact that this year I have more friends than ever who don’t particularly subscribe to a rigid Christian label. Or maybe it’s that in two days I will trepidatiously get my first spray tan thanks to a bottom-dollar coupon on Living Social I bought a thousand years ago. Whatever the cause, I am simmering in thoughtfulness about why we do the wintry-Christmassy things we do.
   I don’t have too giant of a message with this you guys, only a little reminder and encouragement to go ahead and celebrate things your way, according to your own heart. Pull out all the stops! But don’t waste precious time and energy criticizing how others celebrate. Or how they don’t. The things we do are supposed to be joyful and loving, life-affirming acts, not critical and obligatory and demeaning to others. Or to yourself. And certainly, traditions are at their best when they are upheld deliberately and lovingly. Don’t you agree?
“We have just enough religion to make us hate,
but not enough to make us love one another.”
~Johnathon Swift
   So if you have a friend or neighbor who decorates a tree but doesn’t use an Advent wreath or nativity scene, relax. There is still enough Christmas cheer for everyone. And if you are one of those sweet souls who  cringes at this time of year because of the inevitable religious guilt trips, despair not. True Love isn’t about that. Go ahead and keep your personal winter traditions, whatever they are. Let them bind you to your past and comfort you for your present. And everyone come to the lazy W for some hot chocolate by the fire! If this winds ever dies down we will be open for bonfiring business. And Christmas caroling. Because these are some of my traditions.
Live lovingly and 
Wish Me Luck with my Spray Tan!
xoxoxoxo
   
   

Cheer Us Up You Guys!

   We are in desperate need of some cheering up around here, you guys! Both of us for a change, not just one of us, so I am doing what any self respecting Apronista would do… cooking up a house full of comfort food. My friend Marci would be so proud. Her favorite method of stress management is definitely cooking (she is highly skilled in the kitchen, that doesn’t hurt), followed closely by laughing till her face hurts. So maybe tonight after we fill our bellies Handsome and I can latch onto something hilarious. 
   For supper we’re having roasted garlic-lemon chicken with the skin on so it gets all crispy golden and a little greasy. Also Parmesan-stuffed zucchini and hot buttered egg noodles. Perhaps you’ve noticed we are on neither the Paleo diet nor Atkins. And I wish I could boast that the noodles are made from scratch, but they’re just not. They were on sale, though. So there’s that.
   Then to wash all of that down we’ll try a new chocolate chip cookie recipe. Like most people, we have had our favorite said cookie for many years and don’t deviate too easily. But sweet Edie over at lifeingrace says that these delicacies are worthy of their own Facebook page. Ha!! Awesome. That’s my kinda cookie!  So I have a big sweet, salty batch mixed up and am just now inhaling the first tendrils of sugary, chocolaty aromas from the oven. The fact that it’s interlaced with buttery garlic and sometimes that bright green jolt of softening zucchini does not hurting my feelings.
   I seem to have our caloric intake covered for tonight. Maybe enough for tomorrow, too. So that leaves us still needing the hysterical, eye watering, stomach stiffening laughter. What do you say? What can you offer us that might make us laugh uncontrollably tonight??
LOL, please!
xoxoxoxo