Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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Some Nights, For Dante

   I heard this song for the first time about a month ago and it immediately struck me in my gut for my nephew Dante. Then for so many other loved ones, but mostly for him. It knocked the wind out of me in that way that only incredibly well versed songs can do, songs that are belted out from someone else’s soul. The lyrics are spot on, especially the very last little selection at the bottom here…


Well, some nights I wish that this all would end,
Cause I could use some friends for a change
And some nights I’m scared you’ll forget me again.
Some nights, I always win, I always win.

But I still wake up, I still see your ghost.
Oh Lord I’m still not sure what I stand for, oh
What do I stand for? What do I stand for?
Most nights, I don’t know…

So this is it? I sold my soul for this?
Washed my hands of that for this?
I missed my mom and dad for this?

Do you know this song? Take a listen to the video; the group FUN is my latest obsession.

My heart is breaking for my sister
and this con that she calls “love,”
When  I look into my nephew’s eyes,
Man you wouldn’t believe…
The most amazing things
That can come from some terrible lies.

   There, that last sentence… Dante, baby, you wouldn’t believe the most amazing things that can come from some terrible lies. I have seen it in my own life, honey.

   It’s just so true. Life can be, and often is, riddled with violence of every variety. Physical, emotional, and financial destruction are in store for everyone in different ways. Pain, despair, and counterfeits are just constants sometimes, but so is love. So is hope. There is always, always reason to hang on. Impossibly, some of the best miracles really do rise up out of some of the worst tragedies. It’s always been that way for people, too, so there is no use resisting it. There is no such thing as “should” or “deserves” or even “justice” when it comes to Love. It is just so powerful and complete. It overwhelms every imaginable darkness when you let it. Love can heal you, and It can change you and your life in ways would never predict.

   Dante… My heart is breaking for my sister, your beautiful Mom, and I think about her and you and your own little sisters every single day.

   I have been looking into your beautiful, deep brown eyes since you were a baby and cherish every memory. How I wish I could relay to you how much is waiting for you in this world. I am so excited for you, so confident that you are meant for big things. So hopeful that you will heal perfectly from these years. Stronger than ever and full of life.

   Don’t be afraid of ghosts, and don’t feel bad about anger. Remember that you are not alone. Focus on and magnify the best parts of life, day after day after day. Hang on. Work hard and do your best, as a gift to your future self more than anything. But also because it will help you in this moment too. You are amazing and you are loved more than you know.

“Who, being loved, is poor?”
~Oscar Wilde
xoxoxoxo