Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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arrivals and departures

We finally saw Boyhood a few nights ago. Have you yet? The movie starring Ethan Hawke and Patricia Arquette, the one filmed with the same cast over about a decade? It’s both award-winning and simple, a Texas boy’s coming of age story and a fairly typical modern family story, too, one shadowed by divorce, domestic abuse, blended families, and alcoholism. Whew, typing that synopsis pretty well sums up my take-away feeling from the movie. I honestly never want to see it again, haha. But one strand of beauty does run through the whole mess, and that’s what I’d love to share with you now.

About two-thirds of the way through the movie, when the two siblings are teenagers and spending time with their Dad (Ethan Hawke) and his wife and family, they all sit around at sunset singing a song with acoustic guitar accompaniment. They are drinking lemonade and just luxuriating in each other’s company. Apparently the song they are singing is one they all have written and rehearsed together, and it’s sweet and funny and sad.

The best lines of the whole movie are in that song. They lilt through snippets of good news and bad news and harmonize how in life arrivals and departures happen side by side. It reminds me of the late 90’s Live song Lightning Crashes. Remember it?

Lightning crashes, a new mother cries
Her placenta falls to the floor
The angel opens her eyes
The confusion sets in
Before the doctor can even close the door

Lightning crashes, an old mother dies
Her intentions fall to the floor
The angel closes her eyes
The confusion that was hers
Belongs now to the baby down the hall

Oh, I feel it comin’ back again
Like a rollin’ thunder chasing the wind
Forces pullin’ from the centre of the Earth again
I can feel it

I love that song.

All of us experience this dichotomy throughout life, perhaps constantly if we pay enough attention. People die suddenly; estranged loved ones return to the fold. Friendships end; we meet new friends. Jobs change. We pack up and move. Animals come and go. The loves and losses are unending. Handsome and I have joked (often with maniacal laughter) that sometimes we feel whiplash from the good-news-bad-news dance. 

But to my thinking it can serve to keep us steady. I’m no longer so bothered by the balance of light and dark. This ebb and flow is natural, healthy, right. And trying to weigh the value of these sorrow-and-joy exchanges is is pretty pointless. I’m just grateful to be learning how to ride the waves and accept lessons along the way. Rail a little less against those things outside of my control. Embrace a little more the good when it swells up. 

eggs square plate

 

Maybe today, as the moon enters a new phase and our energy begins to build again, before a new work week begins, is a great time to take a deep breath. Remember that both love and loss are meant to be woven into the fabric of our days. We can’t have one without the other. That’s ok.

“You must let what happens happen.
Everything must be equal in your eyes,
good and evil, beautiful and ugly, foolish and wise.”
~Michael Ende,The Neverending Story
XOXOXOXO

believe as you ask

I don’t have all that much to say today that I haven’t already said on Instagram or Facebook. Or directly to my people. It’s just that… I want everyone to be happy.

I want you to believe in those miracles for which you are aching. Stop worrying. And actually, maybe stop worrying is a bit of a misdirection, because that only tells to you spend more energy resisting something that is bad for you. Not just the Big Bad Things in your life but also the worry about all that. All of this depletes you.

So, instead of begging you to stop worrying, I want to encourage you to start imagining. Start imagining wildly brilliant solutions and peaceful reconciliations. Imagine abundance and health and freedom beyond anything you and your loved ones have ever known before.

Apply the immeasurable energy of your heart and mind to all your most precious prayers. And please continue to pray. Let your prayer life sustain you no matter what your church life looks like right now.

BLOOM WINTER
I cannot see a blooming flower without thinking of faithful prayers planted like seeds and how inevitable it is that we will eventually see those answers.

One final story/thought:

This past week, in the midst of a dozen or more orbiting crises here at the farm and also at the Commish, Handsome and I had the chance to do some long-distance adult parenting with our oldest, and it was beautiful. The loving and reaching out never stop, of course, but the concrete moments of advice exchange can be rare and are therefore really special, haha. (Yes we love it!) Anyway, after all the years of learning how to pray for the girls as children, it’s a beautiful new experience to pray for them as adults. In this case, praying for a few very specific needs for our oldest and seeing the answers come quickly was deeply refreshing. Exciting! Thrilling!! Thrilling not only because we saw the answer but more importantly because she did. To hear her sweet, strong voice just a day or two later tell us the story about the answered prayer, express her own joy, and acknowledge so much goodness, well… I can barely articulate the feeling as a mother.

The peace that passes understanding.

No matter our failures. No matter the thick cloud of trouble that hides the sun from time to time. No matter the ongoing turbulence. So much peace is available to us. And for this as much as anything, I am deeply and forever grateful.

Okay! Now, go face your problems and apply the considerable strength of your own faith and imagination. Trust in the power of prayer. Walk around this beautiful world knowing that you are loved and that good things are always about to happen. Because I cannot see it any other way.

“And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.”
~Matthew 21:22

 

friday 5 at the farm: lies I tell myself

Hopefully I am not alone in these untruths. Let me know, okay?

Also- Happy Friday! What do you have planned?

Lie #1: The Grocery Store I will just run in for five minutes. All we need is coffee, spinach, and butter. 

Lie #2: Sticks and Stones I don’t care what people think of me. And gossip doesn’t hurt at all.

Lie #3: Tex Mex Health Kick I can eat all the chips and salsa I want and still wear skinny jeans.

Lie #4: Housework I am 100% caught up on ironing and dusting.

Lie #5: The Future is Certain. Solid as a Rock.  We know exactly what life will look like a month, six months, and a year from now. We know how the turnpike construction will affect things, specifically.

Literally not even kidding. I went in for three things.
Literally not even kidding. I went in for three things.

Five lies. I tell myself this stuff all the time to get through the day. Or through the weeks and months. As silly as lies are, and as uncomfortable as the corresponding truths really are, the bottom lines are still pretty wonderful. Let’s focus on that instead:

Truth #1: We have all the food we need and a gorgeous menu ready to go at the farm. Plenty for friends to visit, too. Eating with our people? That’s our favorite. We are blessed to be healthy and well fed.

Truth #2: Living with a tender heart can actually be beautiful, no matter how much it hurts to be hurt. It opens us up to richer experiences and deeper relationships. Totally worth the risk. More importantly, being hurt by others reminds us to be more careful with others.

Truth #3: Tex Mex really should be its own food group. Actually, forget it. I don’t want to be however skinny I would be in a life without tortilla chips. So this is all positive. Never mind about this lie. : )

Truth #4: Our house is pretty clean. And we have enough of everything from day to day. And I will be caught up eventually. Not being perfectly caught up means that daily life is quite full and quite interesting lately. For this I am very grateful. Also, my miles running is up to date for the first time in a while and I am in the BEST MOOD. This is worth having dusty baseboards.

Truth #5: While we do not know exactly what life will look like in the future (and really, have we ever known?) we can trust with total calm that life will be okay. That we will be okay. Change is inevitable, faith matters, and sometimes having the controls taken out of our hands is good.
That said, please keep us in your prayers that we make the best decisions possible and stay happy, that God sort of sheds light and miracles all over this turnpike situation. And sign the petition to halt it if you are so inclined. As my husband wrote last night on Facebook, “If you have ever come to the farm and loved being here please sign this (petition) and share with your friends. Oklahoma needs to retain some of the wild lands; we don’t need highways running to nowhere. Life as we know it will completely change if something doesn’t stop.” Well, friends, you who read this blog are friends of the Lazy W even if you have never walked these nine acres with us. We sure appreciate your good thoughts. We will face a long series of heart breaking decisions if this turnpike comes to pass.

STILL, yes, faith and trust. Life is beautiful. God is good.

What lies do you tell yourself to get through the day? What’s on tap for your weekend?

We are running miles, building fence, watching movies, reading books, and cuddling our animals like there’s no tomorrow.

Thanks for stopping. As always.
XOXOXOXO

 

my heart goes out

My husband does not know this yet, but he gave me the best Christmas gift a month early, way back at Thanksgiving. A day or two after the big family feast, he said rather off-handedly, “You did good, babe. It really felt like Thanksgiving.”

We have been married fourteen years, and these last few have brought unprecedented fundamental changes, scary ones. Maintaining sanity and a sense of ongoing joy has been challenging at times, especially at the holidays. So what he said was probably the very best compliment he could have paid to me at that moment. An excellent early Christmas gift.

thanksgiving family photo

I probably don’t need to expound on the idea that as adults it’s the feeling of the holidays we’re chasing, even as we busy ourselves with traditions old and new. We are all trying to summon the best of childhood, the best of our imprinted ideals, the best of everything for our most precious people. It’s not just that we want certain stuff or foods; it’s that we all want to feel a certain way, and we have learned rituals to help us capture those feelings.

gen nieces cookies

So we cook, decorate, shop, and prepare for the holidays. Maybe we berate each other too much for putting so much energy into this. So many guilt trips about materialism and excess. There is a middle ground, right? Everybody wants to eat, enjoy, remember, and live again those most prized feelings. We want so much to keep them going, alive, moving though the generations. I keep thinking of the Olympic torch, you know? The opportunity and responsibility of passing along the flame, not allowing it to go out for lack of trying or because of outside quenching conditions.

This is a hard holiday for lots of people near and dear to us.

My heart goes out this Christmas. To so many people, in so many ways.

I miss our two girls differently and viciously. I ache deeply for our friend Jeff who lost his Mom just a few days ago. I am sad for my own parents who are coping with hardship in the generations both ahead of and below them. I cannot move through any holiday tradition without hurting for my husband whose childhood family will never be the same again.

christmas comet

cookies

JOY

 

And still so much joy! Still so many reasons to be more than happy… Hundreds of reasons to be truly, brightly grateful, both in childlike ways and in very adult, wise, lasting ways too. My heart goes out to so many people, maybe because life, despite life, is rich enough to nourish us, fatten us up and make our hearts big enough to share with each other. We are overwhelmingly blessed.

I hope that making it really feel like Thanksgiving carries over into our Christmas. And then into every important thing we need afterwards, in the new year.

I hope that whatever is going on in your life, whether it’s hardship or bliss, abundance or leanness, or maybe acute, terrifying grief, that you are able to feel the most important things. Fill your heart to the brim with gratitude. Accept Love when it is offered. Be connected.

Let your heart go out. Do not feel guilty about chasing traditions if they help you keep those best feelings alive.

klaus santa

Thank you for your early gift, Handsome. It was perfect. But yes I still want to open everything wrapped up under the tree. : )

Friends, thank you for stopping here to read! The Lazy W wishes you and yours a very Merry Christmas!

minted card 2015

XOXOXOXO

unbridled joy and easy gratitude

Ahhh November, the month of thankfulness. The season of expressing gratitude and counting our blessings, of celebrating the gifts in our life.

Over these past few years I have shared with you guys stuff I’ve learned (reluctantly at times) about the muscles of gratitude, about the importance of showing our thankfulness even when we aren’t really feeling it and about how that discipline can get you to a brighter place. I believe deep down in my bones that the purposeful, conscious act of choosing joy is vital to our temporary well-being and infinitely beneficial to our long-term spiritual health. I also believe that your choice to see the good in life becomes your pulse, gradually, and that over time you cannot help but feel drawn to the brightest of everything and even learn to overlook the dark. So often in life, after all, we are clouded by worry or surrounded by grief and joy does not come naturally.

autumn ivy

And then sometimes joy comes very naturally.

Sometimes life surprises us with wave after wave of unbridled joy. Do you ever feel so happy and giddy that you look around to see if anyone else is feeling it, too? Almost like you need someone else to be similarly caught up in your elation in order for it to be real, or for you to feel okay about it? Especially when huge oceans of grief seem to be swallowing the globe, or swallowing our friends, it can feel self-indulgent to just be really happy about life.

Sometimes you just feel so great that you simply want to share it.

Things are looking up for us, friends. In three or four million different ways. Handsome and I still have normal problems like everybody else, and we always will. Some of them are pretty serious, actually. But we have better perspective than ever. The seasons of grief and waiting have taught us all those important lessons about gratitude and humility, upward gaze and steady breath. Now the unbridled joy is building strength. I find myself grinning for no reason at all. For every reason. At this point, giving up on those yet unanswered prayers would be so ridiculous. We have more evidence than ever that miracles are real. That faith counts. That grateful hearts are receptive to the best gifts.

frosty roses

frosty pots

We woke up to a beautiful, magical, frosty farm. We have in front of us just as much play as work. Our blessings are easy to count. Thanksgiving week at the Lazy W is starting with a big swell of energy and Love, and we want to share it.

“Gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions.
The more you express gratitude for what you have,
the more likely you will have even more to express gratitude for.”
~Zig Ziglar
XOXOXOXO