Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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I Could Have Told Them

May 8, 2014

A few days ago, funny timing really, I read an article about the exchange of cells between mother and child. Somehow scientists have demonstrated that  little bits of the child stay with the mother, deep in her brain, long after birth. Actual cells. Microscopic but very real physical remnants of her offspring are hidden away in her body, protected and preserved forever in the deep and mysterious folds of her brain. The amniotic connection may end shortly after birth, but the real connection lasts forever.

I could have told them that. I could have told them, albeit without the autopsy, that she never lives a day of her life without thinking of  her children and wishing desperately for them to know her thoughts. Feeling them like slender ghosts in her arms. Hearing their clear, sweet voices or smelling their sunshiny hair, counting their pearly teeth. That no matter how she manages to fill her expansive days (out of desperation, never preference), nothing compares to time with them and no worldly peace measures up to knowing they are safe and happy.

fourteen years and a lifetime ago
fourteen years and a lifetime ago

I am so glad science now knows that the mother and child are never really separated. But I could have told them.

XOXOXOXO

 

5 Comments
Filed Under: faith, memories, thinky stuff

Love Will Make a Way

May 6, 2014

I’d like to clear something up, and I will try harder than ever at brevity.

I have been writing for a few years now about choosing light, focusing on the good, and maximizing the best things, etcetera, etcetera. The idea has sometimes fluttered across my mind that this mantra gives me the appearance of being an ostrich, of burying my head in the happy sands and ignoring problems. Then I decide that really I care less and less about appearances these days. So I go about the business of choosing light, simmering in Love, and enjoying the life that has been given to me. And by the way… This life, with all its heart breaks and bloody, vicious, senseless battles, with all its difficulty and disappointment, is a wildly beautiful one for which I am deeply grateful. I know that my life is charmed beyond what I deserve, and I only wish more people I love could share in it. I wish they would choose to share in it.

Last night I was confronted with the fact that perhaps appearances do matter more than I have allowed. I have been living in a way that conceals my private struggles and pain so much that people might believe I have none. They also might believe I don’t care about their suffering, although that is a vast ocean apart from the truth.

This is not meant as a band-aid for some of my private, broken relationships. And they are so broken. But I do want to make clear with anyone who reads this blog that my ongoing efforts to choose to look on the bright side, as contrived as that sounds, started for my own survival. Focusing on Love is not an act of convenience; neither is it always an easy one. (Although once you settle your nerves into the decision, it is soothing beyond words.) Rather, it has become the way I can survive. Clinging to the force of Love is, quite literally, what has kept me from shriveling up in so many ways and just surrendering to the blackness.

But there’s more. I started seeing the effects of this way of life, and slowly everything that was black and ashy took on a new moistness, a trembling vibrancy. Everything edged toward Technicolor again, and miracles became the norm instead of the day-dream. I’m not imagining this. And now pain and blackness can only distract me for a few minutes at a time. I see into the future in ways that might make you think I am perfectly loopy. (You might be right, but not for this reason.) Love is worthy of all of my trust, all of my eyes-closed, heart-wide-open faith and confidence. The hardest questions really do have answers on their way.

Thank you Jess.
Thank you Jess.

So what will change? I will not ever again be a person who sits and dwells in negativity and steeps herself in anger, bitterness, and malice. There is nothing nourishing about that for me or my loved ones. But I will try to be more available to people who are hurting. I am praying for the opportunities to explain some things better. Mend these broken places. And I would appreciate your prayers so much.

Don’t give up on Love. You will suffer; we all do. And it will be overwhelming and crippling at times. But there is always, always an answer that is better than what you all by yourself can muster. Like these rose petals that folded into the shape of a heart without any guidance or suggestion from me, Love will make a way.

XOXOXOXO

13 Comments
Filed Under: faith, thinky stuff

Whispers in the Tropics (book review)

April 24, 2014

Misti, a sweet book club friend of mine, was kind enough recently to connect me with a brand new author, offering me this woman’s debut novel to read and review. This is always exciting, glimpsing not just an author new to me but a brand new author! Haven’t you ever read great stuff by someone and wondered what his or her first book was like? How those first writing teeth were cut? Well, thanks to Misti, I have enjoyed an early look at the work by Glenda Potts, Oklahoma native, poet, and now novelist. Congratulations on your first book, Glenda, and thank you Misti for including me!

 

Whispers in the Tropics by Glenda Potts
Whispers in the Tropics by Glenda Potts

 

Whispers in the Tropics is a relatively short novel, a quick and easily read adventure-love story teeming with spiritual messages. Set primarily in the tropical rain forests of South America, as the title suggests, the story follows the earliest weeks of a young couple’s budding romance as well as some relatable life challenges each of them faces.

This is a book you could feel confident handing to the youngest adult readers, as it is clean, not controversial, and basically uplifting. The love scenes are only vaguely suggestive and mild, modest. The relationships are pretty smooth and easy, too; this is not an emotionally traumatic read like so many modern novels turn out to be. Every spiritual or emotional crossroads the characters face points gently but firmly to trusting God and surrendering your fears, no matter how deeply rooted they are.

Potts writes in steady, thorough parables throughout the book, guiding her characters with tropical applications of age-old wisdom and Biblical principles.

Holding a glass of orange juice with the chill long gone from it, Tiffany stared into space recalling an article she had read several times that compared a soil garden to a soul garden. Of course, she couldn’t remember the details, but the basic premise was that the crusty earth of a soil garden must be loosened, and rocks, sticks, and weeds removed before vegetable or flower seeds can adhere to the soil and take root. And that in a soil garden, rain, sunshine, and proper pruning help produce vegetables and flowers worthy of harvesting for man’s purposes. Similarly, the hardened human heat of a soul garden must be softened, and indifference removed before seeds of faith in God and His love can adhere and germinate.

Anyone who hangs around the Lazy W for very long knows instantly that I was suckered in by this nature-based metaphor. The book is laced with them. My only hang up is that the metaphors are so directly served up to the reader. To be a work of fiction, I had trouble digesting so much at once, so constantly. It was lovely but ended up feeling more like a long sermonette than a novel.

If you are looking for a sweet, mild, palate-cleansing read to kind of reset your senses and remember that there are good, healthy spiritual messages all around you, then this book is for you. I can definitely see a women’s Bible study or church book club enjoying this as a group. Whispers in the Tropics offers plenty to discuss and is set in an exotic locale that most readers have probably never visited.

I do wish the writing had explored some of the characters with more depth. At times the heavy message delivery trumped the natural flow of conversation so much that I lost track of who was speaking. And Potts has sparked some great characters here! So I was disappointed to not get better acquainted with them, you know, really deep in their thoughts and motivations so as to include the disturbing stuff. Of course, I’m a sucker for dark psychological writing. This book just happened to be a lot cleaner than those I’ve been reading this winter my whole life.

Sincerest congratulations to Glenda Potts for striking out and sharing such a worthwhile set of messages in a new setting. Her first book! I hope you enjoy lots of success with this one, and I hope there are many more to come. And big warm thanks to my friend Misti for introducing me to a brand new novelist!

Read new things, friends. Expose yourself to a variety of styles and don’t let yourself grow stagnant. Cross-pollination is the way to go!

XOXOXOXO

 

 

 

5 Comments
Filed Under: book reviews, faith

fractals, Love, & wild geraniums

April 23, 2014

In my vegetable garden there are four raised beds built from wood that was once the kids’ old playhouse, one chaotic heap of compost, a corner full of empty bee hive supplies, and space allotted for a Three Sisters patch (corn, beans, and squash based on fish heads). There is also a cool reclaimed-wood arbor dressed in faded flag bunting, some gently sagging barbed wire where asparagus might still be growing, a thornless blackberry bush, and this old metal chair spray painted black.

 

wildcraft garden chair
The tallest greens you see here are wild geraniums. The llamas love them! I’m trying to learn about foraging in Oklahoma, so for a while at least these “weeds” are treasures.

 

I have allowed the weeds here to grow pretty wild lately, just enjoying the lushness and sexiness of a new season taking over the landscape. The abandon of life, crawling and undulating all over the place… Filling every void… Scenting the air with chlorophyll… Irresistible.

To the visitor’s eye, surely my vegetable garden looks crazy. Unkempt, perhaps even neglected. But food is definitely growing there: In the raised beds I have spinach, cabbages, carrots, radishes, potatoes, kale, snow peas, and mesculun. And you know what else is growing? Creativity and freedom. This messy rectangle is an ideal spot for reflection and analysis. Plain old day dreaming. It’s a self-contained fractal and one of my most favorite places on earth.

An unbelievable three and a half years ago, our book club read and discussed William P. Young’s The Shack. Since then I have healed from certain things so much and have gained such a healthier perspective on life. I might even read the book again to see how it hits me now.

 

My purposes are not for my comfort, or yours.
My purposes are always and only an expression of love.
I purpose to work life out of death,
to bring freedom out of brokenness
and turn darkness into light.
What you see as chaos, I see as a fractal.

 

Today I am at the farm all day. No subbing, nowhere to go, lots of wonderful, worthwhile stuff to do. And I couldn’t be happier. My days are so different from each other lately, and woven together they present a gorgeous pattern of life well lived. So much Love every where I turn, it’s pretty incredible. I am deeply grateful.

Sitting here at our dining room table, the winds are picking up, blowing the curtains hard through open windows and blasting me with the brief, exotic perfume of irises and lilies. My coffee is getting stale now, telling me it’s time to go outside. I feel certain yearnings but have trouble wishing anything at all were different, even the heartaches we still have. Life is too beautiful and wonderfully unpredictable just as it is. I so firmly trust, now, finally, that Love has purposed everything.

XOXOXOXO

4 Comments
Filed Under: daily life, faith, gardening, thinky stuff

This Time Last Year…

April 17, 2014

This week Mama Kat wonders what we were blogging about this time last year. Hhhmmm… You’ll never guess…

 

heart in soil

 

In April 2013 I was writing pretty much the same things I would be writing now, if I were talking time to write lately.

The Lazy W had just adopted Seraphine and we were waiting for a llama to be born. And I was still in my thirties. I’m no longer in my thirties, but once again we are waiting for a baby!

 

Note: This was before Dulcinea came along, so Romulus still allowed the horses a reasonable proximity to his woman. This peaceful coexistence was short lived, though.
Note: This was before Dulcinea came along, so Romulus still allowed the horses a reasonable proximity to his woman. This peaceful coexistence was short-lived, though.

 

I was super enthusiastic about helping some legislation pass in Oklahoma that made it easier for local beekeepers to share and sell their product. It did pass, by the way! And I realized that once in a while I could write something useful, something practical. I was happy to see that writing could become something even more than catharsis.

 

bees on frame corner

 

That month, just like now, I was planting early veggies and bemoaning the transient Oklahoma weather. We had a whopper of a storm season, to put it mildly.

In that month I reviewed books like Khalil Gibran, Typee, and Don Quixote.  I did lots of outdoor reading, before our buffalo had destroyed those two awesome loungers. D-E-S-T-R-O-Y-E-D, you guys.

 

 

quix read chairs

 

I was random as usual and loved me some cowbell. Back then I was still subbing younger kids once in a while, not yet aware of how greatly I would prefer the junior high kids and their much earlier schedule. In defense of little kids, though, they do write more love notes.

 

 

mrs marie tag

The Boston Marathon was bombed, and of course we all were reeling from the horrific losses. I had little to say except an encouragement to increase our joy. Only light drives out darkness. Still believe that.

choose light

And, finally, just like I did this year (until recently), I had a big ol’ juicy case of nerves over the Oklahoma City Memorial Marathon. 2013 was my first half and I was pretty much a basket case. But you know what? It was amazing! I had such a blast; the run itself  was easier than I expected; and I was hooked on big, fun, meaningful races, particularly this one. Forever. A few days after that event I wrote about how it all had improved my outlook on life. Because I am cheesy like that.

run tank funny

Still cheesy.

So there ya go! That’s about what was going on at the digital Lazy W one year ago. Not too terribly different from what’s happening here now. What’s new (or not new) in your corner of paradise?

XOXOXOXO

Mama Kat's weekly link up is full of fun blogs, check it out!
http://www.mamakatslosinit.com/2014/04/things-that-make-me-happy/

8 Comments
Filed Under: beekeeping, Boston, Buffalo, daily life, faith, Farm Life, Khalil Gibran, legislation, llamas, OKC Memorial Marathon, Oklahoma City Memorial, Oklahoma weather

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Hi! I'm Marie. Welcome to the Lazy W. xoxo

Hi! I’m Marie. This is the Lazy W.

A hobby farming, book reading, coffee drinking, romance having, miles running girl in Oklahoma. Soaking up the particular beauty of every day. Blogging on the side. Welcome to the Lazy W!

I Believe Strongly in the Power of Gratitude & Joy Seeking

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