I woke up in the middle of the night shaken from a series of difficult dreams and instantly aware of some real life problems weighing heavily on my heart and mind. I was almost panting from the sudden onslaught, my eyes torn open, my stomach queasy, and every muscle in my body tense. Rather than lay there wrestling myself back into sleep and trying once more to sort out my thoughts (focusing on my worries lately seems to strengthen them), I stood up. Slipped out of our spacious upstairs bedroom with some comfortable clothes and my rolled up purple yoga mat. Tiptoed downstairs, got dressed and gathered my hair into a loose bun, and began. For half an hour I enjoyed stretching, breathing, twisting, holding, stretching and breathing more, and gradually returning my thoughts and facial expression to a place of peace and calm. My forehead and jaw relaxed. My smile felt easy again. My shoulders could drop back. And one by one, healthier, more life giving thoughts clicked back into position, simply and quietly, just as if they had been misplaced for a moment. An error easily corrected. Recoverable. Forgivable.
Almost four-thirty now. I feel like half of a new person. Hungry to keep this moment alive and this feeling going.
So I clicked on the coffee maker, snuggled Fast Woman and accepted her enthusiastic leg twirls, and took my favorite green notebook outside for a Senses Inventory. While the coffee brewed in the kitchen, I walked around taking stock of the midnight beauty outside in our south lawn. It was dark of course, but the longer I stayed (this time Geoffrey the gray and white barn cat was offering enthusiastic leg twirls), the more I could see. And the more deeply I breathed in the cool, clean air, the better I felt. It was magical.
The moon was particularly stunning. Not huge like it would have been on the horizon at dusk. No longer perfectly full or colored anything noteworthy according to the almanac. It was just so strong and heavy. Metallic. Constant. Suspended there above the south edge of our property, lending glimmering edges to everything around me, the very same moon we all have been watching for eons. And I couldn’t get enough.
I eventually finished my Senses Inventory, sat down, and put my notebook next to me on the iron bench. Geoffrey sprang up into my lap, purring, his fluffy tail swishing against my face. I felt like myself again, strong against the worries and difficult dreams that woke me an hour ago. Resilient against circumstances and people beyond my control. I felt very much at peace with and in control of my own small but expanding universe, which is my heart.
They say that these couple of hours between midnight and dawn are sacred. That this quiet time when the earth is asleep and gathering her energy again for the new day, that this is when we can tap into something rare and powerful, a meditative time of day when our hearts and minds are more susceptible to change and inspiration. Renewal. Communication with Love.
I experienced that again early this morning. The longer I sat there in the moon shadows the more firmly rooted I felt in my heart. Buoyant, light, and strong. Freed from anger and bitterness in a way that articulated for me what was wrong in the first place. Answers actually came.
Love always welcomes us back. A return to peace is always possible. For this I am so grateful.
Love is All You Need