Lazy W Marie

letting go, change is good, and a waterfall in africa

November 13, 2015

After twenty one years of motherhood (I am being generous here and including the pregnancy months), I have reached the conclusion that our children’s life stages have more to do with us, the parents, being ready to let go than with our children being ready to move on. Yes, of course there is the preparation and the skill set building. The growth and the strengthening. But I believe it is harder on us for them to leave than the other way around. Our instincts are all wired for this, so it has to be true. That is my thesis statement, and I am sticking to it.

She left in March, remember? And I thought she would be home by September and we would get back to our shopping and our cooking lessons. I thought we would be talking about college perhaps or who knows what, just here in Oklahoma, haha. She did come home, of course, but only for a week around her birthday. And she brought a boy. The same sweet boy I met when I visited her in June. And then they were gone again. And now she is off pursuing her own joy and blazing her own trails. Feathering her own nest, as nature commands.

I snapped this at the peak of Old Man, moments after the three of us reached it. These two led the way that day. They pointed out the footholds. They laughed and ran and climbed and worried for me and encouraged me. Quite an amazing little role reversal on a gorgeous mountain in Colorado. I will never in my life forget this day. xoxo — I snapped this at the peak of Old Man in Estes Park, moments after the three of us reached it. It was quite a little rock scramble. These two led the way that day. They pointed out the footholds. They laughed and ran and climbed and worried for me and encouraged me. It was an amazing, loving little role reversal on a gorgeous mountain in Colorado. I will never in my life forget this day. xoxo

I have had a different idea of how things might go, but that has been true since the beginning. Since before she was born. And you know what? No matter how different the details have been, it all has been pretty wonderful. In so many ways, life has been far better than how I would have designed it all by myself.

Which is not to say that my deepest wishes and wildest imaginations have been neglected. Not by a long shot. Plenty of the visions I had before she was born have come to fruition. And looking back over the past 15 years, especially just these past 15 months, I can say with a trembling sort of confidence that our prayers are always being heard. So make them really, really good but keep an open heart about what else might happen.

Without a doubt, life is big and beautiful and full of amazing surprises, and life goes on even when we are quite off course from where we expected to be.

For these reasons I am no longer really afraid of change. So many surprises in life just turn out for the best. I occasionally get nostalgic for the past, or for the unfulfilled longings of motherhood or just life in general, but I try not to nurse those wounds too much. Instead, I just acknowledge the feelings then actively focus on the blessings right in front of me. When I compare those little losses to the big, miraculous ways life has actually been happening? It is amazing. It is just unreal how much God leads and guides and protects us, despite ourselves.

Let’s rephrase this to be a little more real, a little less preachy:

It is amazing how much God has been leading and guiding and directing my life and protecting me, despite my mistakes. Despite my shortcomings. Despite my failures and weaknesses. It is amazing how generous He has been with my prayer requests, despite my worrying mind.

A friend once posed this question: What if all of your dreams came true? What you got every single one of your wishes?

A big reason I am no longer really afraid of change is that the Universe seems to have so much better in store than what I have been asking of it. Letting go is difficult, and change sometimes hurts for a while, but thank goodness for the explosion of growth. Thank goodness for the renewal available to us all the time, if we choose it. Thank goodness for all those thrilling surprise blessings that we didn’t even know were possible.

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For the past few nights I have fallen asleep listening to the most luscious program about the extreme corners of the earth and the people and animals who survive there. It has been a soothing and stimulating way to fill and empty my brain before rest. One segment was about the Zambezi River and Victoria Falls in Zimbabwe. These are the largest waterfalls in the world, and they are stunning.

(photo credit to http://victoriafallstourism.org/victoria-falls-photos/)

The world is full of awe-inspiring natural wonders, and if you loved your journey through Africa, Australia is another captivating destination to explore. Its diverse landscapes, from vibrant coral reefs to vast deserts, offer unique experiences for every traveler. A journey through the country’s rugged terrain reveals a world of surprises, like the majestic Blue Mountains Waterfalls, where cascading waters create a tranquil ambiance amidst the dramatic cliffs. The area is rich in ancient rainforests and indigenous history, making it a perfect blend of natural beauty and cultural depth.

What got my attention even more than the sight is the geological history. The falls empty into a deep, wide gorge which didn’t exist before a diverted flow of the river eroded the rock there. The rock just collapsed, and the wide, powerful river followed. I cannot remember exactly how the narrator phrased this long process, but it churned my heart up.

Water. Just water, in its natural state, moving energetically and following its own path and purpose, over time dramatically altered the face of the earth. And then it kept on being water and was, one day, this magnificent, complex, dangerous and beautiful waterfall.

The original river must have been beautiful enough. But what if we had never seen this waterfall?

********************

My Dad has always joked that once a baby learns to walk, it’s all over. He’s right. And with this joke he is gently acknowledging that this new skill opens up the world to that baby, including Colorado Rocky Mountains and waterfalls in Zimbabwe.

So, yes- change is okay. Change is good. Roll with it. Let your children go when the time comes. Trust that Love has both you and them in a firm, safe grip. Abandon control and “shoulds” a little bit and watch for amazing surprises along the way. And pray always. Persistently. Be like that river and change the face of the earth with your prayers.

Wishing you all the very best surprises life has to offer.
XOXOXOXO

extra curricular activities, lately

November 10, 2015

My life and schedule seem to be undergoing as much change lately as the leaves and temperatures outside. The changes are gradual, for the most part, but certainly noticeable. I thought I’d fill you guys in a tiny bit and see what feels like a story worth telling.

The Oklahoma Master Gardeners, which you heard so much about last year as I attended classes, is now a more permanent part of my life. If you follow along on Instagram then you might have noticed that a few weeks ago we graduated from student-interns to certified. I think. I mean, are we yet? Who knows? haha We might be at least certifiable. But the ceremony was fun and satisfying after so much reading and so many hours of phone duty. Now my ongoing responsibilities are mostly with the group’s Social Media Committee. This is great for me, because I like to stay home as much as possible but still contribute and keep in touch with folks. As the momentum with this fledgling project builds, I will have the opportunity to share really good, useful gardening information with anyone who feels like listening. A week or so ago was our monthly meeting, and afterwards I went to a brainstorming lunch with Elizabeth, one of the other two ladies on our committee, in fact the chair. She is one of the friendliest people you will ever meet. Do you remember our garden tour stop at her Mesta Park home? Same sweet lady. She is very encouraging and direct when it comes to brainstorming sessions, and she has excellent taste in lunch fare. We tried a place in midtown OKC that was completely new to me. She also took me to a nearby community garden filled with foods and herbs, but I will show you more of that another day.

This was a "haus salad" topped with feta and fresh falafel. Delicious to the max. — This was a “haus salad” topped with feta and fresh falafel. Delicious to the max.

Another big slice of my time is being devoted to the Oklahoma Beekeepers’ Association. Perhaps you already knew that our Lazy W Honeymakers went the way of the dinosaurs, so I have been lax in giving pollinator updates around here. But I never gave up hope. My great-grandfather was so accomplished, and I am so surrounded by knowledgeable, generous people, how could I ever give up? So anyway, at the recent statewide conference for the Oklahoma Beekeepers’ Association, I was elected Secretary. I had already agreed to write the state newsletter whenever needed (I am a dork and love pretending to be a reporter), so this is a great fit. The fact that my new role will give me even more exposure to successful beekeepers is just icing on the honey cake. haha Below I am posing happily with Maribeth, my mentor and friend who you have met several times here on my blog. She is serving as President for the organization in the coming year, probably the coming decade. I am super exited about this new undertaking. (If you got the bee joke there in that last sentence, bonus points to you.)

When I make time for it, I am running again. I’ll post more about that probably next Monday, but the short version is that I have set a goal for November of 100 miles, just to get back in the groove of things. When I don’t have a race or a “little back dress” event coming up, it is scary easy to make excuses about my nutrition and put running at the bottom of my priorities list. I always pay for that mistake with a bad attitude, low energy, and more, so this month I am happy to be back in some healthy habits. I am already seeing improvements.

The west field loop is just perfection right now. Wedding Meadow is crunchy but colorful.

Something else old that is new again? Sewing! My embroidery machine is finally home from the repair shop, long story, and then Handsome surprised me with a second brand new sewing machine. So on the days that I seclude myself in the Apartment to drum up a cottony, scrappy storm, both machines plus the iron are going pretty non stop. It’s a very soothing sound, often shadowed by some Sting or Carla Bruni music. I am having lots of fun filling orders for friends and hope this trend continues.

The farm is doing pretty great, all distractions considered. Yes, I could spend a little more time scooping manure or raking leaves or maybe learning to ride our lazy horses, who have no real duties besides snuffling me. I could also spend more time in the gardens before winter hits, because I know in a matter of weeks I will be sad for sunshine. But the days and weeks are in balance with my priorities right now. I truly feel settled. The season for other things will roll around eventually.

Can you tell from this distance how much Klaus has grown? When he runs between my legs I can just about sit on him.

So all this is what has been keeping me too busy to blog much, all the stuff I’ve been doing between feeding and cooking and cleaning up after said feeding and cooking. And laundry-ing and ironing. And driving my cute car.

Taking stock of my gratitude is pretty easy these days. I am more protective over our domestic bliss and private joys than I have been in a long time, for reasons that are so lame I will not even give them air time here. Suffice it to say that no attack from the outside, whether professional or personal, social or downright spiritual, really matters so long as the home is healthy and strong. Kind of like the beehive, you know? So let’s tend our lives and our homes well. Stay healthy and strong, friends, and be happy.

Until we meet again, will you please give this idea some thought? Who are the women who have changed your life, really? I feel a big, juicy post coming on exactly this.

“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.”
~Annie Dillard
XOXOXOXO

we are too old for this

November 8, 2015

Age may be just a number, but hopefully life and time do bring us some evolution, right? It may come either in spurts or so very slowly, but change can be a welcome gift. Life is always better after a little growth. Agreed? With some recent changes in my life I am realizing there are some things that need to be left behind. I’m just too old for some stuff. And whatever your age, I suspect you are too.

Gossip: Oh man, friends. Is it just me? Am I being too picky? Because, when did gossip get to be so commonplace again? We learned in middle school how destructive it is. I feel like as a general population of people my age, both male and female, gossip was for the longest time not tolerated. The Golden Rule reigned. But somehow gossip is making a comeback and sarcasm has become the humor of choice for so many folks. Criticizing each other behind our backs, making snide and deeply hurtful remarks, forming secret allegiances, it is all so normal that I can no longer keep track of who feels how about what common friend. Not a good feeling. And who knows how those same people truly feel about me? Even a worse feeling. I’m too old to share in or tolerate gossip.
Feelings of Inferiority: My natural tendency is to be extremely self punishing while seeing only the impressive, amazing qualities of others, especially women. While this could serve anyone well in a healthy context, I’m really too old to dwell in a state of self hatred. It poisons the atmosphere, you know? This weird combination of tendencies magnifies both assets and deficiencies into a distorted, fun house reality that only breeds low self esteem, jealousy, insecurity, then a twisted kind of inter-personal battery. Inflated self worth, which is bizarre. And to me this includes allowing myself to be bossed around or mothered by people who are not my mentors or authority figures. It can invite people to be be awfully condescending, you know? I generally try to make room if someone close to me has a need to give advice or lecture, and often I even ask advice when I don’t particularly need it, because of either self doubt or politeness, but all of these habits can be extremely destructive to both parties. If I put up with it for too long, I will eventually snap and catch the advice-giver quite by surprise. That’s not very loving of me. And posturing myself to receive lots to unsolicited advice from others who probably don’t know my heart and also don’t now any better than me, well, it’s a recipe for bitterness. Harboring feelings of inferiority is not the same as seeing room to grow. I’m too old to waste time and energy on this any longer.
Active Negativity: Everyone has bad days, difficult seasons of life, and straight up bizarre, confusing situations that have us occasionally kind of howling at the moon in frustration. Sometimes there is a legitimate need to vent or acknowledge problems so they can be dealt with. But then there is the bad habit of being determined to feel defeated or attacked. Short changed, victimized. The tendency, no matter how much good is flourishing, to focus on the blemishes and failures. The funny thing about focus is that it works as a magnifier. It’s fertilizer for reality, and I’m too old to keep focusing on the negative stuff. I’m also too old to surrender my time to chronically negative people.
Aimlessness & Losing Control Over My Time: This hearkens straight back to posturing myself for others to take control. And it has been resulting in lots of time wasted and resentful feelings of obligation then bitterness. I am just too old to allow it to continue.

And with none of this do I mean to sound superior or overly maternal; although this is all advice I’d be thrilled to offer both of my daughters at a receptive moment. They are both at the perfect age to launch their womanhood and adult relationships in healthy ways. Besides them, this writing today is just an expression of what I have learned about myself, of what thresholds I have for my own little corner of this big, beautiful world. To the people in my personal life, it might help explain why I have less tolerance for some difficult relationships than I used to have. Again, this is not about judgement of other people; it’s about deciding what I can handle for my own life. Judging what is good for my own environment and for those close to me.
So, hey… Let’s not magnify this darkness too much. Let’s instead cast some light into it, replacing those bad habits with good ones. This is a healthier mechanism, right? What can we do more of that will eventually get us to do less of the gossiping, feeling inferior, remaining in negativity, and living aimlessly? Here are my thoughts:

More Constructive, Loving Words: “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything,” may be a good start. But silence can be pretty hurtful, too. Let’s replace the gossip and sarcasm with genuine, loving words. Not fake stuff, either. I want to make a better effort to see the best in people, even people I find difficult at the moment. Then speak it. Words are phenomenal. Women can be supremely effective with this if we choose it. I’ve enjoyed female bonds that are nothing but constructive and nourishing, amazing stuff! And unfortunately I’ve seen female bonds deteriorate into deep wounds, all because of words. I want to remember how powerful my tongue is and how influential my spirit can be, then make an effort to draw out the best in those both nearby and far off. I want to remember that everyone has a history I know little to nothing about, and assume that most folks are at any given time doing the best they can do. Replace judgement, even when I am feeling hurt, with understanding. At the very least, I will check all the words coming out of my mouth so that I never start or participate in gossip, nor allow it by passivity. Speak well of other human beings. Period. No matter who they are or how I am feeling temporarily.
Honest Assessments of What I Bring to the Table & Taking Better Ownership of My Decisions: For me this starts with just a nice, deep breath. Maybe some yoga or a long run, but mostly just listening for God to say something soothing to me. Assessing my place in life has a lot more to do with listening than declaring. Is the same true for you? We can always go about setting goals and staking claims around the planet, and that’s great! But settled confidence and stronger, more deliberate decisions come with a quiet mind. Fewer distractions. Lots of deep breathing. I’m too old for being so desperate to fit in and allowing others to tell me how to live.
Harnessing My Imagination & Choosing to Dwell in Possibility: It’s a choice that can become habit and then blend seamlessly into a natural state of being, but it is first a choice. Maybe a long series of tiny choices. I think this has a lot to do with gratitude, too, so yes to purposefully saying thank you for more stuff in my life. Yes to making as many conscious little choices as possible throughout each day to see the good around me and imagine better things coming. I believe in the wild, wonderful power of imagination, after all. I need to get back to acting on that belief.
Focus, Then Speak My Mind Without Apologizing: This has a little (maybe a lot) to do with pawning my decisions off on other people for fear of making my truest opinions known. The old habit is based in fear. Its replacement is based in love. Not just selfish love, either, because being gently but firmly honest about my heart can only build more genuine connections with other people. It could mean occasionally saying goodbye to people, or maybe just redefining my relationship with them, but if those bonds were based on something other than the truth of my heart, what am I really losing? Also, the older I get the more quickly time passes, and I keep hearing that this only becomes more and more true. I’m too old waste time or to live anything but a genuine life, day to day.

You know what I’m not too old for? Bouncy houses. Not too old for that yet, thank goodness.

I’ll be 42 in March, making me neither a spring chicken nor terribly old. You may also be 42 or maybe 18 or 60. All of us are too old for the stuff listed here. xoxo Reclaim your health and happiness.

What do you think? Are any of these things plaguing your every day life? Your relationships? If so, how do you hope to remedy it?

Happiness is an inside job.
Get to work.
XOXOXOXO

friday 5 at the farm: stormy day photos

November 6, 2015

Thursday brought some crazy weather to Oklahoma. A lightning quick (get it?) and rather violent storm hit the farm suddenly in the middle of the afternoon. The morning’s flannel grey skies turned black. The warm, humid air turned icy cold. And all those fallen oak leaves twirled upward in spirals and autumnal confetti bursts. Rain flooded the middle field in just moments and ran in a silver-white, frothing stream downhill. The pond churned like a tiny ocean. Our east facing barn doors were blown out, or maybe the horses broke them out? It’s hard to say.

Then the storm passed as suddenly as it had arrived. The skies calmed. Half-hearted thunder and thread-thin cracks of lightning kept me watching the skies for a few more hours, but overall the farm was quiet. I returned the horses to their field, consoled the agitated llama, and texted photos of the barn doors to my husband.

By evening, the air was so sweet. Clean and sweet, rinsed out and blown through by the storm. Settled. Fog appeared between the trees and above the grass in cottony streaks, filling every dip and corner with opaque white. It was a stunning kind of quiet. I adore the way fog muffles everything, and I think evening fog is an especially nice gift.

Klaus played and romped around in the gentle dusk while I watched Handsome repair the barn doors. Then he (Klaus, not my husband) appeared from behind the giant hay bales, smelling like sage bush. I imagined he was a small, Spanish-speaking werewolf, which may in fact be the case.

When the farm is so drenched in magic like this I cannot fix my eyes on one thing. Neither my mind. I want to collect all the details and force them into some kind of permanence. Which is silly, of course, because a big part of magic is that it is fleeting, elusive. So instead I hope to at least remember how pink the eastern sky was as the moon rose and how the pine trees vibrated with fragrance. I hope to remember how hard my husband worked to fix the barn doors, at the end of an exhausting day at his real job. I hope to think about this storm, its suddenness, and how grateful I am that no animals were hurt.

Storms come and go, and everything is beautiful and weird.

XOXOXOXO

happily anticipating holidays at the farm

October 29, 2015

Late October. Such an exciting time of transition. This is when everything really starts looking different in Oklahoma and when we officially trade our summertime pool parties for blanket-wrapped bonfires. This week marks the uphill climb to that first tall peak of the roller coaster known as The Holidays.

For hostesses, Halloween is the point of no return… Mwa-ha-ha…

I groove hostessing. Maybe you call it entertaining or simply having people over. I straight up love opening The Lazy W to friends and family, sometimes my husband’s professional colleagues, even strangers. We indulge in this pretty often and for a wide variety of reasons. In fact, if ever too much time seems to be passing between special occasions, you can bet that I am thinking up an excuse to invite people here. Lots of different personalities living and breathing in this house, all over the farm really, eating and laughing and infusing these walls with their Love and energy, it’s what keeps this place alive. Luckily Handsome is on board with my passion for people about 87% of the time. That other 13%? I can usually bridge that gap with something chocolate. Like this.

But with the holidays so close upon us, reasons and excuses to gather are about to be plentiful.

This weekend we will dress up in costumes and share sweet treats, maybe attend a few parties and then sleep one extra hour Sunday morning. Handsome will be Batman, of course, the best Batman in all the land. I will be at least four different characters to go alongside Batman, taking photos of him with random strangers. My costume criteria is always twofold: How much have I been running lately and not eating tortilla chips- can I pull this off? And also- will it leave me free to be Batman’s fans’ photographer? haha Yeah, we are definitely excited about Halloween this year!

Actually I am looking forward to all the holidays this year! The gathering spirit has got me tight in its happy grasp. To me, preparing the farm for people is all about this: Love. Why are we gathering, and how can I set the stage for Love to move freely between us? How can this event, whatever it is, meet needs and make memories for everyone? So the details of that are pretty simple: atmosphere, food, and comfort.

ATMOSPHERE, LIKE NATURAL BLOOMS & PAPER DECOR: I love wild color around the house all year long, and when given a choice I will go for natural decor like real trees and indoor plants and flowers. So for the wintertime holidays that means forcing bulbs, for one thing. This year, in addition to paper whites and amaryllis I will force some more colorful stuff, and it’s very exciting! At the Master Gardeners meeting next week, they are selling flower bulbs to members only and I cannot wait to see what they offer. Bring on the tulips and hyacinths!! The cozier months mean lots of yarn and tissue paper crafts, too. These are soft and inviting in any room, plus they are a relaxing way to keep my hands busy during movie marathons.

ALSO, LIGHTS: I love having twinkle lights strung all through the house, around the nearby yards, in trees, over our deck, around mirrors, wherever I can find an electrical outlet nearby. Handsome, though he chagrins wasted electricity, understands my biological need for sparkle and one day brought home a giant box of energy-efficient lights. I think he got them on clearance after Christmas last year, and now we are both happy, haha. : )

THEMES Some of the themed parties we threw this past year were Oscars Night, Pizza and Board Games, Car Show Pinup (that was my husband’s surprise 40th birthday), and Fiesta. Each of these was a fully developed, top to bottom, inside and out themed party that just made us so happy. I love starting with the invitation and carrying the idea through food and drink, music, decorations, and activities. For the wintertime holidays, we will likely go for a cookie exchange, a a chili cook off, some Dirty Santa fun, and more.

party posts car show — My handsome guy surrounded by some of our friends at his surprise 40th birthday Pinup Car Show party. THAT was memorable! xoxo

party post oscars joe — Our friend Joe filling out his ballot at last year’s Oscars party. Fun!

In addition to themes for gathering, I will be drumming up care package themes for our oldest daughter. She is living on her own out of state for the first time, and I want her winter to be as cozy and happy as possible. (Send me your ideas!)

FOOD Ahh, wintertime diet, you are so good and so bad. I foresee lots of baking. Lots of biscotti, lots of homemade chicken pot pie and chicken and dumplins, a pot of red beans and rice here and there, so much bone-warming food. We can totally throw homemade pizza parties in wintertime,too! Thank goodness for my new treadmill.

party post pizza jason — Our friend Jason crafting his pizza masterpiece. We had an exciting tornado that night and ended the evening playing Cards Against Humanity. My gosh. FUN.

SNOW, maybe ICE All the almanac-type signs point to a snowier than usual winter in Oklahoma this year, so I am looking forward to lots of snowman building, snow angel making, snow ice cream, bonfires, fireplace chats, you name it. Snow is gonna be a fun excuse to cozy up and talk closely with people we love. And our buffalo told me he is ready.

SPEAKING OF PEOPLE Who to invite, and how to get them here? We are super blessed to move in several interesting circles of friends. Sometimes these circles overlap naturally, and sometimes we cause them to overlap, and this is always fun and interesting. We have some wonderful, beloved local family, too, so gathering people at the farm is pretty easy. Usually it’s just a matter of how to spread the word? Until now I have always just texted folks or mocked up a silly Facebook event page.

But recently I discovered Paperless Post and cannot wait to dive in! I am such a sucker for themed-out events, and this just looks so fun. They offer a huge variety of styles and prices; in fact browse just the free stuff and you’ll be blown away by the selection. It’s actually dangerous for a person like me, who is always looking for an excuse to gather her people together, because just seeing a pretty invite sparks ideas for new events. haha I mean click on this one, for example. Hilarious! Check out all of their creative invitations right here. I literally explored for half an hour. SO much fun!

Paperless Post can print your holiday cards, too, and I think I’ll try that this year. Nobody warn my husband, but I think we will have our portrait made soon. We will wear matching khakis and white shirts and big red holiday bows on our necks, and our new puppy will be stage center. Obviously. Or no, scratch that. We will wear acid washed denim and carry bow-staffs. Yes.

Anyway, three cheers for gathering your people! One big extra loud cheer for the holidays and all the Love they bring us. Check out Paperless Post, friends, and let me know which ones you like. I am signing off now to see if any of my Halloween costumes fit.

“Hospitality is present when something happens for you.
It is absent when something happens to you.
Those two simple prepositions – for and to – express it all.”
~Danny Meyer
XOXOXOXO

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