Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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Shanghai Girls: Book Review

   I have another book review for you guys. This is a sweet and juicy little paperback I snagged from the back of my friend Seri’s MINIVAN at our June book club dinner. She is a self-professed book hoarder, and of course we all are, so we love her for it. Thank you Seri! And I still owe you $5 plus however many fresh eggs will pay for those fresh pears. Yum.

   Okay. The book is Shanghai Girls by Lisa See. Published in 2009, it is a New York Times bestseller and a luscious little piece of historical fiction. I thoroughly enjoyed it, right up until the very last word. More on that later.

Shanghai Girls by Lisa See

   Shanghai Girls is set between British-territory China and Los Angeles Chinatown, right as World War II is building pressure and “Communism” is the hottest, most dangerous word anywhere. It traces the coming of age of two Chinese sisters who could not be more different or more complimentary. Their story continues through several decades and along an aching, undulating family saga. It also offers that special ground-level perspective of important historical events, like the Japanese invasion of China and the Hoover-era witch hunt for Communists in America.

   I like historical fiction. I particularly like historical fiction based around the two World Wars; the best samplings tend to be textural, emotional, and revealing of so many moral and social issues that are relevant to us now, all over again. For example?

  • Emigration and assimilation into new places
  • Immigration and the attendant fears and prejudices
  • Unemployment and family communities
  • Liberty versus dependence on the government
  • Cultural evolution
  • Racial tension
  • Legacy versus education and progress
  • Work Ethics
  • The limits to which you would work, lie, or sacrifice to help your children
  • “The American Dream…” and all of its flux elements

   Shanghai Girls did not disappoint. Without tasting academic but in fact just like a good personal narrative, it draws you in and involves you emotionally with the characters. It confuses you with their complex humanity (noone is all good or all bad, after all). It enchants you with scenes of places you have probably never been yourself, certainly of times you have never seen. This is the first book I have read by Lisa See, and I will be happy to find more. She writes succinctly but beautifully…

“I want to say my feeling of disgrace is hard to find,
but I’m ashamed to admit it’s hidden 
just beneath the surface of my skin.”

   This silly detail bears mentioning: I read the final third of this book over the past couple of nights, while wearing a really long, smooth cotton , beautiful vintage kimono. It’s navy blue with white and poppy-red-orange flowers on it.I bought it at a books-and-junk store on the border of Oklahoma and Arkansas, and it is my newest favorite possession. YES I KNOW that kimonos are Japanese and not Chinese. But Japanese culture did play into the story. And anyway I felt feminine and elegant wearing it while reading this feminine and elegant story.

   Okay. I mentioned that I loved the book right up until the last word. As all believable family sagas should, the story has numerous crescendos and lulls. I grew accustomed to the boiling point and then the cool down. I read and luxuriated as the characters matured from girls into women, from fearful children into knowing and capable creatures. And I accidentally prescribed in my head where the story should lead. MISTAKE.

   Anyway, on the night that I finished it, a paragraph dropped me off at one of the boiling points. No biggie. I was excited. Then I turned the page for what I thought would be a new chapter… It was the end! The last twenty or thirty pages of the paperback were acknowledgements and author’s notes! AHHH I craved so much more. I needed far more resolution that this provided, and as far as I can tell there is no sequel. So I guess my only complaint about Shanghai Girls is that it left me wanting more of the same. It was just so delicious.

  Do find this book! It’s an informative yet transporting summer read. And come back tomorrow for the third and final installment of Unsolicited Advice, Marital Edition.

“I fold the letter and put it back in its envelope. 
There’s nothing we can do about any of this from so far away, 
but I begin a chant- something more than a prayer, 
something more like a desperate plea:
Bring her home, bring her home, bring her home.”
~Lisa See in Shanghai Girls
xoxoxo

I’m linking up with Mama Kat today.
Go check out all the other great submissions!

   And please say some prayers for my book-loving friend Seri 
and her sweet family this week, ok? Many thanks.
XOXOXOXO

Are You Going to Scarborough Fair?

   When you just now read that blog post title, did you sing the words to yourself? If so, then you probably followed with “Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme…” And chances are good that you already know this blog post is all about the herb garden. Thank you, Simon and Garfunkel, for setting my most favorite domestic activity to music.

   My herb garden is a paisley-shaped piece of earth located right outside my kitchen sink window, between the house and the swimming pool. You pass it when walking downhill to either the big garden or the bonfire. It’s the casual transition between what we call the “front yard” and the “smokehouse yard.” It’s easily the smallest growing effort anywhere on the farm, in terms of square feet, yet it has captured my heart and my imagination in the biggest way.

   It has captured Mia’s heart, too. He and his feathered friends spend many hours here every day. They meander through the oregano They nibble the grassy edges but never the cultivated plants. Momma Goose sometimes nests in the basil. Sometimes the chickens take shelter behind the box woods. It’s a small but lively place!

********************

   I have wanted a magical garden in this spot ever since we moved to the farm in late 2007. I spent the first few years just getting settled and being a Mom and, you know, thinking about the future garden. I daydreamed and visualized various garden designs every time I looked out the kitchen sink window. WHICH WAS SEVEN MILLION TIMES A DAY.

   I think all I had ever tried growing here were a few box wood shrubs I dug up for free from a neighbor, a rose bush, and maybe a handful of red cannas. Oh, sunflowers and poison ivy too. But you know how they basically grow themselves.

   Finally, on a cold day this past February, I started bringing wheelbarrow loads of manure and rotting leaves to this spot. The rose bush was dying a slow death from Rose Rosette’s disease; the thrifted box woods were leggy and sparse; and the earth was not even a tiny bit yielding. Breaking it up with love was my only hope. So I just piled it on. For a month or so this hard, dormant stretch of the farm received several inches of organic matter as well as the full force of my greedy imagination.

   This might not be so pretty to look at, but if you have ever busted clay with organic matter, then you know how exciting this is! And if like me you love the smell of rotting leaves and old manure on a cold day, then you can imagine the joy of this scene. This was in February, 2013.
     So for several weeks the bare earth was covered with stuff that would miraculously change it into a loamy and fertile oasis. My spades were put to good use, turning and excavating so very much crabgrass and so very many weeds. Eventually the garden centers opened for the spring season, and I purchased a flat of baby herbs plus seven million seed packets. They sat on my dining room table until it was finally time to plant. Tiny Mr. T kept me motivated.
   
   The chickens helped the process along by scratching the dirt, eating grubs, and generally keeping the place cheerful. 
   Once the first plants were in the dirt and watered, I had that anticlimax feeling. I sat and stared at my Herb Garden of Discontent and continued to daydream about its future glory. I decided to be patient with its slow progress and decided that even if we didn’t yield enough this year to sell at the local farmers’ market, that I could still love and nurture this garden in small, daily ways.
********************
   Gradually, day by day and week by week, things have improved. The heavy spring rains flooded out some of the annuals, but overall the herb garden in thriving. 
   Last week I got serious about weeding and realized there is still plenty of available real estate in this area. It happens. I coach myself to see it as potential instead of lacking.
   
   After pulling and digging the weeds, I groomed everything and surrounded every plant with layers of newspaper then watered deeply. Hey… don’t you love the way your hands smell after grooming herbs?  Man. Best smell ever. Basil, sage, oregano, marigold, tomato, chamomile, rosemary, mint… Not an unpleasant fragrance among them. Sometimes I rub mint leaves on my neck.
   Eventually everything got a layer of mulch, too. And by the way I am a recent mulch convert. If you don’t use it, you really truly should. It does everything it’s supposed to do: Control weeds, retain moisture, and look snazzy.
   The herb garden contains more than herbs, too. I am growing surplus tomatoes, roses, zinnias, and watermelon. Also several flowers and vines just on the edges. This is a little rose bush I planted around Easter. I recently thought maybe we had another round of Rose Rosette’s disease happening because of the thicker, fuzzier branches pushing around the garden… But no worries! It’s just a wild watermelon vine! : ))
   So thanks for stopping by. The prettier this garden grows, the more I’d like you to stop by in real life, to sit in our mismatched lawn furniture, talk about everything worthwhile, and watch the dragonflies. To smell the herbs. 
   Do you have an herb garden? I would love love love to see photos! Please feel free to share them  here on Facebook. Have a beautiful day!
“Come to my garden.. 
 I want my roses to see you.”
 ~unknown
xoxoxoxo
  

Unsolicited Advice: Marital Edition Part Two,

   Hello again! Thanks so much for all of the sweet happy anniversary wishes and for reading this fun series! Handsome and I surely appreciate it. If you haven’t yet seen Part One of Unsolicited Advice: Marital Edition, you can read it here.

   I have another installment for you today, but first, a little comic floating around the internet that pretty well sums things up…

   Right? Perfect bottom line, I think. Solid advice if ever I heard it. Wish I had thought to just say THAT before giving you 24 pieces of advice. : )

   Okay. Part Two. These bits of marital wisdom are not necessarily grouped into themes, but I think it’s fun to see some parallels still. Again, we did not consult each other as we wrote.

********************

   He Said:  Love her quirks. These small idiosyncrasies are the things that will bring a smile to your face for the rest of your life.

   She Said:  Take lots of photos, write some journals of your memories, and surround yourselves with those positive, loving, laughter-bringing memories. You might be surprised what you would forget otherwise. And not just the big stuff; take stock of the mundane things too. Not every day has to be a show-stopper. The ordinary days add up, and reflecting on and celebrating them together now and then is wonderful. Later, when crises come (they will), you can take care of business but crave that calm normalcy together. You will know that your foundation is enough. At hectic, stressful times, Handsome and I have often laughed after crying, saying, We just want a quiet day at home with the animals and each other, and a home coked meal, is that so wrong? And in this difficult season without the kids, we have thousands of photos to remind us of what life was like with them. Not that we forget exactly, but sometimes pain and waiting have a way of dulling the old joys. And tactile memories help tremendously.

   He Said:  Get her a car that makes her happy, even if she doesn’t task for it. She should ride in style with a smile! Listen, guys, don’t put your girl in a minivan and expect her to feel like a sports car…

   She Said:  Learn how to live cheaply. Be the funnest date you can be, while spending the least. Sometimes cash will flow more freely than others, of course, but it’s always good to know how to entertain yourselves without a huge monetary sacrifice. It’s wonderful to know how to make up games, explore new places, and enjoy all kinds of entertainment on a shoestring. I can honestly say that we have had just as much fun and romance on cheap, spontaneous outings close to home (or at home) than on expensive dates in other cities.

   He Said:  Love her arts, whatever they are… Promote her to do them often, as they make her the woman you fell in love with. This one is so so easy for me, as most of my girl’s arts center around her creating a beautiful home, a tasty meal, or fun!

   She Said:  Make regular, enthusiastic attempts to have fun doing stuff that he loves. I know that to some people this sounds old fashioned and cheesy, but it’s not. I’m not talking about being a Stepford follower- type wife; I’m talking about legitimately involving yourself in whatever it is that makes this man you LOVE tick. We have made some of our best friends while showing cars, which is something I would probably never think of doing without him. And I have learned a ton of interesting stuff by paying attention when he gets excited about a car or a new project. If instead I left him to his own devices, just sort of dismissed him instead of accepting his welcome into this fun world, then I would miss that expression of little-boy joy he gets on his face when he talks cars. I do not understand the notion of limiting each other just because you don’t organically share a passion. Give yourself a chance to see things through his eyes, and do not discourage him.

His first minutes behind the wheel as owner of his Cobra, a lifelong dream.
I will never forget the look on his cute face!

********************

   Okay friends, that’s what I have for you today. It’s getting close to dinnertime, and I have some big Alfredo-flavored plans. Please feel free to share your own inspired marital advice here or on Facebook or by email! I would love to her what works for other couples.

Love is a Verb
xoxoxoxo

Unsolicited Advice: Marital Edition Part I, the Common Ground

   Hey friends! It’s Anniversary Week around here, so as promised it’s time for our first installment of Unsolicited Advice: Marital Edition. I announced this funny little project with my ornery tongue in the corner of my doubtful cheek but have since enjoyed some surprisingly positive feedback from you guys! So I hope this is good.

   Please remember… What follows, whether silly or serious,  are OUR experiences, OUR lessons learned, OUR slants on life… All based on the twelve years Handsome and I have been negotiating the marital waters. What works for us may have disastrous consequences for you. Then again, we may have cracked the code. You tell me!

   Okay. First, it bears mentioning that Handsome and I wrote our 12 pieces of advice separately, independently, flying solo and untethered by consultation with each other. And we each could easily have written far more than twelve little things. And each of those twenty-four things could have been books! Because, seriously. You learn through mistakes, and mistakes have stories attached. REALLY GOOD stories, sometimes…

   We then thought it would be fun to see how much of our thinking overlapped with each other. There was plenty. So to start our advice column tonight, a little common ground:

1. Grass is Greenest Where You Water It.
   She Said: Do what you can to become an expert on your husband. Learn everything about his needs, wants, preferences, dreams, goals, strengths, and weaknesses. Then pour all of your energy into loving him and caring for him in the ways HE needs you to, not necessarily the ways you read about or assume you should. Hey, while you’re at it, read Love Languages. It’s commercial, sure, but pretty enlightening. Speak his languages whenever you can and don’t make the mistake of expecting your languages to be the same. Become the world’s expert on him.
   He Said: Make sure her needs and desires are met, because you want to, not because you fear what may happen. A woman in love will make your dreams come true, so you should do everything in your power to return the favor…

2. Fun is Not Extra Credit.
   She Said: Seek adventure together! In every sense, both privately and as world-citizens, actively hunt for fun experiences, routine-busters, laughter, games, silliness, thrills, and more. Also… Sex and romance are vital parts of life. Neglecting them even for a short time will cause both of you to suffer in surprising ways. It’s totally natural, and it’s also one of the best ways to express yourself freely. So if you feel guilty for craving or enjoying fun with your guy, stop. And if you’re neglecting him, also… stop. Hubba-hubba.
   He Said:  Find things you both can enjoy, and do them often. There is no greater anticipation than looking forward to something fun together! Travel together and see the world. Build more experiences together than you could ever have apart. Sharing your lives is what makes your bond stronger. I could never imagine enjoying new things without her to share them with right then!

3. ‘Cause You Gotta Havva Faitha-Faitha-Faitha!
   She Said:  Trust. Yes, like respect, everyone likes to say that trust is earned, and it sort of is. But sometimes what a marriage needs most is that bold flavor of trust that is issued ahead of time, that trust that is given freely more as an act of faith than as a reward for some kind of behavior. (This is something I am learning right now, by the way, because personal insecurity is huge for me. And Handsome pays the price for it more than he deserves.) Trust your guy regardless of what people outside your relationship do or say.
   He Said:  Be honest at all costs. Nothing hurts a woman in love like the feeling of deceit. If you love her, you will share your thoughts and feelings.

4. You as a Couple Are Not an Island
   She Said:  Be good to each other’s families even when it’s difficult. Maybe especially when it’s difficult, because there will be days like that. Extend yourselves and maintain friendships with all kinds of people. Handsome and I have been so blessed in so many unexpected ways by getting close to a variety of interesting people. We feel so blessed to love each others families and love all of our friends! And I have learned so much about my husband in all of this. I can’t even imagine not having our loved ones close to our marriage, even as much as we definitely prize our intimacy and time alone.
   He Said:  Have a family. You will never fully appreciate the depth of your wife’s love until you see her mold the lives of little ones she loves more than her own breath.

   So there is our beginning! Four areas where Handsome and I had similar wisdom to share. I hope at least part of it is interesting to you, and I really hope you’ll share your thoughts and reactions! As with everything else in life, I have had so much fun learning a little more about him with this exercise.

   Part Two soon!

Happy Anniversary Baby
xoxoxoxo


 

Announcing Unsolicited Advice, Marital Edition

   You loooooovve receiving unsolicited advice, right? Especially about really important parts of life, like marriage? You love it when virtual strangers tell you what you’re doing wrong and how you can do it better, just like them, right? You basically do cartwheels when this happens? Thought so. And do I have a treat for you.

   Handsome and I are on the brink of celebrating our twelfth (FYI Margi I spelled that right the first time) wedding anniversary. And along the vein of how I celebrated my 39th birthday a few months ago, when I so generously burdened you fine souls with thirty-nine pieces of unsolicited life advice… In case you missed it, you can read Part One,  Part Two, and Part Three here… This week Handsome and I will be giving you twelve pieces of Unsolicited Marital Advice. Each. So that’s twenty-four nuggets of wisdom you didn’t even know you needed. For free.

   I know. It’s generous of us. Just hold your applause until the end, ok?

   The advice is forthcoming. In the mean time, I would just like to say in an official capacity that I desperately wish summertime would slow down. Like, seriously.

  • I want more months in the garden, just like this. 
  • I want more afternoons in the pool. 
  • I want more sunsets at nine p.m. 
  • More time with friends. 
  • More books read slowly in the hammock. 
  • More romance. 
  • More freedom. 
  • More road trips and frivolous adventures.
  • More basil. 
  • Sunburns. 
  • Blockbuster movies.
  • More of letting my hair dry naturally and then definitely not hot-rolling it. 
  • More of that smell of Handsome working on his cars in the sun. 
  • More sweaty horses. 
   I am madly in love with Summer 2013 for a million reasons. 

   Okay, fine friends. I hope you have a luscious day set up for yourselves, with a stellar weekend to follow. I hope your heartaches are manageable, your fears easily surrendered to Love. I hope you have all the energy and motivation you need to chase your dreams. Not tomorrow. Today.

   Stay tuned for Unsolicited Marital Advice!

“Be in love with your life.
 Every minute of it.”
 ~Jack Kerouac
 xoxoxoxo