I have been feeling extremely protective lately. More so than normal. Protective over my children, my husband, our home, our animals, my gardens (though they are dormant, they are beautiful and precious to me), my time, body, emotions, thoughts and opinions, you name it… I have for a week or so had this deep and powerful need to keep threats at bay and create space for everyone. It’s a thrumming momentum I feel. Not an absence of energy but a tide of it. And a strong tide at that. And it is kind of wearing me out.
Yesterday more than other days recently, I woke up feeling a bit prickly. You know, less open-armed and more closed off to the world. And that’s not really my personality. I feel this periodically, and over time I’ve learned to take this feeling seriously, to not brush it off and waste the brief season. I’ve learned that there is a beautiful purpose to this shift in my heart and body.
Well, in addition to actual life challenges, it turns out that Tuesday was also a New Moon. Funny, right? That means that for the previous two weeks our energies had been slowly draining and gradually approaching, basically, empty. It could have a lot to do with the worn out feeling.
It makes so much sense now. It’s like my soul knew before my mind realized it when to shed extra weight in my schedule and consciousness and sort of lower our family’s center of gravity. Focus. Breathe deeply. Create all that much-needed space.
So I am closing the ranks. This is not depression; it’s just a refocusing. I’m not going anywhere extraneous for a while. I am still running my miles and eating healthfully and showering every day and doing lots of housework and wearing bright colors to combat the late winter doldrums, but I am also saying no over and over again, to anything that is not serving us essentially. No volunteering, no driving across town for unpaid projects, no visiting with people who make me cry and confuse my heart. Right now I need to build up some strength and just breathe. Catch up on work around the farm, reset some projects and priorities. And really, this season of closed ranks won’t last long; I am pretty sensitive to the moon and will surely feel the swell of the waxing weeks just as strongly as I felt the waning.
This wouldn’t be a Wednesday farm update without sharing some news.
First, Jocelyn has been visiting us still and spending lots of time training the horses. And training me with the horses, truth be told. Chanta and I daydream of so many magical horse-and-rider moments. He told me things are promising. I’ve only had one fall (off of Dusty, so it was a short trip), and it did not involve a visit to the dentist. Bonus! Joc and I are having so much fun and making a thousand happy memories together. I am in awe of the young woman she is becoming.
The hens are laying eggs consistently, including a minty green (maybe it’s actually blue) egg yesterday, the first one like this in over a year! So gorgeous. I love the colored shells so much.
Chunk is still a tire flipper.
Pacino is still a wooden floor wanderer.
And little Meh has decided that sweet grain is totally delicious if he can no longer have his mama’s milk. So that is all really great.
On a sad note, the bees I found a few days ago appear to have been robber bees, not my beloved Lazy W Honeymakers as I had announced on Facebook. The hives are in fact depressingly empty except for a small cluster of dead bees, so I am frustrated beyond words. I’ve spent so much time, energy, and money on this beekeeping project that a second total loss is almost enough to make me throw in the towel. Many thanks to those of you who have already said sweet things about this bummer news, and thanks in advance to those of you who now will. I don’t yet know exactly what happened. But I will do as much reading and observing and asking around as necessary to figure it out.
It’s fine, you know, to close the ranks when you need to. Tend your temple, feather your nest, look well to the ways of your own household first, especially when your emotional resources are limited. The energies will shift again and strength will build back up, then other kinds of work and pleasure will be on my mind.
How are you? Do you notice a shift in energies when the moon is waning?
“If you surrender to the wind,
you can ride it.”