Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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sweet sixteen, midweek check in

July 19, 2017

My husband and I are quite talented at Staycation-ing. Or is it called Staying-Cation? Whichever, we are so good at doing this thing where you schedule time “off” but do not travel. You just stay home (mostly) and do and eat what you want (mostly) and luxuriate in the fruits of your hard earned nest feathering labors from the previous several months.

We tend to reserve a week or so for exactly this pleasure every summer around our wedding anniversary. This July we are celebrating 16 years, and for the first time maybe ever I feel the heft of that number.

Not in a bad way, not at all. Just in a less juvenile way than before. If that makes sense. Almost as if all the anniversaries prior had been tokens or curiosities, or practices, even the milestones like 5 or 10.

Do you remember the birthday from your own childhood when you suddenly felt older, less like a little kid, not quite grown up but certainly in that middle ground between the two? It’s a feeling familiar to that. I know we are no longer a new couple; yet we are far from having venerable tenure.

Handsome and I have expereinced and accomplished a lot together in sixteen-plus years as a couple, so it’s a surprise to me that I should only just now feel the heft of a numerical representation of our union.

Sixteen.

Sweet sixteen.

Old enough to drive in this country.

Old enough to actually marry in some places.

The age when most teenagers begin to work for their own actual paychecks.

Still a transitory age, though. And not an altogether easy one.

The traditional gifting mediums for the sixteenth wedding anniversary are silver and peridot. But we have never adhered to this.

After all, we are saving money by not traveling, right?  One of our accidental but long-standing traditions is to gift a single thing to each other, a treasure for the house or the farm, some indulgent memento that we hopefully always remember as “the thing we found at our so-and-so anniversary!” With some luck we tend to find these treasures at cool, weird, cobwebby places for either cheap or nothing. Or, we reserve our anniversary for purchases larger than we might normally make.

Sometimes we see beautiful objects and take in the artistic inspiration then tackle a DIY for the farm. I like this image for that:

Does the Lazy W need a silver-painted mermaid? Probably.

As of this blog post we have not found our 16th year treasure. I’ll keep your posted.

Back to Stay-Cationing!

Some of our favorite activities are pretty obvious: Swimming and laying out in the (abundant, oppressive, delicious, healing) Oklahoma sun, grilling food outside and generally cooking whatever we feel like from day to day, keeping a slightly less rigorous healthy diet. (At the onset of this week we went grocery shopping together and filled the cart with quite a selection of separate cravings.)

Plus literally the best restaurant food.

Lots of spinach topped with pistachio-crusted goat cheese, mango, grilled chicken, prosciutto, and more. HEAVEN.

We go to the movies sometimes, a rare treat. This week we have seen both Pirates of the Caribbean and War for the Planet of the Apes. Such good films!!

We go running for fun, not training, I mean mostly I do, but I try not to feel guilty about it, and the boys have been joining the sweat fest a little bit too!

We socialize with friends. Sleep in the heat of the afternoon if we need it, especially in our cold and comfy green room downstairs. In fact sometimes we even sleep downstairs at night, like a slumber party. It’s great.

Staycation is for looser schedules, maximum sunshine, indulgent foods, and lots of want to do activity, less have to do.

Several times per day the words sweet sixteen pop into my head.

Happy Anniversary, BW. Midway through our week off together, I wish you all the rest and refreshment you crave. I love you more now than ever.

XOXOXOXO

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Filed Under: anniversary, daily life, memories, staycation, summertime

Unsolicited Advice: Marital Edition Part Two,

July 16, 2013

   Hello again! Thanks so much for all of the sweet happy anniversary wishes and for reading this fun series! Handsome and I surely appreciate it. If you haven’t yet seen Part One of Unsolicited Advice: Marital Edition, you can read it here.

   I have another installment for you today, but first, a little comic floating around the internet that pretty well sums things up…

   Right? Perfect bottom line, I think. Solid advice if ever I heard it. Wish I had thought to just say THAT before giving you 24 pieces of advice. : )

   Okay. Part Two. These bits of marital wisdom are not necessarily grouped into themes, but I think it’s fun to see some parallels still. Again, we did not consult each other as we wrote.

********************

   He Said:  Love her quirks. These small idiosyncrasies are the things that will bring a smile to your face for the rest of your life.

   She Said:  Take lots of photos, write some journals of your memories, and surround yourselves with those positive, loving, laughter-bringing memories. You might be surprised what you would forget otherwise. And not just the big stuff; take stock of the mundane things too. Not every day has to be a show-stopper. The ordinary days add up, and reflecting on and celebrating them together now and then is wonderful. Later, when crises come (they will), you can take care of business but crave that calm normalcy together. You will know that your foundation is enough. At hectic, stressful times, Handsome and I have often laughed after crying, saying, We just want a quiet day at home with the animals and each other, and a home coked meal, is that so wrong? And in this difficult season without the kids, we have thousands of photos to remind us of what life was like with them. Not that we forget exactly, but sometimes pain and waiting have a way of dulling the old joys. And tactile memories help tremendously.

   He Said:  Get her a car that makes her happy, even if she doesn’t task for it. She should ride in style with a smile! Listen, guys, don’t put your girl in a minivan and expect her to feel like a sports car…

   She Said:  Learn how to live cheaply. Be the funnest date you can be, while spending the least. Sometimes cash will flow more freely than others, of course, but it’s always good to know how to entertain yourselves without a huge monetary sacrifice. It’s wonderful to know how to make up games, explore new places, and enjoy all kinds of entertainment on a shoestring. I can honestly say that we have had just as much fun and romance on cheap, spontaneous outings close to home (or at home) than on expensive dates in other cities.

   He Said:  Love her arts, whatever they are… Promote her to do them often, as they make her the woman you fell in love with. This one is so so easy for me, as most of my girl’s arts center around her creating a beautiful home, a tasty meal, or fun!

   She Said:  Make regular, enthusiastic attempts to have fun doing stuff that he loves. I know that to some people this sounds old fashioned and cheesy, but it’s not. I’m not talking about being a Stepford follower- type wife; I’m talking about legitimately involving yourself in whatever it is that makes this man you LOVE tick. We have made some of our best friends while showing cars, which is something I would probably never think of doing without him. And I have learned a ton of interesting stuff by paying attention when he gets excited about a car or a new project. If instead I left him to his own devices, just sort of dismissed him instead of accepting his welcome into this fun world, then I would miss that expression of little-boy joy he gets on his face when he talks cars. I do not understand the notion of limiting each other just because you don’t organically share a passion. Give yourself a chance to see things through his eyes, and do not discourage him.

His first minutes behind the wheel as owner of his Cobra, a lifelong dream.
I will never forget the look on his cute face!

********************

   Okay friends, that’s what I have for you today. It’s getting close to dinnertime, and I have some big Alfredo-flavored plans. Please feel free to share your own inspired marital advice here or on Facebook or by email! I would love to her what works for other couples.

Love is a Verb
xoxoxoxo

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Filed Under: anniversary, love, Unsolicited Advice

Unsolicited Advice: Marital Edition Part I, the Common Ground

July 15, 2013

   Hey friends! It’s Anniversary Week around here, so as promised it’s time for our first installment of Unsolicited Advice: Marital Edition. I announced this funny little project with my ornery tongue in the corner of my doubtful cheek but have since enjoyed some surprisingly positive feedback from you guys! So I hope this is good.

   Please remember… What follows, whether silly or serious,  are OUR experiences, OUR lessons learned, OUR slants on life… All based on the twelve years Handsome and I have been negotiating the marital waters. What works for us may have disastrous consequences for you. Then again, we may have cracked the code. You tell me!

   Okay. First, it bears mentioning that Handsome and I wrote our 12 pieces of advice separately, independently, flying solo and untethered by consultation with each other. And we each could easily have written far more than twelve little things. And each of those twenty-four things could have been books! Because, seriously. You learn through mistakes, and mistakes have stories attached. REALLY GOOD stories, sometimes…

   We then thought it would be fun to see how much of our thinking overlapped with each other. There was plenty. So to start our advice column tonight, a little common ground:

1. Grass is Greenest Where You Water It.
   She Said: Do what you can to become an expert on your husband. Learn everything about his needs, wants, preferences, dreams, goals, strengths, and weaknesses. Then pour all of your energy into loving him and caring for him in the ways HE needs you to, not necessarily the ways you read about or assume you should. Hey, while you’re at it, read Love Languages. It’s commercial, sure, but pretty enlightening. Speak his languages whenever you can and don’t make the mistake of expecting your languages to be the same. Become the world’s expert on him.
   He Said: Make sure her needs and desires are met, because you want to, not because you fear what may happen. A woman in love will make your dreams come true, so you should do everything in your power to return the favor…

2. Fun is Not Extra Credit.
   She Said: Seek adventure together! In every sense, both privately and as world-citizens, actively hunt for fun experiences, routine-busters, laughter, games, silliness, thrills, and more. Also… Sex and romance are vital parts of life. Neglecting them even for a short time will cause both of you to suffer in surprising ways. It’s totally natural, and it’s also one of the best ways to express yourself freely. So if you feel guilty for craving or enjoying fun with your guy, stop. And if you’re neglecting him, also… stop. Hubba-hubba.
   He Said:  Find things you both can enjoy, and do them often. There is no greater anticipation than looking forward to something fun together! Travel together and see the world. Build more experiences together than you could ever have apart. Sharing your lives is what makes your bond stronger. I could never imagine enjoying new things without her to share them with right then!

3. ‘Cause You Gotta Havva Faitha-Faitha-Faitha!
   She Said:  Trust. Yes, like respect, everyone likes to say that trust is earned, and it sort of is. But sometimes what a marriage needs most is that bold flavor of trust that is issued ahead of time, that trust that is given freely more as an act of faith than as a reward for some kind of behavior. (This is something I am learning right now, by the way, because personal insecurity is huge for me. And Handsome pays the price for it more than he deserves.) Trust your guy regardless of what people outside your relationship do or say.
   He Said:  Be honest at all costs. Nothing hurts a woman in love like the feeling of deceit. If you love her, you will share your thoughts and feelings.

4. You as a Couple Are Not an Island
   She Said:  Be good to each other’s families even when it’s difficult. Maybe especially when it’s difficult, because there will be days like that. Extend yourselves and maintain friendships with all kinds of people. Handsome and I have been so blessed in so many unexpected ways by getting close to a variety of interesting people. We feel so blessed to love each others families and love all of our friends! And I have learned so much about my husband in all of this. I can’t even imagine not having our loved ones close to our marriage, even as much as we definitely prize our intimacy and time alone.
   He Said:  Have a family. You will never fully appreciate the depth of your wife’s love until you see her mold the lives of little ones she loves more than her own breath.

   So there is our beginning! Four areas where Handsome and I had similar wisdom to share. I hope at least part of it is interesting to you, and I really hope you’ll share your thoughts and reactions! As with everything else in life, I have had so much fun learning a little more about him with this exercise.

   Part Two soon!

Happy Anniversary Baby
xoxoxoxo


 

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Filed Under: anniversary, love, Unsolicited Advice

Hi! I'm Marie. Welcome to the Lazy W. xoxo

Hi! I’m Marie. This is the Lazy W.

A hobby farming, book reading, coffee drinking, romance having, miles running girl in Oklahoma. Soaking up the particular beauty of every day. Blogging on the side. Welcome to the Lazy W!

I Believe Strongly in the Power of Gratitude & Joy Seeking

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