1. When the garden hoses are already stretched across Kingdom Come so we can fill the water trough in the front field, we usually take that opportunity to spray down the buffalo. He loves it, especially if he’s shedding like now. Then he wags his glorious wet mane at us and gets us all muddy.
2. We collect fresh eggs every morning and sometimes again in the afternoon. If our hands are full, then we carefully slip an egg or two in the back pocket of our cut off jeans and go about the day. Then later we forget about the secret cargo and sit on the Talking Tree swing and end up with a smooshy, crusty back pocket that is glued to our posterior.
3. We listen to Johnny Cash classics on our iPhone while doing outdoor chores, often causing us to break into a groovy little two-step, often causing us to get long awkward stares from passersby. Few though they may be, people driving on our road have impeccable timing.
4. We paint stuff turquoise, chalkboard, or more recently… gold.
5. We have so many pairs of flip flops all around the house, and all of them are broken.
6. We speak to the baby chicks in pretend foreign accents, guaranteeing that not only will they grow up to be terrified of us; they also will have no idea what any human is really saying, ever.
7. Declare to each other every other day that we will eat more cleanly. Go to fewer restaurants. Never buy bread again. Cook less pasta. Ignore ice cream cravings.
These facts may or may not be related.
8. We watch History channel and Discovery channel shows voraciously. Especially if they are about nature, Armageddon type stuff, or World War II.
9. We pack our social calendar and generally over-schedule ourselves to the point of exhaustion. Then we take a breather. And immediately feel bored and as if we are missing out on something big.
10. We groom the horses exactly thirty minutes before they had a pond bath appointment. This is akin to washing cars right before a big rainstorm.
11. We consider it a noteworthy personal achievement to walk barefoot across the gravel driveway. This is exciting but necessitated by, of course, the broken flip flops.
12. We play a made up game called “Name That Internet Meme.” Handsome is an avid Reddit peruser, and I am an avid Redditer’s wife. In other words, he watches the funny stuff and occasionally calls them out to me or posts them to my Facebook wall. I have gotten pretty good at identifying the meme just by its caption and punchline, with very little voice inflection on his part. This game is kinda hard to explain. If you “do” Reddit then maybe you get it. If we are friends in 3-D we can play it sometime. Super funny.
13. aaaannnnd… We watch llamas. We watch the heck out of the llamas.
The End.
