Earlier today I decided to bring all of my houseplants to the kitchen and bathe them in a special homemade concoction. It’s cooled pasta water (leftover from dinner last night) mixed with cooled coffee (leftover from this morning). I happen to believe it’s a magical combination and love to do this for my plants once in a while. Then I rinse them off and comb out the brown leaves and feel fancy.
Today something weird happened as I was putting the nourished, shiny plants back in their decorative urns. And I hate to upset you, but it was disgusting. Ok. Deep breath.
I was just standing there in the kitchen, thinking My god I am genius! Why am I even taking these master gardener classes? I have got this under con-TROL. Then I flashed a gang symbol to my own reflection in the microwave door and did the Dougie.
Then I grabbed another soon-to-be-flourishing house plant and it happened.
I saw a long, thin, limp, not quite brown, shiny something very gross hanging from the delicate branches of a croton. I froze. I had just eaten some raw oatmeal with milk and strawberries, and that was all threatening to make a reappearance.
What. The. Heck.
“What is it???!!!” I shrieked too loudly to the empty house. But I couldn’t look away. My face was lowered to the kitchen counter, staring with disbelief at this organic but probably not living item draped across my plant like the weirdest Christmas tree garland ever. I was afraid to breathe, terrified of vomiting right there on the freshly bleached everything. Then I thought, Oh sweet granola, if it’s alive it could be playing dead and might at any moment spring out at me! This was easily the worst moment of my day.
I took a slow step backwards and raised myself upright, breathing deliberately but not blinking. Not looking away from the unidentified gross adornment.
Was it an earthworm? Had I disturbed a soil bed in one of the plants and tempted an extremely long and extremely thin earthworm out of hiding? If so, that was the most disgusting earthworm I have ever seen. So thin. So long. And no head or seams or anything! Eww.
Wait, maybe that not a worm. Maybe… Could it be spaghetti? I had, after all, used the starchy water from last night’s dinner, so maybe one stray noodle had stowed away. And maybe when I added coffee to the bowl it soaked into the noodle and turned it light brown. Maybe I had unknowingly poured the noodle onto my plant.
So I found a long grilling fork and investigated from a safe distance. (And no, I’m not afraid of worms, but if one is playing dead then it is probably afraid me. Scared creatures are scary.) It never responded to gentle prodding, and I could never see any body parts that guaranteed it’s a worm.
I also never got stronger confirmation that it was a noodle.
This whole situation really upset my day. Then when Handsome got home I showed it to him and he recoiled. “What the heck is it?? That is not a noodle! That’s a butt worm.”
Oh boy.
Our animals are healthy. We are healthy. This was becoming quite a problem.
What do you think, fair reader? Please vote. We need to know. Keep in mind that I snapped this photo after the unidentified gross adornment had been out of moisture for about two hours. When I first made the discovery, it was ever so slightly… plumper. Paler.
I don’t know what else to say. Stray pasta noodle? Earthworm on the Paleo diet? Or a butt worm? And while I don’t want to influence your vote, I did eat an almost raw bratwurst this weekend. Handsome has already googled the whole situation and cast his disconcerting vote.
Eww.
Hmmmmmmmmm. I saved your pic 🙂 put it in my photo program and blew it up………. as big as I could without doing drastic damage to it :/
I am going to go with a worm? because, unless you made spaghetti with soy sauce, why would your spaghetti even look that color? hmmmmmmmmmmm.
yep, I am going with WORM!!!!!!!! don’t ask me what kind, I haven’t a clue, except I am pretty sure, it is dead by now 🙂
oh no I am throwing up in my mouth now!! all over again!! ewwwwwwww WHY was it in my plant??
Crap. That’s the tapeworm I was BEGGING to enter my body when I was at your house last weekend. Melissa Chestnut and my sister are my witnesses to the exact discussion. Dang my luck it didn’t get in and I’m not 50 pounds lighter right now. Tapeworm. Definitely a tapeworm. Save it for me. Please feed it.
Ha! Ok if it is indeed a butt worm (sorry, tapeworm) then it’s already dead. I smooshed it. Why didn’t I think of the skinny factor?? LOL
EWW
I always get Melissa’s last name backwards. Sorry Melissa!
I am beginning to think it was dark pasta 🙂 because if it was a worm EWW and it drank coffee pasta water, wouldn’t it be like jumping around? it wouldn’t be just laying there dead! It would be highly caffeinated 🙂 or wait, do you drink decaf? hmmmmm. so many options ! 🙂 sorry Marie
Decaf?? Blasphemer!
🙂 I don’t drink coffee at all…………
I thought spaghetti until I noticed both ends appeared tapered. Now I don’t know. What I DO know, however, is that I’ll never forgive you for forcing me to look up ‘butt worm’ so that I could understand the conversation. I will never be able to get that graphic description from Urban Dictionary out of my head. I will find a way to return the favor!
LOL oooohhhhh boy. Shel it’s 6:30 am and with barely a swig of coffee in my belly I looked that up. The urban Dictionary never fails, ha! I am not too happy with your conclusion, but I totally respect your research methods. LOL
Put it in water and if continues to ‘plump’ it’s pasta. My guess is round worm. I’m with Shel, the tapered ends – gag. lol
Haha, oh Rose the votes are stacking against all my hopes! What next? I’m afraid to do your experiment lest it confirms this. LOL
How To Eat Boiled Worms?
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