As unsavory as this feels to write, it’s such a big headline in our lives that I can’t not write it.
We are in a season of endurance again. More accurately, we are layering up more crises and more heartbreak upon old crises and heartbreaks that still want answers. New grief is raining down on a land already saturated with grief that seems to have no way to drain. We are drowning. Are you too?
And the prevailing outcry seems to be, why? Why do we find ourselves in such a pattern of false accusation and turmoil wrought by liars and abusive power wielding egomaniacs?
From the people who hurt our children all those years to politicians and reporters (I will not pay the compliment of using the word journalist) who make false accusations, create hostile work environments, and perpetuate false narratives, I am stunned by the growing number of people who are happy to spread darkness.
These are hardly new themes, and we are hardly the first people to suffer false accusations and undue loss. History is thick with abuse, backwards storytelling, deep grief, and bizarre turns of events. So, yes. I have some perspective and I hate to whine.
But to us, in our marriage and our little life in Oklahoma, these things are personal and they are changing the trajectory of everything.
Or, they could.
We choose to not allow it.
We choose to affirm our trust in God, that truth has a way of making itself known. That light drives out darkness. That mercy is real, and we know we are hardly perfect but also not remotely guilty of the things being said. Not then, and not now. The noise can be disorienting, but it cannot convince us of a lie.
We also know the people saying these things are, actually, guilty of their own words and much more. It’s almost unbelievable. So, know that the word abuse is used neither lightly nor vaguely. We already know the truth. For now we choose to stay quiet, having put specific people in God’s hands.
The idea of deserving a thing, good or bad, is so messy. In our culture we are pretty hyped up about justice, which is great and fine. But in the spiritual realm, we understand that at some point justice meets mercy, so we are warned to walk humbly. We have enjoyed so many blessings we really do not deserve, that maybe we can trust God long enough to endure the hardships we don’t think we deserve. How can we expect one but not the other? I’m not suggesting we just lay down and take it. Accept the mistreatment. But maybe there’s an opportunity here, an invitation.
Maybe we can dig a little deeper and unearth purpose in all of this. There is a goldmine of strength and wisdom to be gained here, gifts the abusers will never enjoy. We have a community worth pursuing and a way to show the next generation how to endure, how to work, how to refine our methods and grow despite the attacks and the inevitable losses. Evolve. Overcome.
For all the people I miss and grieve in our family, for all the awful things I still fear, I choose to see how suddenly miracles tend to happen and how quickly healing can take place. I choose to acknowledge that magical season with Jocelyn and the deep relationship we have with Jessica now, and her sweet husband Alex. Day after day, all these years, even in the darkest times. I choose to see how God has blessed our family and our farm, how He has more than returned the time lost and how He has more than punished some of the evil. I now can even bless Colorado in my thoughts. When we choose to really look, even that storm poured out a tidal wave of blessings. We cannot forget that.
So. With that strength in my belly, I bless the Commission. I choose to see the beauty of the growing community there, the wealth of talent and goodness and faith. I thank God ahead of time for what He is doing, for the relief coming, for the answers and path ahead. Maybe we can’t see it yet, but it’s there. It’s safe to trust His guidance, one step at a time.
We don’t deserve a lot of things. Not another hard season, not more false accusations, and not the abundant goodness of Life.
Let the darkness rage, uncontrolled and furious. Pretend it is a wild animal held safely behind a thick glass wall, unbreakable.
I affirm that truth prevails and Love reigns. I choose joy.
XOXOXOXO
Marie
Absolute perfect relay of all the feelings my angel. As always, you are my rock and the lens through which I can finally find silver linings. Doing right is always worth it. I am posting that on my office door today to remind me, and every hard working public servant that passes by it.
Love always, now and forever.
#choosejoy
This is very apt, especially since we’ve been studying Ephesians in Church. The whole book is truly wonderful, but your comments about the light made me think of Chapter 5, specifically verses 7 – 14:
Therefore do not become partners with them; for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret. But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, for anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says,
“Awake, O sleeper,
and arise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you.”
Sweet sister Marie,
What a blessing you are. And, so the rough road we journey at the present grants me the opportunity to be grateful for, and love more deeply, my fellow brothers and sisters with whom I sojourn this dark world. As said in John, Light came into the world and the darkness CANNOT put it out. To that end I am reminded of Psalm 37:12-13 and Psalm 59:8.
The struggle to ‘die to self’ and love our enemies [Matthew 5:44] is the
part of this current scenario that screams my name. That’s where all of you come in. The love and light shared by the group that is affected by the current darkness is making us all stronger and a fortress that cannot be breached. So, my desire is to continue to weep, process, humble myself, laugh, draw near the Lord and all of you, be joyful, frustrated, grow weary in well doing, shake it off, and take my turn being Aaron/Hur and hold the arms of the ‘Moses’ that is taking his/her turn on the front of the battle. I love you all and am so grateful for the calling on my life to be a part of this family.
2 Chronicles 20:15 , 17
v15 Do not be afraid nor dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours, but God’s.
v17 You will not need to fight in this battle. Position yourselves, stand still and see the salvation of the Lord, who is with you… Do not fear or be dismayed; tomorrow go out against them, for the Lord is with you.
v20…Believe in the Lord your God, and you shall be established; believe His prophets, and you shall prosper.
v21…he appointed those who should sing to the Lord, and who should praise the beauty of holiness, as they went out before the army and were saying:
“Praise the Lord,
For His mercy endures forever.”
We know the rest of the story. Thank you for your encouragement and faithfulness to share the pain as it makes the load lighter. Together we stand!!! and, when one falls the others will pick them up. Hugs–Jana
Freddy Hill
Great words, your new life starts each tomorrow.
Always your truthful stories, inform and transmit the human condition that we all endure and rejoice in at different times. Thank you for sharing all of your story, even the hard parts. It is a gift and we are all of us swimming in these waters, at times, and love is the refrain, the shore.
Love you, Marie! Keep telling your story, we are listening!
~Deb