Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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what’s saving my life lately

I’m shamelessly borrowing this sweet idea from Emily Freeman. I love it as an expansion to Bliss Lists or Senses Inventories. Diving in.

What’s Saving My Life Lately is everything, really. Every single reminder to live more fully in my human form, immersing myself more deeply in the physical and emotional experiences of being here. Because it sure is fleeting and ever changing. This is a welcome contrast to living online or living in my head. This is natural.

What’s saving my life lately is music by Sting, Lana del Rey, and Leonard Cohen.

Something else saving my life lately is more silence than usual, so I can hear the farm better. Fewer podcasts and lots of quiet solo work. I am becoming reacquainted with the sounds of Johnny Cash honking sleepily and the cows mooing at each other. Rhett’s tone is especially low, so his voice goes unnoticed unless your’e paying attention. I even love, again, the swish-gurgle-hum of the dishwasher. I am smitten by the background music of Klaus snoring.

What’s saving my life lately is slowing down to let Klaus lead me on walks more often. He loves a routine and a familiar path, but sometimes he surprises me. He can always tell when I am following him, when he’s the one in charge, and he loves it. He rewards me with lots of leg cuddles and full face smiles. The kind with smoothed back ears and stars in his eyes. The cooler mornings have been saving his life, too. It’s pure joy to see him skip and bounce again, teeter tottering around the farm.

((Scarlett and Klaus are still buddies, even if they no longer play soccer every day.
Rhett just wouldn’t understand.))

More of the full human experience, something I really love lately, is hours of unstructured quality time with loved ones, face to face. We wouldn’t want to do without the digital conveniences, of course; but remembering those are tools, not replacements for the real thing, has generated a lot of luscious goodness. On Tuesday I had the rare luxury of a whole afternoon with a new friend, and really we just sat still and talked and talked. We talked about everything, at least twice! We did take one slow walk around the farm, and we planted paperwhites in the greenhouse, but that’s it. Barely even a snack, ha! Thursday, Alex and the grandpups visited, and we talked and talked, too. We shared a rare midday meal, nice and slow, just the two of us, and it was literally wonderful. Full of wonder. There is no replacement in life for deep, face to face, undistracted connection.

The colors of autumn, both in the landscape and inside our house, are a visual and energetic balm to me. This year the decline has felt especially slow and gentle. Restful and life giving.

((as above, so below…xoxo))

A surprise view of the Northern Lights with Handsome and our friend Cathy.

Realizing that a new friend and I do miss each other, now that we are no longer seeing each other every day.

Conversations with our adult chldren, spiraling upward all the time. What a gift! I never know what we’re going to discuss, but I always love hearing their perspectives on world events, dog care, television, food, you name it.

An old book by C.S. Lewis (Screwtape Letters) and a new book by David Robson (The Expectation Effect).

Something truly saving my life right now is making a point to do something each day that is not easily undone. In my world, it’s so easy to get stuck in perpetual maintenance mode, always chasing the daily mundane tasks that are necessary but invisible and unending. It helps my state of mind to pause that treadmill and do something slightly more long lasting.

Speaking of treadmills, I’ve been doing a little more strength and mobility work and focusing less on how many miles I’m running. It’s refreshing. Life giving, to be sure.

Dreaming up new ideas for third grade garden club is one of the best life givers. Spending time with those kids is pure magic! This Monday we had our final outdoor project for the semester. They learned how to pot up paperwhite bulbs, an easy task for practiced gardeners they are; then they decorated their pots with exactly the amount of wild abandon you would expect from happy third graders. I loved every milisecond and went home smiling so hard I was almost crying.

Brushing the horses and watching their winter coats come in thick and fuzzy.

Watching our lone rooster follow and protect his eight hens.

Noticing Johnny Cash make his way all the way downhill to the pond for a sunshine splash.

Perfect coffee with frothy heated cream. My favorite multigrain bread for lunch. The biggest, crispest, sweetest apples I have ever eaten, a small heap of them on my dining room table. Kiwis, roasted garden vegetables (maybe the final batch of the season), more beans, oatmeal, and guacamole. More fiber in my diet latey, ha! That may literally be saving my life.

Seeing Handsome dressed sharply and feeling happy to go to work, excited about so many worthwhile projects. And seeing him get his second tattoo! Watching him adorn our farm with Christmas lights, boop the cows on their noses, and cuddle our cat. Listening to him and Alex build a new kitchen pantry at the kids’ house. Knowing he has more ideas and more love to pour into them. Watching him sink in and enjoy his life, in so many different ways, gives ME life.

Taper candles. Pumpkins. Forty year old popcorn garland on my indoor trees, a gift from our recently passed Aunt Marion, I remember them from childhood. White twinkle lights everywhere. Plaid fabric ripped and tied into garlands. A citrusy-cinnamon-clove simmer pot. Layers of fuzzy blankets but open windows so the breeze comes through. Copper cookie cutters hanging in both the kitchen and dining room. Colorful paper chains for a rambunctious Christmas display in the Party Barn. The promise of paperwhite blooms in a few weeks. Seven pots’ worth!

It is saving my life right now to decorate for winter, a little bit for Christmas, but just winter in general. Thanksgiving is right around the corner, and it’s so fun to see the farm and our rooms cozied up and ready for celebration. It feels good deep down.

Writing more, especially chipping away at the children’s Farmily stories, has been wonderful. I am slow at this for several reasons, but it’s getting done, and it’s life giving.

It’s saving my life right now to share our favorite chocolate fudge cake recipe with Jessica, to walk her through the needed ingredients while she shopped then give her a small boost while she prepared it for her office potluck. She did great! She even obeyed me and took a tiny “Quality Control” bite from the corner, hehe. The best detail of this story is that Jess used the same 9×13 glass pan that my Mom gifted Handsome on his birthday when we were first married. Way back when, Mom brought it to his office filled with her Mom’s recipe, and it instantly became his favorite. So Jessica took her great-grandmother’s recipe in a 24 year old glass pan, and it was a hit with her coworkers. Life.

Here’s what I know:

We are pulled in all directions, tested and drained in every way. We are tattered and bruised, and we are in many ways battle weary and heartbroken. Filled with fear, if we fill ourselves with fear.

We can cling to those emotions, nurse them and glorify them, magnify and identify with them; or we can make a better choice.

We can identify and celebrate the just as numerous ways life returns to us, refills us, saves us. We can magnify those feelings instead and acknowledge and celebrate the incredible, wonder-filled goodness of this earthly life, this human experience, in all its richness and complexity.

I wish for you a million details that give you life, that save your life, that recharge you. I wish for you the wisdom and presence of mind to name them. Magnify them. Give those gifts way more power than you give the rest.

I’m wishing this for myself, too.

Thank you, Emily, for this lovely train of thought!

“Who knew that by making the world a better place,
You’d make the world a better place?”
~Alex Yeverino
XOXOXO

dare you

A few days ago Handsome and I were at our favorite Mexican restaurant, filling our bellies and trying to stay awake. It was the day after our big annual Talent Show, which is draining in all the best ways, and we had not slept well after it. We required much ice cold caffiene and many warm tortilla chips with great salsa. Our waiter was exceedingly nice and attentive, but he kept doing something so funny that, in my state of exhaustion, was pushing me to the edge of uncontrollable laughter: Whenever he checked on our drinks or asked us a question he would punctuate the brief exchanges with a wink, a soft clicking of his tongue, like how you would giddy up a horse (two syllables, like clucking), and a weirdly comforting, “I gotcha!” About half of those times, he also did finger guns at me. I am not kidding you.

One singular exchange ending in this kind of animated friendliness would absolutely have grabbed my attention. But you guys, he did it so many times, and in such close successsion one time to another, that, as I said, I was on the verge of a giggle fest.

“I gotcha…”
Wink.
Giddy-up sounds.
Finger guns.

Repeatedly. Just sit with that for a minute.

I actually started wondering if someone had dared him to do this, becuase it reminded me so much of a few Decembers ago when we were out with friends and I low-key dared everyone to say “Merry Christmas” to the same person as many times as humanly possible. We happened to be at a Mexican restaurant that night, also, but in a dfferent part of town. Our waitress caught on at some point and confronted us directly. “What exactly is going on here, are you doing that on purpose??!!” We laughed and laughed and laughed because we regard ourselves as comic geniuses, then we let her in on the whole thing. I think it was a printed Bingo game that night, filled with the Merry Christmas dare plus lots more silliness, so we offered it to her to try for herself. She accepted with unveiled enthusiasm. I would love to know how she fared in the wild with these meaningless but joyful dares.

((Life is always better when you’re laughing. Laughter heals. ))

So I guess what I’m getting at is this: I dare you to dare someone to do something silly. And soon. It’s worth the energy speed bump. It’s worth the brief awkwardness. It feels so great to have some nonsensical laughter folded into the mundanity of daily adult life. We are too bound up in seriousness, I think.

And if you need some ideas?
I gotcha. Wink.
Giddy up sounds.
Finger guns!
XOXOXO

to Judy at her baby’s milestone birthday

August 26, 2025

Dear Judy,

Fifty years ago you were likely preparing for the hospital, anxiously awaiting your much loved and much planned love child with Harvey. Actually, knowing your nature, you had been ready for a while! Your suitcase was probably already packed, and you had long since made plans for the older kids to be at Grandma Goldie’s house. I wonder if you had Mexican food one more time before going into labor. Did you know you were having a son, or was that a surprise? I don’t know if I ever heard that detail.

What I do know without a shadow of a doubt is that you loved being his Mom. I think possibly, of all the passions God gave you in this earthly life, you loved nothing more. And he has flourished because of it. He flourishes still, drawing constantly on your love, your belief in him, your character shaping, and the hope that your prayers “hang in the air around him,” as the saying goes.

We would love to be partying with you this year. This milestone. This week to celebrate so much, not just the passage of a truly stunning volume of time but also the achievement of deep and hard earned peace. You might not agree with every single choice he has made in recent years, particularly this tattoo that’s about to happen, but most of those would just earn some smirks and jokes and a prized onery look of mock judgement over your eyeglasses, after which you would probably smile again and ask him, “Well, have you ate?” And even if he had eaten, he would say no and choose between a few favorite restaurants.

You would be proud, though, deeply proud, of so much. I hope you can see the best highlights from wherever you are, because he is carrying the mantle for you in ways we could not have dreamed of before you left. You should see what he has accomplished at the Commission. The storms he has navigated, the spiritual infrastructure he has built. Not aligned with any political party, but aligned with doing the right thing, he frequently invokes stories about you and your party-indifferent love for people and getting things done efficiently and transparently. He is the manager you always declared he would be, just on a much larger scale. We still have that concrete planter you gifted him to celebrate his first bank branch manager job on May Avenue in Oklahoma City. Every time I see it I think of you and how firmly you saw his future, decades ahead of time. People commonly talk about a mother’s love, and that’s good and true; but you also demonstrated the power of a mother’s vision. Thank you for that. Thank you for holding it for him, and thank you for showing both of us how vital it is to see through the storm into a beautiful future, an unclouded day.

He is an excellent father in law, as you were an excellent mother in law. His instincts and affection are so genuine and tender, it makes me fall more deeply in love with him every time I watch him with Alex. And if the kids’ wishes come true, he will be an excellent Grandpa, too. He’ll spoil those babies rotten and never apologize for it. We already have so much energy built up here at the farm for future grandbabies, and I know you would be happy to watch it all unfold, so long as we don’t let them have three wheelers.

Sometimes he laughs in a way that makes it feel like you are in the room with us. Sometimes he looks at me over his glasses in the exact way you would. And did you know we have a dear friend now, named Cathy, who has about a hundred uncanny traits similar to yours? When we finally acknowledged it to each other, it was such a comfort. I think her likenesses to you draw him in for weekend touchpoints. A sacred rhythm.

He is still finding ways to “Take care of the children,” as you implored him to do. The opportunities and inspirations change seasonally, but it’s always a natural fit when it happens. I wish you could share in some of it. The Batmobile in particular is a project I wish you could touch and hear and experience, bodily. There is no doubt you are woven into it.

He still loves your chocolate fudge cake and lemon ice box pie more than any other holiday dessert. He still has the same, soft old Snoopy you gave him. He still holds every good thing about childhood up to the high standard you provided. He still tells all his stories to anyone who will listen. You are here with us, is what I’m saying. We miss you terribly, but you are still here. You are very much alive in his personality, and I hope you feel it.

Thank you for loving him so well for the thirty eight years he had you that he still feels it. Thank you for raising a boy who could become the man that he is, the kind of man this world desperately needs. Disciplined, in control of himself, ambitious, protective, fiercely loyal, fun loving, and God fearing. Thank you for managing to establish so many traditions and cravings in him that endure to this day. Our life is so rich because of that. Your vacation-loving, Batman-crazed, video game-playing baby boy is all of that still and much more.

Fifty years old this week, more handsome than ever, and healthier than ever, too. Your son is doing great. Your motherhood continues. I just wanted you to know.

We love you, we miss you,
and we wish you could be here for his birthday.
xoxo
Marie

Friday 5 at the Farm, Gifts of Staycation

Our 24th anniversary staycation has been wonderful. A long summertime spell. All of it together has been just what we both needed, which is simply lots and lots of uninterrupted normal life, mostly alone. We feel so lucky! Including today we still have four days to redeem, and every timeif I occassionally feel myself dipping into sadness about Handsome returning to the office soon, I have to laugh. We still live together, ha! And that work-life balance has improved so much that it’s less of a thing to dread than before. But we do treasure this set-aside time.

Since today is Friday, I wrangled my thoughts into a Friday 5 at the Farm style post to mark the week. Hope you enjoy it!

5 Gifts of Staycation!

ONE: Time and Freedom. We consciously chose not to schedule much this week and to take our days, even the segments within each day, as they came, just following our energy levels and appetites. We had a vivid need to not be over committed and splintered among several obligations or outside time frames, and abiding by that agreement to each other has yielded such a fresh and healing sense of deep relaxation. We have felt safe and free for the first time in a long time. Some days we used that freedom to go on spontaneous dates; sometimes we used that freedom to take midday swims and naps and watch movies under fuzzy blankets We also used the time and freedom to work around the farm, but it was always because we wanted to, not because we were responding to an emergency or balancing someone else’s time frame. It feels completely different, as I’m sure you know. We got admirably good this week at being honest with each other about what we actually wanted to do every day, ha! And I am proud of us for sticking to this simple plan.

TWO: Laughter and Romance. Time alone and freedom of movement have a magical effect on connection. They foster and deepen it. We are always pretty great at grabbing fun and romance in small doses all throughout normal life, but man. Once in a while it sure is nice to absolutely simmer in each other. Choosing to stay home instead of travel was easier on Klaus, too. He spent most of every day with us, of course, and was one happy boy.

THREE: Food! We are eating well, friends. ha! Don’t you worry about us. All week we have enjoyed a nice mix of restaurant indulgences and home cooked meals, and it’s been fun. One standout for me was a spontaneous stop at a Greek place in north OKC. I could eat that exact plate of food once a week and never get tired of it. I think he was especially happy we remembered how to make beef enchiladas with red sauce, which was dinner yesterday. Lots of yummy small bites here and there, including Baskin Robbins ice cream and a huge watermelon chopped up and waiting in the fridge at all hours.

((loaded with kalmatta olives, peppers, feta, and everything))

FOUR: Farm Improvements and Hobbies. We are soon adding a new building to the upper east and south side of the farm, and to prepare for that Handsome has been leveling the sandy ground there and spreading rocks and rocks and more rocks with his tractor. That’s largely what he did most mornings when I went for a run. We (the Victorian we, if you’re keeping score) also began the process of installing a split unit air conditioner to our upstairs bedroom. I did some fun sewing one day (not a farm project exactly, but a timely one, that helped me feel caught up). The gardens are looking great! Weeds pulled and grooming and watering caught up, compost distributed, all of it just getting massaged and loved on daily. What a gift to have time to spend outside and still be with my boy. We’ve been reading (I finished 3 books!) and watching movies and everything we enjoy doing, in big gulps, not nibbles. It’s the best.

FIVE: Commemoration. One of our creative projects this week was a private painting night, which I will not be sharing here but which is worth mentioning for posterity. The End.

Happy Anniversary to the love of my life and my favorite person to spend time with, especially at our beautiful farm, especially in summer. I am so thankful that this normal life we have built is exactly the indulgence we both craved this week.

“Some will fall in love with life
and drink it from a fountain
That is pouring like an avalanche
Comin’ down the mountain.”
~Pepper, 1996
XOXO

her second mother’s day

The moment she announced her growing family, we all shrieked with joy. And I mean SHRIEKED. No one was expecting it. We were all just so happy to be together. About 25 family members were holding hands in our living room, saying grace over the fragrant and long awaited Thanksgiving feast. She was the last person in the family to speak her gratitude (her fiancé was the first. He must have seen the opportunity and stealthily guided the group’s clockwise sequence), and she did so with her standard calm, quiet reserve. It took exactly half of one second for the news to cross the air between her pretty mouth to all of our ears, and it created such a stir of energy, such a wave of joy and chaos, that I think no one will ever forget that moment. We caught most of the family response on security camera. There was much jumping and hugging and a little crying.

This is actually her second Mother’s Day weekend. Her first was spent in the hospital welcoming that peach fuzz baby boy we have all become obsessed with and who we each believe regards us, one at a time, as his favorite uncle or auntie or cousin. Grandma and Grandpa have zero competition from us.  

Her craving for motherhood was kept mostly quiet over the years, but her talent for it has been obvious, displayed in the myriad ways she lives and loves. She has always exuded compassion, concern, stability, wisdom and a kind of softness that is matched only by her strength. She is both disciplined and playful, able to hold it all at once. She has spent more than two decades, it turns out, building an emotional and practical nest for her baby bird that is so strong, so comfortable, so safe, and so nourishing that now, at this moment, we see she is not only the mother he needs, the mother he chose from Baby Heaven and came to Earth to find; she is in many ways the mother we all wish to be.

Last November I was lucky enough to spend about a week with my baby sister and her baby boy in their nest. I got to see firsthand her tenderness, the way her lean arms scooped him up, tiny as he was then, into his favorite embrace. The way she fed him and bathed him. I got to watch both of their faces light up when they made eye contact. I heard her voice, which has in our adulthood issued some of my most treasured deep and serious conversations, collapse gently into songs like The Itsy Bitsy Spider and Frère Jacques. I got to see her weep when he was briefly inconsolable during a long car ride. She felt his pain, and she always will. I remember silently hoping she was ready for that part.

I went to California thinking maybe I could impart a smidgen or two of motherly guidance, ha! But no. She was already overflowing with instinct and goodness. She was a steady, shining conduit for every single thing he needed, right when he needed it. And that is exactly how it will always be. In the months since, she and her husband, our new brother we love so much, have shared hundreds of photos showing this peach fuzz baby boy’s growth and vibrating happiness. It is bizarre to think back to that Thanksgiving, to that moment right before she announced her pregnancy, back to the reality where we did not yet know this whole new person.

They say that when a baby is born, a mother is also born. I love that. I think it is true for many women, but in my baby sister’s case, I think she just finally emerged. She had already been a mother for a long time, growing herself behind the scenes and waiting for ripeness and good partnership, a gift every baby deserves. She is one of the most luminous mothers I have ever witnessed, and I am so thankful she has added a nephew and a brother to our big family for us to love, too.

Happy Second Mother’s Day, Gen.
LYLAS
xoxoxo