Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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“I knew it would happen today!”

Three seperate times this week, a question has found its way into my view, and I cannot resist exploring it with you:

What if you woke up to discover
that all of your prayers had been answered?

One version of this idea was related to health and fitness. I woke up feeling great, which led to being curious about how different my routine would look if every bodily niggle was healed, every aesthetic hope fulfilled, and all my energy topped off. Would I run more miles, or less, and how would other activities like pilates and yoga fit in, if I am moving to feel my best instead of solving problems? Would I go on more adventures instead of exercising, or would I still need that time alone?

Then I was indulging in how different our family will feel when Jocelyn rejoins us (again). How complete and alive we will be with her among us again. What a blinding joy that will be!

I hang onto the vision I had in December 2019, of her and Bridget walking up to the kitchen door on a sunny day. She is all smiles, her enormous brown eyes wet and bright, her sweet olive skin, equal parts woman and little girl. She opens the door tentatively, and we hug fiercely without missing a beat. Everything good floods in. All the love. All the colors. We are crying from laughing and laughing from hugging. Without reservation, she tells me everything she has been through these past few years, and I listen without giving advice. She sinks in. We missed each other so much. Bridget remembers us and brings BW rocks to fetch, and everything else falls away.

Jocelyn tells me that she can fix Dusty’s hoof if I want her to, and she gently chastises me for not riding Chanta like she knows I want to. We share new music and movies and cook dinner together. She likes that I still listen to the songs she gave me in Colorado, and she tells me all about her new romance. I do my best to relay my sorrow about her Dad. She is home forever this time.

Then.

I think about how much happier my husband is when his work is rewarding, how it’s not the exertion or the hours at the office or the extreme multitasking (he can handle anything) so much as it is the deep satisfaction of making a difference in the world and with his people. This is an ongoing miracle unfolding in our life, and I wonder how much better it still can be.

I am excited for post-pandemic family time, free socializing, hostessing, volunteering, travel, all of it. What will it feel like to throw a party again, to drive to New Orleans and the beach and to eat in restaurants? To annoy my friends again with attack hugs? So good.

We are just weeks away from true springtime, and that familiar knowledge, despite the arctic air headed for us this week, helps me feel some of this more concretely. The relief!

I can think of dozens more big miracles my heart craves and how it might feel to realize they have happened. That they are unfolding. Often when I am running at the lake or on trails, my mind is just playing movies, visualizing the fruition of our deepest hopes. It’s the fabric of prayer for me, the beautiful unfolding of all those petitions.

In fact, they are unfolding already. That is the root and truth of my faith. That everything is just a matter of time and trust. Everything expands and grows. Everything is subject to the power of Love, and on some level it already accomplished. Every good thing is very much worth the wait. Hang in there, friends.

“I knew it would happen today!”
~Shrek musical
XOXOXOXO

lots of random updates including a wedding photo & a recipe

My sweet parents joined us at the farm on Wednesday night for dinner and just catching up. I made my version of all-day Indian food, which amounts to Tikka Masala made with boneless chicken thighs (soaked for hours in spiced, full fat Greek yogurt), several large discs of garlic naan bread (I definitely overcooked a few of them), some steamy jasmine rice, and heaps of garlic-roasted broccoli. We ate well, enjoyed much needed conversation, and laughed so much. During dessert (simple brownies) we watched the kids’ wedding video and photo slideshow, and Handsome and I told them lots more stories from their third grandchild’s wedding. They laughed and wept and smiled the whole time. It was hard and strange for none of the bride and groom’s grandparents to attend (due to covid restrictions), but as always my parents just rolled with it. They were happy to see everything in photos and hear about all the details and special moments. They celebrated with us as if they had been there. Nothing but love and support.

How wonderful to have my parents here, near me, alive and healthy and engaged in life. I look around and see so many friends who don’t have their parents or who don’t have this kind of warmth with their parents, and it only deepens my gratitude. Mom and Dad have walked us through so many chapters in life, many of them easy breezy, many of them terrifying and uncertain. They just don’t shy away from anything. And they’re lots of fun.

Here is a photo of Jess and me at her wedding. I cried thousands of happy tears that weekend, just overwhelmed by and speechless from the deepest joy, very much like when she was born. Around the moment this photo was taken, she said, “Mom I think you’re gonna dehydrate.”

Okay.

I finally ordered most of my garden seeds, whew! They will begin to trickle into my turqouise mailbox over the next few weeks, and I will use the broad tables and bright windows in the upstairs Apartment to give them the best possible start in life. I have also begun the annual Clearing of the Oak Leaf Ocean outdoors, which is easily the most laborious precursor to the growing season. Also one of the most exciting jobs, because it means winter is literally being swept away. Our compost bins are all full and cooking away nicely. Very ready to feed the soil.

I want to relocate our two ducks to the front coop to try out some companionship living with Johhny Cash, the lone gander. He is peaceful enough with the chickens and roosters but does seem a bit lonely since Mama Goose passed. Plus, Rick Astlee and Mike Meyers Lemon are occassionally agressive to the small hens in the south coop. I think the big girls up front have a better chance of putting them in their place. I am sure this is riveting to you. I promise to keep you updated whether you like it or not.

They used to be so small and harmless.

Also in poultry news, the girls are laying like crazy! One new hen up front is laying mint blue eggs, which is thrilling to me. Maybe I should name her Tiffany.

Handsome and I both needed a little sweet indulgence today, so I made a small pan of “Chocolate Peanutbutter Oatmeal Bars.” Here’s the easy recipe:
BASE: Blend together the butters and sugars, add the egg, incorporate flour, baking soda, salt, and vanilla, and oats. Spread dough in a prepared small, deep dish baking pan (I used mine that is just smaller than 9×13), bake at 350* for 20 minutes.
1/2 cup butter, melted to brown then cooled.
1/3 cup peanutbutter
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/2 plain white sugar
1 large egg
tsp baking soda
pinch salt
tsp vanilla
1 c flour
1 c oats
FROSTING: Making frosting while bars bake. Just blend together 1 c powdered sugar with 1/2 c peanutbutter, add milk or cream until you get a spreadable consistency.
FINISH: When baked bars come out of the oven and are still warm, sprinkle with 1 c of chocolate chips (more if you are a happy person). As they melt, spread and smooth the chocolate gently over the top of the bars. Eventually, dollop the peanutbutter frosting on top and spread that too, then allow to set up a bit. Very good with ice cold milk.

Chocolate Peanutbutter Oatmeal Bars

A quick word about running: Over the past several months I have been rebuilding gradually and carefully, leaving extra energy on the table and being really careful about soft tissue happiness and joint mobility, also trying my best to be patient about pandemic time management, life balance stuff. And it is paying off. Yesterday I ran 12 miles for the first time in months, and it felt amazing and actually easy. I had loads of extra energy to spare, and nothing hurt. The feeling of being in tune with myself and at ease with life is just irreplaceable.

I have recently finished reading two few books that were straggling on my shelf of good intentions, and for very different reasons I am so glad to have read them:

Fear Itself: the Causes and Consequences of Fear in America (bu Ann Gordon, L Edward Day, and more, it’s a heavy research book)
The Pull of the Moon (by Elizabeth Berg)

With a little luck I will post reviews on each book this month. Have you read either one?

As I close up today, I am happy to see emails notifying me that two of my three giant seed orders have shipped. I might celebrate by eating another cookie bar and doing a few yoga stretches, because no running today.

Have you every been in a cult?

Over and out!

Don’t join a cult.
Just grow a garden
and bake something.
Maybe go running.
XOXOXOXO

links & ideas, Jan 2021

We interrupt this happy stream of wedding remembrance to take stock of worthwhile media consumption lately. Forgive me in advance: This month is light on actual, real, solid reading. My attention span in just suffering, haha, and I crave more quiet down time and focus. More of that in February!

READ:
Boom Town by Sam Anderson: I am chipping slowly away at this fascinating and creatively written two-fold history of Oklahoma City (it tells about both the Landrun days and the founding of our beloved OKC Thunder, plus everything in between). I will post a full review in a couple of weeks, but if it’s at all on our radar I do recommend diving in!

This Womens Running article about how to be best prepared for the covid vaccine caught my attention. Sure seems like a good night’s sleep and a quick run are the answers to all my needs.

This Greatist article about ankle mobility helped me “unlock” some things, ha. (I think people often mistake some lower limb problems for plantar faccistis.)

Still loving my new daily devotional by Bob Goff.

WATCH:
Fight Club! I watched this on the treadmill recently and got so into it that I dance-air punched-wiggled too much and fell smack down while the treadmill kept going, immediately skinning black spandex deeply into my left kneecap. It hurt, but it was also kind of perfect. My front teeth are fine, though, which is all that matters really.

The Crown Handsome and I binged this all month long and loved it, which was kind of a surprise. Between this series and a couple of other period documentaries, I have developed a soft spot for Queen Elizabeth, despite her reputation for chilliness. (We could not get into Bridgerton though. We tried, really, and neither of us liked it at all.)

Hillbilly Elegy. Whew!! Amazing acting from Glenn Close, Amy Adams, and more, but wow. Ouch. Watch at your own risk. It is an emotionally heavy memoir-made-film, no matter what your background. Be sure to watch to the epilogue. Have you seen it?

Witches: This was a welcome palate cleanser. Really cute and imaginative. All hail Roald Dahl, Octavia Spencer, and Anne Hathaway.

LISTEN:
Brene Brown’s conversation with Melinda Gates was such a breath of fresh air. I now want to read Gates’ book The Moment of Lift even more. She told lots of personal stories but mostly left me thinking about how nobody is empty handed. And her team-building anecdotes got me reflecting on my husband’s career (I am so proud).

The Gardenangelists podcast, especially the episode about sunflowers. Dee is one of my favorite gardeners anyway, but her chemistry with Carol is just too sweet, and they are both informative and inspiring. Did you know that 2021 is The Year of the Sunflower? Let’s grow them all!

sunflowers on Jessica’s 20th birthday

The Splendid Table podcast. Love it.

Okay, that about sums up my media consumption lately. What are you reading and watching? What podcasts can I absolutely not miss?

Today I finally sat down and ordered a bunch of seeds for the garden, not a week too soon for some grow light action. So let’s finally chat gardens soon, and please check back in for a few more wedding posts. So many good stories to share.

Your mind is your garden,
Your thoughts are your seeds.
You can grow flowers
or you can grow weeds.
XOXOXOXO

surprise wedding announcement!!

Have you heard our family’s big, happy news?
Jessica and Alex tied the knot!!

These sweet, smart young people have been loving each other for a couple of years now. They have felt committed and were living their lives as a team already (we absolutely love them together). And on Saturday, January 16, 2021, they said their vows and made it official in a tiny, intimate, purely blissful ceremony right here at the farm.

We really could not be happier or more proud of them both. Since they started dating, life has dealt them a series of violent blows, above and beyond Pandemic. And through it all Jess and Alex have worked hard and pursued their educations, learned each other deeply and rapidly, nurtured their friendships, woven each other into their respective families (we feel so connected to Alex’s family!), and created their own little culture of romance and domesticity. Plus they adopted Bean, ha!

Handsome and I have felt lucky to walk alongside them these past couple of years, getting to know Alex, witnessing their unique rhythms and their powers to overcome hardship. They have done more than survive; they have thrived. Grown and evolved. Made memories together. Lived life fully, as it meant to be lived.

When Jess called me (on January 2nd, two weeks before the ceremony!!) to tell me they were engaged, I was beyond thrilled but not the least bit surprised. Getting married was truly the most natural thing in the world for these lovebirds.

Their Wedding Day was magical in every sense of the word. Despite the January cold, we all felt that unmistakable glow of Love present among us. Sunshine sparkled. The flowers were intensely bright against the dormant landscape. Everyone smiled constantly “from ear to ear” as Alex later observed. We laughed a lot and filled our bellies with homemade Mexican food and lots of decadent cake. It was a real, true celebration of Love. A day saturated in romance and deliberate living. There was lots of playfulness, too, haha! Don’t worry, Alex caught her:

One day soon I will write about how it feels for my baby to be a married woman now, to share this particluar life experience. I suddenly cannot imagine her any other way.

Cheers to the future, Jessica and Alex. Marriage can be the best, most powerful human partnership, especially when it is infused with God’s power. It can be the foundation of all your life dreams come true and can allow you to be of greater service to others, which I know you both value. May you continue your adventures, taking time to nurture the world you create together and discover new and amazing versions of joy. We know you will love each other better and better, day after day. You are beautiful together, and we adore you both (and Bean, hehe).

Lean On Me
XOXOXOXO

Friends, I will be writing more about this happy family event
as the weeks progress, so stay tyned.
We have lots of stories to share in big chunks. xoxoxo

first friday 5 at the farm of 2021

ONE: Our new year has started with lots of shakeup to the routine, some very real family surprises, and plenty of coffee. Everything was good and solid. And then on Wednesday the ugliness at our nation’s Capitol. What I feel, though? What I feel deep in my bones is this unlikely thrill of victory and resilience, despite the lunacy and violence. Like so many other times in life, specifically so many dots on the timeline last calendar year, I feel excitement about what we as humans can endure, reframe, and use as kindling for a brand new fire. So many new fires growing everywhere, warming us and burning away the deadwood. Love wins.

Late last year I heard a podcast that touched on the idea of “resiliency data points.” It was actually about running injury recovery and bouncing back from disappointing races, but it sank into my heart for bigger reasons. You know the devastation when life comes crashing down and new crises constantly threaten to destroy our hardwon peace and equanimity? We all experience that. Sometimes, even, the most secure strongholds are shaken or removed completely. And yet, we are still here. We continue to discover new markers for growth and endurance in all areas of life. That’s what I mean about victory and resilience. Despite it all, we are more than surviving; we are quietly thriving. Maybe because of it all, we are getting stronger and more centered, less distractable from what matters most, more pliable and reflexive, more generous, laser focused on Love.

Thanks for allowing my mixed metaphors, always.

TWO: Bean is the sweetest, smartest beggar. He is also getting faster and stronger every single week. Noone flies and sprints like he does! His eyes, both the blue one and the green one, sparkle with energy and happiness. We gave him his very own tetherball for Christmas, mounted on a pole and everything in his very own backyard, and he tore it down within a few days, ha! So strong.

THREE: Okay, are you eating enough plants? Are you moving enough, and maybe in new ways that might surprise you? What are you reading these days, and how are you feeding your soul? I need lots of warming foods, nourishing books, freedom running, and time working outside to feel like myself. Life is affordng me plenty of it all lately, for which I am so thankful.

FOUR: We have secrets and surprises brewing at the farm, friends, and I am good at neither. This buildup of Love is more than enough to keep the bad news in perspective.

FIVE: One quick story before I wish you well on this cold and hopeful Friday: I saw a man wearing a plain black covid mask. He removed it for an unknown reason, revealing his beard. His beard was very short, closely groomed to his face, more like unnaturally black pencil shading really, and with precise edges, in exactly the same shape as the mask he had just removed. I kid you not. It was like the mask had left its shadow in the form of facial hair?? I could not stop looking at this. He caught me staring, trying to figure this out, and I am pretty sure he smirked, like finally his joke on the world landed on an unsuspecting stranger with a weakness for people watching. I had to take a deep breath and pivot my shoulders forty five degrees away from him to break the trance. The End.

Remember you already prayed about this.
It’s going to be okay.
XOXOXOXO