Some people say that you have to know what the rules are so you can break them.  I have over the years spent a fair amount of time reading about how other people do things and trying to absorb the wisdom of the ages, especially when it comes to either running a home or maintaining relationships.  So I know there are certain things the best advice sources will always tell married couples to do, but my boy and I don’t always agree.

Just for fun, as part of our Tenth Anniversary Week,

here are three long accepted rules

that Handsome and I tend to, well, shatter:

“Never eat dinner in front of the Television.”  We do a lot better job obeying this rule when the kids are home, circling the four of us around the dining room table in a more traditional way,  practicing good manners and such, but especially when it’s just the two of us Handsome and I have a great time watching funny stuff while we fill our bellies.  And frankly I am done feeling guilty about it.
By the time dinner is ready we’ve already shared the day’s headlines with each other, and decompression from the stressful things which we cannot remedy is vital to our mental and physical health.  So who cares if we watch a couple of commercial-free comedies while enjoying good food?  Laughter is incredibly binding AND good for digestion.  And we’ll always have nights out at fabulous restaurants to prove to each other we still can mind our table manners and be good dates.
One final note, DVR is the best thing since sliced bread.  Agreed?

“Do Not Go to Bed Angry.”  Umm, yeah right.  Sometimes people who love each other fight.  Sometimes they fight late in the evening when it is already almost bedtime; in fact, for us I tend to think it is often exhaustion that contributes to the fray in the first place.  And even if the arguments have all been finished and the right words have all been uttered, sometimes the hot, brittle air is not yet cleared.

   Call me crazy, but I think that going to bed angry (or at least super annoyed because he sure didn’t sound sorry or she didn’t look relaxed no matter what they said…) is a better choice than not going to bed at all.  That might mean less cuddling in the dark and a cooler reception when the roosters crow, but you know what they say about absence…  If you are in love then you will miss each other after a lonely night sans-passion.

   The fresh light of morning can sometimes burn off the residue of tension better than can one more round of late night deliberation. I am not suggesting you ignore the scripture that advises against letting the sun set on  straight-up wrath; just that once in a while, when it serves you both, sleep on it.  But if you do, please determine to walk softly in the morning, looking for the first opportunity to hug and smooch, not reignite hurt feelings.  xoxoxo

“You Have to Work at Your Relationship.”  Balderdash.  Actually, we work enough in life already.  Maybe it’s just plain good luck, but Handsome and I don’t feel like this is necessary.  It seems like genuinely enjoying your relationship is a whole heckuva lot better than working on it.  In fact, working on it tends to be when we get into trouble (see #2).
Sure, your union may need tending now and then, a spot of nurturing perhaps, but think of it in healthy, green, growth-based terms, not arduous, sweaty, unpleasant ones that elicit thoughts of time cards, obligations, and tool boxes.  Seriously, the next thing you know the word “talk” will cause nausea and hives.   So there you have it.  Three old fashioned rules that Handsome and I have gradually decided, through trial and error, do not apply to us.  We break a few more, but those are none of your beeswax.

It’s about flow, laughter, easy connection—not clocking in and clocking out like a grumpy employee. And as the world keeps changing, so do the ways people connect and navigate trust. Platforms like OnlyFans have shifted the landscape, bringing new layers of conversation about openness and honesty into relationships.

That’s where a tool like SubSeeker sneaks into the picture, helping folks better understand the digital spaces their partners might be interacting with. It’s not about spying or adding more “work” to your marriage but staying curious, honest, and lighthearted—so you don’t end up turning “let’s talk” into a four-letter word.

Choosing each other, day after day, with a smile instead of a sigh, matters far more than sticking to rigid rules or putting in backbreaking effort.

Happy Romancing…  xoxoxo

   Because Handsome and I have designed our life around some pretty distinct roles, some traditional and some not so much, we definitely encounter noticeable differences in opportunity, advantage, responsibility, credit, freedom, etc, etc.  Score-keeping folks might immediately raise those red flags and say “Whoa, sister, check yourself,” either in my defense or his, depending on your perspective.

  



  

    He gets to travel more and be out in the world with lots of smart, interesting people, but I get to lounge around more, should I so choose.  He has friends through work; I have, well, honestly I have more friends than I know what to do with.  PLUS I get a bunch of his friends at work too, so that is awesome. 





   Generally speaking, I take care of stuff around here so that when he is done doing amazing things at the office (I am so not exaggerating) he comes home to hours and hours of free time.  Of course, several days a month he still changes out of his suit and works his guts out around here on hard-labor type projects I have no business attempting.  Things like mending barbed wire fences, trimming the horses’ hooves, bleeding brakes on our cars, squeezing out the wet chamois for me, removing ticks from the dogs, etc. 

   He likes lots of expensive toys like cars, electronics, etc; I am perfectly happy to scour garage sales for clothes, home decor, and furniture, but I definitely like a roomy grocery budget so we can eat well and be healthy.  It’s super groovy. 



   I once heard a speaker describing fulfilled marriage using the always popular sports metaphor, this time employing football:  He talked about how silly it would be to only fight for the fifty-yard line, never the end zone.  He said that rather than diluting your mutual happiness by always compromising (isn’t compromise usually celebrated as the best scenario?), which really leaves both people only halfway satisfied (implying you are both also halfway un-satisfied), why not strive to score touchdowns for each other more often?  Generously give of yourself until the other person gets everything he or she wants and needs, and chances are the time will soon roll around when your partner does exactly the same loving thing for you.

   The application of this football metaphor is crazy hilarious in this house because we are strictly a commercials-watching Super Bowl couple!

   What Handsome does frees me up and protects me, just as what I do refreshes and inspires him.  This is symbyosis, folks.  This is not a purchase of services rendered or an archaic game of dominance; this is two very (very) different human beings caring for each other in the midst of an ever changing world.

 

   Speaking of ever-changing, throw into this mix the unorthodox and unplanned condition that the two beautiful teenaged daughters who used to occupy every day of our life now live with their Dad, and you have a whole new vacuum to fill.  Guess who gets the brunt of that pain of rejection?  The man who is expected to provide and sacrifice when duty calls.  One of the most blatant double standards a person could endure.



   With regard to this, of course, we both know that every day is subject to change.  At any moment I might get that wonderful text or email or phone call that says “I want to see you!” and the life that’s been humming along comes to a happy, screeching, wonderful halt.  Handsome and I know how to throw that emergency brake on, allowing life’s marrow to flow where it is needed most.

   The way we have designed and discovered our life might not work for everybody, but it works like gangbusters for us.

   I really believe that double standards work just fine as long as the purposes are loving and nourishing, as long as the uniqueness of each person is fulfilled, and as long as each person is contributing to his or her fullest.  Neither person is being taken for granted or abused.  I know we are not above complaining once in a while, but overall we are more than just happy.  We have hit a stride that I think a lot of people take decades to discover.  And this is just our first one.

Happy Tenth Anniversary, Handsome.

     

   Later this week Handsome and I will be celebrating our tenth anniversary.  Ten years of marriage and all of the adventure, chaos, romance, pain, joy, doubt, fulfillment, relief, strength building, learning, and bliss that comes with it.  I can think of many more applicable nouns to cram into that sentence, but my beloved unpaid editor might have a stroke over the breathless abuse of commas.

   Next week we will be off on a seven day road trip, just the two of us, soaking up some highway miles and fresh perspective.  Escaping back to ourselves and injecting life with lots of new memories.  So this week, in between finishing projects at the farm and losing fourteen and a half pounds before my dreaded beach reveal, I would like to share some of our best memories and also some things we’ve learned in these first ten years as husband and wife. 

   If you have marital seniority over us, you may scoff at these “lessons,” just as our future selves might do if they ever look back and read this silly blog.  If you are a newlywed you might also scoff.  Some of how we see life now is a lot different than how we did ten years ago.  This is only our experience, only our truth.  And  we are constantly searching for more of it.

   Stay Tuned.  xoxoxo