Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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friday 5 at the farm: some great internet finds

Hello, happy Friday! TGIF!! What a week it’s been here. It’s been one of those solid, smooth running, list-conquering weeks, fairly unremarkable but very satisfying, you know? And all the spaces in between have been happily filled with Love and prayer and strong running and great food. Also, we finally found a few comedies to watch, so hallelujah for that!

The “big stuff” in life, the traumas and temporarily unanswered questions, are either staying the same or being worked on by God in the unseen background, however you choose to see things. I think you know where I stand with that. He is so generous and steadfast, so faithful with His promises. Trusting Him is the only way, really, that we get any sleep. And it’s only by His assurances and grace that we can move through our daily lives while waiting for answers about our Girl.

Thank you, by the way, for your continued prayers and love notes.

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Anyway. It’s Friday!! We have almost made it through another incredible work week, and before the weekend kicks up I thought I’d share a handful of internet treasures with you guys, Friday 5 style. Please feel free to send me links to excellent articles or ideas you’ve found, too! I love good brain and body and soul stuff. 

Sandy the Reluctant Entertainer shares gorgeous, approachable recipes all the time, and they always accompany some much-needed life advice. So I hope you follow her somewhere for your own sake. But this recipe for stuffed poblano peppers jumped out at me thanks to my current craving for hot and spicy food, and her story about family bonds and seizing the moment is well received. Also! Poblano pepper seeds are on my garden ordering list. It’s going to be a fun food growing year at the farm!

I found this article on marriage over at Ann Voskamp’s blog. It’s a guest post by Barbara Rainey, and it is beautiful. I hope you give it a few minutes of your day. Handsome and I are big believers in the small stuff. 

When the small stuff of marriage isn’t diligently attended to, then big-stuff crises provide plenty of reasons to quit an already muddy marriage. ~Barbara Rainey

Some Very Necessary Writing Quotes by Marisa Mohi. I am pretty crazy about Marisa for lots of reasons, not the least of which is her prolificity. How she manages to write thorough and engaging blog posts on top of a full-time job and the needs of a well attached Rosie Puppins is kind of amazing to me. I love her posts. This one is like a delicious appetizer menu for people who need to prime the writing pump. (Raises hand in shame…)

What Journaling Actually Does to Your Brain, at mindbodygreen. Yes. How lovely that a scientific study is provided. I recently revamped my pen-and-paper gratitude and journal practice and am loving it. Whether it has made me more altruistic, I don’t know; but I do feel calmer and more peaceful toward people and situations that normally wind me up pretty hard. If mindfulness and open-heartedness are feelings you crave in the new year, then journaling could be an excellent start.

Are you following Adriene? Are you doing her TRUE yoga series? It is, no surprise at all, luscious!! Luscious in every way. My body feels incredibly loose and strong, spacious, which makes running even more fun. And every day she offers these beautiful little pep talks that are just soothing. Each session has a theme word, and often they line right up with my private journal focus and Bible devotion for that day. Isn’t that cool? This daily yoga practice has really helped slow down the January rush. I feel like I am squeezing more good stuff, more nutrients, out of each day, and I plan to keep at it after this series ends. If you’re looking for some regular doses of yoga, consider this one. Start it anytime.

We tried this homemade bread recipe to make little scooped-out bread bowls for serving homemade broccoli-cheese soup. Handsome and I both loved it! It had an almost old sourdough flavor, was easy to make with basic pantry ingredients, and baked up very fragrantly. I love any recipe that makes the house feel cozy like that. The bread finishes crusty and hollow-sounding with a soft, fluffy middle, perfect for scooping out. (I twice-baked the scooped bits with olive oil for really great croutons.) We’ll keep this on our regular menu rotation, at least during the cool months.

Pacino and Klaus enduring our weird Thursday afternoon sense of humor.

Okay, that was a list of six, ha! Bonus points, ok, because that bread bowl recipe is not to be skipped. Make it and be happy!

Happiest of Fridays to you, friends! Feed yourselves well, nourish each other, do everything you can do, and then trust God. It’s going to be okay.

“How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live.”
~Henry David Thoreau
XOXOXOXO

post holiday thoughts gumbo

After so many days and weeks filled to bursting with activity, work, play, some bitter tears, and still more activity, my mind is swimming with loose trains of thought. Some things are solid. But those are solid enough to wait. The less solid thoughts need somewhere to go. I hope you’ll indulge me a while so I can sort of gather them into a boiling pot. Maybe if they comingle and simmer you add your own thoughts, we will end up with a gumbo of good stuff and the final product will be delicious.

Oprah’s Super Soul Sundays podcast has become my favorite. This is a surprise to me because I have never liked her, generally speaking. Just because the talk show thing has never been my thing. But this is different. This production offers tons of reliably good, nourishing material. One recently that I loved? An interview with former President Jimmy Carter. I loved hearing him talk about space in marriage, daily habits, and the Iran hostages. Weird combo maybe, but he ties it all together. Plus that well worn, gentlemanly southern drawl, ok? So nice.

Have you ever seen the acronym expression of EGO, meaning, “Edging God out?” Yikes.

I have for years thought that life is made worse by over-romanticizing relationships. Which is ironic, because the intention behind romancing stuff is to bring out the beauty, enhance it, press the details more deeply into our skin, right? Shouldn’t that improve life? But placing too much importance on certain relationships kind of sets us up for disappointment, that whole “appreciation trumps expectations” thing.

Maybe especially with parent-child bonds? because (as a better writer than me recently pointed out) claiming your child as yours is incredibly self-centered. Disturbingly ego-driven. And yet isn’t it’s part of our nature, the parenting paradigm? This is a lot of ground to cover, friends. Too much for today, but I welcome your thoughts.

I cannot get enough Christmas lights this year. And happily, our surrounding neighborhoods and parks have obliged. My husband did a great job festooning our own spot of paradise, too. It’s a modern luxury I won’t soon abandon.

I want to do a true study on the occurrence of eating disorders and body image issues among two groups: dancers and runners. I have noticed a disparity, but it’s so far anecdotal and I wonder if (as a runner) my opinion is slanted. Thoughts? Insight?

Made from scratch soft pretzels are incredibly easy and supremely delicious. Pillowy, warm, salty, chewy, satisfying. Amazing. Using this recipe, I am a homemade-soft-pretzel convert. No more waiting for that once a year $8 movie theater splurge! Of course, now I have to figure out the concession stand’s weird runny cheese sauce, but until then some yellow mustard will keep me happy.

Two brand new seed catalogs have arrived at the farm, and my youngest daughter has asked for both cooking and edible gardening lessons this year, so you can safely assume that my imagination is in overdrive. On that note, I am pretty happy about how last year’s compost system is working. So well, you guys. I’m looking forward to having time in January to continue filling, rotating, and spreading the fertile stuff.

Marathon training has started! I barely ran at all in November, for good reasons; and December has been low mileage (128 so far) but consistent. For the next 18 weeks, I’ll be following the Hansons’ Advanced Marathon Plan, aiming for the OKC full in late April. Very exciting! My local running friends have been a huge support and are full of wisdom, most of them Boston qualifiers. This past year I’ve changed my approach to running in lots of ways, so if that’s interesting to you, please check in here on Mondays starting mid-January. Marathon Monday returns!

I crave salad every day, probably my body’s way of saying, “Enough chocolate-toffee-shortbread, ma’am,” but it’s so cold in Oklahoma. Can you microwave salad? Maybe I should make more soup.

Ann Voskamp can probably do no wrong in my eyes, which clearly means I am on the verge of putting her on a pedestal, which clearly means I should take a breather before reading another of her books. Right? Just kidding. I already started it. A generous gift from a wonderful local writer. I think she wants to be anonymous. Maybe she doesn’t want to be known as my Voskamp enabler.

Enabling is not funny, though. We have had some excruciating decisions laid before us this year. This month. Just yesterday, in fact. It’s ongoing and very real. But prayer keeps up afloat even when we are at our weakest, emboldened on good days, clear-headed and hopeful.

“Welcome to Costo, I love you.” haha We don’t even have Costo in Oklahoma, but this is super funny. We do have Aldi.

Roasted veggies! Duh. When it’s too cold for salad and soup takes too long. Roasted veggies.

And this tea:

If you have 2 hours to snuggle up and feed your brain and imagination, I highly recommend the Netflix documentary called Cuba and the Cameraman. This is a cultural and anthropological indulgence, not a political statement. Pinky promise. Then, if you want to binge watch something beefier, please consider the related Netflix series on the revolutionary history of Cuba, which reaches all the way back to when European explorers “settled” there. Fascinating! Maybe a touch political.

My friend Kellie knitted me the thickest, most luxurious grey infinity scarf. I am smitten and get so many compliments on it. Thank you, Kellie!! Also, she recently agreed to a carrot cake cookoff. I’ll keep you posted. I hope to be in the mood for sweets again by February or March, haha.

Did you have a magical and peaceful Christmas weekend? I sure hope so. Christmas is meant to be magical and peaceful and more. It’s okay to enjoy all of it, every big and little thing.

We thank you for your love and prayers. I am trying to figure out what’s wrong with my blog dashboard, keeping me from responding to comments. But every single word you send is deeply appreciated. Truly.

“There are two types of beings in this Universe.
Those who dance, and those who do not.”
~Guardians of the Galaxy
XOXOXOXO

 

 

 

 

 

counting it all joy

If during this recent life chapter, the message I have most received is “Witness Me,” then the message my husband has most received is “Count it All Joy.” He started noticing a stream of such reminders over a week ago, and although that divine conversation has been his and it’s really his story to tell, I want to share some thoughts with you guys. It’s almost Christmas, after all, a season for seeking and sharing both comfort and joy.

Joy on bright days and joy on dark days.

Joy when it’s easy to be joyful and joy when it takes all of your strength and concentration.

Joy when it’s natural and joy when it’s a deliberate choice.

Chalk stuff up to joy, even the pain.

Count all the joys. Number them. Make an inventory of joys, big and small.

And when your joy falters, recharge it. Re-joy yourself. Rejoice. 

Of course, I recall the Joy Dare by Ann Voskamp in One Thousand Gifts. That act of listing all the things you can articulate that bring you joy until you reach a thousand. I did that a few years and filled several notebooks (way more than 1,000 entries) with handwritten phrases and sentences. The activity has a way of building momentum, sparking a gentle heat at first then flames and then a roaring fire. Lots of good, warm power.

Speaking of good writing by Voskamp, I have been sneaking downstairs early most mornings to read in the quiet her book of Advent devotionals titled The Greatest Gift. Every bit of it is just wonderful, but look at this, from the December 19th pages:

Struggling and rejoicing are not two chronological steps, one following the other, but two concurrent movements, one fluid with the other. As the cold can move you deeper toward the fire, struggling can move you deeper toward God, who warms you with joy. Struggling can deepen joy.

Isn’t that beautiful? Struggling can deepen joy. And the whole notion that the two are (or can be) concurrent… It releases my guilt for having struggled in the first place.

Just a few paragraphs later, she writes:

The secret of joy is always a matter of focus: a resolute focusing on the Father, not on the fears. All fear is but the notion that God’s love ends.

Oh man, you guys. All fear is but the notion that God’s love ends. It never ends, we know that. So nothing in life is outside of His reach. I can’t help but think of The Shack and that grieving dad’s need for the Father’s comfort, and how endless that Love proved to be. And I can’t help but notice the tweak in language here, from my own anthems about “positive thinking,” etcetera… I talk and write a lot about choosing joy and deliberately focusing on the positives in life, which is fine, but this heats it up a bit. This reminds me that there is more to it than just being positive; there is the Father, always and forever. Maybe I meant that in my heart all along, but maybe I should have been saying so too.

We can either count our problems or count our joys. We can let ourselves feel overwhelmed by either, too. I’d much rather be overwhelmed by joy. It gives me the strength to deal with real problems, and it helps the phantom worries disappear.

Fear is always this wild flee ahead.

Another quote from the same Advent devotional. This wild flee ahead. Like imaginations that have run wild. That ugly broken record of what ifs. My husband’s grandmother once said of a worried family member, “She’s just borrowing grief from the future.” As if grieving ahead of time will somehow lessen the pain? It doesn’t.

Handsome has taken some hard-earned time off from the Commish, just in time for Christmas. With our family’s recent trauma, we could easily have surrendered to heartbreak and neglected all the joy available to us. But that message reverberates: Count it all Joy. So we give each other a pep talk now and then, and we cry sometimes, but day to day we are clinging to healthy routines. Looking for the good stuff, which by the way is abundant. We first tiptoed into Christmas; now we have relaxed and sunk in.

((can you spot Tigger on the tree?))
xoxoxo

Counting it all joy and surrendering, instead of to heartbreak, to mercy and Love and all the miracle-working power that Christmas actually, truly, always brings, when we allow it.

Merry Christmas weekend, friends! I will check in again soon. I really want to talk more about how to actively count the hard stuff as joy. Until then, everyone from the Lazy W wishes you lots of warmth and Love, some surprises big enough to be called miracles, and ample time to count your joys. It matters.

“The answer to deep anxiety
is the deep adoration of God.”
~Ann Voskamp
XOXOXOXO

 

 

“Witness Me”

Witness Me.

This message has been swimming gently in and out of my vision for over a month, eventually coming into sharp focus, now glowing and pulsing at me like a neon sign.

Witness Me.

The first time it appeared was on November 7th when we had made that first red-flag trip to Colorado. I happened to glimpse it on her refrigerator, scrawled in dry erase marker in her neat, unmistakable handwriting. I think it was blue ink. I didn’t ask her about it then but it struck me. No context at all, not even punctuation. Just, witness me

I wondered if it was song lyrics, or was it a hint at her own heart? That day I knew she was hurting and thought I understood, thought I could help. I did feel a storm building but had no idea how big it would be.

The following week is when all hell broke loose. We had come back to Oklahoma briefly and returned to Estes Park again, this time in a panic. She was in crisis and we found ourselves in a torrent of new information, one heartbreaking revelation after another. Those ten days felt like months, and we lived every hour on high alert and in fervent prayer.

One of the patterns that emerged then was the rhythm of our constant prayers. It was like untangling delicate thread as quickly as possible, to sort through all of our emotions and to cope with all of the shock and constantly changing details. We did a lot of talking to God, you know? A lot of crying straight out to Him. And in those ongoing conversations, my husband and I found ourselves just sort of describing what had happened, as if God didn’t know. Describing everything in audible voices, like desperate, emotional sportscasters, all the terrible things and all our fears, but also all of the incredible things God had done that day or in some particular situation. It buoyed us, fueled our “big asks,” which were numerous. And when we needed to remember, we called out so many of the miracles He had performed for our family over the years. Specific things. Big things! Unlikely things. It all just poured out of our bellies naturally, and often we could barely keep up with the stream of words.

Witness me.

After several days we began to see more and more that God was taking control. That sounds great, of course, what could be better? Except for how it feels at the beginning when He pries it out of your hands and as parents, you begin to panic. It feels like your child is being taken from your grasp, and truly it takes a while to realize there is no better place for her to be than in His hands.

The accompanying message was unmistakable:

Witness Me. Watch and see what I’m gonna do for her! I can do more than you could ever dream of doing for her yourself!

Friends, I still get chills thinking about that, the first time this washed through my thoughts and my body. Humbling, but encouraging. Thrilling.

Around this time Handsome and I both were coping with a growing hatred for the mountains. We woke up in a different hotel room every few days, staying as close to her as we could. Every morning after a broken sleep we saw these incredible panoramic views. We breathed in the strange cold air and just hated everything, every detail that we might normally have relished. It’s hard to hold affection for a place that tries to kill your child.

But God corrected us.

One morning, in particular, He showed me the sky and the mountain range in Colorado Springs and asked (not gently), “Do you remember Who made them?”

The sky broke apart in golds and silvers. Enormous shadows and frothy clouds slid down the slope of Pike’s Peak and it all hit me at once, so much sorrow and shame for my misguided anger. All my fear for her, an ocean of uncertainty, repentance for doubting God. I could not stop crying, right there in the breakfast room of a La Quinta, holding a Styrofoam cup of bad coffee.

Witness Me.

cell phone snapshots will never do justice to the views

 

Witness Me.

It would be almost two weeks later, back at the farm again, wrestling with a brand new ugly reality and still reeling from her most recent departure, when the message appeared in much more than a whisper. I was rounding the dining room table, navigating Klaus and his fetching energy, having just done morning chores. One warm fresh egg was in the pocket of my quilted vest. No doubt I was in active worrying mode, trying to muscle my way into positive thinking. Sometimes that’s easier than others, you know?

And suddenly, Klaus at my feet and that single warm egg in my bare hand, in my pocket, those same two words slammed into view, this time into my actual ocular view, in neon:

WITNESS ME!

Kind of startling. But in seconds all of my anxiety dissolved.

I stopped and said, “Okay,” and just started listing the things God had done that day. Then I went back to the day before. Then the day before that. And the energy built. I listed mundane stuff, because it matters too, but mostly I let my heart settle on the amazing answers He had been sending us, resolution like a wide, rushing river. Twists of circumstance and provision you would hardly believe!

Then He made me look directly at the worst of it all, every horrible fear, made me stare right at it, and held me the whole time, whispering again, saying, “Witness me, not the darkness.”

This is not the first time in life we have been warned against worshipping problems. Remember the Worry Door? And I haven’t even shared the sermon we heard the month after 9/11. God so clearly wants us to trust Him.

Okay. I had planned to actually list every single thing God has done for us this month, right here in this blog post; but that will have to be a separate effort. We do have a notebook full of memories from this ordeal, and we continue to add to it daily. It’s an ongoing drama but also an unfolding love story. God is so good and strong and generous. Despite all the grief, He is moving and answering. Mending our lives in unprecedented ways. Opening and strengthening our hearts and our relationships.

If you have been praying for us, for her, know that it is working. And thank you so much!

If you need prayer, know that it will work. There’s just no maybe about it. God is more powerful than your problem. He is more capable than you are to handle it. He might guide you to act for a while then remove it all from your grasp, but that’s okay.

Witness Him.

Notice the things He does for you. Keeo your eyes fixed on Him, focused on the light, not the darkness. When the darkness seems to swallow you, close your eyes and remember Him from before. Bring that light back into focus.

Witness Him to yourself privately and to each other intimately, to the world around you. See His works for how beautiful they really are. Help each other cling to hope.

I am so sure, deep in my bones, that all of this matters a great deal.

Thanks for reading, friends. As always there is more to say. But I needed to share that much with you while it was available to me.

I hope you have a great Thursday and that whatever you are facing, you find a moment to witness Love in action. Let it take over your mind!

“Call unto me, and I will answer thee,
and show thee great and mighty things
which thou knowest not.”
~Jeremiah 33:3
XOXOXOXO

 

 

 

simple ways to keep those positive vibes vibing

Even the most upbeat folks endure times when they struggle to maintain positive vibes. A friend who I admire greatly and who wants to be positive but is managing all kinds of heavy, meaningful burdens right now, recently invited practical suggestions. What average, daily rituals can a person adopt to stay afloat? 

Maintaining positive vibes in a negative world is a universal challenge, although it can often feel like we are all alone in the struggle. Here are my thoughts:

 

  • “Neck-Up Check-Up” I once saw this phrase while subbing in a Kindergarten classroom. It was posted above a small mirror, where only the teacher (a woman I love and look up to still) could have seen it. I interpreted the phrase to be just a quick and easy reminder to think about how you look. Your facial expression. The softness (or hardness) in your eyes. How clean are your teeth? Do you need to touch up some makeup? Tidy up your hair? Or just relax and smile? Whatever appearance means to you, tend to it for a minute. And not just for vanity reasons. Lots of times the way you look from the neck up speaks volumes about how you are moving through the world. Personal vibes are both contagious and visible. They also tend to circle right back to you.

 

  • Limit Your Exposure To the internet (you know what poisons you), to toxic people, to abrasive music, to chemical smells, to electronics, etcetera. Just scan your spirit and mind and body for whatever could be fraying your nerves unnecessarily. Step away. Make some space for your well being. I’m not saying this will erase your actual problems, but why cope with them in a compromised state? Cleanse yourself a little, and smooth out the rough edges. Manage what is eroding your strength so you can focus on the bigger stuff.

 

  • Fresh Air & Endorphins You guys know my favorite way to feel better is to go for a good, sweaty, happy run (it’s magic for sure). But I also reap so much peace and joy just from walking around the farm and playing with the dogs, brushing the horses, piddling around the gardens. Even just twenty or thirty minutes outdoors works wonders for me. I quickly regain that deep sense of calm, even if a very real-life problem has arisen.
    Do whatever you can do to get outside, no matter the weather and no matter where you live. Soak it up consciously. Take a senses inventory if you have time. Move your blood, breathe deeply, and hydrate while you’re at it. It’s all basically free energy. And friends, carefully consider whether you spend that time sorting through the problem or recharging yourself. Every situation needs something different.

 

  • Count Your Blessings. Active gratitude is powerful! Sometimes even bad situations are still so freaking lucky, it’s crazy! When your anxiety cranks up, take a beat. Register loud and clear within your brain how lucky you are, that whatever you’re upset about really could be much worse (almost always true in my life, which is filled with close calls, near misses, and silver linings). Or, think about something else entirely. Refocus just long enough to remind yourself that “The Awful or Annoying Thing” is not everything in life. Magnify what is going really truly right and let it swell and grow. Let it begin to take over the landscape of your thoughts and emotions. Start listing stuff that thrills you, stuff for which you are crazy thankful.
    I have a rule for myself: For every single thing about which I want to complain, I have to name five other things that are good. This argument of light over dark happens silently in my own head, and it always works to combat that irritable, downward spiral, gloomy vibe. It’s so easy. Also? The ratio of good to bad is always way better than 5:1. Because life is beautiful and amazing. This rule just gets me going in the right direction. 

 

  • Focus on Someone Else. My Grandma Ina Lynne was known for her positivity and generosity of spirit. She often shared her philosophy, that as soon as you begin to feel sorry for yourself, think of someone else who has it worse. And extend yourself to them. Help someone else with a problem to escape your pity party. (That’s all paraphrased, of course…xoxo)
    I know that not all of our life stress is rooted in self-pity. But lots of our paralyzing suffering is, if we are being honest. We can choose to step away from that and pour our physical and spiritual energy into lifting up someone else and, magically, it tends to lift us too. Plus we gain that perspective (once again) of how much worse things could be. 

 

Joc & Bridge xoxo Best hiking guides on earth

 

Hopefully, friends, some of this resonates with you. What practical advice would you share for maintaining positive vibes?

I wish you the BEST this weekend has to offer!! Change is in the air, both the weather and the spirit behind it all. I’m excited. : )

Seize the Day
XOXOXOXO