Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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peace returned, power never diminished

June 4, 2015

I woke up in the middle of the night shaken from a series of difficult dreams and instantly aware of some real life problems weighing heavily on my heart and mind. I was almost panting from the sudden onslaught, my eyes torn open, my stomach queasy, and every muscle in my body tense. Rather than lay there wrestling myself back into sleep and trying once more to sort out my thoughts (focusing on my worries lately seems to strengthen them), I stood up. Slipped out of our spacious upstairs bedroom with some comfortable clothes and my rolled up purple yoga mat. Tiptoed downstairs, got dressed and gathered my hair into a loose bun, and began. For half an hour I enjoyed stretching, breathing, twisting, holding, stretching and breathing more, and gradually returning my thoughts and facial expression to a place of peace and calm. My forehead and jaw relaxed. My smile felt easy again. My shoulders could drop back. And one by one, healthier, more life giving thoughts clicked back into position, simply and quietly, just as if they had been misplaced for a moment. An error easily corrected. Recoverable. Forgivable.

Almost four-thirty now. I feel like half of a new person. Hungry to keep this moment alive and this feeling going.

So I clicked on the coffee maker, snuggled Fast Woman and accepted her enthusiastic leg twirls, and took my favorite green notebook outside for a Senses Inventory. While the coffee brewed in the kitchen, I walked around taking stock of the midnight beauty outside in our south lawn. It was dark of course, but the longer I stayed (this time Geoffrey the gray and white barn cat was offering enthusiastic leg twirls), the more I could see. And the more deeply I breathed in the cool, clean air, the better I felt. It was magical.

The moon was particularly stunning. Not huge like it would have been on the horizon at dusk. No longer perfectly full or colored anything noteworthy according to the almanac. It was just so strong and heavy. Metallic. Constant. Suspended there above the south edge of our property, lending glimmering edges to everything around me, the very same moon we all have been watching for eons. And I couldn’t get enough.

I eventually finished my Senses Inventory, sat down, and put my notebook next to me on the iron bench. Geoffrey sprang up into my lap, purring, his fluffy tail swishing against my face. I felt like myself again, strong against the worries and difficult dreams that woke me an hour ago. Resilient against circumstances and people beyond my control. I felt very much at peace with and in control of my own small but expanding universe, which is my heart.

 

from Everyday Tao: Living With Balance and Harmony
from Everyday Tao: Living With Balance and Harmony

They say that these couple of hours between midnight and dawn are sacred. That this quiet time when the earth is asleep and gathering her energy again for the new day, that this is when we can tap into something rare and powerful, a meditative time of day when our hearts and minds are more susceptible to change and inspiration. Renewal. Communication with Love.

I experienced that again early this morning. The longer I sat there in the moon shadows the more firmly rooted I felt in my heart. Buoyant, light, and strong. Freed from anger and bitterness in a way that articulated for me what was wrong in the first place. Answers actually came.

Love always welcomes us back. A return to peace is always possible. For this I am so grateful.

Love is All You Need
XOXOXOXO

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Filed Under: daily life, love, lunar cycles, thinky stuff

happy mother’s day

May 10, 2015

Happy Mother’s Day, friends! How are you spending today? Are you sleeping late and enjoying a simple but heartfelt breakfast in bed constructed by toddlers? Are you dressing up for a fancy brunch with adults? Are you attending church service with your family, looking forward to hearing the preacher’s message about motherhood and all a good woman’s virtues?

Or are you removed from some of the cultural fanfare, either missing your mother or missing your children? I think of some close friends who lost their Moms years ago, and how even with the passage of time the pain doesn’t stop. This worries me for my husband who lost his Mom just a year and a half ago. I also think of the women in our life who have lost a child, of how no matter who else is in their life, that loss remains a deep, open wound.

This all can be scary, except that I understand how grief can be such a beautiful expression of affection. Love and loss, so closely intertwined.

rp_instagram-roses-after-rain.jpg

I am so lucky. My own life has been generously blessed by an amazing Mom who at a young, tender age decided to give everything to me, and then to my four siblings, and now to our spouses and her grandchildren. Her life all these forty-plus years has been all about us, good and bad, no matter how much it has hurt her. But really she shows us joy. She makes us believe that she has loved every minute of the roller coaster, and each of the five of us would agree that Mom is our biggest fan, our most ardent cheerleader no matter what we are trying to accomplish. We may not always admit it, but making her proud and making her laugh is truly one of life’s biggest pleasures.

Mom has been an example of humility and strength, selflessness, resourcefulness, and good, plain hard work. She has also shown me how to be a good friend to people and how to be a good caretaker. She totally embodies gratitude. She is a wonderful cook, talented at creating delicious things out of whatever she already has, and she grows the most beautiful gardens. Slowly, naturally, patiently. Every year her gardens are more stunning. This is how I want my entire life to look.

mom me 2015

Time will tell whether I become the woman Mom has shown me to be, but for today I am very grateful. I am grateful for the example she continues to set, for the forgiveness she allows when I hurt her, and also for the freedom she gives me to live my own life, to find my own way.

heart shaped rose petals

However you are spending this day on the calendar, I wish you all the Love your soul craves as well as all the strength and openness you need to share the Love you have already been given. I hope your life has been graced by all the best qualities of motherhood so that when someone near you needs it, you can shed that grace all over again. Keep it moving, just like new life. Breath it in and breathe it out.

“Making the decision to have a child- it is momentous.
It is to decide forever to have your heart go
walking around outside your body.”
~Elizabeth Stone
XOXOXOXO

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Filed Under: family, loss, love, mothers, thinky stuff

rainy saturday reading links

May 9, 2015

Happy Saturday! If you are anywhere close to our neck of the woods, then you are probably spending a lot of today indoors. Again. Oklahoma is hunkered down beneath one deluge after another, and we’re not mad. We’re soggy, but we’re not mad. The years-long drought is becoming a distant memory, so it’s okay. In case you’re sitting around open to errant reading material, here is a Literary Saturday offering by yours truly. I hope you enjoy.

full rainbow

I’m not the only woman dealing with body comparison fatigue, and apparently it happens a lot after a tough race. Gina (The Fitnessista) wrote about it here and really has some smart insight. I like how she zeroes in on the negative affects of comparison but also the benefits. Give it a whirl. Monica also touched on the topic here, and if you must know, her feelings are so close to mine about being a runner but not feeling like you look like one. Finally, Lora just ran a really successful Boston Marathon and is glowing! Boston, you guys! And her time was amazing. But still she is struggling with body image/weight loss issues within her own heart, and she shares a lot of that right here. My heart absolutely goes out to this young woman. I tell ya, it all messes with my head, so I’m so grateful for these beautiful ladies exposing their feelings so I feel less alone and maybe reconsider my approach/attitude.

This statue in New Orleans never changes, of course. Every year I look different next to him. LOL Suck it in lady!! haha
This statue in New Orleans never changes, of course. Every year I look different next to him. LOL Suck it in lady!! haha

Along a sunnier vein, here is a sweet, simple article by the Huffington Post about the Keys to Happiness. I also watched a not too long Ted talk this week that was very thought provoking. It asked whether life events can really affect our happiness past about six months. The speaker asserted that the seemingly huge life events we experience, whether we perceive them as amazing or disastrous, only affect our current happiness level for a few months. After that, our happiness is a matter of our own perception or determination of life. Really interesting! What do you think?

It’s Mother’s Day weekend, and Ann Voskamp is doing anything but making it easy for us. Her words are the gritty, nourishing antidote to all the flowers, pedicures, and desserts about to happen. I was shamed to read How to be a Revolutionary Mother, but also deeply inspired. We have seen so many miracles in our family, and I have this feeling that we are about to see more. My faith in God’s goodness and power is really strong, but as a mother I also have my part to play. I’m ready.

Bon Appetit is courting me hard with this article about pesto. This same magazine first suggested the idea a few years ago, that pesto doesn’t have to be just basil and pine nuts; they seduced me with ideas involving carrot tops. Now they are really branching out, and I groove it. I groove it so hard. I even spent $10 on a jar of tahini with big plans to make all the things.

Sandy, The Reluctant (and wonderful!) Entertainer writes something lovely almost every day. But in this particular post, well, she just gets me. “What you think, you become. What you feel, you attract. What you imagine, you create.” YES! This is scary true. And I often get lost just drooling over her party photos and recipes, so be warned. The RE website is brimming with goodness.

Positive-Quotes

This story just popped up on my news feed today, and it’s so refreshing! Read it and see if this young woman, an art director, doesn’t remind you a little of Albert Einstein. I think her message is brilliant. For the record, my daily uniform around the farm is: Skinny jeans with either a tank top or a 3/4 length sleeve top. Messy bun. Bare feet or flip flops. Two necklaces at least.

Okay, now I am signing off to do some book reading and maybe cuddle up with Handsome for movies. There’s only so much time we can spend fawning over the new baby chicks, after all. Wishing you and yours a dry enough and very happy weekend!

XOXOXOXO

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Filed Under: daily life, reading, thinky stuff

to translate or not to translate

April 11, 2015

Several weeks ago I ran across a really interesting website called Smartling. Some of their work is to translate websites into other languages; more of their work is to share classic pieces of literature with wider audiences than just those enjoyed by the work’s language of origin. Interesting, right?

Have you ever read something that has been translated to your language? Do you ever wonder what was lost, what essence was maybe missing? My biggest experience with this has been Russian fiction translated to English. Still beautiful! Addictive even. But I always wonder… what must it be like to read it undiluted? Unaltered? What is a Russian-speaking woman enjoying that I’m not? So this cool project by Smartling got me thinking about some of my own favorite books and what might happen to them if translated to a different language. What would I really want to remain consistent, and how does the original language bring the piece to life?

Oh man. This is a difficult question, much harder to answer in fact than I first thought it would be.

First of all, I simply do not have one favorite book. My reading tastes are wide and various, and at any given moment my “favorite” is just whatever is open on my coffee table right then.

More importantly, though, why would we want to limit translation? I have always wished I had studied harder in high school and landed at adulthood with a few extra languages in my brain. Words are beautiful and meaningful, and verbal communication is so vital to our wellness as people. The complex nuances of well crafted sentences are just delicious to me. And I feel so strongly about most books I read that why wouldn’t I want everyone around this blue planet to have a shot at devouring them? So, translate everything! And while you’re at it, teach me all the languages.

More, more, more.

Still, yes, things are lost in translation. Great things. Most everything I read and love has an element that would suffer from a language change. How best to preserve those special elements?

What a fascinating and thought-provoking question this is. So I thought and thought.

My hard wrought answer, finally, is Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck. You can read my original (amateurish) book review here. Our Oklahoma book club discussed it way back in June, 2012. Doesn’t this seem like yesterday, ladies?

grapes of wrath snapshot

To my mind, this book stands out as one that deserves some special treatment.

As you probably know, the story follows an Oklahoma family through the spirit-testing landscape of the Dust Bowl and Depression of the early twentieth century. The Joad family endures one hardship after another in search of stability and on their journey west from Oklahoma. Steinbeck offers raw storytelling as well as timeless, lyrical wisdom that could apply to any slice of humanity. It’s definitely a story for the ages and for all people, even if Oklahomans hold it with special reverence.

The main reason I feel like The Grapes of Wrath would lose some of its strength if translated is that so much of the story is grown up from uniquely Oklahoman roots. The physical landscape might be described just fine in other languages, and I’d love to know for myself, but please read this…

“A large drop of sun lingered on the horizon and then dripped over and was gone, and the sky was brilliant over the spot where it had gone, and a torn cloud, like a bloody rag, hung over the spot of its going. And dusk crept over the sky from the eastern horizon, and darkness crept over the land from the east.”

If you’ve ever seen a sunset in Oklahoma then you know this exactly nails it. Beautiful.

And the vernacular! Of course, nearly a century later, this isn’t exactly what you’d hear from most of us, but it’s still so illustrative:

“Why, Tom – us people will go on livin’ when all them people is gone. Why, Tom, we’re the people that live. They ain’t gonna wipe us out. Why, we’re the people – we go on.’

‘We take a beatin’ all the time.’

‘I know.’ Ma chuckled. ‘Maybe that makes us tough. Rich fellas come up an’ they die, an’ their kids ain’t no good, an’ they die out. But, Tom, we keep a-comin’. Don’ you fret none, Tom. A different time’s comin’.”

This second passage here is echoed today in what we know as “The Oklahoma Standard,” something modern day Okies will acknowledge with tempered pride and great affection. The term was coined following the 1995 Murrah Building bombing. Our state’s former Governor Brad Henry said this: “Something called ‘the Oklahoma Standard’ became known throughout the world. It means resilience in the face of adversity. It means a strength and compassion that will not be defeated.” Perfect. How much better could the spirit that carried our great-grandparents’ families through the Depression be articulated now, a century later? And to reflect on this in April, the very month of the anniversary, is stilling.

memorial reflecting pond

I could continue justifying my hope that this book is never diluted by translation to a language that might not do it justice, but then I’d just regret that so many people who don’t read English would miss out on such a powerful story.

Also, there’s the very honest fact that I am partial to this book simply because of heritage. There’s something special about saying you were born and raised in a certain place, and for that place to be Oklahoma, the land of both rejection and opportunity, agriculture and overcoming, is central to me. It’s undeniably part of my heart.

oklahoma

What about you? What pieces of literature do you think would lose something in translation, and how would you preserve those precious elements? Where are you from? Is that part of you, that heritage?

Thanks for joining me on this thought train, friends! Check out the website and do some thinking and tell me your own ideas.

It’s okay to call us Okies now.
Okie is a term of endearment.
XOXOXOXO

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Filed Under: book reviews, Oklahoma, thinky stuff

a sight for sore eyes, welcome spring

March 26, 2015

First the “Builder Bradfords,” then an errant fruit orchard or wild sand plum tree here and there along a creek, maybe a dogwood or two, certainly the magnolias… Now today the Redbuds, Forsythia, and Roses of Sharon are waking up. Slowly but surely our Oklahoma hills and forests are breaking dormancy and taking on the gentle blush of springtime. Daffodils, tulips, pansies, the earliest shoots of day-lilies and cool-season veggies, so many delicate splashes of color everywhere. The muted browns and grays of winter will soon be forgotten, and we don’t even care if half the flat green we see is from weeds.

Almost every year I forget how powerful the surge of new life is, how thrilling that first glimpse of a sprouted seed can be (I almost cried yesterday when my indoor marigold seeds had grown a centimeter in a few hours!) or how exciting it is when forgotten perennials reappear without my help. Science now proudly declares that skin contact with warm earth is good for us physically, too, that healthy soil contains depression-fighting microbes or some such? That, plus the undeniable deep bliss we get from the close-approaching sun this time of year… Friends, we are about to shed all those winter doldrums for good. Or at least for a good long while. Hang in there, okay?

forsythia
Electric yellow forsythia blooming at the Will Rogers garden in Oklahoma City.

 

white magnolia
White magnolia tree blooming, tall and elegant, at the Will Rogers garden in Oklahoma City.

 

Whether you’re an avid and experienced gardener or you just crave to grow a thing or seven, dive in. Dive in now, with both feet wearing flip flops and both hands, un-gloved, fingernails ready to scrape up some dirt. Do not waste time changing clothes or making a fancy list and plan; just start. Ignore your housework for an hour. This is the perfect time. Seize the sun and all his energy. Use whatever quarters and dollar bills you can find under the couch cushions and go buy the first seeds you find (lettuce and spinach are excellent things to start in March). Scratch up some soil. Plant those tiny babies. Tuck them in lovingly, with exactly the same native soil as you just scratched up. Water them gently.

Know that you have just become part of a miracle. Savor that idea.

My gosh. It’s only seeds, right? It’s only food that we eat all the time anyway, cheap and easy enough to buy at the grocery store, ready for dinner. But it’s actually the biggest miracle ever. It’s new life, the stuff of energy and motion and health, all from this tiny, inconspicuous fleck of brown that when touched by the right elements at the right time are brought into the fullness of all those promises imprinted by the Maker. He said this will become lettuce, and this kale, and this spinach. He said so, and it always happens that way.

Do you know what else He said? He said, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” ~Jeremiah 29:11

How truly stunning, that while gardening we have this opportunity to participate in so many little (but huge!) miracles. How amazing to see His plan worked out over and over again, so many promises fulfilled that at first we are shocked by it all; then eventually we are so surrounded by lushness that maybe we take it for granted.

Of course, the biggest, strongest, most long lasting treasures, like maybe oak trees? They take a lot longer to grow. You really have to be willing to wait. I have to remind myself of this when I ache for the biggest prayers to be answered. It will be worth the wait. It will be strong and beautiful when it finally happens. These words echo in my ribs and belly.

Life is so beautiful, friends. Winter is hard and sometimes ugly, and it’s dangerous and it breaks our spirits a little. But springtime always, always, without exception, returns. The sun warms us. The earth thaws and breaks open with abundance. Color and texture explode, sometimes to feed us and other times just to delight our senses.

tulip
The Will Rogers gardens in Oklahoma City are filled with tulips right now! Go see if you’re local. They are just beautiful.

God loves you. He loves you so much and He wants your prayers to be answered. He wants you to live a happy, peaceful, successful, fulfilling life. There are hidden meanings to the wintry seasons we all endure, but they are only seasons. And He works it all out. Then He comforts us with seeds and sprouts and new life. (And we get veggies! And tulips!)

Are you interested in some slightly more practical gardening ideas this year? Something beyond “find spare change and throw down the first seeds you find?” haha Please stay tuned. I have lots of fun ideas for us. In the mean time, stay hopeful. Keep planting seeds. Keep trusting. And enjoy the slow parade of color. It’s about to get out of control. As always, thanks so much for visiting.

“Grace doesn’t depend on suffering to exist,
but where there is suffering you will find grace
in many facets and colors.”
~William Paul Young, The Shack
XOXOXOXO

 

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Filed Under: 1000gifts, daily life, faith, gardening, springtime, thinky stuff

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Hi! I'm Marie. Welcome to the Lazy W. xoxo

Hi! I’m Marie. This is the Lazy W.

A hobby farming, book reading, coffee drinking, romance having, miles running girl in Oklahoma. Soaking up the particular beauty of every day. Blogging on the side. Welcome to the Lazy W!

I Believe Strongly in the Power of Gratitude & Joy Seeking

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"Edit your life freely and ruthlessly. It's your masterpiece after all." ~Nathan W. Morris

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