Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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Red Dresses, Good Books, Better Friends, and Love

   Hearts can fill up with love in so many wonderful ways.

   Through trial and error, with hundreds of dazzlingly positive experiences and some painful ones, our Dinner Club With a Reading Problem is seeing Love revealed in ways we will not soon forget. We are learning lessons and making memories.

Misti, Melissa, Kerri, Margi, Tracy, DeLana, me, Steph, and Amber
at a well earned lunch in midtown OKC’s Iguana Cafe.
DELICIOUS. And the friendliest proprietor and most exciting decor in town…

   This past Friday night our famous little Oklahoma Dinner Club With a Reading Problem gathered at the cozy and stylish home of member Stephanie. We were there to discuss our most recent selection, Bonhoeffer, but also to celebrate a sort of anniversary within the group and to shower Steph with our heartfelt love.

Here we have Kerri, Margi, Misti, our hostess for that night Stephanie, Melissa, and Amber’s leg.

   It was almost exactly a year ago that we all gathered at Steph’s house to discuss Before I Go to Sleep. Those in attendance will never forget Amber’s expressive narration of a particularly racy passage… Ahem… The night was as fun and wildly memorable as ever book club is, but none of us had any idea then that it would become a sort of marker in time. Steph wasn’t feeling so good, though not for any obvious reason, and we all noticed how exhausted and weak she was.

   Just a few weeks after that early 2012 event, our Stephanie was diagnosed with a serious heart condition that dramatically changed the course of her new year, really the rest of her life. Her heart had contracted a virus that was keeping it from pumping out enough blood and causing her serious health complications. In a brief space of time she had big decisions and big adjustments to make in her life. Oh! And she also turned forty, which she did with enviable grace and laughter.

   DCWRP rallied around our only non-reading member in little ways, keenly aware that our human efforts are just that: Human. Imperfect, desperate, and temporary. But still valuable and needed. We also prayed and sent her as much positive, hopeful energy as we could collect. Then she showed us with her sweet, laugh-out-loud spirit how to face scary things with a smile.

Stephanie and me at Seri’s house, December 2012.
Handsome and I have known Stephanie off and on for almost twenty years. 
Reconnecting with her these past few years has been a great joy to us both!
I have all these years looked up to her in a thousand ways 
and without exception always leave her presence feeling better than I did before.

   Steph shared this happy one-year testimonial with friends and family just a couple of weeks ago:

One year ago today I was diagnosed with Viral cardiomyopathy (a virus that attacks your heart) that day my life changed. Living in a storm and not knowing how close to death you are is scaring and reassuring at the same time. I have followed Doctors orders..No alcohol, low sodium diet (it sucks). In June I got a pacemaker/defibrillator luckily I haven’t been shocked!! Then I became a patient at the Integris heart failure clinic..I have had conversation about heart transplants and medical devises that I didn’t know existed. But I’m alive and learning to live my new life…dealing with fatigue, dizzy spells, and panic attaches to name a few issues. I looked forward to years to come. And I’m thankful for all the help from family and friends. Love you all

   So heart health awareness began to hold special meaning for our kaleidoscope little group of women.
 
   Then later in the year, thanks to Erica’s book choice, DCWRP read the memoir by Jenny Lawson, the Bloggess, who also happened to have pioneered a fun little project called the Travelling Red Dress. Have you heard of it? Her message is pretty simple. It’s a very straight forward encouragement for women to embrace whatever makes us feel vibrant and alive, indulged and happy, sexy, or even silly. It can be an excuse to wear that over-the-top red cocktail dress, for example, even if you have no special event to match it. It can be any red dress or any dress or article of clothing at all, so long as it helps you express your inner self and allows you to exude joy. It’s all about heart.

   So that little red seed was planted, quietly and peripherally.

   Then as Stephanie was enduring heart treatments and surgeries and growing in her knowledge of heart health, she started emailing us about her desire to participate in this Red Dress Project. It seemed perfect! She was also secretly plotting big ideas about starting a foundation to help other people in her position. Fresh in the thick of this new personal challenge, and she was already thinking of others. That is Love, folks. And it caught like wildfire.

   So at an autumn DCWRP gathering we all chatted up the possibilities. Then, at the December cookie-decorating-Little Women-discussing party, we planned it. February, designated as the Heart Health Awareness month, would be our time.

   We fished out from the group’s extended family a talented young professional photographer and set a date. Our site? The gorgeous Oklahoma State Capitol. It all felt like a magical intersection of energies and opportunities.

   Which brings us back to present day, this past weekend…

This is the interior view of our Capitol’s dome.
I am a native Oklahoman and love this place so much.
But Saturday morning I felt like a total tourist, gazing up and around 
at every beautiful tile, oil painting, and state symbol.
Oklahoma really is something special, you guys. 
I am so proud to call this place my home.

   Saturday morning, then, we all got dolled up and dressed in our personalized bits of red and met at the Oklahoma State Capitol. The group’s wardrobe choices ranged from shimmery knee-length cocktail numbers to a gorgeous floral kimono, a sharp red blazer, a pin-up style wrap dress, an adorable flouncy mini skirt, and my goofy altered vintage slip. We all took the advice aiming at personal expression and ran with it! I have to admit, I felt nervous at first, showing up in something I thought only I would like, but that nervousness quickly melted and was replaced by lots and lots of fun.

   Be yourself, ladies, always.

   Some of us carried Starbucks, some of us clutched to bulky coats to hide our tentative glamour, and some of us even brought “touch up” prettifying supplies. It felt almost like a pre-Prom gathering. It was quite chilly,  and we were trembling. Although perhaps the trembling was more from high excitement than low temperatures. Everyone had a camera out or a phone or both, and for the next two hours there was not a dull moment.

Amber in her kimono (which I desperately want to steal) 
and Misti, who helped us coordinate the fun event,
waiting in the hallway and also watching a string of rally attendees walk past.
We happened to be at the Capitol the same morning 
a large group was assembled in support of the Second Amendment.

Tracy with Stephanie
Tracy is secretly my twin spirit in many ways.
She has no idea how often her youthfulness, energy and goals inspire me.

   Stephanie arrived in a floor length ball-gown style red skirt sewn by her very talented Mom, who has been by her daughter’s side ever week this past year. We hear of time after time when Steph’s mom is shopping, cooking, or cleaning for her. Truly no greater love on Earth.

   Anyway, Stephanie was promptly stopped by Capitol security and “wanded” suspiciously. She told the gentleman it was her first time, and we all got a big laugh! How could he have known how special she was?

How nice of the security guard to walk back for a posed photo!

   So, truly, the next two hours were packed with activity. We all smiled and posed and cooperated as best as a large group can in an echo-y marble building.

We used a few props, circled around Stephanie in different configurations, and eventually grew bold or relaxed enough to take individual photos.

This is DeLana. She is one of the most elegant women I know.
She shared with me a lovely essay she wrote about age appropriate dressing, 
beauty, and how we view ourselves as women.
I have her permission to share it with you, and that will be happening very soon!
My weirdly altered vintage slip-dress had come all but un-assembled 
after the hand-dying process, leaving me a bit more tattered looking than I had intended.
So while I played on Instagram, Seri was sweet enough to tear off some loose threads. 
She is one of our youngest members but still always finds ways to mother us lovingly.
That pretty young woman in black is Ruthie, our photographer. 
She really could not be any sweeter!
She and her husband Andy are expecting their first child this year.
Congratulations you two, and thank you so much for Saturday!
That large painting in the background is of Seqouyah, 
an Oklahoman Native American from the early 1800’s
whose work to establish a written language for the Cherokee Nation 
led to skyrocketing literacy and played a key role in Oklahoma history.
Our schools have a Seqouyah Book Award program, among many other honors for this man.
How poetic that our book club event was being overlooked by his gaze.
Kinda chokes me up.
I love the oil painting on the far right, of a classic Oklahoma homestead.
DCWRP read Grapes of Wrath last year, set during the Dust Bowl,
and this year our state is on the verge of recovery from another severe drought.
Our wildly inappropriate use of a brass handrail on the balcony overlooking the chamber.
I fell behind the group frequently, 
because despite living here for most of my thirty nine years,
Saturday was my first visit to the Capitol.
It is breathtaking.
Speaking of breathtaking, look how pretty everyone is!
What a vision of femininity you all are.
Will Rogers, famed humorist and beloved son of our Great State.

   These are all my personal, unskilled, candid shots, folks. I admit to all flaws as a photographer. When the the professional images are shared I will share them, in turn, with you.

********************

   So this is some of the love between us in book club. For two years now we have grown big then squeezed closer, expanded and retreated, reading books and learning about each other and this wide, wonderful universe as friends. We have shared secrets and circled around those of us who hurt, as we did with Stephanie this past weekend. We have pushed beyond our comfort zones and found ways to take up mantles, in this case red ones. We have celebrated life and love.

   Love is so powerful. It feeds us and grows us, breaks us and heals us again, and it brings to our lives a depth and a light that cannot be faked.

   I hope you have Love like this near you. I hope you are a conduit for it, and I hope you are learning from it.

   Steph, thank you once more for bringing us all together for this special event. We love you from the bottom of our paper-lined hearts, and we are all so excited to see what you’ll do this year to spread your loving energy!

“If you want to be successful, it is just this simple:
Know what you are doing.
Love what you are doing.
And believe in what you are doing.”
~Will Rogers
xoxoxoxo


 

 

 

The Grapes of Wrath (book review)

   Our famous little book club tackled a modern classic this session, The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck. Have you read it? Being from Oklahoma, the ancestral land of the Joad family, you might think we all had read it before, but not so.

   Of the twelve ladies who participated this month, only four had read it in school and some of those admitted they might have had help from Cliffs Notes. So in essence this was a new read for everyone. My point is to not feel ashamed if you think you “should” have read Grapes by now, and do not feel guilty if you’ve only seen the Henry Fonda movie. You might be surprised by how many people are in the same boat. Just please do find time to read it eventually, especially if you are from either Oklahoma or California, the two states whose recent histories are so intertwined in these pages.

The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck, a luxurious tray of fruit, and perfect coffee.
I am so blessed.

   Okay. I thoroughly enjoyed this book, you guys. For the important social and historical reasons, for the chapter rhythm of action/insight/action/insight, for the author’s descriptive powers, for the characters, and for the deepening of gratitude it caused in my heart, I loved The Grapes of Wrath.

   This is the story of a tenant farming family from Oklahoma who is driven out of their home because of the Dust Bowl of the early twentieth century. They are a varied group, like any clan, and they follow Route 66 out of necessity, seeking a paradise in California.

   Steinbeck writes in such a way that you feel the excruciating detail of daily life during those hot, dry years; He builds characters worth knowing (my favorite was Ma Joad); and with his words he exposes the natural world in ways that prompt large-scale thinking. Case in point: Chapter 3. It’s all about a turtle and its journey across a road. Steinbeck’s telescoping observations are plain and profound all at once. He inspires humanity in strong, simple ways, just by telling the story of what was happening in our country at that time.

   One of the things that was happening, of course, was a westbound migration, an influx of people into California from here and other parts of the then suffering country, and I cannot help but make comparisons to our modern issues of Mexican immigration and border control. If you only have time to dabble, then please find chapter 21 and allow your heart to simmer in Steinbeck’s perspective on this hot button issue. He paints the picture from both sides and does so poetically.

   Another impression this book made on me was a new understanding of society. Heavily on a few pages about halfway in, but really all throughout the book, the reader sees disconnected people form and reform micro societies. They build social orders and maintain traditions and rituals without being told how to do so. They live and love according to some internal directives, revealing their hearts’ desires and their programmed humanity. This stuff was delicious to me. The cycles of need and relief, pain and pleasure, hot and cool, they made every page tangible.

   At our book club dinner-slash-swim party this past weekend, one member Desiree shared with us stories from her grandfather. Like many of our personal ancestors, he was a small child during Oklahoma’s Dust Bowl and Depression, but beyond that he has vivid memories of traveling to California with his parents. He remembers picking fruit for pennies and traveling Route 66 by car. He remembers returning to Oklahoma to live with his brother, around eighth grade. This turned out to be his last year of formal education, but he went on to become a successful businessman and is today a well respected pillar of the community in Seminole, Oklahoma. Isn’t that incredible? This cemented the Joad family story a little more and is another reminder to me of how much real, pulsing history we have in our grandparents. I am so thankful to Desiree for sharing this with us.


   Something else that we all found interesting was that the term Okie used to be terribly derogatory. Did you know that? I was surprised. I have heard and used this term my entire life and never once tasted negativity with it. But apparently, and certainly in Grapes, Okie was at that time an ugly, demeaning word used to refer to the dirty, misunderstood people from this part of the country. Fellow book-clubber Misti told us Saturday night that it was not until the 1995 Murrah Building bombing that Oklahomans adopted the word as a point of home-state pride and affection. Fascinating. Those of you not from here, have you heard this word? Do you use it? Does it mean anything to you? This is super interesting to me and I’d love some feedback.


   In closing, a few nuts and bolts statistics from our group:

  • Twelve fantastically smart, witty, gorgeous, and hilarious women read this book.
  • Only four of us has sort of read it before.
  • Three of the twelve admitted to not quite finishing the book and were honest about why. The turtle chapter was mentioned as perplexing by more than one person. 
  • Four of us would recommend this book to a friend.
  • Another novel is mentioned in the beginning of Grapes and is touted as another important read, probably a strong influence on Steinbeck at the time: The Winning of Barbara Worth  by Harold Bell Wright. Guess what was just added to my encyclopedic Goodreads list?
  • I used an ink pen with abandon while reading this book and estimate about three or four dozen notable quotes and expressions worth exploring further. The Grapes of Wrath is flush with poetry, wisdom, and social commentary. Read it.
   I hope I have encouraged you to spend some time with this novel. If you have already traveled Route 66 with the Joad family, I would love to hear your thoughts! In the mean time, I wish you the safest, surest journey possible. Appreciate whatever ease you have in life. Know that all difficulties have an end.
Proud to be an Okie
xoxoxoxo

 

Trading Wrath for Gratitude

   Today I cracked open our book club’s current selection, which we’ll discuss over dinner in June, The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck. Just in case you don’t know, this is a novel partially set in my beloved home state of Oklahoma, during the brutal Depression and Dust Bowl. It follows the struggle of a native Oklahoma family who suffers from all the ramifications of the agricultural and economic failures of that time. This was a century ago, but how many bells are ringing in your heart right now?

********************

   I sat down to start this papery adventure after a morning of cruising junk and antique shops that were as lovely as they were tiny and unique, spending a few dollars on perfectly frivolous luxuries. I bought a heavy turquoise pendant handing from an old shoelace; a super long chain necklace with a kitschy locked heart charm at the bottom that desperately wants to be gold when it grows up; a medium sized but tarnished silver tray with wooden handles, the kind you use to serve breakfast in bed or maybe decorate a vintage-themed outdoor wedding which is coming up in seven days; three threadbare cotton handkerchiefs; a set of pink seashell-encrusted salt and pepper shakers from Florida; and an opulently  matted and framed oil painting for my dining room. None of these things were expensive (though the oil painting really should have been), but I acknowledge that none of them are really necessary, either. My life is brimming with undeserved luxury, and I know it.

   In addition to the material bounty, it happens that I soaked up the first four chapters of Grapes of Wrath while soft, cool rain fell in steady showers all over this grand land and flowers bloomed in every available container.

   The stark contrast between feast and famine, parched and verdant, would not be lost on any reader.
   This year, today, in this entire lifetime, I am so grateful. For the rain which is nourishing us again and for the milder temperatures we are enjoying at the moment. For the fields that are stacked deep and dotted and dressed with hundreds of beautiful, golden bales of soft hay. For every lake, river, and pond that glimmers past its banks with clean water. For the animals and gardens that feed not just our bellies, but also our souls. For the people who drive and toil toward every paycheck, especially my husband who has my deepest admiration.
   I am so thankful for living, breathing romance and for solid friendships and for children with better memories than I had feared. I am thankful that for every heartache we see hope. That for every frustration we eventually find relief. And that for every drought, somehow, mercifully, we get to see green again. I am really thankful that my bees are happy and that my watermelon vines are blooming, you guys. You cannot even imagine!
“The unthankful heart… discovers no mercies; 
but let the thankful heart sweep through the day and, 
as the magnet finds the iron, so it will find, in every hour, 
some heavenly blessings!”  
~Henry Ward Beecher
   I still believe very much in miracles. The small, nearly imperceptible sort that we sometimes call minutiae and also the most shocking, most unlikely ones, the ones that make headlines. Naturally tragedies continue and not every prayer is answered the way we expect. But unplanned joy and sudden relief are also facts of life. We just have to seek them out and then celebrate them when they appear. 
   Enjoy the lushness while you have it, however it looks for your life, today. Cultivate joy. Give thanks. Wear way too many necklaces that don’t match, it’s probably fine. Keep hope simmering on the back burner. It will nourish you from the inside out and ready you for the next lean year.
By the Way, Someone is Grateful for You, Too.
xoxoxoxo

Launching Our Own Food Miracles

   So, this new book I’m gobbling up has me thinking a lot about the locality, seasonal freshness and nutrition, and carbon footprint of the food we eat here at the Lazy W. 

   Before I go any further, let me state firmly that we Lazies are unlikely to undergo any kind of food revolution or take up any new environmental banner worth flying. I mean, not exactly. All I’m trying to do is raise our global agricultural and economic awareness a few notches and improve the health of our bodies and our soil as we go. Noble enough for this house. Plus, there’s the small matter of pursuing a private edible Eden like this one…

Pinned Image
   This morning I took my notebook into the kitchen and made a quick inventory of everything we had stocked between the freezer, refrigerator, pantry, and fruit bowls. I also tried to write down as many of the things we buy throughout the year that happen to not be around right now. This list was staggering. We are just two people, you guys, and the volume and variety of foods we keep near us seems gluttonous when viewed as a whole. I mean, really. Beyond that, I was more than a little shocked to see how much processed junk still lingers within our walls even after so many attempts to clean up our diet. But the point of this exercise is not chastisement and guilt trips but rather growth and improvement, so onward we go!
   The next step of the exercise inspired by Barbara Kingsolver was to examine which of our food stuffs is or could be produced more or less locally. I skipped the “is” question because deep in the recesses of my cheap skate shopping mind I already knew the answer. Let’s just say that I gravitate toward off brand labels. Lots of bright yellow boxes in my pantry, folks, and I am not really ashamed of that. 
   
   But the “could be produced locally” question was exciting. This was yet another time when being a native Oklahoman filled me with pride and gratitude. My home state is rich with agricultural bounty, so even those items which I myself have not grown or produced, I felt sure I could find them (or most of them) in some way nearby. 
   I sat down with a cup of hot coffee and, trying to ignore the guinea fowl chirping noisily at the window, began marking which of the 115 items* on my list could be moved from the shopping list to the production plan. It was as much fun as circling items in the seed catalog! 
*Note: Many of the 115 items I listed are just categories of things we buy. 
So many product variations exist in our processed food culture 
that I found it counterproductive to list every single thing.
This in itself could serve as a wake up call 
to how much money and energy we waste
in pursuit of flavor or convenience or both.

   Okay. My specific personal lists and plans may be of little interest to you this early in the morning, but I will say that the list of 115 store bought items was easily whittled down to 51. I found 64 edible items that could be produced here at this hobby farm or sourced right here in Oklahoma! Still more that remains on the list of 51 could be eliminated for the sake of efficiency, but that’s a task for another day.
   I definitely encourage you to try this  exercise yourself. It is fascinating to realize how many wonderful edibles can be grown, produced, or culled right from your own back yard! Search out other local producers with whom you might do some old fashioned bartering. Visit your farmers’ markets when they’re in season. Find a local orchard. Examine the meat markets. 
   These are all steps we can take toward healthier diets, more stable growing environments, and economies that are ever so slightly less dependent on fossil fuels. Plus, the pleasure of growing your own food is a known stress reducer, and gardens are proven value boosters for homeowners.
   
   Wow, I have no trouble at all finding a soapbox in the morning! Sheesh.
   In Zone 7 we are fast approaching the first of many planting dates, friends, so these are the scheming weeks. This is when we still have time to decide to fully maximize our dirt patches and become contributors rather than just consumers. This is when we drive to our local horse-chicken-and-buffalo-keepers and relieve them of a bucket or two of manure for our compost. (hint-hint)
  Urbanhomestead.org 
    We have snow on the ground as I write this morning. It is perfectly beautiful, and it is providing some much needed moisture to the pastures. But it also means I won’t be scooping manure or filling raised beds today, which is where my heart kind of sits. Perhaps this will allow some extra time to catch up on other worthy pursuits. All good things are seasonal, after all. 
Have a great day, you guys!
Whatever Your Passion, Dream Big!
xoxoxo

Bedlam Basketball Saturday

   Our good friends Bob and Tina are long time season ticket holders for Oklahoma University women’s basketball, and they are very generous to share their tickets with friends when they have to miss a game. Today Handsome and I were the lucky recipients of their good will. And as luck would have it, although we didn’t realize it until we arrived in Norman, it was the season’s bedlam game!  OU versus OSU, you guys. We are lucky ducks.
   We were bouncing excitedly toward our aisle seats just as the court was flooding with coaches, players, and cheerleaders. The stadium was packed, by the way. Packed to its collegiate gills. And the music was blaring and the lights were flashing, and it all got my heart pounding within seconds of being inside Lloyd Noble Center. I suppose lots of games start that way, but today the adrenaline lasted until the very last moment.

    A line of half a dozen young men carrying OU flags ran full speed around the room, through the crowd, as the band played our state song, Ooooooooklahoma! The wind was sweeping down the plains for sure. I love that dang song. Apparently lots of people do, because I could hear the words being shouted here and there around the big room.

   The crowd, mostly crimson but evenly dotted with orange, was in a perfect frenzy by the time a group of OU students unfurled an American flag the size of the basketball court. I have never seen a flag that expansive except at the top of a flag pole. They stretched it out, and both teams including their coaches and cheerleaders and mascots, referees, Honor Guard, everybody, dozens of people, held it respectfully along all four edges. The lights lowered, and chills washed over me.
   A young woman in military uniform began singing an angelic version of our national anthem, and about halfway through the anthem something really special happened. The crowd joined her. As she gained momentum at the best parts, everyone sang behind her, tentatively, warmly, almost just humming. And it sort of seemed to propel the singer, which frenzied everybody all over again. 
    It was wonderful.
   Between the two emotional songs, the crowd’s tangible love for OU and head coach Sherri Coale, and the unexpected fireworks behind each basket, I was crying big fat tears before tip-off. We cheered hard and soaked up the fun. I mean, really, at a bedlam game in your home state, no matter who usually has your loyalty, it’s hard to be disappointed when either team does well. And that was especially good today, because both teams played very well. It was a drum tight, energetic, nail-biting contest. I don’t think the margin was more than six points until the very last few minutes of the game, when OU finally won with 80 points to Oklahoma State’s 71 points.

   Oh, I almost forgot to tell you that the halftime entertainment was none other than Judson Laipply, the guy who does the Evolution of Dance. You know, the internet sensation who dances for a few seconds each to a long string of popular dance songs, spanning several decades? We were laughing so hard. I may or may not have been worried about wetting my pants. Even the most serious suit-wearing pages and security guards were sporting big, goofy grins. Old people shoulders were bouncing in laughter, too. Little kids were dancing along with him. It was awesome.

   So for two hours we enjoyed the game and entertainment. The college athletes ran, dribbled, fouled, scored, and cheered each other on. During the second half I got to high-five one of the mascots and shake hands (hooves?) with the other. Boomer and Sooner.

   These OU women’s basketball games are always fun, but today was extra special. It was kind of a charmed event, and I am so glad we were there for it all.

Thanks a bunch Bob & Tina!!!
xoxoxoxo