Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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after the full moon

August 10, 2017

Monday delivered another unseasonably cool August daybreak. Walking from the kitchen door across the south lawn, two steaming mugs of perfect coffee in hand, I first noticed the humidity and then alternating pockets of warm and cool air. My eyesight was still blurry and dreamlike, barely awake, so in those stumbly moments, the brackish air around me seemed to manifest blue and pink, puffy handfuls of varying temperatures. It was an illusion, I knew that, but a gorgeous one.

To my left, of course, the sky actually was colorful. Oklahoma sun rises are surpassed in kaleidoscope beauty only by Oklahoma sunsets. Monday was no exception. Blues, pinks, and oranges. Silver and gold.

Later that day, after an easy run and half a day’s work, I walked back through this same space, west this time, downhill toward the shade garden. The sky had lowered and turned a suede gray. Still humid, but the air was stirred up now, all blended into one smooth, mellow flavor. Birds called from every side the way they often do only at dawn. Tree frogs and locusts raised the volume.

Full moon singing.

I spent some time cutting back sunflowers that were damaged from weekend thunderstorms. Thinking the whole time about Jessica turning twenty, I gathered enough for a hefty bouquet, set aside lots of dried seedheads for next year’s garden, and donated the rest to the horses and chickens.

(Besides sunflowers, did you know our horses will also eat arugula? Weirdos.)

Klaus kept me company most of the time, but he was often distracted by Meh splashing in the pond or crickets burrowing in the soft earth. My loyal pup appeared at my side half a dozen times with a muddy snoot and spiky-wet legs, belly, and tail. Little-boy happiness pulsing off of him.

I continued on emptying the raised beds of weeds and bolted leafy greens.

It’s a wonderful full moon task, this garden clean up. Right now is the perfect time for culling dead things, releasing what is damaged, and then letting everything rest. Since Monday I have grabbed an hour or two here and there, cleaning flower beds and working over exhausted vegetable plots, trying to help the farm catch its breath at this special time of the moon phase. Soon we will get another deep drink of rain, and more August heat, so this rest will be put to good use for new growth.

Just like in life, you know?

Wednesday night we drove to nearby Harrah to purchase a few round bales of hay for the bachelors.

Klaus accompanied us and smiled literally the entire time. I swear he puts of a certain kind of heat from his abundant joy. He loves truck rides so much.

When we arrived back at the farm and pulled through the barn to unload, Chanta, Dusty, and Meh thundered uphill and found us pretty quickly. They nibbled at a hay bale that was still wedged in the truck bed while Handsome wrestled, rolled, shoved, and pulleyed the other three behemoths into the barn. (We will eventually invest in a tractor with a hay spike; until then, it’s my husband’s brute strength that keeps things happening around here.)

We later dropped that delicious contraband over near the bonfire pit and deck yard, beneath some oak trees. I walked-rolled the big aluminum hay ring across the farm to encircle the feast.

I love fresh hay. Fragrant, tender, all shades of grassy neutrals and some green threads too. I love massive, dense bales that seem to be concrete blocks wrapped up in a flaky layer of goodness. Being stocked up makes me deeply content.

Early this morning, we took another walk south with perfect coffee in hand. Our Hot Tub Summit ritual continues. The farm was half wet from gentle overnight rain. The clouds were dappled, this daybreak as colorful as Monday’s but much warmer. The horses were standing at the new bale of hay, beneath the oak trees, eating breakfast (which actually appeared to be the end of a midnight snack). Sunlight from the east stabbed right through the steamy darkness and landed on the scene, illuminating all of it. Chanta’s hindquarters especially were glowing. Dusty took a deep breath and folded his legs to lay down. His big head lowered until his chin touched the wet leaves, and he fell asleep. Just as the farm was waking up.

Happiest of Thursdays to you, friends!
XOXOXOXO

 

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Filed Under: 1000gifts, animals, daily life, Farm Life, gardening, gratitude, hay, horses, hot tub summit, lunar cycles

super moon reflections, a month later

October 27, 2015

One Month Ago:

At 5:20 Monday morning, our south lawn was draped in stark moon shadows. Long, dramatic, angular ghosts in black and silver, jutting out to the east of every outbuilding, every oak tree, even the slender zinnias. The sight was truly stunning. I had never seen the farm so zig-zagged by shadow and light. The full moon was still lit fiercely, almost too bright to gaze at directly, and now perched high in the satiny black heavens, no longer eclipsed. I don’t remember even a stitch of a breeze that Monday morning. All the animals were asleep except the barn cats and Klaus. He was bounding around in the moonlight, swirling our ankles and celebrating a new day. A new moon phase, too, though he didn’t know it.

(photo credit to my friend Christina Kamp)
(photo credit to my friend Christina Kamp)

A Few Hours Earlier:

Sunday night before, just as the swollen moon was growing that bloody rust around her edges and the eclipse was beginning, Handsome and I sat with Klaus in the barnyard, the one where we sometimes have outdoor movie nights with friends. We were in plastic Adirondack chairs facing east, toward the Talking Tree. The sky was black and breezy.

That night I had collapsed desperately into moon gazing, feeling more physically and emotionally drained than I had in months. So much of that previous week was spent shredded and crying, angry, deeply examining and weighing everything in my life (big stuff, friends, not what color to paint my kitchen). I watched the sky and measured my internal reactions, actively hoping that the full moon would bring the end of some unwelcome intensity. Breathed deeply.

(photo credit to our friend James Menzies)
(photo credit to our friend James Menzies)

The eclipse was amazing, of course. We sat in that barnyard and watched for a long time, trading cuddles with Klaus and holding hands more cautiously than normal. We saw a shooting star at the same moment and both made wishes. Probably breaking good-luck protocol, Handsome asked me what my wish was. “For everything to return to normal,” I answered honestly. This stung him, he said, because he thought everything was normal. And wonderful. I pulled my frayed orange blanket more tightly around my arms and flinched at a sticker that had found my ankle.

For all its beauty and intensity, that previous lunar cycle was rough. It coincided with my own personal lunar cycle, and the combination was almost too much. As life goes, this cosmic intersection happened alongside some unrelated (or maybe definitely related?) life events, external stressors that became much harder to cope with under these circumstances. My energy was both drained and exploding, which is bizarre, and everything was white hot, sharp, and painfully intense. Just like the full moon in those pre-dawn moments on Monday. The heated edge cast scary shadows on every part of my life.

Today:

That was a month ago. Our Super Moon. The Blood Moon that captured everyone’s attention in so many ways. That Monday morning in September, drained of all its color and gleaming fiercely, the moon got my heart and mind all churned up. And the difficulty continued for a few more weeks.

This morning in October, as we watched the moon rise full and bright again, everything is softer, gentler. The weather is cooler but not yet cold. Our windows are open and so is my heart again, finally. My thoughts and emotions are settled now and I feel stronger with this new perspective. We are enjoying a rebuilding in this house, and it feels pretty wonderful. I got my shooting-star wish that things would return to normal, except that having walked with eyes open through that bizarre month, things are better than normal now. Deliberateness brings lots of added beauty, you know?

Did you experience anything like this leading up to the Super Blood Moon? Did you notice the crystal clear dark-before-dawn that first Monday morning after the eclipse? Had you been through an exceptionally potent week (or month) leading up to it?

Our bodies are comprised of so much water, after all. If the ocean can be pulled by the moon, why would we be exempt? I have tried to rebel against this for a long time, but finally the rhythm makes sense. Finally the purpose seems a little more clear, the swell and retreat of energy, all the variations in between. Now, as long we stay centered in Love and navigate the waters honestly, I feel safe riding the waves and plumbing the depths. Who once said that an unexamined life is not worth living?

And one last note: Other life issues aside, I personally believe the color of your kitchen is kind of a big deal. ; ) Choose wisely.

“Summer ends and autumn comes,
and he who would have it otherwise
would have high tide always and a full moon every night.”
~Hal Borland
XOXOXOXO

 

 

 

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Filed Under: lunar cycles, marriage, moon cycles, thinky stuff

peace returned, power never diminished

June 4, 2015

I woke up in the middle of the night shaken from a series of difficult dreams and instantly aware of some real life problems weighing heavily on my heart and mind. I was almost panting from the sudden onslaught, my eyes torn open, my stomach queasy, and every muscle in my body tense. Rather than lay there wrestling myself back into sleep and trying once more to sort out my thoughts (focusing on my worries lately seems to strengthen them), I stood up. Slipped out of our spacious upstairs bedroom with some comfortable clothes and my rolled up purple yoga mat. Tiptoed downstairs, got dressed and gathered my hair into a loose bun, and began. For half an hour I enjoyed stretching, breathing, twisting, holding, stretching and breathing more, and gradually returning my thoughts and facial expression to a place of peace and calm. My forehead and jaw relaxed. My smile felt easy again. My shoulders could drop back. And one by one, healthier, more life giving thoughts clicked back into position, simply and quietly, just as if they had been misplaced for a moment. An error easily corrected. Recoverable. Forgivable.

Almost four-thirty now. I feel like half of a new person. Hungry to keep this moment alive and this feeling going.

So I clicked on the coffee maker, snuggled Fast Woman and accepted her enthusiastic leg twirls, and took my favorite green notebook outside for a Senses Inventory. While the coffee brewed in the kitchen, I walked around taking stock of the midnight beauty outside in our south lawn. It was dark of course, but the longer I stayed (this time Geoffrey the gray and white barn cat was offering enthusiastic leg twirls), the more I could see. And the more deeply I breathed in the cool, clean air, the better I felt. It was magical.

The moon was particularly stunning. Not huge like it would have been on the horizon at dusk. No longer perfectly full or colored anything noteworthy according to the almanac. It was just so strong and heavy. Metallic. Constant. Suspended there above the south edge of our property, lending glimmering edges to everything around me, the very same moon we all have been watching for eons. And I couldn’t get enough.

I eventually finished my Senses Inventory, sat down, and put my notebook next to me on the iron bench. Geoffrey sprang up into my lap, purring, his fluffy tail swishing against my face. I felt like myself again, strong against the worries and difficult dreams that woke me an hour ago. Resilient against circumstances and people beyond my control. I felt very much at peace with and in control of my own small but expanding universe, which is my heart.

 

from Everyday Tao: Living With Balance and Harmony
from Everyday Tao: Living With Balance and Harmony

They say that these couple of hours between midnight and dawn are sacred. That this quiet time when the earth is asleep and gathering her energy again for the new day, that this is when we can tap into something rare and powerful, a meditative time of day when our hearts and minds are more susceptible to change and inspiration. Renewal. Communication with Love.

I experienced that again early this morning. The longer I sat there in the moon shadows the more firmly rooted I felt in my heart. Buoyant, light, and strong. Freed from anger and bitterness in a way that articulated for me what was wrong in the first place. Answers actually came.

Love always welcomes us back. A return to peace is always possible. For this I am so grateful.

Love is All You Need
XOXOXOXO

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Filed Under: daily life, love, lunar cycles, thinky stuff

marathon monday: a week later

May 4, 2015

Hey friends! Thanks for checking in!

We are one week past the 2015 OKC Memorial Marathon, and all I’ve written about it was The Pretzel Story. My wonderful husband and close friends have already had to listen to so much jabbering about that whole day, but for posterity’s sake and for any readers even considering marathon training, I just want to lay down some thoughts and feelings about this year’s experience. It’s taken a week for my thoughts and feelings to settle and clarify a bit, so thank you for indulging me. xoxo

********************

I was kind of a mess last Sunday after what ended as a really difficult, sloppy, not awesome feeling race, at least compared to the year before. The 2015 race will go down in my personal history as “The Crying Games” or “The One When I l Learned a Lot By Doing Everything Wrong” or maybe “Shark Week 26.2.” Okay.

First, let me say that the beginning of the run was great! With just one exception, I felt strong, fast, and happy for the first 18 miles. The one exception was that I was in the middle Shark Week (sorry, errant male readers, that’s just TMI but crucial to the story) and it was necessary to take several porta potty breaks much earlier than I would have liked. Well, naturally those lines were all very long. So I lost not just time but also momentum. Womp-womp.

But I kept running and running, without music for about 12 miles, just listening to the thunderous footfall around me and eavesdropping on all the silly, energetic conversations between running groups. Admiring the firemen for running in full gear while carrying large American flags. Thinking of the reason we run. Allowing swells of pride for my home state. Everyone seemed to feel good! I played celebrity look-alike in my head, trying to catch up to my pace group after breaks. I craved the hills and took them and it felt like flight! Generally I was smiling and happy. My body felt good. I was loving the sparkling clear, warm morning with cool breezes. Such a pleasant contrast to last year’s weather. With that one uncontrollable physical exception, the early part of the race was charmed. Lovely.

Even Lake Hefner was fun this year! I circled the route there while listening to Miranda Lambert and even called my favorite guy to report how strong I felt at the point where last year I was beginning to wonder. He laughed and cheered me on. Anything felt possible.

mile 17

Unfortunately this magic did not last.

Around mile 18 Handsome made one of his wonderful appearances with a sign that both drenched me with love and triggered so many emotions. ALL the feelings. Good, bad, ugly. You name it: I was feeling it. I started crying and couldn’t stop. And by this point in the run I was so annoyed by those inconvenient porta potty breaks that I was stubbornly refusing to accept regular water or Powerade, which would have necessitated more breaks. So I was sweating, crying, and not replenishing fluids. Really smart!

Miles 18-22 were not terrible, but by now my chosen pace group was no where to be seen, and this, plus the crying, had a deteriorating effect on my attitude. Also an older gentleman in a wheelchair passed me and I just about lost my mind. No offense to him, but I’d been running so much faster lately! At the time it was really hard to wrap my dehydrated mind around that little defeat. I did some math in my head (badly) and estimated my pace was about a quarter mile per hour. I was on the verge of an emotional melt down, friends. Not kidding.

Around mile 22, right at the end of the street of my childhood home, I hugged and kissed my family (I love you guys so much!!), and laughed because my husband showed up there in his Batman costume. Ha! This all should have had a much better influence on my feelings than it did. It’s no one else’s fault that I was in such a bummer state of mind! My fault totally.

batman and the fam

Despite everyone’s loving efforts, I then started feeling really bad. I ran south on Classen to eventually collide with my book club girls. They showed up for the second year and melted my heart! Near the gold dome (locals know this area) I just collapsed in their arms. They were all festive and sweet, in celebratory moods and sipping mimosas, probably expecting me to be happy at that point just like last year, but I was a mess. When she saw me up close, Melissa’s face fell noticeably, Oh my, and they all wrapped their arms around me (Eww super sweaty, gross! Sorry!) and asked Are you okay? and Why are you crying? About all I could say in reply was I’m just so sad!! And then I started sobbing. I wasn’t sad exactly; I was dehydrated and completely empty of glycogen and feeling weak mentally because I felt bloated and slow and loser-ish.

book club race hugs

Okay, I was sad.

From there, in that state, three-point-two more miles seemed perfectly impossible. But I kept running. Sloppily, I’m quite sure. I cried a lot as I ran which is weird because usually I am grinning like an idiot when I run. Even at twenty miles I usually feel amazing. I learned this year that sometimes there is a vast difference between twenty miles and twenty six. One lady stopped to check on me. I waved her on but she kept pep-talking me over her shoulder as she sped off at the thin, toned, sparkling speed of light. I loved her and hated her all at once.

As I meandered painfully through that last big, shady neighborhood with lawn parties and sprinklers and generous encouragements, Handsome texted me the most beautiful love note. I looked at it like five times to keep going and also felt completely guilty for having a hard time running. I felt like a complete waste of a person in those last miles.

About nine years later I saw a wide vinyl banner strung across the street that said “Half Mile Aisle” and there might have been a band playing. I was excited because of this thought: Oh good, a half mile left! Just like 4 minutes to go! (Training pace lately had me pumped up beyond realistic marathon pace expectations) Umm, two appropriate responses to myself here: a) That was not my pace that day. At all.  b) Even if 4 minutes to cover a half mile was possible, at that point I was so crazy spent physically and mentally that four minutes was still a lot to give. No longer easy-breezy. No more running hard to catch up whilst playing celebrity look alike in my head. It was an eternity left to run.

About seven months after the Half Mile Aisle, I finally crossed the finish line at a pathetic jog. Not a strong, glorious, Chariots of Fire burst of energy, not even the giggling elation I felt last year. Just, finished. Quietly. And it was enough for me. I walked immediately and stretched my legs then walked some more. Someone hung a finisher’s medal around my neck and said sweet things that made me cry again. Someone else took my picture which turned out looking like I’d gained about twenty pounds. I found water and Powerade (that I still wouldn’t drink). I went for a half banana and the guy said, Hon you look like you need chocolate. WHAT!!! HOW DID HE KNOW?? I accepted the chocolate-almond protein bar and tore into it like a velociraptor.

finish line

The rest of Sunday was blissful, thanks owed completely to Handsome for all of his love and attention throughout the day and into the evening. We went immediately for steak fajitas and salty tortilla chips, at a place near the farm where my sweaty clothes, pronounced limp, and weird mood would not be noticed. Actually, by this point my mood had lightened considerably. Being with my guy again and just being finished was such a relief.

Big thanks are also owed to my wonderful friends and family for their notes, text messages, and sweet social media comments that I read later that night. (My husband had been posting race updates on Facebook in excruciating detail, complete with photos. LOL) But all over again I felt guilty for receiving so much support for such a poor showing. I felt super lame and embarrassed.

********************

Okay, the detailed account could go on and on. Here are some things I learned this year, which I am determined to carry over into my next marathon training, which maybe be Spring 2016 and may be sooner:

  • Dieting for weight loss is not something you should do right before a big race. It’s silly and possibly dangerous. In those middle training months I had been making so much progress with speed and endurance and also making small improvements with body fat loss that I thought, Well, if I just slash all carbs now I will be so skinny on race day! The opposite happened. I gained a little weight (our bodies are smart and know when we are trying to kill them) and had no energy. Terrible result. One pasta meal in the week leading up to 26.2 is not enough glycogen. Lesson learned.
  • Especially in those final eight miles or so, hydration and energy supplements are crucial. I won’t neglect them ever again. Even if you have to pee later, those little sips are worth it. But chances are, really, you won’t. Your body will probably use every ounce of hydration you offer it. Take the water! Take the electrolytes! Eat the sports beans every ten or fifteen minutes! No matter what you consumed yesterday, after a couple of hours you have spent it and need more.
  • Pacing is not a guessing game. I could have done so much better at this, and this coming season I will. Pinky promise.
  • Also, negative splits are good. Running hard at the beginning and then faltering at the end is positive splits, which is actually a running negative. I finally understand the value of running negative splits (saving energy for the end of the race) and plan to practice this a lot.
  • The wall is a real thing. This year I discovered The Wall, and it was about five miles thick. I’ve felt tired before in long practice runs, and last year’s marathon gave me a challenge here and there, but nothing compares to this year! For the first time I hit the wall really hard and was stunned. It’s as real as a runner’s high, and it hurt my feelings. But I’m actually glad to have experienced it. Now I know how it feels and can train against it, not take those happier runs for granted.
  • The mental game is real, too. So real. The more I concentrated on how poorly I (thought I) was doing*, the worse I did. The more I indulged in sad thoughts about loved ones lost or disconnected, the sadder I felt. It was only in those early miles when I chose to focus on the lightness in my legs or the wonderful purpose of the day that running felt glorious.

So that’s it! My 2015 recap. Stories abound, so if you’re ever bored and want to be even more bored, let me know. I am so glad to have this under my belt, even as rough and ugly as it was. I learned a LOT and that’s valuable life stuff, right? Thanks again for checking in, friends! Have such a beautiful day.

XOXOXOXO
~Marie

*Perception: My sloppy running and sloppy head math made me think I was running about a 17 minute mile.
Cue the emotional break down. I actually averaged out to about a 12 minute pace,
which is much slower than I had been training but also not quite so terrible.
I am really excited to set speed goals this coming year!

 

 

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Filed Under: lunar cycles, memories, Oklahoma City Memorial, runningTagged: Marathon Monday, OKC Memo

Waxing Moon for August 2012: Gardening Plan

August 18, 2012

   What’s up, you guys? How grow your gardens? Is there anything left, or are you all crunchy and crispy and a tad sad, like me? Well, we still have zinnias, cannas, and (miraculously) cherry tomatoes jammin’ out all over the place, but my mare Daphne ate what remained of the heat-loving okra, and pretty much everything else had to be euthanized. What I’m saying is that the Lazy W gardens are bare compared to recently.

Tsk, tsk, Daphne. Tsk, tsk.

   It’s okay, though. A neutral color palette may not be my fave, especially for landscaping, but we are only days away from precious relief. All signs point to deep rains and cooler temps as we transition from this brutal summer to the lushness of autumn. In fact, as I write this with a big glass of sweet, creamy iced coffee at my side, rain is slanting down on the farm, cool and heavy.

   But it’s just not time to put the gardens to bed, you guys! It’s time to give them (and ourselves) a short little tiny break and plan for the next phase, which is right around the corner. Remember that in Oklahoma (and I suspect in most places where my fantastic readers live) you can grow foods and flowers almost all year long, certainly past the start of school. So do NOT surrender to the Halloween decorations at Pottery Barn and believe erroneously that summer is over! It’s not! Just the worst of summer is over, and that is reason for gardeners everywhere to celebrate!

   So, have you been dabbling along with me in gardening by the moon? I thought I would offer some tidbits I have collected from different sources, some basic advice on what garden tasks to complete when during our current moon cycle. Remember these are just guidelines, and your spot in paradise may dictate slightly different dates, so I encourage you to look around for info…

********************

Late August 2012: The New Moon was yesterday, Friday, August 17th. This means we will be waxing full for the next two weeks, culminating in a Full Moon on Friday, August 31st. Remember that this phase of the moon is fertile, meant for growth, germination, above ground crops, life, sex, conception, construction, etc, etc. Get the idea? This is a forward push and upward building time of month, time to focus on progress and visible beauty!

August 20-21 (Monday and Tuesday)  Plant above ground crops, sow grains, and plant flowers. The nurseries will start to offer fresher blooms soon, so keep your green little eyes open. I plan on bringing home maybe extra little herbs or mums and pansies, whatever looks gorgeous when I get there. (But I will not be planting flowering spring bulbs yet; that’s for the waning moon phase.)

August 22-24 (Wednesday through Friday)  Good dates for leafy veggies! I am so excited for an encore collection of spinach, kale, and so many lettuces. Also plant peas, beans, tomatoes, etc. Lots of old fashioned gardeners use this time of the year for a succession crop of such foods. Last year I harvested red tomatoes up until Thanksgiving! If you have a spot of clean earth, it’s worth a shot! And it’s a cheap experiment. Just consider aiming for somewhere you can avoid the winds that might kick up during weather changes.

August 25-26 (Next Saturday and Sunday)  Cut winter wood and do clearing and plowing. Well, I mean, do you have a plow? I don’t. But Handsome and I might just might be cutting wood, we’ll see. This next bit of advice threw me, but I’ll include it just in case you guys have some insight: “No planting.” Huh? I don’t understand a no planting directive halfway through the fertile phase, but it’s all over the stuff I read for these two dates. Do with that what you will. I might just consider it a good weekend to go to the movies and eat out with Handsome instead of goof around outside.

August 27-August 29 (Next Monday through Wednesday)  Plant more above ground crops. Also celebrate your husband’s birthday!!! xoxoxo

August 31st (Last Friday of the month) Full Moon. Barren day, no planting, kill pests if you can, and if we get deep rain and the burn ban has lifted… Light a bonfire! Roast a marshmallow, and tell ghost stories under the glow of moonlight. It’s fairly magical, after all…

********************

   Well, happy late summer friends! I would LOVE to see photos of your gardens if you have time, maybe post them to this blog’s Facebook page or something? I am eternally curious about what other people grow and how they do it…

“There shall be eternal summer in the grateful heart.”
~Celia Thaxter (19th century writer and poet, contemporary and friend to Ralph Waldo Emerson, among many others, and her gardens still stand for public use today, in New England.)
xoxoxoxo 

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Filed Under: gardening, lunar cycles

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Hi! I'm Marie. Welcome to the Lazy W. xoxo

Hi! I’m Marie. This is the Lazy W.

A hobby farming, book reading, coffee drinking, romance having, miles running girl in Oklahoma. Soaking up the particular beauty of every day. Blogging on the side. Welcome to the Lazy W!

I Believe Strongly in the Power of Gratitude & Joy Seeking

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