Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

You are here: Home / Archives for love

life after travel, garden thrills, & loving staycation

Home sweet home. After a week away, we are back at the farm and loving every minute of it, soaking up every detail. In fact, our front-gate landing in the wee hours of Saturday morning segued neatly into a week of stay-cation, a July tradition to celebrate our wedding anniversary. 

Seventeen years!

It’s good and healthy to be away, to break from routine and explore a new part of the world. Last week we had the opportunity to see Virginia for the first time, in large part to join my family for a really special family event. (More on that soon!)

Mom and Dad with our entire family, missing only three of the grand kids. Baby Connor was asleep and my two girls were back in Oklahoma.
group candids are hard

Then it’s so refreshing to get back and return to normalcy. Home comforts. Farm chores. Oklahoma heat and humidity, even. All of it. Mostly home-brewed coffee, you know? I mean I’m grateful for restaurants and coffee shops, but…

Nothing compares to waking up at 5 a.m. to walk around in a tee shirt and day-old makeup with the day’s first perfect cup of coffee. Surveying the gardens at daybreak, with that first hot drink, it’s my favorite. 

The relief of being home rarely has anything to do with being desperate to end the travel we have just enjoyed. In fact, sometimes the more beautiful the trip, the more fervently we dive back into real life. We are recharged, deeply nourished, and ready for more living.

I ought to write more about what specifically we glean from each trip we take. New Orleans, for example, is a vastly different experience form Virginia Beach, and so the bring-home wisdom and inspiration are totally different. I love it all. 

The beauty of travel is that each destination offers something uniquely enriching, something that stays with you long after you return. Hawaii, for instance, offers a refreshing blend of tropical landscapes, rich culture, and adventure that can’t be replicated anywhere else.

When you’re surrounded by such beauty, it’s impossible not to feel deeply nourished and energized. Whether you’re exploring the hidden beaches or learning about the local traditions, the island is an endless source of inspiration. And of course, the mopeds are fun, offering a perfect way to breeze through the charming streets and enjoy the full experience of the island at your own pace.

Every trip, from the peaceful mornings on a Hawaiian beach to the lively nights in Waikiki, teaches us something new. It reminds us to slow down, take in the world around us, and find joy in the simple things.

A key part of truly embracing this way of travel is finding the right means to explore. That’s where this rental service becomes essential, offering an easy and effortless way to glide through the island’s most scenic routes. With a scooter, you’re not just getting from one attraction to another—you’re experiencing Hawaii in a way that immerses you fully in the moment.

There’s an unmatched freedom in pulling over on a whim to watch the sunset from a secluded beach or stumbling upon a hidden roadside café where locals gather. The journey itself becomes as enriching as the destination, turning an ordinary trip into a collection of unforgettable experiences.

The contrast between the serenity of the ocean and the vibrant energy of local markets is something I carry with me long after the trip ends. There’s a special kind of freedom that comes with exploring such a beautiful place, and it’s something I try to remember when life’s daily routines start to take over. 

sunrise on a Virginia beach
“Let’s go hiking. Can we hike? Le’ts go THERE.”
Jamestown settlement! We actually made it!

sunset on the way home

This recent homecoming gifted us with everything we needed. Lots of rest, plenty of Klaus cuddles, some time outside, some time with movies and popcorn. Romance. It is our anniversary, after all. We have enjoyed a few days of slow-paced home-bodiness, having left only for groceries and one dinner out with friends. And I think I have run at nearby paths three times.

Everything has exploded with life and color, texture, fragrance, and pollinators. The growing things are all so big and thick. Lush, although I use that word too often. We walk from the house to any flower or vegetable bed nearby and share the pathway with bees, wasps, butterflies, dragonflies, and bumbles. So far not one sting. Just lots of fly-bys. Yesterday I mixed up some simple syrup with essential oils to offer the bees. Such a thrill to peek inside the hives and see what progress they have made since spring.

One raised bed is filled to the brim with tomato vines. Jungly, unkempt, wild in the best ways. And not a problematic bug in sight. The vines are so thick and fuzzy that a smattering of marigolds and basil plants are barely seeing enough sunshine to grow properly. Ha! But they are trying.

Every morning since we arrived home I collect more green or pink tomatoes, all shapes and sizes, absolutely ugly-beautiful. Some are pale purple, which is cool. Heirlooms. And they ripen more quickly than I expected. The photo below was snapped on Sunday morning, and by Monday afternoon they were all ruby red. 

And delicious, I don’t mind telling you. Raw, just salted, is divine. I can’t wait for pasta night to make my own marinara. Maybe a sun-dried version too, soon? And tomato-watermelon salsa? Yes. A tomato tart!!

Quick tomato tip: This afternoon I accidentally broke off a good, healthy branch from one gigantic plant, but instead of tossing it to the compost I just stripped the lowest suckers and dunked the whole thing into a tall, strong jar of water.  In a few days, it should have sprouted hairy little side roots and be well on its way to a autonomy. Ready for soil. 

bumblebee on a zinnia in the Blue Bike garden xoxo
I’m obsessed with voluptuous hyacinth bean vines, and this one growing up and over the French Quarter trike is my fave. It is kind of a centerpiece for the shade garden, at least to me.

Basil plants elsewhere on the farm, the ones not choked out by tomatoes, are lush. (So sorry, it really is the perfect word.) I have lots of pesto recipes in mind for the rest of the month. Come over for dinner if you groove the spicy green goodness.

Tonight we get to see more friends for a few hours. The husbands are installing a much-anticipated Corvette engine. We plan to get some local Mexican food, which is great because last week I suffered some pretty outstanding food poisoning from a subpar taco salad out east. I cannot wait to have girl time with Kellie, too. She dives deep in conversation, and that’s one of many things I adore that about her.

Life is really beautiful right now, even with the unknowns, the lingering petitions. I am keenly aware of how drenched in blessings I am. So happy about our trip and even happier to be home, exactly where we are. 

More soon, I hope you’ll check in!

And feel free to send me alternates for the word lush so that I might describe my gardens with more variety. 

“Mid pleasures and palaces though we may roam,
be it ever so humble, 
there’s no place like home.”
~John Howard Payne
XOXOXOXO

happy birthday to my bookend baby brother!!

Today is my baby brother’s birthday!!

John Philip Dunaway. Born with a dark brown mohawk stripe of hair straight down his infant head. Piercing black eyes his whole life. Long baby legs that grew him into the tallest of our five siblings.

When Phil was little he loved costumes. I mostly remember Superman and the Power Rangers being a big deal. He loved the Dallas Cowboys (and still does, I believe). Not to mention OU football and basketball. My guess is that of all the kids and grandkids, Phil went to more college games with Grandpa Stubbs than anyone.

He was doted on by all of us. Partly because he was the baby; also because he had a series of health scares and surgeries that made us all so grateful he was okay and still with us. But mostly because he was just fun to love, and he always has been. He still is.

My first sister, Angela, holding newborn Philip. She made herself his second mama. xoxo

Of course, there is that business about Mom and Dad being fantastically more lax with his upbringing, allowing contraband in the house like soda and he was allowed to eat dinner by the television. (gasp) Hahaha

Phil (he is known as John, inexplicably, to his adult friends and work colleagues) is the most level and consistent person I know. He can take a salty joke without being offended but dishes it out equally, be warned. He is as solid and golden as people get to be. He always brings excellent desserts to family potlucks. He joins in the fun unassumingly, always loving and friendly to people of all ages. Including strangers. We can always count on him to socialize with our friends, and he reaches out to the entire extended family too. He makes time for people like it’s the easiest thing in the world. On the rare occasion that he cannot attend a gathering, he is sorely missed.

Philip always hugs immediately and many times when we see each other, which is a big deal to me. I look forward to his hugs.

Noone knows more trivia than he does. And he has a brain for cataloging details. I remember when he was young, early grade school age, he would often observe quietly then announce statistics in the room, for example, how many men and how many women, how many people wearing a certain color or stripes versus solids, who is eating the dessert or watching the movie and who is not, stuff like that, but eventually it got more interesting. And he was so precise about it.

He still notices things and weighs them in ways that most of us do not grasp.

My baby brother is a fantastic uncle to his nieces and nephews. Being the youngest by far, he started his Uncle Phil career young, of course, so he has had lots of practice. He loves Jocelyn, Dante, Jessica, Chloe, Kenzie, Greg, and Connor equally and abundantly, and they all love him right back.

Philip never misses a birthday, and he always sends the best cards, often the very expensive musical kind, always perfectly suited to the recipient and scrawled with his name plus a funny personal message. We have saved a box full of such treasures from him.

with Greg in San Diego, 2013

Our baby brother is a prolific traveler, spending his own time and money to visit our coastal sibs also more often than anyone else does. He has been a dedicated Knight of Columbus with our Dad for many years and volunteers generously. I believe if you have ever met him, you are friends with him. Period.

Something I love about Phil is his penchant for exactness in conversation. He doesn’t let us get away with much error or ambiguity, ha! But I love that. And I love that he is a willing texter, too, easy to keep in contact with.

We are the bookend kids of our Flammy, and I like that very much.

I cannot imagine life without Phil’s sweet, solid, funny, intelligent heart.

I hope you know how much I love you, little brother, and I hope we see you this weekend!

Happiest of Birthdays!!
XOXOXOXO

 

a private moment filled with reminders

At the park where I ran this morning is an open-air, concrete pavilion with several large caged fans mounted at the ceiling, all pointed down to the floor at different angles. I was stopped for a drink of water at a brick building about twenty feet away.

A young dad was standing inside that pavilion, holding his young son up in the air, facing away from him, the dad’s arms wrapped around his little boy’s slender, stiffened legs, chunky sneakers hitting his dad mid-torso. The boy’s arms, also stiff, were glued to his own torso. His blonde head was tilted back, and he was screaming into the fan, at high volume and with lots of gusto:

“III LLLOOOOOVVVEE YYOOOOOOUUUUU DDAAAAADDD!!!”

Over and over again.

Just like we all did to oscillating fans when we were kids. But it was an extra big fan. Extra loud.

So many times.

The dad just held him there, a blonde headed little torch of energy, beaming happiness. The boy screamed I love you dad at least a dozen times while I stood there drinking water and stretching, spying on their private moment in public.

Mom, baby me, and Dad, circa 1974.

This is what I wanted to tell you today:

Go for a run if you can and love your kids steady and hold them up really strong and love your dad, too.

Over and over again.

XOXOXOXO

 

managing your thoughts during a life crisis

As happens to everyone in all circumstances and for a variety of reasons, life has surprised us this week. We had for a nice long while been luxuriating in a sweet little season of ease and contentment, and now out of the clear January blue, Handsome and I find ourselves in the unpleasant thick of external stressors and a handful of hard decisions. 

It’s totally fine. I don’t mean to over dramatize anything; but this bears mentioning. One day this week all of it together gathered like a storm in my heart, and I ached and ached for hours. I went for a long run and cried almost the entire time. Maybe it was the surprise of it all. Maybe it was the sharp contrast of emotion, like the pop-up storms we get here in Oklahoma, when the skies have been so calm and sweet. Violent and shocking. I thought briefly that all of our hard-won peace was lost. (Not just for him and me, by the way, but for our most precious people too.)

Of course it’s not. I know better than that by now. But from time to time peace is ruffled and we have the job of maintaining composure and moving forward in Love. Remembering what is true and how to handle ourselves in crisis is vital. It’s not just about not tail-spinning and making a storm worse; it’s about the difference between surviving and thriving in the midst of it all. 

So that’s what I have to offer today: Some lessons I have learned over the years that this week I had to actively bring to the surface, thinking strategies that can transform a deeply stressful, scary time.

 

managing your thoughts during a life crisis sticker

 

Gratitude is so powerful. Take your pulse and breathe deeply. Carve out some time to look around outside of your pain and take stock of all the good things you see. Good things in the world at large, in your life overall, and in your exact situation. Name them. Focus on the most beautiful, amazing, magical details of whatever you are facing, whatever your circumstances are, both abstract and really precise. Even the ugly seeming parts can have hidden blessings, so give thanks for them too. Gratitude interrupts all kinds of anxiety, for starters, which feels nice, but it also has the power to literally transform the truth of things. You can invite light into a dark space with heartfelt gratitude. It’s a choice you can make even before you think you feel thankful.

Focus on the actionable details of your problem then shed all that anxiety and get moving, get out of your thoughts and trust God. I personally get a little paralyzed when faced with a big problem, but it’s unnecessary. That kind of fear is an illusion. Just look at the thing plainly, knowing it is a temporary crisis, just a problem to be solved. Identify the parts on which you can and should act, asking for divine inspiration and direction if needed , and begin. I find a lot of relief in the knowledge that I am only a part of the solution, that God is sovereign over all of it, even the unseen layers I may never see. Trusting Him with all of that makes seeing my part of the solution and acting less overwhelming. 

Ask largely and expect miracles. I have to occasionally remind myself of how much bigger our answers to prayer have been over the years compared to the problems we have faced. We have been shocked by grief, sure, but we have always been preserved in those times. More often we have been shocked by life-altering miracles, and because of this my underlying fear of “What if…” has eroded to almost nothing. I have learned to reign in my imagination accordingly, wearing blinders to the wildly negative possible outcomes. Instead, I force my thoughts forward and train them on wildly beautiful possibilities and amazing outcomes. Remember all those miracles and happy surprises from your past? Call them up to your mind. Convert your impulses to prayers, asking God for things bigger than you could ever do alone. I know in my bones that He wants to do big things for us and surprise us. 

Recognize that weird internal banter that robs your peace and mute it. Do you ever catch yourself arguing in your own head, either with yourself or an imaginary opponent or even just the situation you’re facing? It’s can be like a dress rehearsal, and I suppose that sometimes it can be useful to help you articulate your thoughts and prepare for a confrontation. But there’s a limit to this banter’s usefulness. I have learned to halt it, to silence the nervous flurry of arguments and deliberately aim my thoughts on something more productive. It makes such a difference in my overall sense of peace and therefore in how I can help my loved ones get through the crisis. Remember all that Worry Door business? It’s still very real. Cracking open that door is dangerous. Silent weird mental arguments counts as worrying. When you hear those demons whispering in your thoughts, mute them. You have power over them.  They have no place in your emotions or your decision-making.

Watch what you glorify. Do you spend a lot of time and energy talking about, or even just thinking about, how big your problem is, or how worried you are? Do you feel that common addiction to complaining about feeling victimized or overworked, etcetera? It’s a trap and a nasty one. Problems are real, but that don’t deserve our worship. Stressed is a real and valid condition, but it should only motivate us, not destroy us. Focusing on a perpetual state of being stressed and sad, weighed down by life, glorifying it instead of using it as fuel, only grows it and weakens us. Choose to glorify the healing forces in your life. Spend time and energy glorifying how excited you are about the brewing solutions and the future. Talk about and rest your imagination on how blessed you are, how capable, how far grown. Actively speak Love over the situation. Every detail of it.

worry prayers graphic

 

Thanks as always for checking in, friends. Handsome and I and all of the Lazy W characters are really great! Just taking our pulse in the midst of some very normal life changes. I hope some of this is useful to you for whatever crisis you are facing now or maybe in the future. Because life is certainly full of such stuff. But more importantly life is brimming with Love and beauty and miracles.

“Peace Be Still.”
XOXOXOXO

love transcends criticism

A small church a few miles from our farm uses their roadside marquee to keep passersby encouraged. They display an unpredictable mix of scripture, wit, political commentary, and undemanding inspirational messages. You know the drill. It’s always sweet and well intentioned, sometimes funny. The messages are never preachy, not really. Sometimes they spell words wrong, but this only starts great conversations.

This week one side of the brick and mortar marquee offers a message that resonates with me as a woman, a mother, a friend, a wife, and just the person living inside my own head and body. 

Love accomplishes what criticism can only wish for.

I believe so firmly that Love is an actual power, that it is much more than an emotion or idea, even more than the actions we manage to take. Love is a sovereign, pulsing, ocean-crossing, universe-binding power that we cannot diminish, no matter what we do or fail to do.

open-road-blue-skies

railroad-track

mural

I don’t have a lot more to say except that this was a message well timed for me. 

Happy end of the weekend, friends! However you spend it I hope it’s exactly what you need. And whatever you are doing to participate in Love, I hope you trust that your efforts and intentions matter. Trust that every little seed we cast in the right direction will find purchase. Love is infinitely more powerful than criticism. It is nourishing and constructive. It is trans-formative.

I’ll take a cue from our neighborhood church and resist the urge to be (any more) preachy. 

Your task is not to seek for love
but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself 
that you have built against it.
~Rumi
XOXO