Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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how not to fight with your loving husband if you are tapering during PMS

Or, this could be titled, “how not to fight with your loving husband if you are experiencing PMS during your taper week.” However you look at it. Is a zebra back with white stripes, or white with black stripes?

Either way, for the second year in a row, I am tapering for the marathon during the exact days my body is, shall we say, waning toward its new moon? Yes, let’s say it like that. I am about to be depleted in every conceivable way (no pun intended) (not that we’re conceiving), and if I’m not careful things could get dicey on the home front. Normally during these few days I’m not a total nightmare, but I do cry easily at Geico commercials, and here is the general sum of my personality: I am highly suspect of all politeness, assuming it must be a fearful if silent comment on what a bad mood I’m in.

Seriously, if Handsome and I ever engage in marital battle, it is almost exclusively during those few days of PMS, and it is almost always because I was so fed up with him being so careful with my feelings.

side-eye-chloe-meme-generator-could-you-freaking-not-be-so-nice-712d5f

LOL. His wife is such a peach.

So, throw some bouncy legs and an anxious mind into the mix, and we have ourselves an interesting situation. Here’s my 5-step plan to keep the peace:

  1. Eat Healthfully. No last minute extreme dieting, but also no emotional binge eating to soothe my nerves. I’m gonna eat right, stay hydrated, and continue taking iron, vitamins, and if necessary, Midol. (“Do you mean the bitchy pills, Ray?”)
  2. Gentle Exercise. Since my running (the obvious stress buster) has to be slashed down to a bare minimum, I’ll spend the next ten days walking plenty, and I’ll do it outdoors for the best mood lifting results. I’ll also spend time with my favorite yoga videos.
  3. So much reading. I am up to my splintless (thank-you-baby-jesus) shins in really good books right now, and with all this spare time on my hands (what with the not running) I plan to zen out with great food for thought. One is Sydney Portier’s spiritual memoir. Another is a new release piece of fiction by Dean Koontz (haven’t read him since probably my twenties, got a sudden craving for his language). And then there’s our book club’s current selection, which is another memoir: this one is by a female photojournalist who spent most of her career in war-torn countries. Hhmm. Okay, so maybe I’ll save that last one for after the race. Book club is exactly one week following, anyway. Plenty of time later.
  4. Reality Check. I will remind myself as often as needed that this whole situation is completely voluntary and that it was me, not him, who volunteered for it. Moreover, that along the way he has been incredibly supportive of me and brags about me constantly for no reason, so I really have no right to make him pay an even higher price for my pent up adrenaline by fighting with him. No matter how many weird little moments of rub we may experience, I am resolved to not over-thinking a single word or facial expression.

    Among other sweet gestures, he makes sure my shoes are the bomb.
    Among other sweet gestures, he makes sure my shoes are the bomb.
  5. Fingers Crossed and Dark Chocolate in the Pantry Just in Case. Because you can’t be too careful.

 

I hope this is useful to at least one other woman out there who has such similar good fortune as me to taper during PMS. It is so awesome and I really hope this happens every time I run a marathon!! Can you hear me gritting my teeth as I say that?

Now share with us your own wisdom. Have you ever tapered at an already difficult time? How did you cope? Are you local and will you come rescue my sweet, wonderful husband?

The struggle.
It’s real.
XOXOXO

friday 5 at the farm: parrot life

Bobby Pacino, our blue and gold macaw, will be ten years old this spring. He was hatched somewhere in the United States and sold to us at a pet store in Oklahoma City when he was just a pup. Err, baby? Kitten? Chick. When he was just a chick. A small, quiet one.

The first few days he was home with us were a lot like having a newborn infant, especially with regard to feeding and bonding. It was actually a very sweet time.

Then the next solid, unrelenting decade was a lot like having a dysfunctional toddler, especially with regard to, well, pretty much everything. A loud, messy, screaming, demanding, attention seeking, affectionate and VERY smart, un-CANNILY smart, but also disruptive and destructive, toddler. It’s been a whirlwind. A loving whirlwind.

Surely I’ve acquainted you with him here and there on this blog, right?  I know I post photos of him to Instagram from time to time. Visitors to the dirt-and-hooves Lazy W cannot miss him. Pacino demands to not only meet but interact with everyone who enters the house or the yard, if it’s pretty weather and he’s outside in his big cage. Lots of our friends have become close with Pacino. Some are afraid of him. Others delight in ruffling his feathers. You know who you are. Pacino is a farm-ily member, and he is here to stay.

Yesterday I was reminded in myriad ways how different daily life can be when you live with a mature parrot. And friends, I use the word mature so loosely here I probably shouldn’t use it at all. But he is more or less of age; his personality is well formed; and he is vibrantly healthy and has full command of all his parrot faculties. He is a full time kinda guy. The thing is, he has spring fever or cabin fever or both, and this week he’s been telling me so.

pac 1

pac 2

pac 3

pac 4

“Hi, Mama. Gimme gimmee Kiiiiissss.”

 

So this installment of Friday 5 at the Farm is a cautionary tale for anyone who sees a parrot and thinks, “Oh how beautiful! He is magnificent! I wish IIIIIIII had a parrot!” Buyer beware, okay?

Five Things You Can’t Do When You Live With a Parrot

1. Talk on the phone. Pacino cannot stand to bear witness to what he perceives as a one-sided conversation. If he hears me talking, he naturally assumes I am talking to him. We are most of the time alone at the house together, after all. And if that phone conversation is filled with laughter, well, all the better. He joins in merrily and competes not quietly. The more I try to assert myself the worse it gets, and it seems I will never learn. So I rarely talk on the phone at all. I’ll chat with my best friend and my sister in law, like maybe once a month. Otherwise it’s just easier to text, seriously. The talking is just not worth the noise and drama on this end.

2. Watch yoga videos. Pacino especially likes female voices, and since most yoga videos are hosted by women I think that’s why he gets so riled up. But I literally have to sneak off to the furthest reaches of this house and close every door between us and play the video at low volume if I want any chance of watching and stretching in peace. Otherwise he screams and cries and attempts to opera sing at max volume the entire time. He wants to know this pretty yogi so much!! Not very Zen, you know? It really messes with my chakras and whatnot.

3. Eat anything all by yourself, especially things wrapped in cellophane. This is completely our fault, of course, because we have conditioned Pacino to accept all sorts of treats from us. But he now fully expects to share in any and all food that comes out of the kitchen, and it’s a problem.

4. Sweep the floor. This is ironic because Pacino’s indoor perch and his seed-scattering habits are the main reason we have to sweep the floor so many times per day. But he hates it. A lot. And he lets us know.

5. Kiss your husband. Birds are among the most territorial creatures I have ever encountered, and that is saying plenty. This glossy little blue Casanova is as jealous and needy as they come, so if Handsome and I feel like smooching, we have to do so at a safe distance or just accept the screaming and violent beak lunging that will inevitably follow.

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There. If you can cope with these five lifestyle changes then you are one half step closer to maybe considering you might possibly be ready for parrot ownership.

And let’s clear that up while we’re at it, too: You don’t own your parrot. Your parrot owns YOU. That’s the way it works, man. No getting out of that. But if you love each other it’s totally worth it.

Happy Friday!! I am signing off to go grab my first 18 mile run of this season. Very excited. See you soon for talk of translating literature and pregnancy metaphors and freezer cooking ideas. Have the best Friday ever, ok?

“Hi! Are ya Happy?”
~Bobby Pacino
xoxoxoxo

5 things times 4 for Mama Kat

This week I am accepting Mama Kat’s fun invitation to write four lists of five things, following her prompts. I like lists. Let’s do this.

5 Things You Don’t Know About Me:

  1. I have broken my two top front teeth a total of at least nine separate times. It all started in about 3rd grade but has happened as recently as two years ago. I should totally tell you those stories sometime. Or not.
  2. I have two beautiful, smart, talented, loving daughters, ages 17 and 19. I write about them pretty scarcely but they are on my mind every minute of every day.
  3. I am the oldest of five kids, and my sweet parents had me when they were barely 16 years old. I have always been proud of their accomplishments, of how they raised a family so early and with such little preparation. As we all three age, I feel closer and closer to them. I have good friends who are nearer to their age than mine, and it helps me see my parents as people, not just parents.
  4. Our house is probably haunted.
  5. I am really, really, really afraid of frogs. It’s embarrassing. And we have a lot of frogs at the Lazy W. It’s awful.
teeny tiny green frog, the stuff of nightmares
teeny tiny green frog, the stuff of nightmares

 5 Things I’m Knowledgeable About:

  1. I can diagram any sentence, any day of the week, without compensation. I actually love doing it. Some people might correct your grammar while you are speaking; I will silently diagram your spoken sentences.
  2. Beethoven and Mozart are not unfamiliar to me on the piano. My favorite is Moonlight Sonata for its mournfulness.
  3. With a little encouragement I can change the oil in both a Camaro and a Jeep.
  4. Photosynthesis makes so much sense to me it’s ridiculous. All the mysteries in a garden are beautiful, meaningful, enticing poetry and I cannot get enough. And I am one week from the end of Master Gardener classes, yay! They have taught us a metric ton of good stuff there.
  5. Parrot behavior. I should probably write a book on it. Since little infant Pacino came to live with us almost 10 years ago (WOW) we have learned a lot through trial and error. The parrotish things we know to be true are close to what other people say, but I honestly think we know a bit extra. His vocabulary is exploding right now, by the way, which is fun. At last count he had mastery of 130+ words and phrases. Look out, world.
This was Pacino earlier tonight while I was just getting started. He helped me a lot b cuddling my arms and eating most of the tortilla chips I had out. Thanks, buddy.
This was Pacino earlier tonight while I was just getting started at the computer. He helped me a lot by cuddling and kissing my arms and then eating most of the tortilla chips I had put out. Thanks, buddy. Thanks for helping me avoid a few empty calories.

5 Things I Know Nothing About:

  1. Calculus. Also, wait… which math discipline comes right before calculus?
  2. Wrestling, both professional and normal wrestling, like at high school. Have no idea about it. Are they both fake, or what? But thanks to the Expendables movie I do know that it can cause something called “cauliflower ear.” I think my little brother really lucked out on that one.
  3. How to pronounce the brand name “Aeropostale.” This word makes me loopy. So when I find myself in that rare but inescapable situation where I need to say it aloud to someone, like maybe at a cool thrift store? I try to say it as fast as possible and under my breath. It never goes undetected, sadly, and that too is embarrassing.
  4. What the heck is the difference between megabyte, SEO, and the Cloud? Where did everyone learn this stuff? It was all just invented, right?
  5. How to make my eyebrows pretty. Just kill me.

 rp_january-plate-collage-with-sticker.jpg

5 Things I Believe:

  1. That your imagination is terrifyingly powerful. The places you allow your mind to wander and rest can (and most likely will) become the scenery of your reality. So be bold, be careful, and be positive with your thoughts.
  2. Names and titles matter. Use them with intention and loyalty.
  3. Running a few miles and drinking good, rich coffee every day truly makes me a friendlier, more energetic, more generous person. It’s just silly to mess with that routine.
  4. Love is more powerful than any emotion. It is more powerful than hate, bitterness, anger, sadness, anything. But Love has to be invited in, welcomed, and nurtured. It is more than a feeling; it is a mode of action and a thought process. A true force of nature. Made full, Love really can conquer all. I believe that in my bones.
  5. The moon has legit influence over us. I have been watching the moon phases for a few years now and believe whole heartedly that people, animals, and the garden and weather are all affected by the waxing and waning of this beautiful heavenly body.

haunted farm lazy w oklahoma ghost story

 

Thanks Mama Kat, that was fun! My list of “Things You Don’t Know About Me” could have been much longer, as could have the list of “Things I Know Nothing About.” But such is life. Thanks for stopping in, everyone! Now please tell me something about yourself using these prompts!

“Know Thyself.”
~Socrates
XOXOXOXO

Kat Bouska
http://www.mamakatslosinit.com/

friday 5 at the farm: random photos

Happy Friday!! We made it to another weekend, friends. The farm has certainly been hoppin’ lately. Our oldest daughter Jocelyn has been spending more time here, warming up the place and pouring her music into every room. We spend some of our time at home, just breathing deeply and moving slowly, and some of it driving all over creation getting stuff done. I love every minute. So thankful.

We’ve got more seasonal autumn spice happening day by day. And the gardens are enjoying a lot less brutality from Mother Nature, although the chickens have tried to pick up the slack where the weather has left off, scratching and pecking lots of gorgeous plants almost to death. Dang chickens. But I do have new gardening gloves, so that’s nice.

Things are overall great! My husband is working too hard at the office, but it’s because he cares so much and has such high standards. And that will never change until I write a book or otherwise hit the jackpot and he can retire.

How about a quick Friday 5 at the Farm, just some random photos and captions? Okay.

 

f5f nieces

Last weekend my parents and little brother Phil and our sister Angela’s three gorgeous kiddos visited the farm for some autumn fun. Our oldest daughter also surprised us with a visit and brought a friend. I didn’t even know she was coming! She just walked in the front door saying “hellloooo!!!” Such a crazy fun surprise when your kids are old enough to do that. I love it. And my nephew’s friend Matthew came, too. We’ve watched those two boys grow up together and love them very much. The place was full of happy people. We ate soup my Mom brought (delicious) and snacked on chocolate-chip pumpkin bread (also yum) and tried pretending like it was autumn weather while really we were sweating under the shade trees. But painting pumpkins and building scarecrows helped a little. It was a wonderful day. I love my family so much.

f5f frogs

Our daughter was able to spend the night after all the family fun, and late in the evening after cleaning and resting and just as we were about to go to bed, I offhandedly mentioned that the tree frogs had recently had babies. She LOVES animals. I mean, LOVES ’em, even more than I do. Especially babies. Especially any difficult to love variety, like frogs. So of course her eyes lit up like diamonds and of course I relented and we took a clean bucket outside and went hunting for frogs. So, that was perfectly terrifying.

f5f calzone

One evening this week we had homemade calzones for dinner, and I promise to post the recipe soon.  All it is, really, is pizza dough with your fave fillings, folded over, brushed with egg wash, and baked. The best part of this story is that after she watched me make one batch of Alfredo sauce Jocelyn asked me to teach her, and with very little guidance she made a second batch perfectly. She’s a natural! In fact she’s been cooking here a lot lately, and it gives me so much peace and happiness knowing she can do this for herself as a young adult. In my opinion, cooking well and regularly is more than a novelty.

f5f seeds

As if the wealth of knowledge I am gaining at master gardener class isn’t enough, nearly every week someone brings live plants to share. And also, we have lately been collecting dried seeds from the campus gardens to bring home and fill our own little Edens. So exciting! Now when I walk past my herb bed or shrubby border, or when I see any garden for that matter, I ask myself What can be saved and propagated? And as for my growing knowledge base, right now I know just enough to be really dangerous.

f5f bat

Thursday midday as my girl and I were walking through downtown Oklahoma City, we happened to see this fuzzy little guy. It’s a bat. I know! A real live bat in the middle of downtown OKC, not Austin TX, and in broad daylight! Warming himself, it seems, on the concrete step. There was much begging and cajoling for me to bring it home to live at the farm (we already have lots of bats here, but this assurance meant nothing to the girl who wanted to “save” this one), and there might have even been a dare for me to touch it. Our crouching, squealing, photo-snapping spectacle drew the attention of a few passersby, and surely by now the Legend of the Downtown OKC Bat is thriving, at least locally. I’d like to add now that late last night I couldn’t sleep and watched a NOVA program about the current Ebola crisis. Apparently, bats are strong and common carriers, so… That is almost as terrifying as tree frogs suddenly having lots and lots of tiny babies.

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How has your week been? Give me a headline or a funny story from your corner of paradise. Or tell me your favorite meal this week. Better yet, assure me that looking closely at and maybe touching only the fur of a bat will not give me Ebola.

Happy Weekend friends!
XOXOXOXO

worm or pasta?

Earlier today I decided to bring all of my houseplants to the kitchen and bathe them in a special homemade concoction. It’s cooled pasta water (leftover from dinner last night) mixed with cooled coffee (leftover from this morning). I happen to believe it’s a magical combination and love to do this for my plants once in a while. Then I rinse them off and comb out the brown leaves and feel fancy.

Today something weird happened as I was putting the nourished, shiny plants back in their decorative urns. And I hate to upset you, but it was disgusting. Ok. Deep breath.

I was just standing there in the kitchen, thinking My god I am genius! Why am I even taking these master gardener classes? I have got this under con-TROL. Then I flashed a gang symbol to my own reflection in the microwave door and did the Dougie.

Then I grabbed another soon-to-be-flourishing house plant and it happened.

I saw a long, thin, limp, not quite brown, shiny something very gross hanging from the delicate branches of a croton. I froze. I had just eaten some raw oatmeal with milk and strawberries, and that was all threatening to make a reappearance.

What. The. Heck.

“What is it???!!!” I shrieked too loudly to the empty house. But I couldn’t look away. My face was lowered to the kitchen counter, staring with disbelief at this organic but probably not living item draped across my plant like the weirdest Christmas tree garland ever. I was afraid to breathe, terrified of vomiting right there on the freshly bleached everything. Then I thought, Oh sweet granola, if it’s alive it could be playing dead and might at any moment spring out at me! This was easily the worst moment of my day.

I took a slow step backwards and raised myself upright, breathing deliberately but not blinking. Not looking away from the unidentified gross adornment.

Was it an earthworm? Had I disturbed a soil bed in one of the plants and tempted an extremely long and extremely thin earthworm out of hiding? If so, that was the most disgusting earthworm I have ever seen. So thin. So long. And no head or seams or anything! Eww.

Wait, maybe that not a worm. Maybe… Could it be spaghetti? I had, after all, used the starchy water from last night’s dinner, so maybe one stray noodle had stowed away. And maybe when I added coffee to the bowl it soaked into the noodle and turned it light brown. Maybe I had unknowingly poured the noodle onto my plant.

So I found a long grilling fork and investigated from a safe distance. (And no, I’m not afraid of worms, but if one is playing dead then it is probably afraid me. Scared creatures are scary.) It never responded to gentle prodding, and I could never see any body parts that guaranteed it’s a worm.

I also never got stronger confirmation that it was a noodle.

This whole situation really upset my day. Then when Handsome got home I showed it to him and he recoiled. “What the heck is it?? That is not a noodle! That’s a butt worm.”

Oh boy.

Our animals are healthy. We are healthy. This was becoming quite a problem.

 

what is it?? please help us
what is it?? please help us

 

What do you think, fair reader? Please vote. We need to know. Keep in mind that I snapped this photo after the unidentified gross adornment had been out of moisture for about two hours. When I first made the discovery, it was ever so slightly… plumper. Paler.

I don’t know what else to say. Stray pasta noodle? Earthworm on the Paleo diet? Or a butt worm? And while I don’t want to influence your vote, I did eat an almost raw bratwurst this weekend. Handsome has already googled the whole situation and cast his disconcerting vote.

Eww.