Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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happy mother’s day

May 10, 2015

Happy Mother’s Day, friends! How are you spending today? Are you sleeping late and enjoying a simple but heartfelt breakfast in bed constructed by toddlers? Are you dressing up for a fancy brunch with adults? Are you attending church service with your family, looking forward to hearing the preacher’s message about motherhood and all a good woman’s virtues?

Or are you removed from some of the cultural fanfare, either missing your mother or missing your children? I think of some close friends who lost their Moms years ago, and how even with the passage of time the pain doesn’t stop. This worries me for my husband who lost his Mom just a year and a half ago. I also think of the women in our life who have lost a child, of how no matter who else is in their life, that loss remains a deep, open wound.

This all can be scary, except that I understand how grief can be such a beautiful expression of affection. Love and loss, so closely intertwined.

rp_instagram-roses-after-rain.jpg

I am so lucky. My own life has been generously blessed by an amazing Mom who at a young, tender age decided to give everything to me, and then to my four siblings, and now to our spouses and her grandchildren. Her life all these forty-plus years has been all about us, good and bad, no matter how much it has hurt her. But really she shows us joy. She makes us believe that she has loved every minute of the roller coaster, and each of the five of us would agree that Mom is our biggest fan, our most ardent cheerleader no matter what we are trying to accomplish. We may not always admit it, but making her proud and making her laugh is truly one of life’s biggest pleasures.

Mom has been an example of humility and strength, selflessness, resourcefulness, and good, plain hard work. She has also shown me how to be a good friend to people and how to be a good caretaker. She totally embodies gratitude. She is a wonderful cook, talented at creating delicious things out of whatever she already has, and she grows the most beautiful gardens. Slowly, naturally, patiently. Every year her gardens are more stunning. This is how I want my entire life to look.

mom me 2015

Time will tell whether I become the woman Mom has shown me to be, but for today I am very grateful. I am grateful for the example she continues to set, for the forgiveness she allows when I hurt her, and also for the freedom she gives me to live my own life, to find my own way.

heart shaped rose petals

However you are spending this day on the calendar, I wish you all the Love your soul craves as well as all the strength and openness you need to share the Love you have already been given. I hope your life has been graced by all the best qualities of motherhood so that when someone near you needs it, you can shed that grace all over again. Keep it moving, just like new life. Breath it in and breathe it out.

“Making the decision to have a child- it is momentous.
It is to decide forever to have your heart go
walking around outside your body.”
~Elizabeth Stone
XOXOXOXO

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Filed Under: family, loss, love, mothers, thinky stuff

happy veterans’ day to my brother

November 12, 2014

Hello, friends! Thanks for stopping in. I’m taking a minute to wish someone very special a happy Veterans’ Day. He is by coincidence visiting his California home for a few days right now, in the middle of a long deployment. I hope he can feel this little written hug across the miles.

 

My first little brother is Joey. Joseph, really, to the known adult world. I was about six when he was born and for much of our lives people have mistaken us for twins. He has always been a wonderful little brother. I love him so much.

That's me holding Joey and our sweet sister Angela. Before we ever knew there would be a Genny or a Phil. xoxo
That’s me holding Joey and our sweet sister Angela holding his hand. This was before we ever knew there would be a Genny or a Phil. xoxo Three cheers for calico!

 

Joey grew up smart and strong and married the most amazing woman, Halee. I happened to be hanging out with him the day after their first date, and I will never forget how he could not stop talking about her.They fell madly in love and she fit right into the family, effortlessly. In the years since Halee has become much more than a sister-in-law to me; she is one of my closest friends. She and I have had countless conversations about being married to strong, career-minded men. It’s a gift for which I am grateful, and I know her husband appreciates her support. I think the two of them are a great portrait of teamwork in marriage. They display the beauty of complementing strengths and of having a united front, skills they have needed through one deployment or job change or relocation after another.

This photo was taken in 2009 at a Navy ball. I love seeing Joey in uniform and Halee in formals! Such a gorgeous, loving couple.
This photo was taken in 2009 at a Navy ball. I love seeing Joey in uniform and Halee in formals! Such a gorgeous, loving couple.

Together they gave us all an amazing little nephew to love. Greg is a cutie who as a toddler ate his first bite of watermelon here at the farm. Then a couple of years later we were walking in the back field and he suddenly jumped into our pond, with zero warning! No problem, it was like three inches deep there. He was fine and we all laughed and laughed.

Oh, Greg. I am crazy about anyone who takes their watermelon this seriously.
Oh, Greg. I am crazy about anyone who takes their watermelon this seriously. And, friends, look at his face and try to not see his daddy. I know!

 

Since college Joey and Halee have been building an incredible life together, mostly revolving around the United States Navy. They have made one difficult decision after another, weighing options and opportunities, trying to see into the future and know ahead of time what is best for each other and their little family. For all of us, really, because no matter the distance, whether stationed in Japan or Africa or Florida or San Diego, no matter the weight of responsibility, they have always stayed closely knitted to family here in Oklahoma. They have been determined to not only meet their obligations but exceed them. And now Joe (that is really hard for me to do, not call him Joey) is now an accomplished Navy officer. A Lieutenant Commander to be exact, working as an engineer and a Diving Officer, currently stationed in Japan.

hoey bw dive

I won’t pretend to know everything this life path has cost you, Joey, but I hope it has brought you at least as much reward.  And I hope you feel loved and appreciated for everything you do, day to day, year after year. You are pretty quiet and humble about your military career, as it should be I suppose. But do you still know how proud we all are of you? How thankful we are for the example you are setting for the next generation, and for the work you do for this one? When you and I do get the chance to sit and talk, I treasure every minute. I see you as the blonde headed little boy in grade school, constantly playing Legos, and I see my infant brother who once stayed overnight in the hospital with an IV in his scalp. I see the teenaged boy amazed to see his tiny niece for the first time and the college student who still found time to come home for birthday and Halloween parties.

Happy Veterans’ Day to you, Joe, to your colleagues, and to Halee and Greg who are the closest members of your team. You are loved. You are admired. You are appreciated for your sacrifice and devotion. Stay safe and happy!

With so much love,
Your fake twin sister
xoxoxoxo

 

Thanks again for stopping in and reading, friends! If you or someone you love is a military vet, consider yourselves hugged and thanked by the Lazy W. xoxo

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Filed Under: family, memories, thinky stuffTagged: Veterans' Day

nineteen wishes

September 8, 2014

For my daughter, my first baby full of love and strength and light, on your nineteenth birthday, I wish you so much happiness. I wish you happiness in every form it can possibly take, from the physical to the spiritual, both fleeting and eternal. Here are nineteen wishes for you from your momma.

 

picking wildflowers joc 2007

 

I wish you health and vitality, physical stamina and comfort
that carry you through any activity you choose.
(Thank you so much for inspiring me to run.)

I wish you a strong, healthy back and relief from allergies.

I wish you the confidence that comes from sensing your own magnetic beauty
without needing to diminish another’s. (You are so beautiful in every way.)

I wish you success in a million endeavors.
That you can earn all the money you want,
pursue any goal that crosses your fertile imagination,
and enjoy that strong, buoyant feeling of independence.

I wish healing for your Dad and with him.

I wish you peace in every direction you look.
That no bridges are ever burned unless it’s for your own protection,
that you see Love mending things on your behalf.

That your boundaries in this world are ever widening and stimulate your potential.

I wish you a lifetime of horses and all kinds of animal relationships.
Maybe even a career in this field if it’s your desire.

joc on willow haven

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I wish you a never ending supply of drawing paper and pencils and paints.
And soft paintbrushes.

joc art

I wish you music that soothes you, music that motivates you,
and music that lifts your spirits.

I wish you miracles when you need to see them most,
so that you always remember God is near you and loves you.
And that His power is very real and far beyond what any of us can do for you.

june orange lilies

I wish you healthy friendships of every variety, for every occasion in this wonderful life.
Lifelong friends, purely fun friends, supportive friends,
even friends who challenge you and help you polish off your rough edges.

Mostly I wish you a deep and abiding friendship with your sister.

rp_girls-on-donkeys-2006.jpg

rp_train-museum-2006.JPG

I hope you travel. I hope you find ways to see the world while you are young,
explore places that move you, and find that place that clicks with your soul.

I hope you learn to cook extravagantly and can always feed yourself well,
infusing this necessary daily ritual with your artistic nature.

And I hope you always read good books. Let them transport you.

I wish for you deep and galvanized family bonds with all of your family.
I hope you never feel alone, always feel like you belong and are loved unconditionally.

joc gorilla kids

joc haven eggs

I wish for you an incredible romantic adventure. True love.
Comfort, safety, and thrills that can only come with that rare and lasting relationship.

And I hope that even when I slip and say something that reveals
how you will always be my tiny little doe-eyed baby, you still understand
I see what a beautiful young woman you have become.
That I see you now as both a baby and a woman
and I will always love you, no matter what.

joc baby

These are more than birthday wishes; these are my prayers for you as you step into an exciting new life chapter. Never forget how loved you are.

XOXOXO
momma

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Filed Under: 1000gifts, birthdays, family, memories, thinky stuff

The Secret Life of bees (a very long & personal book review)

July 30, 2014

I finally read The Secret Life of Bees.

The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd
The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd

Maribeth loaned it to me a few years ago, around the time I first tried beekeeping in fact, but one of my friends in book club said it was about a motherless young girl, overall a bit sad, and yes my friend cried when she read it. At that time in life I was not ready for such material. My youngest had just left home under really painful circumstances, and I was about as lost as I had ever been. The flip side to motherless daughters, what people don’t talk about, is daughterless mothers. But that’s for another time. I wonder if this quote Maribeth often shared with me was layered with meaning? Did she know?

She liked to tell everybody that women made the best beekeepers ’cause they have a special ability built into them to love creatures that sting. It comes from years of loving children and husbands.

So I slipped this pretty little paperback on my shelf for a while, tucked among beekeeping manuals and eventually my Papa Joe’s apiary journal. Every so often I picked it up and tried nibbling at it, but a gentle warning light would pulse in my head and that still, small voice would whisper, Not yet. You’re not ready yet. So I reshelved it over and over.

july 16 2014 heavy bees frames

Something has settled in my heart now, and it is good and strong. Not only am I ready for this material; I am primed for it. Emotionally, spiritually, and poetically, I am set to receive every syllable of a book just exactly like this. Don’t you love it when that happens? It’s thrilling. The synchronicity of reader and writer, across years and miles, sharing a wide ribbon of words.

Author Sue Monk Kidd uses all the lilting, mysterious beauty of an apiary to convey her ideas and messages. And I am thirsty for this right now. I am also knee deep in bee yard activities of my own, so it’s fun to read about them in between doing them.

She reminded me that the world was really one big bee yard, and the same rules worked fine in both places: Don’t be afraid, as no life-loving bee wants to sting you. Still, don’t be an idiot; wear long sleeves and long pants. Don’t swat. Don’t even think about swatting. If you feel angry, whistle. Anger agitates, while whistling melts a bee’s temper. Act like you know what you’re doing, even if you don’t. Above all, send the bees love. Every little thing wants to be loved.

Okay, enough about me. Let’s talk about this gorgeous novel. Another debut novel, but the way. How fun! I am always curious to read the first book a writer publishes. And when it is this extraordinary, I am floored.

bees on frame corner

 

The Secret Life of Bees reads like a smooth old cotton tablecloth, the kind printed with simple aqua and salmon flowers and spread on your great-grandmother’s kitchen table. It is set in the 1960’s, another wonderful if bittersweet ground-level view of the civil rights movement in the southern United States. I had assumed it was written closer to that decade, too, it is so unpretentious and calming. So removed from the present day. I was surprised to see that The Secret Life of Bees was actually published in 2002. So if it is not a vintage tablecloth, then it is a modern one from somewhere like Anthropologie, destined to become an heirloom for us all.

Kidd has crafted believable, touchable, lovely characters who braid themselves together and become something far more than the sum of their parts. They experience loss and cope with it both individually and as a family. They fall into roles and nurture each other. They explore unique, highly personalized spirituality and are keenly attentive to social bonds and struggles. But they don’t spend their days in turmoil; they seem to have learned how to dam the river, so to speak, and protect their hard won peace. They navigate Love in common, every day ways that broke my heart to read, like painting their house pink.

You know, some things don’t matter that much, Lily. Like the color of a house. How big is that in the overall scheme of life? But lifting another person’s heart- now, that matters.

Not all the characters are so lovely, of course, but Kidd writes those just as well. She boils the pain up in your belly when you read the unsavory parts, and with very few sentences she twists your heart and rattles your thoughts. You can scarcely appreciate the light without some dark, after all. And Lily, the main character, has quite an ocean of darkness against which to kick.

As I read this slim little treasure (302 smoothly written pages) I kept thinking of people in my heart who should read it. I thought of my husband’s sister, who is so immersed in grief over the loss of their mother last autumn and all the precipitating loss our family has experienced since then. Queenlessness is what we’re enduring, really:

The queen, for her part, is the unifying force of the community; if she is removed from the hive, the workers very quickly sense her absence. After a few hours, or even less, they show unmistakable signs of queenlessness.

The inner dialogue we enjoy with Lily is so truthful and recognizable, I think anyone drowning in grief or just coming of age with some difficulty would at least take comfort in hearing it expressed in another person’s life. More importantly, though, the reader is taken on a simple, sensual journey that has very real healing powers. Kidd writes us into the moment, allowing us to feel the sweat of hard work, the pleasure of a meal prepared by someone who loves us, the relief of sleep and quiet. Since we’re in the south in the 1960’s there are no electronics to numb us. There is little driving around away from home to keep us from enjoying nature. There is the mostly the pink house, the honey house, the lawn, the forest, the river, the people, and the bees. Heaven.

The family's pink house kept reminding me of my beloved folk art by Handsome, especially this adorable pink raccoon. And for the record I feel like we live in heaven too. These nine acres have grown into quite a peaceful retreat. xoxo
The family’s pink house kept reminding me of my beloved folk art by Handsome, especially this adorable pink raccoon. And for the record I feel like we live in heaven too. These nine acres have grown into quite a peaceful retreat. xoxo

Oh, the wall. Something else has captivated me and you’ll probably hear more from me about it soon. One of the characters has a special coping mechanism for her difficult emotions. She has built a crude rock wall and visits it at times of overwhelming pain. She writes her pains (prayers) on little slips of paper and inserts them into the crevices of the wall. I just love this. It touches on what I know to be true about journaling, and it is so simple. Several people close to my heart are in crippling pain right now, and I thought of them over and over, imagining them writing their pain into a rock wall and feeling better.

Unbelievably, the book also touches on lunar cycles, a topic near and dear to me. I will be expounding on this soon, too!

As long as people have been on this earth, the moon has been a mystery to us. Think about it. She is strong enough to pull the oceans, and when she dies away, she always come back again. My mama used to tell me Our Lady lived on the moon and that I should dance when her face was bright and hibernate when it was dark.

Isn’t that beautiful? And consistent with what we know about energy flow and the moon?

Well friends, I could basically retell the entire book to you. There’s so much more to it, and obviously it’s made a deep impression on me, and I want you to read it, so long as that still small voice in your own heart is not warning you away at the moment. When you are primed for some life instruction, a smooth serving of poetry, and a powerful boost in your belief in Love and all the miracles it can perform, read The Secret Life of Bees. Then consider diving into the world of beekeeping yourself. I dare you to not be tempted after reading Kidd’s seductive descriptions of the art.

This little beauty is about to turn 17. Will you please help me send her Love every chance you get?
This little beauty is about to turn 17. Will you please help me send her Love every chance you get?

When a bee flies, a soul will rise.
~Sue Monk Kidd
XOXOXOXO

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Filed Under: beekeeping, bees, book reviews, faith, family, Farm Life, memories, thinky stuff

baker’s dozen

July 14, 2014

Today Handsome and I celebrate thirteen years of marriage.

July 14, 2001 xoxo
July 14, 2001 xoxo

Thirteen sets of holidays, hundreds of church services, so many birthday parties, vacations, job changes, celebrations, animal adoptions and losses, fun bonfires, one scary house fire… And too many hospital stays and funerals.

In years past we have celebrated with trips, fancy dinners, and several days away from home. Away from it all, as they say. We’ve had hard times before, but mid-July was always a bright spot for us, a milestone and a reason to celebrate. We’ve been very blessed overall, despite some life challenges most couples face.

This year, life is challenging more than ever. Our foundations are strong but rumbling, and the parts of our heart that we thought might have healed by now certainly have not. Getting away from it all is not possible because location cannot erase some pains. And so home is exactly where we need to be. We’ve carved out a pretty good oasis here at the farm, and retreating behind the locked gate is sometimes the best idea.

We still have so many reasons to celebrate life, though, especially in our marriage. We have weathered storm after storm, growing stronger as individuals and as a couple month after month. What a gift to discover that you love and admire your spouse more deeply the more you see him navigate life. I know that not everyone experiences this, and I am so grateful.

sand initials

 

 

So here’s wishing my Handsome guy the happiest possible thirteenth anniversary. Thank you for your unending love, patience, and protection. Thank you for infusing my days with romance and for encouraging me to pursue my dreams. Thank you for never giving up, for helping me keep that quiet, private flame of hope alive and safe, for facing the world with me one curveball after another. Thank you for being a man who makes me proud in every possible way.

I love you always, now, & forever.
XOXOXO

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Filed Under: family, love, Uncategorized

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Hi! I'm Marie. Welcome to the Lazy W. xoxo

Hi! I’m Marie. This is the Lazy W.

A hobby farming, book reading, coffee drinking, romance having, miles running girl in Oklahoma. Soaking up the particular beauty of every day. Blogging on the side. Welcome to the Lazy W!

I Believe Strongly in the Power of Gratitude & Joy Seeking

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"Edit your life freely and ruthlessly. It's your masterpiece after all." ~Nathan W. Morris

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