Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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A New Book & a Stronger Hold on a Locked Worry Door

June 7, 2013

   This month our famous little Oklahoma book club, Dinner Club With a Reading Problem, is trying something a little different. We are reading Marianne Williamson’s A Return to Love, which I have just started and am already, well loving. Thank you sweet Stephanie for the assignment!

   For a while we all had been hearing nibblets of wisdom associated with this woman (perhaps so have you) and I had mistakenly thought she was the author of A Course in Miracles. Not so, She studied Course in her youth and became quite an accomplished student of its philosophies and teachings. She started giving lectures, which turned into speaking events, which grew into her book and subsequent wild popularity. I urge you to join us in reading the book if you have a little time.

   Okay.

   Since I’ve only just begin to tread A Return to Love and certainly have not yet read the Course, tonight I only have a little nibble for you. But it’s a doozie.

   You know how for months I have been prattling on and on about positive thinking? Perhaps you have heard mention of the Secret from time to time, or at least you tune into the notion that counting our blessings is the way to go? Right. Also, the Worry Door. Were you a regular guest of this digital Lazy W when I wrote about that?

   If you have a couple of minutes, I would love for you to read what happened almost a year ago: I had a bonafide vision that has since guided me away from a worried lifestyle. It has been revolutionary for me, and slowly I am seeing actual, tangible results in my life, in my relationships, in my earthly circumstances.

   You guys. The repeated wisdom here is too intense to brush off as coincidence.

   This Return to Love is echoing all the best things to my heart, in just the first few chapters.

   It is either going to be one of those books I read in a single day or one of those books that takes me a month because every page, no, every paragraph, warrants note taking and essay writing.

   I know you have many good things to do, but please let me share something small with you. These are Marianne Williamson’s words:

“I realized, many years ago, that I must be very powerful if I could mess up everything I touched, everywhere I went, with such amazing consistency. I figured there must be a way to apply the same mental power, then embedded in neurosis, in a more positive way. A lot of today’s most common psychological orientation is to analyze the darkness in order to reach the light, thinking that if we focus on our neuroses- their origins and dynamics- then we will move beyond them. Eastern religions tell us that is we go for God, all that is not authentically ourselves will drop. Go for the light and darkness will disappear. Focus on Christ means focus on the goodness and power that lie latent within us, in order to invoke them into realization and expression. We get in life that which we focus on. Continual focus on darkness leads us, as individuals and as a society, further into darkness. Focus on the light brings us into the light.”

   What do you think? Yes, a sentence up there smacks of humanism, but I am not suggesting a debate. Just an effort to see how much we all have in common. It’s really both refreshing and terrifying to see the pillars of Christian faith expressed in such light-filled, inclusive language.

   Have you read The Secret? Or the Bonhoeffer biography yet? Or C.S. Lewis’ Abolition of Man? Speaking only for my own spiritual journey, I know these books have found their way to me for a reason, a complicated and wonderful weave of ideas and expressions. Now Return to Love. Wow.

   Positive thinking is powerful. Negative thinking is powerful. Our thoughts manifest. We all are members of the church, the body of Christ, regardless of man-made denomination. Love is the bottom line.

   I am listening, Universe.

“Worry is a Misuse of the Imagination.”
~Dan Zadra
xoxoxoxo

1 Comment
Filed Under: faith, marianne williamson, return to love, thinky stuff, worry door

Book Review: Bonhoeffer by Eric Metaxas

February 19, 2013

   I have recently devoured the most fascinating book, you guys. It is the most soul nourishing, intellectually stimulating, and flat out humbling life story that I have ever read, and now I have an aching physical need to discuss it as soon and as thoroughly as possible. Won’t you please join me??

 Eric Metaxas has written the ambitious and truly illuminating Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy. 

   The very real trouble, though, is that for a couple of weeks now I’ve been trying to pin down my thoughts on this eye-opening piece of biographical art, but with limited success. It’s honestly been like trying to nail jello to a wall, my own amateurish thoughts are so scattered and varied. I’ll try to dive in and and offer you something here, but please just read this book for yourself. It’s so good, for so many reasons.

   Okay, here we go. Everybody take a deep breath.

   You are surely familiar with early twentieth century greats like Albert Einstein, C.S. Lewis, Franklin Roosevelt, Winston Churchill, Mahatma Gandhi, and Pablo Picasso. Each in his own way, these brilliant minds were busy nourishing and challenging the world during one of its darkest chapters. But what do you know about Dietrich Bonhoeffer? He was a contemporary of those men, too, and a peer in many ways, a German citizen whose contributions to history during these incredible decades have gone largely unnoticed.

   Until now.

   Dietrich Bonhoeffer was everything the book title promises… a brilliant and devoted pastor and a cultural prophet, a spy against his own government, and ultimately a martyr for his cause.

“As the couple took in the hard news that the good man who was their son was now dead, so too, many English took in the hard news that the dead man who was a German was good. Thus did the world again begin to reconcile itself to itself.”

   This month, thanks to a bold reading assignment by the lovely Ms. Misti C., our famous little Oklahoma book club is on the verge of discussing this thick, hefty biography. I am so excited. This book produced so much sparkling thought and has generated so much worthwhile conversation here at the farm, that I actually believe it could be used as a solid textbook for either a history class or a theology class or both. At least, I’d very much like to see my daughters and nieces and nephews all read this. That’s how much historical perspective and spiritual grit is offered in these 542 pages.

   The blockish paperback copy I purchased covers German and world history, religion, philosophy, culture, family dynamics, romance, politics, and more. It also has at the very back several pages of discussion points and questions for further study. Handsome and I have already spent many hours exchanging ideas on the questions raised, and I can imagine that the book club dinner at the end of this week will be one for the record books!

   Misti suggested posting multiple times on the book, and I just might use the discussion questions to do that.

********************

   This book has really affected me. I have to say that not only is Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s life story itself fascinating and motivating… moving me to deepen my religious questioning and purify my relationship with God… but the prose is just wonderful. It makes me want to be a better writer. Metaxas manages to inform the reader with thousands of historical facts and foreign names while constantly building heavy drama and spinning the intricate secret tales of World War II. It is a cleanly told story, not over-romanticized in my opinion, but still reverent and humane. The best possible way a story like this can be told.

   Metaxas starts with Bonhoeffer’s childhood, providing context of his upbringing and his value system. By learning about his parents’ contrasting but complementing personalities and views on the world, the reader can easily follow through this man’s personal evolution. It all makes so much sense when you see his adult life as the culmination of his childhood.

   And by learning more about what life and politics were like in defeated Germany at the end of the first World War, the reader gains a fresh perspective on how an evil man like Adolf Hitler was able to rise to such staggering power. Seeing that timeline from an inside, ground-level view puts everything in a different light. The complexities of being German but not Nazi, or of being patriotic but not socialist, all of it is wildly eye opening. Then add the dimension of fundamental changes in the German church during those years, and the stage is set for revolution and revival. Thrilling stuff, you guys. But it all happens with organically valuable, careful methods.

********************

   To me one of the most mesmerizing things about this life story is how Bonhoeffer’s strong personal views emerged slowly but vividly over time. How his relationship with God grew against all odds. Employing music, meditation on the scriptures, prayer, and exhaustive reading and writing, he built structure and ritual into his private spiritual walk and saw these efforts flower and fruit into all kinds of beautiful things. He evangelized with his passion as well as his intelligence.

“A truly evangelical sermon must be like offering a child a fine red apple
or offering a thirsty man a cool glass of water then saying ‘Do you want it?'”
~Dietrich Bonhoeffer

   The human subject of this biography was himself an accomplished author, penning such modern theological classics as The Cost of Discipleship and Ethics. I’d heard of them but never seriously considered reading them. It now occurs to me that by reading Bonhoeffer’s biography before reading his published sermons and books, we can gain plenty. We benefit from watching the student evolve into the teacher through earnest seeking and studying, through personal trials of faith and lots of rich life experiences. In short, reading Bonhoeffer’s methods of reasoning and his personal journey make me want to read his conclusions.

   Bonhoeffer asked hard questions of himself and the religious community a large:

  • What is the church? 
  • What are the differences between religion and spirituality? 
  • What is the church’s role in the war, and in politics, and in ministry to the oppressed? 
  • Is it possible to “sin” while in strict obedience to God? 
  • How does morality intersect with legality, and what is grace?
  • Is just not doing wrong enough, or aren’t we called to go out and do good?
  • What is the proper relationship between church and state? 

   These are themes that have been bothering me for a while, since leaving the Catholic church almost twenty years ago and recently having serious troubles with the Protestant church I’ve been calling home. My book club friend Misti cannot know how incredibly well timed her assignment was.

   Now I am fueled to take responsibility for my own journey of faith and stop blaming the “church,” whatever I thought that was. I am excited to see how much can be accomplished in a short length of years, seeing that Bonhoeffer was killed at 39, the age I will reach in a few weeks. I am amazed but not surprised by how much joy can be had in the midst of grief. This happens in my life almost constantly, but I love to see it happen to other people.

********************

   I suppose the religious angles of this book struck me most deeply, but that’s just the state of my own being right now. This book offers the reader just as much in every other sphere that it covers, so if you are a World War II history buff or a native German or perhaps a student of sociology or politics, you’ll find plenty to keep you interested. And I guarantee you will walk away better informed than you were before, probably with a deeper appreciation for what the German people endured during Hitler’s Nazi reign.

   You will learn about the unseen and complicated, gradient resistance against Hitler. You will glimpse the suffering of the many groups he brutalized. You will sense the physical and cultural beauty of that part of the globe then feel the change in its emotional climate as the second World War heats up.

   Metaxas serves so much in this book I have trouble simply telling you about it. It’s the story of an exceptional man living in an incredible time, and it is told with great poetry.

********************

   I could talk and talk and talk and write and write and write about this book for hours, but I have many things to do and I know you do as well. Maybe we’ll revisit this material again, and I hope you find time to read this book if you haven’t already. Before closing please let me share a parting thought… One of Bonhoeffer’s friends and colleagues, Martin Niemoller, is credited with writing this poem while imprisoned by Hitler. I think it’s telling in so many ways:

First they came for the Socialists,
   and I did not speak out- because I was not a Socialist.
Then they came for the Trade Unionists,
   and I did not speak out- because I was not a Trade Unionist.
Then they came for the Jews,
   and I did not speak out- because I was not a Jew.
And then they came for me-
   and there was no one left to speak for me.”

   Also, recalling my personal mantra to be thankful for everything and “Redeem the Time,” consider this quote from one of Bonhoeffer’s morning devotions:

“Make the most of your time! Time belongs to death, or, still more so, to the devil. We must buy it from him and return it to God, to whom it must really belong. If we inquire the will of God, free from all doubt and all mistrust, we shall discover it. Always give thanks for all things  Everything we cannot thank God for, we reproach him for.”

   Wow. I will say once more, find this book and make time for it. And please join the conversations here! Your participation means a lot to me.

“There is meaning in every journey
that is unknown to the traveler.”
~Dietrich Bonhoeffer
xoxoxo

4 Comments
Filed Under: Bonhoeffer, book club, book reviews, faith, religion, thinky stuff, WWII

Waiting for Paper Whites and Celebrating Grace

December 27, 2012

   So, last week, just before Christmas, we all noticed the Winter Solstice come and go. You did notice it, right? The shortest day of the lunar year is now behind us. This means that now, gradually, until the Vernal Equinox in late March and then the Summer Solstice in late June, the days are lengthening. If ever so slightly, we are now seeing a little more sun each and every day. Except for when it’s hiding behind the formidable clouds. Like right this minute in central Oklahoma. But we know you’re there, Sun!

   So that’s all very exciting!

   Then, yesterday, I received via snail mail my first of what will soon be many garden seed catalogs. I should admit along with this feigned shock that on Christmas evening I had already surrendered to the urge for green and browsed the Internet (yes it was Pinterest, okay??!!) for gardening images and such. I just can’t help it.

   Once the holidays are over (or shortly before the last hurrah) I have this intense biological craving for growth and freshness and live greenery.

   It so happens that coinciding with all of this chlorophyllic anticipation… a bowl of paper white bulbs which I have been nursing since around Halloween has been on the verge of blooming.

   This morning I just felt like it could happen at any moment, and since this will be my very first ever batch of successfully grown indoor flower bulbs in my whole long life! …I did not want to miss the big moment.

   So for the bulk of my morning I sat contentedly next to the Christmas tree with my shiny new PAPER planner and a sharpened pencil and some orange juice and just watched it, this little glass bowl of promise. I watched the thick, fleshy stems bend indiscernibly toward the sunny east window. And I rotated the bowl gently to face the darker wall. Then the stems stretched again to face the sun. Back and forth, keeping the vertical, verdant lines as straight and strong as possible. I watched the towering bulbous pods atop those stems grow more pregnant with expectation, hour by quiet hour.

   Watching the slow, silent ballet of life take place on my coffee table, I was reminded of the magic, the miracle of living and dying. Of growth, transformation, yearning, and regeneration. I also wondered who the heck do I think I am forcing these bulbs to do the impossible?? …to bloom outside of their appointed times?
  
 But then I remembered Russia and all of her abundant hot houses in the midst of those endless winters . And the power of grace, the very real presence of blessings we do not deserve. Flowers held warmly and mercifully inside glass rooms where the frozen tundra can’t hurt them. Love and joy held securely in our hearts and homes where darkness cannot creep in and steal them.

“In the depth of winter,
I have finally learned that within me there lay
an invincible summer.”
~Albert Camus

   Mostly, you guys, I am just so excited to start planning the gardens for 2013 and begin work on composting, ordering, seed starting, etc. And I will try my best to be fueled by this excitement rather than paralyzed by it this year.

   But deeper than that, I am thrilled to be so in touch with the beauty of life. With all of its challenges, despite all of its inevitable pain, this world is so beyond words beautiful. And life is so rewarding when you actively live it.

   Don’t be afraid to force bulbs a little ahead of springtime. I can’t believe the difference this one spot of green makes in my living room! And don’t be afraid to cultivate little joys, either. They may be exactly what lift you out of the darkest, coldest rooms of your life’s winter.

   As I wrap up my midday chores and end my coffee table vigil, the paper whites have not quite bloomed. But I know they will. And in the mean time I am happy to watch and wait for that beautiful miracle.

Cultivate Joy.
Be Invincible.
xoxoxo


 

 

 

6 Comments
Filed Under: faith, gardening, thinky stuff

Some Nights, For Dante

December 13, 2012

   I heard this song for the first time about a month ago and it immediately struck me in my gut for my nephew Dante. Then for so many other loved ones, but mostly for him. It knocked the wind out of me in that way that only incredibly well versed songs can do, songs that are belted out from someone else’s soul. The lyrics are spot on, especially the very last little selection at the bottom here…


Well, some nights I wish that this all would end,
Cause I could use some friends for a change
And some nights I’m scared you’ll forget me again.
Some nights, I always win, I always win.

But I still wake up, I still see your ghost.
Oh Lord I’m still not sure what I stand for, oh
What do I stand for? What do I stand for?
Most nights, I don’t know…

So this is it? I sold my soul for this?
Washed my hands of that for this?
I missed my mom and dad for this?

Do you know this song? Take a listen to the video; the group FUN is my latest obsession.

My heart is breaking for my sister
and this con that she calls “love,”
When  I look into my nephew’s eyes,
Man you wouldn’t believe…
The most amazing things
That can come from some terrible lies.

   There, that last sentence… Dante, baby, you wouldn’t believe the most amazing things that can come from some terrible lies. I have seen it in my own life, honey.

   It’s just so true. Life can be, and often is, riddled with violence of every variety. Physical, emotional, and financial destruction are in store for everyone in different ways. Pain, despair, and counterfeits are just constants sometimes, but so is love. So is hope. There is always, always reason to hang on. Impossibly, some of the best miracles really do rise up out of some of the worst tragedies. It’s always been that way for people, too, so there is no use resisting it. There is no such thing as “should” or “deserves” or even “justice” when it comes to Love. It is just so powerful and complete. It overwhelms every imaginable darkness when you let it. Love can heal you, and It can change you and your life in ways would never predict.

   Dante… My heart is breaking for my sister, your beautiful Mom, and I think about her and you and your own little sisters every single day.

   I have been looking into your beautiful, deep brown eyes since you were a baby and cherish every memory. How I wish I could relay to you how much is waiting for you in this world. I am so excited for you, so confident that you are meant for big things. So hopeful that you will heal perfectly from these years. Stronger than ever and full of life.

   Don’t be afraid of ghosts, and don’t feel bad about anger. Remember that you are not alone. Focus on and magnify the best parts of life, day after day after day. Hang on. Work hard and do your best, as a gift to your future self more than anything. But also because it will help you in this moment too. You are amazing and you are loved more than you know.

“Who, being loved, is poor?”
~Oscar Wilde
xoxoxoxo

3 Comments
Filed Under: Dante, faith, FUN songs, hope, love

Diamonds, Dreams, and Worry Doors

November 29, 2012

   My morning coffee is often the perfect time to browse through inspirational quotes and essays, opening my mind and heart to those morsels of wisdom that just click into some struggle happening within me. Today offered such a moment of serendipity, and I’d like to share it with you. I hope you’ll join the conversation.

“You rush from room to room 
hunting for the diamond necklace
already around your neck.” ~Rumi

   It floors me. How common is this? With such enormous appetites for everything from food to material luxuries and even friendships or romance, how often are we chasing after more than we need, or how often do we fail to notice dreams that have already come true? I know I am guilty of this from time to time. And not just when we frequent the Friday Night country auction, though that is a great example. I mean, I don’t care what Pinterest says… A person only needs so many rusted antique milk cans or empty wooden frames that want to be painted turquoise…

   We can accumulate more than we need in many areas of life, continuing to pursue duplicates or poor imitations of treasures already at our feet.

   Handsome and I watched a news segment this morning about a pink diamond ring being auctioned off for charity, at a ridiculous value. The female news anchors, doing their jobs, oohed and ahhed over the sparkly bauble then took turns trying it on. They each slipped it on their wedding ring fingers where beautiful diamond rings already sat. This really bothered me, that a woman would put another diamond ring where her wedding ring sits, just because the second ring is pretty. To each her own, but really. To me, that speaks volumes.

   Then about ten minutes later I read the above quote from Rumi, and it lept off the page. Err, phone screen.

   I am not looking for diamond rings, by the way. That was just an interesting coincidence. But this does remind me of a sparkly wrap bracelet I bought about a year and a half ago on a frivolous shopping trip with my friend Marci. It is missing about a third of its stones but is so pretty, and so odd, that I wear it all the time. It cost like nine bucks.

I think this is a necklace, but I usually wrap it a few times around my wrist.

   Anyway, to add yet another layer of coincidence, Marci happened to called me out of the blue yesterday with some of the most encouraging words I have heard in a long time.

   Read into this as much or as little as suits you, but for me I am taking all of this as a big, happy clue to examine my yearnings. Do you remember the Worry Door story, and how it is supposed to be closed tight, forever?  What phantoms do I still allow to creep up and and terrify me, and what dreams am I still chasing frantically, that perhaps have already come true?

Thrifty stuff update: That painting now sits on my writing desk upstairs in the Apartment;
that gray & white tiered stand has served about three hundred cookies by now;
and those paper white bulbs are finally planted and proudly displaying three inch green sprouts! 

   I have this slightly weird belief that some prayers can be answered in advance, at a far distance; they just take a little time to become visible. That is when faith bridges the distance, the waiting period.

   That is when I have to trust that the diamond necklace I am hunting in every room is already around my neck. Or my wrist. So I just close my eyes and imagine it. And give thanks for it. And stop hunting. And allow the Worry Door to remain closed.

   What phantoms chase you around, trying to terrify you and fling open your Worry Door? Let it stay closed, man. What dream are you pursuing, hunting like a diamond necklace in every room? Perhaps it is already around your neck.Or your wrist. I’m not suggesting that worry has no place in life, or that we should stop dreaming big dreams. Just that sometimes it’s good to stop and notice how abundantly blessed we already are, and how many treasures already belong to us.

Be Happy.
And if You Have a Friend Like Marci, 
Give Her a Hug.
xoxoxo

5 Comments
Filed Under: faith, thinky stuff, worry

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Hi! I'm Marie. Welcome to the Lazy W. xoxo

Hi! I’m Marie. This is the Lazy W.

A hobby farming, book reading, coffee drinking, romance having, miles running girl in Oklahoma. Soaking up the particular beauty of every day. Blogging on the side. Welcome to the Lazy W!

I Believe Strongly in the Power of Gratitude & Joy Seeking

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