Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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Unsolicited Advice for You. You’re Welcome. (1-14)

   My birthday is fast approaching, you guys. My eleventh twenty-ninth birthday to be exact, and this year I have decided to celebrate by giving everybody a ton of unsolicited advice. This is not without precedent, though; it has for many years been my habit at other people’s birthday celebrations to ask the honoree, “What have you learned this year? What advice can you give us from another year of living?” I feel like it goes without saying that the average birthday person answers by staring blankly at me, offering no new wisdom to the wanting.

WHAT IS UP WITH THAT, YOU GUYS?!?

   So this is my revenge. For my thirty-ninth birthday I have written thirty-nine pieces of really solid, hard-won life lessons for you. In my heart, this information is sort of dedicated to my nearly grown daughters and my little sisters and nieces, as well as to any women or girls who might bend a listening ear. If I think I know anything in life, it’s only because I did it wrong first. Repeatedly. I believe it was it Elanor Roosevelt who said, “Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself.” Okay. Today, here are items one through fourteen.

Unsolicited Birthday Advice

#1. Life passes by so quickly. This may sound cliche, but cliches are often rooted in truth. Take life slow and easy when you can. Choose to be happy every single time you realize you have a choice. Soak up as many details as possible. Notice your people, count your blessings, and breathe deeply.

#2. Wear sunscreen. If you are a little younger than me, than you were probably raised with this habit anyway, but I am here to tell you that even if you like some summer color (I happen to like a LOT), you absolutely must protect your face, shoulders, collarbone, and hands. Find other fun ways to “blush.”

#3. Be careful how you witness your most passionate beliefs to others. What you think of as zeal can in fact be a very destructive act of self glorification. True spiritual witnessing should be loving. If you’re brandishing political beliefs, then you probably already know the risks. Good luck.

#4. When making changes to your home, be careful that you do so with a good, positive spirit. Your mood and your memories from that day have a way of imprinting themselves into the paint, the upholstery, and the curtains. It is no fun to repeatedly see a dried paint drip on a light-switch plate that reminds you of a harsh word said out of impatience. Conversely, it’s wonderful to pass by paintings and pillow covers that remind you constantly of very real love and very deep laughter. Let  those redecorating days be fun and loving, silly and memorable, for all the best reasons. If you’re cranky, try to turn that attitude around before arming yourself with a paintbrush or even rearranging furniture.Your physical home is definitely made up of non-physical details.

#5. At all costs, protect your natural teeth. Avoid stepping on metal garden rakes that want to smash your mouth and steal your two front teeth. While we’re on this topic, also never ever do something called the “Duck Walk” on a slick gym floor; never walk backwards in a hallway with concrete walls; and never do underwater flips in concrete pools with your eyes shut. Also, go to the dentist regularly. Find a great dentist you don’t mind visiting and brush, floss, and swish that pretty mouth like your future smile depends on it. Because it totally does.

#6. Cultivate Joy. Joy-making is a constant process, and it is attacked from all sides, all the time. So you must continue to plant seeds of joy everywhere you walk and do your best to protect them, grow them, and share their fruits whenever possible. The joys you cultivate in life will feed you through hard times, and they may even help someone else. Also, I am pretty sure you are responsible for your own joy. It’s very personal, so do not depend on anyone else to grow it for you, not even your closest friend or your soul mate or your parents or children. They all have their own to tend, and the better everyone does individually, the more we all have to offer.

#7. Speaking of cultivation, try growing your own food. At least once, try growing something edible, either a salad or some herbs or a few rows of sweet corn or tomatoes. Wherever you live and whatever your lifestyle, there is some gardening you can do to feed yourself, and the experience will change you. Just try it. Don’t waste energy being intimidated by science or success-fail stories; all you really need is dirt, sun, water, and seeds or plants. Give yourself this gift.

#8. Hold a service job. I am of the strong opinion that young people, before they truly step out into this big beautiful world, should spend some time working in a service industry. Wait tables, work a retail sales job, clean, do kitchen work, etc. And do it well. Earn your money doing physical work that relies on having good manners, a strong work ethic, and a dash of humility. It will serve you later in life in ways you cannot imagine. And enjoy and appreciate that job! Make happy memories. Be proud of your work product no matter what your title or position.

#9. “Under-Promise and Over-Deliver.” This is a lesson I learned from one of those retail jobs I held, a thousand years ago. For emotionally driven, enthusiastic souls like me this mantra is tricky to execute, but the results are lovely. How much better is it to surprise someone with much more than they expected rather than disappoint them with less! My husband is really good at this, and I am trying to be better.

#10. On that note, try not to make promises when you’re really happy or permanent decisions when you’re really mad. This is another something that sounds cliche, but it’s good advice. Let your emotions normalize a bit before slashing and extending things all crazy-pants style.

#11. Meditate. Investigate different methods of meditation, find one that suits you, and practice it regularly. I happen to see yoga, for example, as a nice compliment to a healthy prayer life. I also have learned to prize the time I spend running; it helps me clear my mind and scrub away negative emotions. Some people find certain hobbies meditative. Walk circles, chant, burn incense, draw mandalas, string beads, read scriptures, read, write, do whatever steadies and frees you, and do it often. Find little rituals that help you maintain a clean and healthy center of being.

#12. Learn to love thrift stores, garage sales, auctions, and castoff treasures. Even if you are wealthy beyond measure and can afford to buy new stuff, give yourself the gift of the hunt. Besides saving a ridiculous amount of money, you will learn things about yourself. You will discover your own sense of style instead of being a trend follower; you will feather your nest with layers of things that no one else has; and you will ever so gently fight the tide of consumerism. It’s a great skill to hone in youth, when resources are usually limited. Then later in life, when you have a little extra money sitting around, you will be happy to know how to hang onto it. Handsome and I like to say that we don’t shop that way because we’re poor; but it’s because of shopping that way for so long that we’re not poor. Wait, did I say that right? You get the idea.

#13. First things first. Prioritize your work and stick to your plan as wisely as you can. Let the less important things fall away first. This style of working has a cumulative effect on momentum.

#14.  Train your heart and your mind to be positive. Through experiences, with some effort, train yourself to see the best in people and to see the upside of whatever you are facing. This is not the same as just sticking your head in the sand. Instead, face your problems squarely but learn to see the best possible outcomes before they happen. Trust that good things are in store for you, and love people for the best version of themselves, even your perceived enemies. That’s what you hope they will see in you, too, right? Be confident in the possibility of everything. Life is so good and beautiful!! Don’t waste it by dwelling on darkness or difficulty. Except for the lesson learned, I wish I could go back in time and reclaim all the hours and days and years lost on negative thinking.

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   Okay, those are my first fourteen pieces of birthday wisdom for you. I know your head is just spinning right now and that you can’t wait for more! (hahaha) Tune in as the week progresses for two or three more installments of Unsolicited Birthday Advice.

xoxoxoxo

Turning the Page to Springtime

   Ah, early March…Right now I am resting in a pleasant reading lull following the big book club project Bonhoeffer. This is good timing, too, because the seasons are changing and I have more and more gardening tasks to consume my negotiable hours. Hallelujah!!!

    For a couple of weeks I’ll be indulging my paper-thirsty soul in three books. First is Typee, a tantalizing Herman Melville novel set in the South Pacific, which transports me to heat, sand, eroticism, and cannibalism. Next is Barbara Kingsolver’s fantastic one-year memoir Animal, Vegetable, Miracle. I’m actually exploring this for the second time. Don Quixote is the next book club selection, and while I won’t dive into the text until later this month, it has lots of pre-reading worth doing. Sometimes this just helps revv up your engine, which is often helpful we reading an old, old, old book like this. The pre-reading for a classic is like a well planned appetizer; it primes your mind and your soul for the literary feast that is coming. This translation in particular has tons of yummy things to offer, and I’m grooving it.

Also, when the house is otherwise quiet, Pacino likes for me to read 
the introductions and author notes and such aloud to him.
His is a very bossy and snobby bird who fancies himself an intellectual.
But he’s really not. He just likes to hear people talk. Especially Momma.

Don’t even get me started on Romulus.
Something tells me this llama expects me 
to read him Don Quixote en Espanol.
No va a suceder, hombre. 

   Anyway, were you here at the digital Lazy W last spring? Do you remember the rantings and ravings I issued forth about Animal, Vegetable, Miracle? I basically could not shut up about it:

   Well, this time around I am pretty much just reading what I marked from last February (which is only every other sentence), because the Kingsolver family’s locavorism story has already been imprinted on my heart. Now I can afford to just reread the tenets, the quotes, and the light bulb paragraphs. What last year suddenly became my gardening manifesto is this spring proving its staying power. I feel a February reading tradition growing here, you guys.

   My early mornings lately have been perfumed with sentences like this…

“Respecting the dignity of a spectacular food means enjoying it at its best.” ~Barbara Kingsolver

and…

“That’s the sublime paradox of a food culture: restraint equals indulgence.” ~Barbara Kingsolver

   These only inspire me further towards a more loving, deliberate approach to our food growing efforts here at the W. Then a few days ago I saw this quote floating around cyberspace as the rain was falling hard and cold on our thirsty fields…

“I said to the almond tree ‘Speak to me of God’ and the almond tree bloomed.” ~Niko Kazantzakis*

   Isn’t that true and beautiful?? I cannot think of any sphere of life where God proves His creative, redemptive power more consistently or with more poetry than in nature.

   In Oklahoma we are starting oregano seeds indoors and scattering poppy and cilantro seeds outdoors, where the chickens can’t see. Obviously. We are scooping up natural fertilizers and digging new beds. We are counting the weeks, the days, and the hours till the first fresh little verdant harvest bowl. Springtime is arriving with lots of much needed moisture, proving the almanac right once more. Ladybugs are swarming, honey bees are foraging, and the wide blue skies are thawing. One prayer after another is being answered gently, too. We are excited.

   I feel so thankful to have a comfortable place in my life for reading. I am really enjoying these books so far, and I also really really love this rich inspiration for the new gardening season. Last year was good, but this year is going to be amazing…. Can’t you feel it??

   What are you reading right now? Have you started anything in your garden yet? Have you noticed any prayers being answered?

“They must often change,
who would be constant in happiness or wisdom.”
~Confucius
xoxoxoxo

*Twentieth century Greek philosopher and writer

My Earliest Mornings

   For a few weeks now, on as many days as possible, I have been enjoying a lovely little early morning ritual that you might find interesting or useful. By early I mean before Hot Tub Summit, which on office days is before dawn. So on the days I manage to practice this little ritual, it is literally the first thing I do. And on those days my energy levels and outlook on life are noticeably better.

   No, they are amazingly better. The ritual is very simple and takes maybe thirty or forty five minutes. Here it is…

   First, I tiptoe downstairs alone, like an itchy elephant ballerina with a full bladder, trying my best to not wake Handsome. Most times this is only marginally successful. Once downstairs, I switch on only as many lamps as I absolutely need and barely whisper to Pacino (the parrot). I don’t want him to wake up my guy either. Then I press the start button on my beloved coffee machine. For the next ten minutes while it is brewing, hissing, and bubbling, gulping out that fragrant steam like the faithful companion that it is, I do some very unprofessional but still infinitely satisfying yoga stretches and deliberately say thanks for as many blessings as I can summon.

breathe in blessings

breathe out peace

   This is easy to do, because my life is sparkling with good things. It really is. So is yours. I believe the good outweighs the difficult every time you pay attention.

the grass is greenest where you water it

   The wannabe yoga stretches warm up my body and loosen my joints and muscles from the tethers of slumber. The gratitude exercise unlocks my heart and quiets any hurts or complaints I might have taken to bed with me the night before. The threshold between my days, then, is a positive one. A dimly lit room seems best for this first part. It’s also poetic, allowing an inner light to be the first spark between dark earthly days.

   By the time the coffee is brewed, dark and strong, my body is fairly awake my eyes are almost bright. I follow my nose to the kitchen and dispense a big, perfect, creamy mug of my personal addiction then sit down in my favorite weird green chair to read.

   For this next beautiful little slice of the day I indulge in reading very positive, motivational, inspirational stuff. I save the challenging texts for other times, allowing this first hour of my day to be a tank-filling time, a time for cushioning my heart and fueling my mind with the positivity I’ll need the rest of the day.

every action is preceded by a thought

   Sometimes I read from just a creative devotional book, or maybe a bunch of various quotes, or maybe a few chapters from a particular book that just happens to flood me with goodness. No major rules here, just that it’s positive.

   Lately, and this is a sign of personal spiritual progress, I’ve also been reading from the Bible. Our Pastor has been encouraging us to read certain scriptures repeatedly throughout each week, and the timing is funny. Because is the Bonhoeffer biography I just finished, Bonhoeffer spoke about the value of not just reading the scriptures but meditating on them. This is different from vain repetition, too. So I’ve been doing just that. I choose one or two chapters maybe every week or so, selections that either feel relevant to me or have been assigned at church… and just soak into them day after day. I try to allow them to soak into me, more accurately, and see what changes happen. It has been wonderful.

for the body is not one member, but many*

   That chapter in Corinthians has helped me conquer some plaguing insecurity. If you know me personally, then you know what a big deal that is.

   Then I spend a few minutes writing circular mandalas (more thankfulness) and focusing prayerfully on a special loved one. In the quiet house, with darkness still cloaking the big east window, I write down my hopes and prayers for that person. I imagine those hopes coming to fruition. I visualize those prayers being answered.

   The last thing I do is read and write creatively for a little bit. I finish drinking a cup or two of coffee, check email, and feed and smooch Pacino. This is all such a nourishing start to the day, preparing me for whatever lays ahead. My heart feels full, thrumming, overflowing. My body craves strength and healthy food and water, not junk or inactivity. I almost always go on extra long runs on these days. And my mind is centered and framed with a positive attitude. Sometimes I feel downright giddy at the end of this early morning ritual! The beauty of life becomes so deliciously overwhelming.

*********************

   So… there is a dark, quiet house in the earliest possible hour of the day. Yoga and thankfulness. Perfectly fresh coffee. Inspirational reading. Prayers and meditation, asking for blessings on the people I love. And finally more reading and writing, of any variety. What a glorious, lucky way to start any day! Just writing about it tonight makes me look forward to tomorrow.

   What is your earliest morning ritual? How do you insulate and energize yourself for a day of work? If you want to try any of this, I’d love to know about it. I’d like to think that some of my friends and loved ones are also up at that hour, counting their blessings and filling up on love and hope.

“Morning is when the wick is lit. A flame ignited,
the day delighted with heat and light,
we start the fight for something more than before.”
~Jeb Dickerson
xoxoxoxo

*I Corinthians 12: 14
 

 

Twenty Lies and Counting, and a Drawwing

   Good Saturday afternoon, friends and fellow adventurers in life!! How are you? What hot and delicious things do you have simmering on the stove today? Handsome and I are happily perched at the top of a three day weekend. We are working with the animals, preparing for a fun bonfire tonight, and gradually improving the gardens and such.

    Our days and nights have been so full lately. So brimming with activity and love, energy and variety.

   Here is an image of our daily little grain conflict. Although everyone has more than enough, the boys insist on battling. I should post a video of it sometime, because llama noises are so funny.
   
   Here is Chunk-hi battling in his own way, against a defenseless wheel. He can flip it and spin it with those massive horns, but his sweet little buffalo hooves cannot kick it the way be obviously wishes they could.
  

   Valentine’s Day at the farm was wonderful. This painting was my surprise Valentine gift from you-know-who. I have developed a mild obsession with Mexican sugar skulls lately, and he knows it. He had been working on this in secret for days, and when I first saw it I couldn’t breathe. The fact that he painted it on reclaimed wood and not newly purchased canvas shows his love for me even more.
   Handsome’s love language is food. Well, that’s one of them at least… So for Valentine’s Day we stayed home and I surrounded him with appetizers, shrimp scampi and rib eye steak, luxurious breads and salads, and two desserts. It was a lovers’ feast for sure.

   I have been substitute teaching some here and there, reading and running when I can, and making improvements upstairs in the Apartment. I also spent some treasured time yesterday with my youngest daughter, which always makes my heart swell. So without a doubt I have had plenty of time for living fully. But not so much with time to sit down and write. Well, I do have at this moment 142 blog posts in draft form. And a spiral notebook two-thirds full of other ideas. And a purse-sized paper book bursting with mandala scribbles and such. Also a laptop heavy with this big fat novel at which I’m still nibbling, paragraph by paragraph.

   But I can’t seem to finish any writing lately, because the days just speed by with normal, wonderful life stuff. I want very much to remedy this, but for now all I can produce is a list. A list of lies. Please enjoy, and please add some lies of your own in the comments.

  1. I am completely up to date on my various reading and Bible study projects.
  2. My husband and I agree perfectly on how much perfume women should wear.
  3. We also agree perfectly on how many different seasonings are needed in any given pasta dish.
  4. All of our spare top sheets in the house and crisply pressed at this moment.
  5. My kitchen pantry is enviably tidy and organized.
  6. I have a really good tan right now.
  7. And my nails have never looked better.
  8. Running on a regular basis is laborious and wasteful and not at all profitable to life.
  9. I don’t miss Daphne at all. I never walk outside and look for her then suddenly remember she’s gone.
  10. We are constantly running out of good coffee and cream. 
  11. My husband never drives too fast.
  12. I never feel jealous or insecure.
  13. My sense of personal style is completely sensible and conservative.
  14. The chickens hardly ever kick up the dirt out of the flower bed because they love a clean sidewalk.
  15. We understand fully why the kids aren’t here.
  16. I never, ever commit irritating typos.
  17. I also only use the word “AWESOME” when called for. 
  18. The idea of planting flowers in a few weeks just bores me to tears.
  19. I can’t even imagine where else we could fit another garden, anyway.
  20. Obviously we already know everything there is to know in life, and nothing is amazing.

   So there you have it. Twenty lies. I am sure more untruths are lurking in the shadows, so please help me uncover them! Add your own lies in the comments, and I will choose a winner at random to receive a Lazy W Critter Tea Towel.

This is an example of a Critter Tea Towel, sewn with scraps.
You can choose any of our animals, and I’ll use his or her silhouette.

   Happy long weekend everyone!! Thanks for stopping in!

“Leisure only means a chance 
to do other jobs that demand attention.”
~Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
xoxoxoxo

 

Redeem the Time (Today)

   Last week or so I wrote for Edie my thoughts on time management, just my overall approach to making life count for what you want it to count for. Pardon all of those prepositions. Today I am thinking more in terms of right now, today, Tuesday, just these next eighteen hours or so. Since as all the poets tell us… all we really have is the present moment, it’s good once in a while to focus on that.

   Since last week’s grief, which kept us not just home but in our cave, Handsome and I have also taken a few days to be really sick. Like… running fevers and sleeping for a thousand hours at a time sick. So work here at the farm has been whittled down to the bare necessities. I am not quite where I should be with the marathon training schedule, nor am I completely caught on on ironing or animal habitat cleaning or even some semblance of order in the kitchen pantry. It’s one of those weeks when I feel pretty good just having the shopping and laundry done and the floors swept.

   But today is a good day. I can feel it in my bones. After such an outpouring of love and support from all of you and our family and friends, Handsome and I already feel the sadness lifting. The happy memory making is right around the corner! So no more tears.

   And the groundhog’s springtime promises are coming true too! Oklahoma is collecting one spring storm warning after another, and the days are so nice I have not used our house heater since early Sunday. Windows open. It’s my favorite.

   With so much catching up to do, I am seeing my time in small increments right now. How can I redeem this little golden chunk of minutes? What results can I squeeze out of this half hour, this jackpot of freedom which in more leisurely weeks might seem like nothing?

   As with any resource, there is a great blessing to being limited. The less you have something (for me, this week, it’s time), the more valuable it is. And the smarter you hopefully are in spending it. I am thoroughly enjoying the challenge of capturing pockets of time and finding out what they’re worth. Redeeming the hours and the minutes for groomed horses, accomplished writing goals, pressed laundry, shiny rooms, and clean gardens. Yesterday was a great start! And with its momentum I feel like today will be even better. Our errands for the farm are done for at least a week, so any time I can keep to myself will be spent on this castle and its grounds and citizens.

   Do you do this? Do you ever reduce your biggest goals and values down to how they translate to just one day? I believe that if our foundations and pillars are properly set, then our energy will work for us day by day. Late last night I read this in the Dietrich Bonhoeffer biography currently being devoured by our book club:

“Under the right blessing, life becomes healthy, secure, expectant, active, precisely because it is lived out of the source of life, strength, joy, activity… If human beings have passed on to loved ones and to many the blessing they have themselves received, then they have surely fulfilled the most important thing in life; then they have surely themselves become persons happy in God and have made others happy in God.”

   Expectant and active. I just love that. I love the entire passage. And I am so grateful to those of you who constantly share your joy and love, your blessings and wisdom. When it springs from the same source, it binds us all together.

   Thanks again for your generous love, everyone. Daphne’s memory post will be up later this week. And may your Tuesday absolutely glitter with new life and satisfying work!

   Take today as it stands and wring out of it everything you want. Rest tonight.

“Anyone can carry his burden however hard, until nightfall.
Anyone can do his work, however hard, for one day.
Anyone can live sweetly, patiently, lovingly, purely, 
   till the sun goes down.
And this is all life really means.”
~Robert Louis Stevenson
xoxoxo